Sunday, October 31, 2010

Cooking with Chef Perry

I'm being a bit tardy with this Halloween entry, but work has been keeping me busy again. Anyway, I've assembled a collection of audio clips I recorded from The Scruff Show back in the mid-90s, hosted by the one and only Scruff Connors. These were short comedy clips called "Quick Food Tips with Chef Perry". The guy isn't much of a cook, but he's really good at drinking beer. The clips are pretty funny, and because it's Halloween, I've started off this collection with the Halloween episode.

They're all packed conveniently into one audio file, including my shitty editing job, and varying qualities as they were taped over a period of about two years or so.

Anyway, enjoy cooking with Chef Perry!


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Junq Tour 2010: Swan River

This week, I'm in Swan River. I was pretty unhappy when I was informed that the local thrift store had been shut down. I figured that the week would be full of dullness. However, I was pretty much wrong. I've had quite a bit of fun here so far! It all started when I saw what I had for a TV in my hotel room. It's a big 32" LCD TV which has a VGA input on the back. On this trip, I brought along my many-times-hacked external DVD drive. You may remember that at one point I converted it into an external hard drive. Before I packed, I decided that I wanted to watch some DVDs while on this trip, so I converted it yet again.

Now, nothing would be greater than watching the DVDs on this 32" screen, so I went scouting for a place to buy a VGA cable. I stumbled upon a little computer store who had a table of shit on sale for dirt cheap. I found a VGA cable for $1, and went back to my room to happily watch my DVDs.

Here I am, playing with my netbook hooked up to the TV. This is a luxury for me since all the TVs I have at home are CRTs. I'm too cheap and poor to buy my own, and I usually shop for my TVs behind the evil computer recycling depot.

Anyway, the next day my DVD drive decided it didn't like me any more and went kaput. Remembering the table full of junk at the computer store, I went back and picked up a new DVD drive for $2.

While I was there, I decided to spend even more money, and here's some of the neat stuff I bought BRAND NEW for next to nothing...

More Cables

Here's what I got: a nice audio cable to connect my computer to a stereo amplifier. I also got a S-Video to Composite cable, and a DIN to PS/2 converter so I can plug an old-ass keyboard into my modern computer. Each of these were $1 each. I can't even make cables for that cheap.

56K Fax/Voice modem

Original Price: $79.99
Sale Price: $5.00

Why the hell would I buy such an outdated piece of equipment? Simple. It's a voice modem. You can do more than get dialup internet with this thing. Install some software on an old computer, pack it full of numbers of businesses that keep filling my answering machine with pre-recorded messages, and call them with my OWN pre-recorded message! What else is a land line good for these days? Not much.

TV Tuner / Capture Card

Original Price: $69.99
Sale Price: $5.00

Just what I need, another computer to record video. I'm hoping that there isn't any built in copy protection on this card. The shitty fucking ATI card I have has really been pissing me off with it's screen-blanking copy protection, even when I'm recording something that isn't copy-protected (such as Commodore 64 video). For five bucks, I can't go wrong. Worse comes to worse, I'll use it to hook up the CED player to the computer in my bedroom.

Video Sender

Original Price: $109.99
Sale Price: $5.00

This device is used to send wireless video signals from a source to a destination. I've got two potential uses for this... About a month ago, I came across a FREE working video surveillance system. My biggest problem has been how I'm going to set it all up with where I want to put my camera. This would nicely solve the dilemma of having the camera mounted on the garage, and the recorder sitting in the house.

The other idea I have for it is to set up a video rack in the basement (mainly for transferring videos to DVD) and being able to watch them in my living room.

All this stuff cost me just a little over $20. The best part is most of this stuff is new! Now excuse me while I go play with my new toys.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Random Non-Music Albums

These albums can only be classified in a category marked "other". These were completely random ideas to make a quick buck (with the exception of one). So here's what other people spent their money on before I found it in the local thrift store..

Pierre Berton Presents: Sounds of The Great Canadian Railways

This tape is BORING. Remember in high school when they'd show a filmstrip and have an audio cassette to accompany the pictures? This is like listening to the audio track without the filmstrip. It's full of boring train history. But I digress. Someone SOMEWHERE probably found this tape to be highly entertaining and worthy of many repeated plays when it was first purchased.

Listen to a clip if you find train history fascinating

Train Your Bird To Talk

If you hate someone, buy this album as a gift for them. Listening to this album is pure torture and would drive even the most insane to commit suicide. I feel sorry for the person who had to stand in front of a microphone and record this, repeating every phrase ad-nauseum.

When my kid was an infant, I tried using this record to teach him how to talk. All he did was laugh at it. The conclusion is children and birds cannot be trained the same way, mainly due to a bird's inability to laugh.

Click here to listen to "Good Morning"

Canary Training Record

There must have been a real market for bird training records. But maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps it was a fad that swept the nation only in the 1950s and 1980s. In the grocery store, hanging right beside parakeet food, you could purchase a 78 RPM record to train canaries to sing! The Hartz company sure knew how to provide for your pet.

The back of the record is somewhat amusing to read. Baked egg food for Canaries? Isn't that like cannibalism? Well, maybe not since they probably used chicken eggs. I also suppose it's okay for me to eat the offspring of an Asian person.

Because of this record, I'm convinced that I'll never own a Canary. If they're this irritating to listen to, I'm sure I'd take a shotgun to the miniature yellow turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!

Listen to "Mexican Dance"

Vanguard Stereolab Test Record

This record could also be used as torture. The high frequency noises will drive your dogs and neighbors insane if played loud enough. I'm honestly surprised that the sound of these noises wasn't highly altered by all the audio conversion necessary to post an audio clip on the net. It makes me so happy that I can make your ears bleed the same way mine did when I first listened to this!

