tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87315072074802084002024-03-13T20:33:28.257-07:00Classical Gas EmissionsBen Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.comBlogger454125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-73466252159466270292023-07-02T08:27:00.002-07:002023-07-02T08:27:34.040-07:00You Deserve an Update<p> Figured I'd give you guys an update since I've been gone for a few months. I haven't left this place for dead. I'm still struggling with health issues. I'm exhausted as I type this. I did absolutely nothing yesterday and I woke up exhausted. My arms are tired and sore. My neck and back are usually in pain. Getting around to doing anything is difficult, let alone anything that I need to get done around the house and yard.</p><p>All the doctors I've seen so far have been unhelpful. One prescribed me a bunch of exercises. The more I did them, the more I lost the ability to do them. It's like my muscles deteriorate when I use them. Extended periods of taking things easy and doing very little have been the most helpful to me. I actually did see some improvement in my abilities and was ready to get back at tackling last year's Junq Tour. I started doing the exercises the doctor had given me which put me back into constant physical exhaustion. I stopped doing them two weeks ago and haven't recovered from them yet.</p><p>I've decided that I will not be going on the Junq Tour this year. I'm not sure if my body can handle two days of constantly getting in and out of a vehicle and walking around stores. Hell, I haven't even finished posting last year's tour!</p><p>I'm going to try and make an effort to get back at posting. I really miss it. Some laughter at untalented hacks may be just what the doctor ordered to pick up my spirits. As of late, my mental health is doing a bit better. The exhaustion is the uphill battle now. I still have more doctors appointments and such spread out over the next few MONTHS (hooray for Canada's health care system!) I'm pretty sure I know what I have, but I need the doctors to get off the path of exercise being the solution and look elsewhere for my problem. I had to quit my physically demanding job because all the exercise I was getting from it was absolutely killing me.</p><p>So keep staying tuned. I haven't lost my love for reviewing bad albums. I still pick them up when I get a chance to stop at a thrift store. I just need to find a process of tackling the backlog that's going to work for me while my body is struggling. Again, many apologies for my absence. See you soon.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-35293039323069591192023-03-05T06:55:00.001-08:002023-03-05T06:55:33.962-08:00Junq Tour 2022: Steinbach<p>More apologies for my absence. My life has been full of doctor's appointments for both myself and my kid. When I'm not visiting the doctor, I'm exhausted to the point where I can't function due to whatever stupid undiagnosed health problem I'm dealing with. I also still have to work a real job which is getting more difficult as the weeks go by. So yeah, I'm not well. Good days are spent with family and bad days are spent sleeping. However, today is a good day and my family isn't around, so it's time to make it a bad day with some extremely terrible music. Let's finally get to the next Junq Tour installment!<br /><br /><br /><b>Lax Luster - It's In The Blood</b></p><p>
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<br /><br />This is the only CD I bought at the Steinbach MCC. They used to have all kinds of weird crap there, but it seems the trash bin eats much of it up before it hits the racks. Anyway, this is a Winnipeg band, and they're actually quite listenable! They sound like a KISS knock-off which isn't exactly the worst thing in the world. However, the sixteen tracks on here don't really stand out from each other. If you've heard one drunken party rock song, you've heard pretty much all of them. If you're looking for deeper lyrics, you may want to scroll a little further down, but make sure you keep your hopes down too.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/laxlusterletemparty.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Let 'em Party</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Live at Southern Nights</b></p><p>
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</p><p>There is absolutely no band name listed on this CD, so I'm only going to assume that the band itself is called "Southern Nights". I have no proof, but this CD smells like it came from Branson Missouri. It sounds like Branson, the hype star makes it look like Branson, and the performances have that Branson quality to them.</p><p>The track listing on the back is all fucked up which made extracting the correct songs an absolute chore. Multiply that by two because the track listing on the back doesn't indicate what is on which disc. Also, two discs make this an excruciating listening experience. The performers are talented, but the performances are campy as hell.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southernnightsgoldenring.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Golden Ring</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southernnightslionsleeps.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Lion Sleeps</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southernnightsrhinestone.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Rhinestone Cowboy</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southernnightsyouretheone.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to You're The One That I Want</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Abe Reddekopp - Cowboy Songs of Yesteryear</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/abereddekopp.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/abereddekoppthumb.jpg" /></a><p>More like Cowboy Songs of YesterCentury. These songs are really fucking old!<br /><br />On the plus side, this is one of the more talented old guys I've listened to over the past few years. The CD is mixed well, but the cover took the talent of someone who only had 10 spare minutes of time in their day.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/abereddekoppwhentheworks.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to When The Work's All Done This Fall</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Art Rempel - Accordion Favorites III</b><br /><br />
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<br /><br />Due to popular demand, Art made two more volumes of accordion music after the first one went quadruple platinum. He also gets to keep all the profits because there isn't anybody else in the band. To keep other costs low, he recorded the album onto a cardboard box. On the plus side, his accordion skills are decent.<br /><br />I got this CD sealed and the disc retainer was broken. How the hell does that happen?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/artrempelneveronasunday.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Never on a Sunday</a><br /><br /><br /><b>The Female Beat - Steppin' Out</b><br /><br />
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<br /><br />The Female Beat's first album was released on K-Records, and yes I own it. It's a whole pile of good fun-time Ukrainian music! although the music is enjoyable, I have a couple of slight complaints about it.<br /><br />The vocals have absolutely no effects on them. Joyce has a fairly boring voice, and that's when she does sing. A better mix on the album would have really brought it to life. I shall use this opportunity to declare that I'd mix their next album for free if they'd let me. A few tweaks could really bring a bit of extra life to this recording.<br /><br />Regardless, the album is still good enough to go into my personal collection.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/femalebeatmemoriesofyou.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Memories of You</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/femalebeatcaseyspolka.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Casey's Polka</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Sound Rage - When It Rains</b></p><p>
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<br /><br />Boy did this album start off strong! It was rocking pretty fucking good until the singer opened his mouth. The fact that this guy is the best singer in the band is absolutely pathetic. I can barf in tune better than he can sing.<br /><br />The songs seem to have an early Metallica or Testament influence. They are also quite long, but I can't be bothered to sit through them for the most part because the singer is so bloody awful.<br /><br />This band is from Steinbach, but due to the fact that they had a drummer, they didn't qualify to record their album at Silver Shit Streams. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/soundragestain.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Stain</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/soundragedistantminds.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Distant Minds</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Mia - Crossroads</b></p>
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<p>Looks like Mia attended a Grade 4 art class! Great job, Mia! You get a gold star for coloring inside the lines. Not sure why someone toilet-papered the cross in her art piece, but it's an interesting touch.</p>
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<p>I'll be blunt... This album's more about the magnificent artwork. Mia's singing is mildly annoying, but the artwork on her album is totally fucking picasso. Check out her legless collage of herself on the back. Awesome!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/miaanothermountain.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Another Mountain</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Rick Wedel Vol.2</b></p>
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<p>Rick was in such a hurry to get volume two out to capitalize on volume one's success that he didn't even bother making a proper cover for it. He also got the track listing in descending order. Nice fucking job.</p><p>Well... It's not the worst thing I've ever heard. The mixes and recording quality vary quite a bit, but it's all somewhat acceptable. Rick tries to sing a bit too low at times which doesn't work very well. The song "Blowin' in the Wind" sounds like it was recorded with the microphone buried under a pile of dog shit. I can only hope volume one is better (if I ever find it).<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/rickwedelblowininthewind.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Blowin' In The Wind</a><br /><br /><br /><b>New Covenant</b></p><p>
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<br /><br />Three out of the four guys on the cover have bad mustaches. The one without a mustache has a bad mullet. With so much bad hair, you'd think they'd be extremely talented. They initially appeared to be, and I wasn't sure this album was going to qualify for this blog until I heard the second song. Apparently they put all their talent into the first song and every other fuck given went straight out the window for the rest.<br /><br />The band and the female singer aren't credited anywhere on the album, so they get screwed on royalties. Then again, maybe they didn't want to be associated with this recording. I wouldn't either.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/newcovenant.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Child of the Light</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Del-Keith Dubbin - Deal Me An Ace / The White Album</b></p><p>
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<br /><br />Surprisingly, Del-Keith played in a Manitoba band called "The Dovermen". You know who else was in that band? Bill Hillman from The Western Union! With that kind of talent, you think Del-Keith would be quite capable of recording a half decent solo album. Guess what? It's fucking terrible.<br /><br />On the plus side, at least Del-Keith can shred the hell out of the guitar. Well, at least I thought he could until I looked at the credits and found out it's some other guy playing it. Mr. Guitar Player needs a solo album more than Del-Keith does. All of the other musical contributions are absolute garbage. Actually, it's worse than garbage... it's the water at the bottom of the garbage bag.<br /><br />I'm pretty sure Del-Keith created the lyrics by wiping his ass with a blank sheet of paper. Seriously, these are some of the worst penned lyrics I've heard in my entire life, and this blog is full of terrible lyric-filled songs. There are no deep thoughts in songs such as "Landlady" or "Lil' Led Zeppelin Man", or any of the other masterpieces on this album.<br /><br />Do you know what the worst part about this album is? I thought I was only getting six crappy songs according to the inlay. To my horror, there are three more crappy songs tacked on after the album is finished. It's like when you go into the bathroom to take a quick shit, and you're in there for 25 minutes.<br /><br />Don't believe it's that bad? Have a listen for yourself.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/delkeithdubbinledzeppelin.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Lil' Led Zeppelin Man</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/delkeithdubbinlandlady.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Landlady</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/delkeithdubbinace.zip">Download the whole mess</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Bristol Boys - Silver and Gold</b></p><p>
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<b><br /></b></p><p>These guys look like they're up to no good. One's gonna beat your head in with a cane, one's gonna sit on you, and one's gonna sing cowboy songs at you. You'd better go buy your urn!<br /><br />I cracked open this sealed album only to discover another broken disc retainer. What the fuck? Did someone pre-smash all these disc retainers before sealing the cases?<br /><br />Anyway, the album's compressed all to hell, the fiddle player sucks, and the longer you listen to it, the worse it gets. On top of that, they photoshopped a picture of an old guy onto the back of the CD because that was really important.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bristolboyswheiensbreakdown.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Whei En's Breakdown</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bristolboysblackvelvet.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Black Velvet Waltz</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Mary Blatz - Mary's Country Favorites</b></p>
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<p>GRANDMA!</p><p>Mary clocks in at around 820 years old. Believe it or not, she's the most talented one in the band. All the other band members are deaf and terrible. The fiddle player has three broken fingers on each hand.<br /><br />Just look at that cover. You can tell that the photo was taken just before Mary beat the piss out of the fiddle player for doing such a shitty job on her album. Don't fuck with Mary!<br /><br />Due to this being another Silver Shit Streams release, the drummer wasn't allowed in the recording studio.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/maryblatzallsmiles.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I'll Be All Smiles Tonight</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/maryblatzblueeyedboy.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Bring Back My Blue Eyed Boy To Me</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/maryblatzhaveitoldyou.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Have I Told You Lately That I Love You</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Jasper - The Blood</b></p>
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<p>Well, third time's a charm! Another sealed CD with a broken retainer.</p><p>This album is absolutely amazing. You can tell it was recorded in Jasper's parents' basement. Jasper is also the most gangsta of all the Christian rappers in the world. If you don't believe me, you will certainly change your mind after hearing "I Love God", "Amazing Grace", and "The Flyin' Lion in Zion".<br /><br />This album contains three remixes which are just as lousy as the original versions. I would have preferred some new lyrics as opposed to new beats. However, I'm sure God loves every single song on this album.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jasperamazinggrace.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Amazing Grace</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jasperilovegod.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Love God</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jaspertheblood.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Blood</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Pete & Liese - God's Family</b></p>
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<p>How fucking old are these people? Judging by their singing, they should have died 30 years ago from old age. Listening to them sing is akin to drinking expired milk. If you think that's my tape deck jittering, then you sadly haven't realized that it's actually Pete's voice. As for his wife, she's the squeaky wheel in the background.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/peteliesewillinglord.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I'm Willing Lord</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/petelieseibelievejesussaves.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Believe Jesus Saves</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/petelieseiwonthavetocrossjordan.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Won't Have To Cross Jordan Alone</a><br /><br /><br /><b>The Sandersons - Everyday People</b></p>
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<p>I've reviewed a lot of albums since I started this blog well over a decade ago. There's been some very laughable ones, some chalkboard-scraping ones, and even a few good ones. However, The Sandersons are one group that absolutely infuriate me when I listen to one of their coasters of digital garbage.<br /><br />First of all, they're terrible musicians. The music they create is lousy. They also have a couple of the worst singing voices I've ever heard. However, I've built up a very tough skin when it comes to terrible musicians and singers. I've listened to countless hours of terrible hacks who think they can record their own hit albums.<br /><br />The one thing that absolutely drives me up the fucking wall about The Sandersons is their decisions to captialize on the misfortunes of others to not only supposedly vindicate God's name, but to sell their shitty fucking albums. So who are the targets on this album? How about a victim in the Columbine high school massacre? If that's not enough, let's throw in one of the planes destroyed in the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Still not enough death for you? Well, let's throw in the Columbia Space Shuttle explosion too. Are we supposed to praise God for these people dying, or are we supposed to praise Him for not doing anything about it? All of this death occurs in the title track. Just for the hell of it, they recorded another song about Kate's niece Tianna who was adopted and apparently ended up with a disability. As per usual, Kate has to talk for about 1/3 of the album. Imagine being married to her.<br /><br />This is The Sandersons' worst album by far. Sadly, this won't be the last time we hear from them on this Junq Tour.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonseverydaypeople.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Everyday People</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonstiannassong.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Tianna's Song</a><br /><br /><br />I will again genuinely apologize for the slowness of getting this entry out. I'm hoping that I can get back on a somewhat regular schedule to get the rest of the Junq Tour posted. We're still not finished with Day one yet either! The next stop is Grunthal...</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-75344180461184448922023-01-14T08:06:00.001-08:002023-01-14T08:10:15.123-08:00Junq Tour 2022: Ste. Anne<p>Happy New year! My apologies for the Junq Tour entries crawling out the door. I appear to be suffering from a medical problem that is causing extreme exhaustion and making me sleep for 10 hours per day. I'm in the process of getting it diagnosed and dealt with. I'll get the entries out as efficiently as possible, but it's going to be slower than I'd like. Anyway, onto the haul...<br /><br />I didn't come out of the Ste. Anne thrift store with a lot, and even more got filtered out. However, this entry just goes to prove that one really crappy album can make up the bulk of garbage from one thrift store.<br /><br /><br /><b>Great Group Hits In Groups of 3+2: The Sounds of England's Top Groups</b><br /></p>
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<p></p><p></p><p>This one wins the best fucking album title of 2023. Great job, guys.<br /><br />It's been a while since we visited our friends at Arc Records, and we've missed them. Their knock-off albums are the fucking worst things I've ever heard. And now it's time for their substandard re-creations of great songs to flush the toxins out of our eyes. Get your tissues ready...<br /><br />On this album, Arc ever-so-unkindly gives us re-recordings of four bands: The Spencer Davis Group, The Hollies, The Kinks, and The Tremoloes. Two of those bands are pretty much one-hit-wonders (who's hits we will visit), but the bulk of trash here is made up of songs by The Kinks and The Hollies. The song by The Tremoloes is actually re-created quite accurately, but that's the only one. The Spencer Davis song has absolutely no backup vocals which is really weird because the rest of the songs had lots of (really bad) harmonies layered down. You can't tell me there wasn't anybody around to scream "Gimme Some Lovin!" in the background.<br /><br />The Kinks gain a lot of respect from me for being able to stand on their own without recording tons of cover songs. Then we have the idiots at Arc Records who made their living doing that. Arc Records is from Canada, and this album contains a bunch of Canadians singing in their faux British accents. It's just as bad as you imagine it to be.<br /><br />The Hollies are one of my most favourite bands of all time. I have nearly everything they've released (aside from the junk from the past 20 years). This album marks the first time I've ever seen someone make an incredible effort at fucking up their songs. The Hollies were known for their multi-layered harmonies. Arc Records takes those multi-layer harmonies and replaces them with a bunch of cats getting run over by a pick up truck. They're extremely out of tune with each other and it just sounds like a bad train wreck with all of the passengers on fire. It's so bad, that one of the "stop"s didn't make it into the song title "Stop, Stop, Stop". Also, the main singer of "On A Carousel" has a really bad cold.<br /><br />Alas, I must now torture you with this horrible mess of covers...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arccarrieanne.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Carrie-Anne</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arccarousel.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to On A Carousel</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcstopstop.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Stop, Stop</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcgimmesomeloving.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Gimme Some Lovin'</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcdeadend.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Dead End Street</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcsunnyafternoon.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Sunny Afternoon</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcautumnalmanac.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Autumn Almanac</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/arcsilenceisgolden.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Silence Is Golden</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Sister Secrets</b><br /></p>