Click here to listen!

How To C.B.

Now this one is pure entertainment! I know next-to-nothing about C.B. Radio which is odd considering how I'm interested in all kinds of ancient technology. But if I ever do become interested in CB-ing as a hobby, then this nifty 8-track will come in quite useful. It teaches you all kinds of basic slang that is used over C.B. Radio. I also have an LP with a bunch of definitions on the back. Here's some of the more interesting ones...

Go-Go Girls = Load of pigs headed for market
Pregnant Roller Skate = VW
Suicide Jockey = Driver hauling dangerous goods
Ten-One-Hundred = I gotta go potty
XYL = Wife (or Ex-Young Lady)

I love how they splashed the words "8-track Tape" across the cover, as if I didn't know what the fuck it was.

Click Here To Listen!

I think my favorite part of all these albums is how the people who made them seemingly chose a narrator who has a unique and distinct voice. They ALL sound like old-time radio announcers. It makes these albums somewhat interesting to listen to, even if the content is shit.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Candid Pics: 10/05/10

Time for another round of pics of stupid things I see...

Louie the Lightning Bug Hydrant

Louie the Lightning Bug is a mascot for 'playing it save around electricity'. The PSAs run on cable television. So what the hell is Louie doing on a fire hydrant in Pine Falls?

Appetite for Urination 

I shit you not, this is a menu from a restaurant in Winnipeg. While you're browsing the wine list, please take a moment and learn how you should piss. (Apologies for the flash glare, it was a bit dark in there).

Someone's Got A Secret!

See if you can guess which one of these girls pissed all over her hand.

Project Coffee

This was in a room where I was working. I wonder what it'll look like next year when I go back.

It's In Her Shorts (The Droop-Droop Song)

Just plain wrong.

Soup of the Gay

Found this in Superstore. Soup that tastes like cock is a novel idea, but I think I'll pass.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Junq Tour 2010: Ashern

Just take a look at this thrift store:

Walls and piles full of junk. This picture doesn't even do justice for how much crap is in this store. It's really a shame that this is the best thing about Ashern. Everything else pretty much sucks. Anyway, here's what I found...

Peanuts Cook Book (1974)


This is a weird one. It's got a bunch of Peanuts comics on one page, and some fairly basic recipes on the other page. What can you cook out of this? Well, there's Dog Food, A Cheese & Tomato Sandwich, Lemonade, Carrots, Cinnamon Toast, and a few others. Not sure why they put this one in, since I doubt many kids would like Prunes:

I dare all of you out there to make this and tell me it's tasty.

Jake Chenier - Pizza Paradise

Jake Chenier may look like Raffi, but he sounds like a man who is nicer than Mr. Rogers. He's got a very happy, non-threatening voice. The songs on this tape are dumb enough to classify it as a children's album. I must admit, I actually do like the acapella "Banana Split" song. Thank god the entire album wasn't full of songs about pizza (only two are). But this song is kinda lame. It's about a dumbass who keeps trying to get a pizza from the same place. Every time he places an order, the entire staff fucks off for a vacation.

Listen to "Pizza, My Heart's Delight"

Ike Turnpike & The Ditchcombers sing Roadkill

I really wasn't sure what to think of an album containing songs such as "Road Kill Junkie" and "Dining and Dancing at the Road Kill Cafe". I was hoping it would be funny... Like REALLY REALLY hoping that it would be funny.

It's not. It's stupid. How stupid is it? The entire ALBUM is about eating roadkill, whether it be freshly killed by an 18 wheeler, or rotting in the ditch for the last week. I never for the life of me would have thought ANYBODY could write an entire album about roadkill, but here it is. How in bloody hell did they get a record deal? Oh wait, the record label is located in Winnipeg. We've been pretty desperate to find the next Guess Who, haven't we?

Here's the song "Road Killer's Waltz"

Fisher Price Tape (circa 1985)

This mostly has some 80s music recorded on it and side 2 is blank. However, the end of side 1 contained something quite interesting. It sounds like a couple of teenagers playing with a circuit-bent Speak n' Spell. It's pretty funny listening to the toy spew out random crap while these kids try to interpret what it's doing.

Listen here!

If you've never seen a Speak n' Spell (let alone a circuit-bent one), you're in luck. Someone created an online simulation of a circuit-bent Speak n' Read so you can make your own crazy noises! Click here to play with it!

And now, for the coolest thing I found....

A Q-Bert Mini-Arcade!

This thing is the ONLY way portable gaming should be done! Four C Cells, a joystick, and a vacuum fluorescent display! Q-bert's body consists of a pair of legs and a ball for a head. The legs are also used to simulate Wrong Way / Ugg. Coily (the snake) has his own image.

How the hell do I know all their names? I owned the incredibly crappy Q-Bert board game at one point in my life which had all their names written on a die to decide who moves. The board game version was dreadfully awful.

Anyway, this Mini-Arcade works 100% and doesn't have any rust in the battery compartment. It's also a load of fun to play! There seem to be a couple of "features" missing that are present in the console version; Slick (that little green guy who changes all the colors back) doesn't make an appearance, and the green ball doesn't show up in any way, shape, or form.

I was going to make a video of the thing working, but someone else already did that. I'm lazy, so here's their video of the little machine working. The guy playing is either not very good, or he just doesn't give a shit.

Next on the Junq Tour? I don't know. It might be the thrift store in Lundar. It depends on how good/bad/stupid the one item I picked up is.