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<p></p><p>My God, when was the last time I dragged out the open reel machine? I used to see these tapes everywhere back in the 1990s and now when I see them, people ask antique prices for them. I bought three of these. I didn't think I was going to get anything but 70s light rock recorded off the radio until I hit tape three and found this gem that I'm going to share with you.<br /><br />I believe there are four girls in this family. I have absolutely no clue who's interviewing them (maybe an uncle or something), but he gets each of the girls to give some dirt on all the others. It's a pretty fun recording. I did a bit of work on this one to make it a little easier on the ears, and it turned out well. Enjoy!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sistersecretsfin.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Sister Secrets</a><br /><br />And that's all for this entry! We've got a big ton of stuff from Steinbach, so hold tight while I get it together.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-81732979225352637652022-12-23T10:00:00.000-08:002022-12-23T10:00:50.112-08:00Dashing Through The Trash<p>Jingle Bells, Nissan Sells<br />Kevin and Marg Harcourt!<br />Echoes of Glory, I'm so sorry,<br />And family time with Bort! </p><p>HEY!<br /><br /><b>Echoes of Glory - Joy To The World</b><br />
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<br />Let's all gather around the Christmas tree and admire all the silver shit streams dangling down as we listen to one of the better acts to visit the Steinbach recording studio. Seriously, these songs aren't too awful, although there is still a ban on drums at the studio. It also appears that Silver Streams upgraded their recording equipment from a shoebox tape recorder to one of those Tascam 4 track recording thingies. Although the performances aren't a mess, the mix is kinda weird.<br /><br />The song (or story) "The Cobbler's Dream" is kind of fucked up. The cobbler goes outside to gather green balls to decorate the Christmas tree. Green balls of what? Shit? He also feeds Jesus relish, because we all know our Lord and Savior loves relish.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/echoesofglorymarysboychild.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Mary's Boy Child</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/echoesofglorycobblers.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Cobbler's Dream</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Kevin & Marg Harcourt - A Country Christmas</b><br />
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<br />I touched on the fact that The Harcourts recorded a Christmas album <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2020/12/junq-tour-2020-christmas.html" target="_blank">here</a>, but I finally found an actual copy of it. This is probably the rarest Harcourt album since I see every other fucking lousy cassette they've ever recorded all the time.<br /><br />We can see on the cover that Kevin's creepy uncle is drunk by the fireplace again. Better not get too close there buddy, or your breath will set you ablaze! Kevin must have had a few as well since his guitar playing isn't too good on here.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/harcourtsilentnight.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Silent Night</a><br /><br /><br /><b>Bert Wytinck, Family and Friends - Merry Christmas From Our Family To Yours</b><br />
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<br />Bert returns to Classical Gas Emissions with a Christmas album! I covered one of his albums <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2017/12/junq-tour-2017-portage-la-prairie.html" target="_blank">here</a>. This time, he chose to make an unnecessarily long album (and band) title, just to give my hands a bit more carpel tunnel.<br /><br />There are sixteen fucking songs on here, and they're all extremely stale performances of your favourite Christmas tunes. The entire album plays like it's on Benadryl. I'd advise that you take some yourself so you can sleep through this one.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wytinckrunrunrudolph.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Run Run Rudolph</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wytincksantaclausiscoming.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Santa Claus Is Coming To Town</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wytinckitscoldoutside.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Baby, It's Cold Outside</a><br /><br /><br /><b>The Nissan Night Before Christmas</b><br />
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<br />What better way to wrap up this year's Christmas entry than with a double album containing a shameless automobile sales promotion! This thing was apparently sent to radio stations, but who knows if anybody even played this piece of shit.<br /><br />You get a weird ass Christmas story narrated by some guy who's probably a car salesman. The villain in this story is some company called "Trans-Global Amalgamated". I wonder if <a href="https://transglobalservice.com/en/home/" target="_blank">this</a> company had anything to do with that?<br /><br />Ever hear the song "Don't Cry Joe"? How about the story of the Christmas spider featuring a cameo appearance by Jesus? Or how about the burning carving of baby Jesus that burned down a small town and killed a young boy? You get them all here! Great fucking album!<br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/nissandontcryjoe.mp3" target="_blank"><br />Listen to Don't Cry Joe</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/nissanxmasspider.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Christmas Spider (featuring Jesus)</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/nissandeathofjuan.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Death of Juan</a><br /><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/nissanxmas.zip">Download the whole mess!</a></p><p>After Christmas, we'll get back to posting Junq Tour reviews. There's a ton more to cover, so we'll see you soon! <br /></p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-67396080972037148402022-12-13T19:18:00.000-08:002022-12-13T19:18:38.104-08:00Junq Tour 2022: Niverville<p>Niverville's thrift store has never appeared on the Junq Tour. It's a shame because their prices are generally fantastic, and their blog-worthy content is plentiful. So let's dive in!</p><p><br /></p><p><b>In Love With The Flute</b></p>
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<p>There is absolutely no artist listed anywhere in the inlay, so I cannot assume that the flute player is a human. All the credit goes to "Fastforward Music". There's a good reason they're called that which I'm sure you can figure out.</p><p>This album contains weather-channelled versions of all your favourites like "Wind Beneath My Wings". I have yet to meet a single person who hates that song. I'm sure you love it and I'm sure you think I love it too.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/flutegroovykindalove.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Groovy Kind of Love because Wind Beneath My Wings sucks</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Wood Knotts</b></p>
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<p>I wood have expected this album to have a drummer on it since it's knott recorded at Silver Shit Streams. However, there is knott a drummer to be found. I also wood've preferred these guys to be proficient at their instruments, but they are knott.</p><p>Although the songs themselves are okay on this album, the squeaky violins make you long for the days when chalkboards still ruled the classrooms.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/woodknottswaltizingthroughtheleaves.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Waltzing Through The Leaves</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Spokesmen - I Have Seen The Light</b></p>
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<p>I cracked open the seal on this one to let all the nasty demons onto the internet. For a tape that was sealed, there's certainly a lot of dropouts on this recording. Perhaps the master tape at Ontrack Audio Recordings gets reused for every shitty artist after they do their run of 50 cassettes (that they only sell three of).</p><p>I am so desperately trying to resist peeling off the gold foil seal. What's under it? A smiley face? A picture of the yellow Teletubby? A vortex into a dimension where everything is just as awful as this album? That one scares me the most.</p><p>The songs themselves are corny and awful. The vocals are dry, loud and lousy. The beginnings and ends of songs are cut off. Obviously an extremely professional project done by masters of their field. Billie Eilish should hire them to work on her albums. I would send her the names of these professionals, but their names are strangely absent from the liner notes.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/spokesmenwalkdemgoldenstairs.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Walk Dem Golden Stairs</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Richard S Unruh - Harmonicas Vol. 2</b></p>
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<p><a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2019/06/junq-tour-2018-riverton.html" target="_blank">Volume 1 is here!</a></p><p>I have volume 3 but I haven't reviewed it yet.</p><p>Silver Shit Streams enjoys recording Richard S. Unruh because he always shows up without a drum set. Because harmonicas can easily grate on your nerves, the team of recording engineers at Silver Shit Streams drown the hell out of Richard's harmonica playing with reverb and echo. There is easily 30+ minutes of this racket for you to not enjoy. If you combine the other two volumes, there is easily 90+ minutes of this noise for you to not enjoy. You'd be better off listening to Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music. At least that only lasted for one album.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/richardsunruhhangingonatree.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Saw One Hanging On a Tree</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Good Will Singers - Our Life is Like a Summer's Day</b></p>
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<p>Either this album looked like a real treasure, or I was completely oblivious during the Junq Tour because I bought three fucking copies of it. At least now I have a couple of tapes to record someone more talented.</p><p>So, is your life like a summer's day? Well, you can compare anything to a summer's day. Candy is like a summer's day. So is beer. And vaginas. And maybe even dog shit. All of it works if you truly believe it.</p><p>This is a Silver Shit Streams special which means there are no drums on this recording. I'm guessing drums are the devil's instrument. Anyway, this album sounds like a cross between The Chipmunks and an old D*sney special. All the musicians on the album decided it was a good idea to include all of their phone numbers on the inlay, so if you find one of the voices talented enough, you can phone them and ask them to sing for you.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/goodwillsingerssummersday.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Our Life Is Like a Summer's Day</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Circle of Friends - The World's Greatest Story</b></p>
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<p>I have the world's greatest story for you... When I was rewinding this cassette, it broke at the splice which would have prevented any of you from hearing this garbage. Unfortunately, I am proficient in repairing cassettes.</p><p>As with any Silver Shit Streams release, drums are nowhere to be found. Another Silver Shit Streams trait is to have absolutely no talented people in the group. All of these voices sound awful together, and they also sound awful when singing solo. When you put two people together who sing flat, it sounds like they're going to break down crying and jump off a bridge at the end of the recording session. Hell, I was ready do jump off a bridge after transferring this tape.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circleoffriendswingofadove.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to On The Wings of a Dove</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circleoffriendsdarkesthour.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Darkest Hour</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circleoffriendshedidntstop.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to He Didn't Stop at Calvary</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circleoffriendslordismyshephard.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Lord Is My Shephard</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Jerry Krabbenhoft and the Valley Playboys</b></p>
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<p>I have no clue if this CD originally came with a cover, or if Jerry just burned this and tossed it in a slimmy to give out at the bar. Speaking of the bar, the CD features of picture of Jerry getting drunk before his recording session. If I'm honest, the first track is actually somewhat enjoyable. Unfortunately, that's the only one.</p><p>The rest of the album is destroyed by bad effects, bad covers, bad everything. You're best bet is to join Jerry for five beers on the first track and then you won't give a shit how bad the rest of the album is. You're better off using the CD as your beer coaster.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/krabbenhoftsilverwings.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Silver Wings</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/krabbenhoftringoffire.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ring of Fire</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/krabbenhoftwaysofawomaninlove.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ways of a Woman In Love</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Penners Jedichta - Wo Steit Daut Met Dee Kjoakje?</b></p>
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<p>Let's take a break from bad singing and listen to someone read German Poetry over cheap Casio music. Silver Streams apparently doesn't allow synthesized drums either.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/pennersjesuskaum.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jesus Kaum Spiziare</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bert & Liz - Railway To Heaven</b></p>
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<p>Bert & Liz made one appearance <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2012/01/albums-by-happy-couples.html" target="_blank">here</a> in 2012.</p><p>Surprisingly, I have never seen another album by them until this year's Junq Tour. In fact, they are the stars of the Junq Tour this year. I picked up multiple albums by them, and they're absolutely fucking terrible.</p><p>First of all, look at the album cover. Bert & Liz are in black and white, and they've been badly photoshopped to make it look like they're standing on a lake full of orange juice. Let it be known that Bert & Liz are the second and third persons in history who have the ability to walk on water.</p><p>On the inlay, we get to see a picture of Bert & Liz with their two children. I'm always surprised at how many people put family pictures inside their album liner notes. For two songs, Bert & Liz give us a break from their terrible vocals and let one of their kids sing. Unfortunately, he's terrible as well.</p><p>Every song on here is awful. Railway to Heaven has the worst ending I've ever heard on a song, nobody can play in time, they used a Yamaha instead of a Casio, and somebody's cassette deck hated this album so much that it chewed it up. In fact, I'll probably have a shot at chewing on it myself after this entry is posted.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bertlizrailwaytoheaven.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Life's Railway to Heaven</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bertlizillflyaway.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I'll Fly Away</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/bertlizrailway.zip">Download the whole thing!</a></p><p><br /></p><p>We'll be moving onto St. Anne next, but perhaps we'll do something a bit Christmassy so you won't feel like Santa left you out.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-43627639563443683072022-11-27T10:55:00.004-08:002022-11-27T10:55:59.871-08:00Junq Tour 2022: St. Pierre-Jolys<p>We're gonna have a Holly Jolys blog entry! The Village Connection thrift store is usually lacking in anything interesting, but at least their prices are good.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>From The Moon - The Cyclist</b></p>
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<p>When there's nothing notably weird in the music section, I start grasping at anything that doesn't have much professionally going on. This album has a bar code, so that means something was done professionally, but not much else. Guess what? It's not too bad! It's a bit mellow in spots, but it's at least somewhat enjoyable. The first track is the best one on here. Things can get a bit stale as the album goes on, but it's still not awful. The band's website is dead and I can't find shit about them online, so I went to the Wayback Machine for some info.</p><p>The music is apparently in the "space folk" genre which I didn't know was a thing. They appear to be from Winnipeg and this is their first album. They appear to have put out at least one more album, and then the band just kinda fizzles into nothing. Why is it that the decent bands have such a short lifespan, but no-talents who pump out horrid garbage seems to live on forever? Anyway, I'm giving you a track from this one solely because you deserve something good once in a while.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/fromthemoonsinceyesterday.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Since Yesterday</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Mason Rack Band - Show Me Yours</b></p>
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<p>No thanks, I haven't dried it off yet.</p><p>This one isn't all that horrible either. I swear, I tried really hard to find some pure garbage at this thrift store! Anyway, these guys are from Australia. The singer sounds like he's part werewolf and has just finished enjoying a 20 pack of Du Maurier cigarettes. The audio is very compressed (which I hate) and the band scribbled all over this CD (which makes it $0.25 more valuable). According to their <a href="https://www.masonrack.com/" target="_blank">website</a>, the band is still around. They've released five studio albums, two live albums, and a greatest hits album (which is kind of redundant).</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/masonrackseenherb4.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Seen Her B4</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Debra Barratt - Three Little Soldiers</b></p>
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<p>When you buy a CD with only one song on it, it needs to be the best fucking song you've ever heard. Luckily, this CD has TWO songs on it; the second one being a distorted version of "Last Post" played on the trumpet. According to the back, this CD was "created in remembrance of, and in tribute to, our Veterans and their families." Does that mean that every veteran has heard this CD? The song "Three Little Soldiers" is kind of a miserable listen. For the record, I have nothing against people writing songs in tribute to our veterans, but could you at least make it half-fucking-good? I can't imagine anybody getting much replay value out of this thing. Proceeds from this CD went to the Navy League of Canada. Why not just give them the money instead of getting a hunk of plastic containing one shitty song that you're just going to throw in the trash?</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/debrabarrattthreelittlesoldiers.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Three Little Soldiers</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Crew - Just As We Are</b></p>
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<p>The D*sney company needs to sue the fuck out of these guys due to Mickey Mouse being clearly represented on the album cover. Speaking of Mickey Mouse, this is some of the most Mickey Mouse Christian music I've ever heard. The way they look on the album cover is exactly how they sound... Lame, lame, lame, and lame. They're essentially a shittier version of the Spin Doctors who sing terribly written Christian songs. Little miss can't be listening to this crap for very long.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/crewlearntolisten.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Learn To Listen</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/crewgreatisthyfaithfulness.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Great Is Thy Faithfulness</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/crewlookatmyhands.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Look At My Hands</a></p><p>This is the musical high point in the Junq Tour, as there's not much to loathe here. But don't worry, we'll be falling off that hill very shortly. If you'd like to hear a sample of what's coming your way, you can check out my appearance on Amateur Hour. <a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/20221116benradio.mp3" target="_blank">You can listen to that here</a> while I prepare the next entry which will be sure to make you cry.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-80237635604553597612022-11-03T18:18:00.000-07:002022-11-03T18:18:14.200-07:00Junq Tour 2022: St. Malo<p>Hey! Long time no write! That's because I've been busy going through the massive amount of crummy albums I picked up during the Junq Tour and digitizing the bulk of what I intend to post. Theoretically, the entries should be flowing quite easily from this point on, but life has it's way of fucking with me from time to time. Things break and I'm the only one around to fix them. When I'm dead, the whole world will just explode and the martians will be happy that I'm no longer beaming these crappy songs across the universe.</p><p>Anyway, we went to the Family Thrift Store in St. Malo this year. It's a fairly new thrift store that is apparently going to shut it's doors anytime soon. Let's give a salute for the "amazing" music I found there...</p><p><b>Aloha Shapes - Hula Hawaii</b></p>
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<p><br /></p><p>The best thing you can get when you're in Hawaii is a compact disc in the shape of a mushroom. However, don't try to play this thing in your car stereo or it will self-destruct, and I don't blame it one bit. This CD is boring and there's only four songs on it. I don't know who the fuck is singing on this, but I hope somebody throws a coconut at him if he does it in public. </p><p>As a side note, Weird Al has better Hawaiian shirts than the one this CD is supposed to represent.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/alohashapesmauiwaltz.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Maui Waltz</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Rock Power Drums</b></p>
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<p><b><br /></b></p><p>From what I can tell, this was a book & cassette kit that taught you how to drum. The best part about this tape is the crappy Casio keyboard that sings the lyrics for you. The drumming seems to be a bit clumsy on the Great White song, but maybe it's just me being too critical because I'm not sure that it's real drums. The high hat sounds very artificial. The Guns N' Roses song "Paradise City" isn't quite right. The spot where Axl holds his note goes on for an extra two measures, probably because you can't change time signatures on a fucking Casio.</p><p>I mean, I guess it's not terrible that things like this existed back in the day when there was no internet, no youtube, and no drum teachers. Instead, your hard-earned money paid for something that was just "good enough". You were most likely better off trying to figure out the drum parts yourself.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/rockpowerdrumsparadisecity.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Paradise City</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/rockpowerdrumsgreatwhite.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Once Bitten Twice Shy</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bullit - The Rap Game Raised Me</b></p>
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<p>The rap game did a shitty job of raising Mr. Bullit.</p><p>The rap CDs I picked up on this Junq Tour are quite possibly the worst rap albums I've ever heard. This CD came in a plain jane blank CD case. I honestly don't think there's many copies of this out there. I like how Mr. Bullit colored the center of the CD label with a sharpie. I guess the rap game taught him how to color as well. </p><p>As for the music... It's hilariously bad! I can't take a guy seriously who's just rambling on about his dead uncle. Nothing gives you more street cred than whining like a fucking baby. Yes, its sucks that your uncle died, but the rest of us don't need to suffer through your interpretation of it.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bullitdeaduncle.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the dead uncle song</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Doug Gabriel - Three Album Special</b></p>
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<p>Nothing makes me more miserable than having a box set to review. This one isn't as intensive as the <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2018/06/donald-bradburn-gospel-collection.html" target="_blank">12 album collection</a> I review by Donald Bradburn, and I'm very thankful for that. These three albums were painful enough!</p><p>Hailing from Branson Missouri (because they've embraced birthing terrible music albums), we have this fucking hack trying to perform your favourite hits. One album from his wife or sister (or both) is included in this box set, and it's so unspectacular that I completely skipped over it. Doug's performances are crummy at best. His version of "Pretty Woman" (with the missing "oh" at the beginning) is enough to give Roy Orbison a second heart attack. Doug tries to do the growl in the song and it sounds like he's coughing up a hairball.</p><p>Doug's instrumental album is called "Exhausting & Exhilarating". He should have just left it at "exhausting". The lackluster version of "Sleepwalk" reminds me of trying to learn "Red River Valley" from my school's guitar theory book. It's the most bland version of the song I've ever heard.</p><p>And finally, I present Doug's version of "Wind Beneath My Wings" because fuck you.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/douggabrielohprettywoman.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Pretty Woman</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/douggabrielsleepwalk.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Sleepwalk</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/douggabrielwindbeneathmywings.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Wind Beneath My Wings</a></p><p><br /></p><p>On November 16th, I will be returning to Amateur Hour with Kent Davies to broadcast the worst garbage I found on the Junq Tour. Make sure you tune into <a href="https://ckuw.ca/" target="_blank">CKUW 95.9 FM</a> at 5:00pm CT for the glorious mess that will make everybody hate radio.</p><div><br /></div>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-65820612966612310452022-09-26T18:02:00.002-07:002022-09-26T18:02:54.009-07:00Halloween 1997 Home Video<div>Don't worry! The Junq tour is coming soon! However, I have something else going on at the moment which I'll get to...</div><div><br /></div><div>As some of you may know, I was raised in a religious cult where all holiday celebrations were absolutely forbidden. As a result, I didn't really get to experience celebrations of any kind until I turned 19. No Christmas, No birthdays, No Halloween, no nothing.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I left the religious cult, I met a girl, dated her, and as a result, met more people through her who eventually became some of my first real genuine friends. When Halloween came around, I decided to record the group of us getting all costumed up onto video tape. All of this took place in my bedroom. My dad was OK with me having a group of friends over, but my mother (who remained in the religious cult) wasn't too pleased. After we got all dressed up, we headed off to the bar for a night of karaoke and drinking.</div><div><br /></div><div>The quality of the video is a bit poor, but that's because I was using a video camera from 1977 which I had purchased at a garage sale for ten dollars. The camera required much more light to generate a better picture, and I couldn't achieve that in my bedroom at night. As a side note, home video recording technology wasn't all that much better in 1997. As you watch the video, you may be able to catch some of the comments the others made about using the camera. It weighed about 30 pounds, and had a nice bar to help you rest it on your shoulder. Everyone who used it that night has permanently altered their bone structure.</div><div><br /></div><div>You're going to see some interesting relics in my bedroom. The ones I still have are: </div><div><br /></div><div>- The Commodore 64 </div><div>- The flags on the wall</div><div>- The Telefunken TV set</div><div>- The telephone </div><div>- All of the CDs on the shelves </div><div><br /></div><div>...and if I dig really deep, I may still have the patch on the back of Renee's jean jacket. I even still have the Barbie game that Jenn's playing on the Commodore 64.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sheldon was dressed up as Alice Cooper, I was dressed up as Brian Setzer, Renee was dressed as a punk, Jenn was dressed as a gypsy, and Noah... well... He wanted to be Eddie from the Iron Maiden album covers, but it didn't go so well. Some of the comments are absolutely priceless and I never get tired of watching this video.</div><div><br /></div><div>For those who are unaware, this video was recorded back in the day when you could make fun of your friends and they wouldn't need to run and cry in a corner. We had tough skin back then and let that shit roll off our backs. We were a strong generation.</div><div><br /></div><div>Also, on the contrary of what Sheldon says, I did not use a "President's Choice Super High Quality Video Cassette". I never trust the president with anything.</div><div><br /></div><div>So why have I decided to put this piece of my life on the internet?</div><div><br /></div><div>On September 20, 2022, Jenn posted on her Facebook that she had been diagnosed with stage IV cancer. I expressed my sadness and worry, but she assured me she had started working with the doctors to do what she can to fight it. The next day, she was gone.</div><div><br /></div><div>Jenn was an essential part of my life. She helped me transition from the sheltered religious kid into the passionate, outgoing, crazy motherfucker who has been writing this blog for far too long. It's still difficult to process that at age 42, Jenn is no longer with us.</div><div><br /></div><div>Her family is struggling to scrape up some money to help cover the costs associated with her death. If there's one injustice in the world, it's that dealing with a loved one's passing is fucking expensive. I generally don't ask for anything from my readers or viewers, but if you could spare a couple of bucks to help the family pay for the costs, that would be great and much appreciated (the link is below). In return, I've given you this video as a glimpse into Jenn as a person, a human, and a good friend. She's the one putting goop all over Noah's face in the video. She was also the one who always got us kicked out of the high school library because of her uncontrollable, hearty laugh. </div><div><br /></div><div>Rest in peace, Jenn.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.givesendgo.com/Jenn?fbclid=IwAR25waKEr4u2xeAO7wO357VUfqfc_S3Qaf3YXlfr5TsionwlNCTk076QhHU" target="_blank">Click here to help the family with costs.</a></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-37126907039356741362022-07-28T07:16:00.001-07:002022-07-28T07:19:00.729-07:00Canned Peaches Discography<p>I'm baaack!!! Yes it's been a long time, but I was working for a lengthy amount of time on this project. It's from my personal library, so buckle up because it's story time!</p><p>In the late 1980s and early 1990s, I was very much interested in audio equipment. Not only did it provide me with music, but it also provided me with a toy. Analog audio tape is quite interesting to play with. Not only does it work, but it also doesn't work in interesting ways. You can play with the speed, you can have bad azimuth, mechanical buttons to operate analog tape can be quite crude, and the list can go on.</p>
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<p>The story begins with a thrift store that had opened two blocks away from me. As an eleven year old boy, I went there at least once a week to see what kind of interesting junk I could find. One day, I walked in and spotted a Sony TC-106 reel to reel machine and immediately fell in love with it. I went home, grabbed some of the money I had squirreled away, and promptly paid the man $20 for it. I struggled getting it home because the damn thing was made out of steel, but I persisted. Anyway, I would play with the thing off and on throughout the next few years.</p><p>There came a day where I seemingly stumbled upon something interesting that this machine could do. If you bypassed the erase head, you could simply record over top something that was previously recorded. I made up a story where I went hunting for a lion to kill and eat, and as I was searching through the jungle calling out for the lion, there were really bad jungle sound effects in the background that I had made previously. It was essentially multitrack recording, except you only get one shot at it. Unfortunately, I don't own the recording anymore.</p><p>On another occasion, I filled up an audio cassette with a sound collage consisting of TV commercials, sound effects, clips from TV shows, and all kinds of other weird crap. I called the tape "The Weird Stuff". Unfortunately, I no longer own a copy of this either.</p><p>All of this farting around with audio culminated on September 5, 1992. I was 14 years old and there was a girl at school who was a real pain in my ass named Michelle. I absolutely hated this girl with all my being. I hated her so much that I decided to make a song about her. I couldn't play any instruments, but I had my Sony TC-106. I recorded a copy of the song "Michelle" by The Beatles and overdubbed profanities onto the song. Little did I realize that I had begun what would end up being a six year long project. I named my project "Canned Peaches" and went on a path of making novelty songs and medleys out of (mostly) commercially released music. These were essentially mashups, but the term "mashup" and the genre wouldn't appear for another nine years. The medleys usually had a theme or a story to them, but sometimes consisted only of songs that spliced well together. A lot of these tracks helped me explore some of the more important subjects such as crushes, sex, and even death. However, some were just me fucking around with audio gear.</p><p>I made seven albums which consisted of nothing but these audio projects. I passed out mix tapes to friends and those who were close to me were allowed to borrow the cassettes I had made for myself. I made an album cover for each one, liner notes, organized track orders to optimize tape length, and wore these albums as a badge of honour.</p><p>I have spent the last few months doing digital transfers and digitally remastering these songs (and dealing with tape splices that have gone sticky). For the last 20 years or so, I've made some attempts to digitally remaster these tracks but was never happy with the results. This time, I'm very pleased at how well these cleaned up. Now I'm more than happy to re-release them back into the public (with bonus tracks!)</p><p>So now that you know the background, let's get into each of these albums. As a side note, if you only download one album, it should be "Peach On Ice". It is the most enjoyable album as a whole. However, I will be providing two tracks from each album. An important side-note to remember is that absolutely no computers were used to create any of these tracks. It was all done with tape. Anyway, let's begin our journey...</p><p><b><br /></b></p><p><b>Sleeps With The Peaches</b></p>
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<p>This was the first Canned Peaches album, released in January of 1993 back when I was just 14 years old. Sleeps With The Peaches was slated for release in December of 1992, but my mom grounded me that month by forbidding me to do anything music related which delayed the release. When I made the first song "Michelle" in September of 1992, I was excited by what I had done but didn't really know how to move forward with something like this. I eventually decided to use my previous audio experimentation for inspiration on how to proceed with this project. The name "Canned Peaches" and the album title were both taken from an episode of the sitcom "Alf" where Uncle Albert comes to visit and inevitably dies, or "sleeps with the peaches". After making the song "Michelle", I had passed out copies of the song on cassette to some friends; copies that didn't have a final edit to them and thus were quite different from the final and officially released version. The track listing would also change multiple times before I settled on what was officially relased. The album almost ended up being an extension of "The Weird Stuff", but at some point I decided to make all new material for it. There are only 8 tracks on this album due to having no clue what I was working towards and the fact that I wanted to get it out by the end of the year. It's a rushed and somewhat boring album, but it paved the way for the next six albums that would follow it.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpmichelle.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Michelle</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cphammer.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Mixed Up Hammer</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cpsleeps.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Mix It Up</b></p>
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<p>This is what I would consider to be the first proper full-length Canned Peaches album. It was release in July 1993 when I was 15 years old. It's mainly just an extension of what I started on Sleeps With The Peaches, but it really gave me time to start fine-tuning some of the editing techniques I was using. I think it's the most well-rounded album of them all, and it wins second place for it's overall audio quality. The tracks can come across as a bit bland, but there's enough here to keep things interesting. This album kick-started my goal of having one sex-based medley for each album. After passing copies of this album out to my peers at school, the feedback I got on it wasn't all that impressive. In fact, it was pretty negative and often perceived as being "lame". I'm always one to bounce back, so I made it a goal to make the next album just a bit more interesting...</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cppartytime.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to It's Partytime</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpdiamondring.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Diamond Ring</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cpmixitup.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Hypnotix</b></p>
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<p>Hypnotix was release in January 1994. Much of this album (specifially side 2) was an extension of "Mix it Up", but Hypnotix (pronounced "hypnotics") marked a turning point for me. I had begun utilizing better mixing techniques, including using a Fender guitar amp as a mixer which opened up a whole new world of opportunity. When I threw together "Barney Mix", I felt like I had reached a new level of my audio trickery and was extremely proud of this creation. It quickly became a favourite amongst my peers, along with "Catwalk". This album was created with the idea that there would be a continuous run of tracks with minimal gap between them. Hypnotix is by far the best sounding album quality-wise, and has the only album cover created with a computer (with a dot matrix printer!) While it looked a bit campy back in the day, it has aged quite nicely with it's retro goodness (I think I used Print Shop, but I could be wrong). The track "Care Bears Song" appears here for the first time as a bonus, and was previously released only on a demo tape that I passed around.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpcatwalk.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Catwalk</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpbarney1.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Barney Mix</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cphypnotix.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Peach On Ice</b></p>
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<p>Peach On Ice is the pinnacle of the entire discography. This has all the elements of a perfect Canned Peaches album. There is a nice balance of proper mixing, overdubbing, tape splicing, humour, and a sex medley. Here are some interesting facts about this album...</p><p>- This album was made during a transition between open reel tape recorders. My TC-106 was getting a bit ragged, so I moved onto a Sony TC-105 which inevitably made things a bit more interesting.</p><p>- This album marks the first appearance of a track in stereo (everything preceding this release was in mono). </p><p>- The New Kids on the Block album "Hangin' Tough" was purchased (for two dollars) solely to create the first track. </p><p>- This album marked the end of the Michelle trilogy. </p><p>- The song "Return to Tihsllub" sets the record for the longest track to make (one week). </p><p>- This is the only album cover that was drawn by myself. </p><p>- During the 2005 digitizing process, I unearthed the original but unfinished version of "Return to Tihsllub" which was supposed to be erased (and theoretically was!) I ended up 'finishing' it digitally. </p><p>- A restored original version of "Power to the People" is presented here as a bonus track. The one that appeared on the original album suffered tape damage before release and the damaged part was edited out. </p><p>- "Nice Ice Baby" took around 20-30 takes in order to get it somewhat perfectly in sync.</p>
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<p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cppowertothepeople.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Power To The People</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpniceicebaby.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Nice Ice Baby</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cpice.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>A Legend Bound To Come True</b></p>
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<p>This album was released in January 1996. I had a very difficult time with this album and it really shows. Creativity wasn't flowing all that well and tracks just weren't turning out all that good. As a result, it leans more toward the experimental side of things. However, a few fan favourites came out of it such as "Ozzy's Cats", "Suzie's Puke", and "Happy 16th Birthday". I came up with the album title when I was working on programming an original game for my Commodore Vic-20 back when I was 13 years old. The album cover is made of snippets from Highlights magazines. The original hidden bonus track "Bad Stuff" was made for a someone's school video project. The left and right channels of "Suzie's Puke" were mixed separately with the idea to remix it back into stereo once I got a stereo reel to reel machine, and a mono mix would be made for the album. Synchronizing the track into mono was an extremely frustrating experience and the audio quality was awful. I've replaced the mono version with the 2002 stereo mix which is vastly superior.</p><p>Creating this album was absolutely wearing me down. I can safely say that I was starting to suffer from the effects of burnout when this one came out. This led me to the realization that I was starting to see the end of Canned Peaches on the horizon. However, I wasn't done yet...</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpozzyscats.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ozzy's Cats</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpsuziepuke.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Suzie's Puke</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cplegend.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Biggest Bites</b></p><p>As a additional bonus to "Legend", I'm providing my first attempt at making a greatest hits album which was never officially released. Someone had brought me a stereo reel to reel machine for repair, and I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to make this greatest hits album with a constant run-on. However, problems plagued this project. I had used a new-old stock tape which was full of dropouts, the reel to reel was a Dokorder brand (which turns out is a real shit brand), and the sound quality turned out extremely muddy. I tossed the original master tape, but still had a copy on cassette which is presented here. A cover was never created.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cpbiggestbites.zip">Download Biggest Bites</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Dimension's End</b></p>
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<p>Dimension's End was released in January 1997. After the difficulty I had making "Legend" and the thought of graduating high school (and not having an audience for Canned Peaches), I started to plan my retirement from the project. I wanted to do one more album of all new material and decided to set some goals with this album...</p><p>- I wanted to finish the track "Bethany" which I had never finished back in 1992. The result was a completely new version which I was very happy with. </p><p>- I wanted to have both the longest and the shortest Canned Peaches songs on this album (Dimension's End and She Has it, respectively.) </p><p>- I had a reel to reel tape that I stole from the music room at school a couple years back. I wanted to do something with it, but could never figure out how to utilize such shitty music. This music turned into "Spoliation Overture".</p><p>- I wanted a song for each of the album names. (I only partially completed this one.) </p><p>- I wanted a medley of Canned Peaches songs called "Greatest Hits". </p><p>- I had some clips that were left over from other projects along with others that I wanted to use at some point. </p><p>Having all these goals kept me on track and I think the album turned out quite well. One very noticeable aspect of this album is that there's quite a few stereo tracks. I had finally acquired a stereo reel to reel (a very finnicky Sony TC-500) and was happy to finally start utilizing it. Unfortunately, this stereo machine came into my hands quite late in the game, and only a handful of Canned Peaches songs are recorded in stereo.</p>
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<p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpmovintothecountry.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Movin' To The Country</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpspoliation.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Spoliation Overture</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cpdimension.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Lost Music</b></p>
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<p>Lost Music was released in April 1998. It consists of rare & previously unreleased material along with three new tracks. It is the very last Canned Peaches album. The three new tracks (Connect The Dots, Fun To Dress Barbie, Queen Janis) are arguably the best creations that ever came out of this project. I also replaced my Sony TC-500 with the much better Sony TC-230.</p><p>
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</p><p>"Care Bears Song" was originally slated to be included on this release, but it accidentally got lost in the shuffle of creating the track listing. </p><p>An early attempt at creating a collection of previously unreleased material under the "Lost Music" name was done in 1994, but was ultimately scrapped when I realized the tracks were all terrible. The cover (presented here in edited form) is the third incarnation which was just simply clipped out of a National Geographic. The bonus track "It's Black" was made in 1999 and was the very last analog Canned Peaches track ever made. "It's Over" wins the award for most improved audio throughout the entire remastering process. </p><p>Three years after Lost Music was released, an internet phenomenon called "mashups" became popular. Apparently I was a slightly ahead of the curve. I hate it when that happens!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpbarbie.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Fun To Dress Barbie</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/cpqueenjanis.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Queen Janis</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/cplostmusic.zip">Download the entire album</a></p><p><br /></p><p>So happy 30th anniversary, Canned Peaches. You deserve to finally be re-released into the public in all your remastered glory!</p><p>In case you were wondering, yes I'm considering the possibility of making a new album now that music is much easier to access. I no longer have to rely on purchasing albums, borrowing off friends, or recording off television. We now have the internet at our fingertips. Not sure when I'll get around to that, but let's hope for sometime in the next few years.</p><p>I'm also considering making a video documentary about all this stuff, including all the techniques I used to make the songs and perhaps a more in-depth review of many of the tracks that I made. If you'd be interested in seeing this, feel free to leave a comment.</p><p>Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this project from my teenage years. I sure as hell love re-visiting it!</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-23012237073906262562022-07-05T14:52:00.001-07:002022-07-05T14:52:32.075-07:00I Know I've Been Absent...<p>Just figured I'd give an update since I haven't posted in a bit. Aside from things being crazy at work, I've been working on a fairly hefty project that will be posted here (hopefully soon). It'll be worth the wait as I'm doing some hefty audio cleanup on this project, and there will be lots of fun stuff to download. And yes, there will be a Junq Tour this year, although it may be a bit modified due to how often I have to stick the gas pump nozzle up my ass to help cool the pain.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-52546565602183316522022-05-04T13:31:00.000-07:002022-05-04T13:31:19.529-07:00To Mom With Hatred
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<p>I have one lowly CD to cover for Mother's day which is fast approaching. This piece of crap was released by a company called "Laughing Hyena". They were called that because they're laughing at the idiots who dropped their hard earned money on this as a last minute gift for Mother's Day. According to the Wayback Machine, their website specialized in releasing comedy albums. Well, I'm not laughing at this one. It's fucking terrible.</p><p>This CD mainly consists of lousy country music covers by a pack of lousy studio musicians. The only exception is Rock and Roll Lullaby which was already a piece of shit song before these arseholes got ahold of it.</p><p>I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this CD, but my audio gear seems to play it distorted. Whenever I pull it up in a wave editor, it seems to play fine. I don't think it's my equipment, but maybe I'm wrong. Feel free to comment on whether the song "Mama" sounds distorted on your end.</p><p>Anyway, I hate your mom and I'm sure she'll hate me after you play these crappy songs for her.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hyenarocknrolllullaby.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Rock and Roll Lullaby</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hyenamama.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Mama</a></p><p>Forgive the lack of content coming out from my end, but I'm working on an extremely large project that I'm hoping to release on here later this year. It's all content from my personal collection, and it's something that I've been meaning to get around to. I promise you won't be disappointed! In the meantime, I'll shit out an entry whenever I can.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-18067857946406569902022-04-16T08:50:00.002-07:002022-04-16T08:50:46.077-07:00Wee Hours Minidiscs<div>Last summer, I attended a record sale that was held in some dingy basement of an industrial building. They were really working towards getting rid of everything they had, so they had put boxes of stuff outside for free. These boxes mainly consisted of recorded cassettes, CDs with no cases, and a few Minidiscs. Of course I had to grab multiple boxes and see what treasures were in them. The Minidiscs were the most interesting things in the lot, so today we're going to focus on those.</div><div><br /></div><div>First of all, I'd like to comment on the Minidisc format as a whole. Back in the mid-1990s I was seriously considering getting a component Minidisc recorder, but the only place I could get one was from The Sony Store. I was hesitant on spending $300 of my hard-earned teenage money on one of these because most of my experience with Sony's electronics was abysmal. In recent years, I've owned two Sony component Minidisc players, and they were complete fucking garbage. For some reason, their portable units are much more reliable which is what I used to transfer the discs. First, I attempted to transfer the tracks using the USB port on the side of the Minidisc unit and the software that came with it, but Sony ensured that you could only transfer music onto the Minidisc and not the other way around. This is one of the many reasons this entry took so damn long to make, because I had to transfer them in real time.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for the discs themselves, I have to say that they're quite resilient. I had to do a bit of a repair on one disc that looked like someone stepped on it. It wouldn't play, but that's because the window was pressed in, causing the disc not to move. Not only that, the disc was dirty due to the broken window allowing dirt to get through. I carefully cleaned the disc with a Q-tip, and I popped the broken window out which allowed the disc to spin. It then played flawlessly. I had to fix the metal slider on another, and it appears that one of the discs was used to hold a burning cigarette. All the discs transferred flawlessly which is a testament to their durability.</div><div><br /></div><div>The content of these discs came from someone who worked at the University of Manitoba radio station, 101.5 FM, namely a program called "The Wee Hours" which I'm guessing aired sometime in the early morning. Some of the discs appear to be entire shows while others are just a pile of things that were used to compile the shows, namely jingles and station calls. These discs were recorded sometime around the beginning of the year 2000. </div><div><br /></div><div>Incidentally, I would like to thank the U of M radio station website for linking to this blog. I would also like to thank the Shazam app for helping me identify most of the songs on the discs. I know a lot of music, but a large amount of the music presented here I generally wouldn't bother with.</div><div><br /></div><div>And now, let's get to the content!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Jingles</b></div><div><br /></div><div>
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</div><div><br /></div><div>This is the disc that looked like it had been stepped on. Judging by the label, I knew I had to get this one to play, and I wasn't disappointed. This is mainly a collection of strange sounding station calls. If anybody knows the name of the device used to make these, I'd love to know what it is. Also, we get to hear "The World Spins" by Julee Cruise.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Station Call #1</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles17.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Station Call #2</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles20.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Station Call #3</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles22.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Station Call #4</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles43.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Station Call #5</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdjingles65.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the sad story of Bill the Barber</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdjingles.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Unlabelled 1</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>
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<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>This is one of the more listenable discs in the set. We're treated with songs by The Melvins, Iggy & The Stooges, Bad Brains, and ZZ Top. The first song on the disc is Wichita Fucking Lineman by Glen Campbell. There's some banter clips strewn throughout the disc, but they're not all that interesting.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is however an ad for a bar in Winnipeg called "The Zoo", a place I both played at and attended concerts at. The current location of The Zoo is now a big hole in the ground where they've been planning to build condos for the last few years (named "Zu Living" or some shit), but there hasn't been any progress over the past few years. It's unfortunate really, since The Zoo was the hot spot for live local music.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdunlabelled0102.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the Zoo ad</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdunlabeled1.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Unlabelled 2</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>Lots of bumpers, skits, and retro commercials on this one. As for music, we've got bluegrass, funk, and then some Husker Du just to fuck with your head. There's also five songs performed by The Meters who are more than happy to make you hear Wichita Fucking Lineman again. Speaking of repetitiveness, you also get another play of "The World Spins" by Julee Cruise. There must be something great about this song that I just can't seem to understand.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdunlabeled0235.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to a bumper</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdunlabeled0237.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to an ad for a wig party</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdunlabeled2.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Unlabelled 3</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>Apparently there are freshly baked cookies at 495 Niagra street. I looked up the address and it's somebody's house. Not sure why she's baking all these damn cookies, but now I want one. We also have some poor kid who's trying to record a bumper for the radio show, and she can't quite get it right.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for music, we get to hear "The World Spins" by Julee Fucking Cruise again. I don't understand why this song is so important that we have to hear it three times, but even after the third play it still does absolutely nothing for me. Speaking of nothing, there's a bunch of shitty old jazz music from the stone age on here. I hate jazz music. Thankfully, there's a New Order song thrown in the middle of it all just to give a much needed break from the mindless tootling and endless dickery.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdunlabeled0301.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Cookies in the Oven</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdunlabeled0302.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to bumper rehearsals</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdunlabeled3.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Wee Hours 2</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>The discs labelled "Wee Hours" appear to be actual shows since they clock in at about an hour each, although some of them have random junk tacked onto the end. I get it, Minidiscs were expensive, so why not utilize the unused space?</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, this is one of the better discs with regards to music. We've got Billy Bragg, The Replacements, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and then we get a crappy Buddy Johnson song at the end.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdweehours2.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Wee Hours 5</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>We have arrived at the ashtray disc which means it's time for some classics from the 1950s! We've got Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins, Gene Vincent, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Telstar Ponies and Terminator 2. Unfortunately, those last two aren't from the 1950s. They're also not the same style of music, but we've learned that consistency doesn't exactly take priority on any of these discs.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdweehours0525.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to a rant about eating shit</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdweehours0526.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to an old lady bumper</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mdweehours0527.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to a Ron Jeremy bumper</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdweehours5.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Wee Hours 7</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>We end off the stack with the shittiest one. It starts out great with Telstar by the Tornados, and then the ADHD kicks in and we don't hear anything of that sort again. We are forced to endure an onslaught of funk, techno, rap, and then some Louis Fucking Armstrong at the end, just to keep the consistency at bay.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/mdweehours7.zip">Download the entire disc</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>This was a doozy of an entry to put together, but I think all the oddball content was certainly worth it. I promise the next one will take much less time.</div>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-36400571974146371972022-03-15T16:09:00.003-07:002022-03-15T16:09:54.226-07:00Records from the Irish Association of Manitoba & Winnipeg<p>I don't think I've ever done a St. Patrick's day post, but after listening to this shit, it's easy to see why I haven't bothered. Not only that, Irish stuff isn't exactly common around these parts. I suppose I could review some Newfie music since it's basically Irish music anyway, but today we have some genuine stuff so this entry won't be full of Newfie jokes. Sorry. </p><p>I believe I snagged these 45s on one of the Junq Tours and decided to save them for this particular holiday. You may want to go start drinking and then return after you've had a few. It may make these records a bit more palatable.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Irish Stew</b></p>
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<p>Apparently, there is an Irish association of Manitoba. Now, you'd think it would be located in the town of Killarney which has the big shamrock painted in the middle of it's downtown. Instead, it's located at someone's house in Winnipeg. Heck, there probably isn't even a single Irish person in that house either.</p><p>This band covers one of my favourite Metallica songs, and they do a pretty faithful rendition of it. If you've had a few to drink, I doubt you'll be able to tell the difference. On the plus side, you'll have a fun happy time with this one even if you're sober.</p><p>Now for side B... If there was ever a drinking song, Jug of Punch is certainly it. I can't understand half of the lyrics, but when you're drunk, the lyrics don't really matter.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishstewwhiskey.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Whiskey in the Jar</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishstewjugofpunch.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jug of Punch</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Irish Tavern Singers</b></p>
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<p>They weren't content with just two songs on a 45, so they jammed four songs onto it. If you're half corked, 45 RPM records really aren't a good format to play since you have to flip them over and change them quite often. If you've had too many drinks, you'll probably forget to turn it over or end up playing them in your toaster oven.</p><p>This 45 is a bit warped on the edge (probably from a toaster oven), so the song "Come In" has a bit of trouble starting. This one isn't as fun as the last one, but it's unmistakably Irish and the lyrics are easier to understand. Is it me, or are Irish songs not really about anything? They usually have some tongue twisting shit in it that you'll bite your tongue off trying to recite while half pissed.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishtaverncomein.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Come In</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishtaverndonahue.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Bold O'Donahue</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishtavernhannigan.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Hannigan's House</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/irishtavernconnemara.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Hills of Connemara</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Sounds Irish</b></p>
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<p>Despite the name of this band, this is the least Irish sounding record out of the lot. When I think of Irish music, I think of the accordian and that squeaky flute thing. Instead, we get a banjo and an acoustic guitar. We also get a rendition of Amazing Grace which really isn't an Irish song.</p><p>Whoever named this record label "Gringe Records" did a good job. I had no idea what "Gringe" meant, so I looked it up. The Urban Dictionary defines it as "extra cringe, or worse than cringe". Or maybe it's "cringe" said with 12 shots of whiskey in your system.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/soundsirishamazinggrace.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Amazing Grace</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/soundsirishstrongman.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Big Strong Man</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Finally, I want to share this kids show that used to air when I was a child. I fucking hated it and it's theme song is the most unprofessional piece of trash I've ever heard. Unfortunately, the Youtube "suitable for kids" category deleted the comments section. It was full of hilarious stories of how the host was an asshole piss tank. He certainly looks like one too.</p>
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<p>Now that I got the first ever St. Patrick's Day entry out of the way, I can wait another 14 years to do the next one.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-47345671163174791132022-03-08T06:16:00.002-08:002022-03-08T06:21:54.178-08:00Peter Hnatiuk Discography<div style="text-align: left;"><div>Yes, I'm featuring another Ukrainian-English performer from the V-Records label (except for the three albums that weren't on V-Records). My first exposure to Peter's records was as a child. We would make visits to my Ukrainian-only speaking grandmother, and I'd sit and play her records for hours, looking for something interesting to hear. The first Peter Hnatiuk album I ever heard was the "You Gotta Be Kidding" album. I fondly remember the songs "Sweet Violets" and "Rye Whiskey", but I was also confused by the amount of canned laughter and applause that was used and repeated on the album. I always wondered (and to some degree still do) wonder where they stole it from.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fortunately, Peter sings songs in both Ukrainian and English. Some of the best examples are on his album "If I Was Prime Minister". While transferring his albums (and to my knowledge, I own all of them), I decided to start at the very beginning of his recording career, just to see how things evolved right up to his last recorded effort in 1985.</div><div><br /></div><div>The bulk of Peter's best work, including the incredibly absurd album covers occurred in what is arguably the core of V-Records' best years. After recording 11 albums, Peter curiously left V-Records in 1968 and his output slowed down over the next two decades. He passed away in 1994 at 60 years old. There is a very poorly written biography/obituary on Peter at <a href="https://www.ukrainianmusiciansassociation.org/inductees" target="_blank">this website</a>. According to whoever wrote it, Peter retired from professional recording in the year 19990, just over 17000 years after his death. Great job, guys.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, let's dive into the albums. There's 16 of them to cover along with a few notable others...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Tommy Buick Presents a Ukrainian Wedding</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/tommybuickwedding1.zip">(download)</a></div><div>
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<br /></div><div>01 - Wedding Presentation Melody</div><div>02 - Syva Kobyla Kolomayka</div><div>03 - E Shumyt E Hudyt</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukkubasa.mp3" target="_blank">04 - Kubasa</a></div><div>05 - Good Husband</div><div>06 - Ye-Byk Doma</div><div>07 - The Last Drink</div><div>08 - Woman Driver</div><div>09 - Bride's Waltz</div><div>10 - Gail's Polka</div><div>11 - White Gardenia Polka</div><div>12 - Wedding March</div><div><br /></div><div>Hey! This is a Tommy Buick album! What gives??? </div><div><br /></div><div>This is the second album released in V-Records' extensive catalog. Peter's distinct voice is featured on most of the songs here. He essentially got his start being a singer for Tommy Buick's band. You will notice two more Tommy Buick albums in this discography, along with some of Peter's albums being backed by Tommy Buick's band.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since I got this album sealed, it was transferred digitally for it's first spin. The audio quality is exactly what you would expect from a 1960s Winnipeg record label releasing their second album.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Ukrainian Folk & Love Songs Vol 1</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukfolklove1.zip">(download)</a><b><br /></b>
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</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>01 - Lovers Waltz</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukyouaremysunshine.mp3" target="_blank">02 - You Are My Sunshine</a></div><div>03 - Chornay Orel</div><div>04 - Kohut</div><div>05 - Rich Girl Poor Girl</div><div>06 - Cymbaly Polka</div><div>07 - The Unlucky Lover</div><div>08 - Black Eyes</div><div>09 - Cher Wona Rooza</div><div>10 - Cossack Love Song</div><div>11 - Loom Hom Too Hom</div><div>12 - Hania's Polka</div><div><br /></div><div>This album sounds very different from Peter in his "classic" years, but you have to start somewhere. Each side end with a song played on the cymbaly (also known as a dulcimer) which Peter was extremely talented at playing. Also, according to my notes, there is a bad tape dropout on side 2 although I can't remember where. This was pressed onto the vinyl and not due to any error in my transfer.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Ukrainian Folk & Love Songs Vol 2</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukfolklove2.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiuksoldiersleave.mp3" target="_blank">01 - The Soldiers Leave</a></div><div>02 - Ukrainian Heel & Toe</div><div>03 - Holubka</div><div>04 - The Young Lovers</div><div>05 - My Neighbours</div><div>06 - Zahodochka</div><div>07 - Between The Mountains</div><div>08 - The Gay Dancers</div><div>09 - Balamoota</div><div>10 - Orphan Lament</div><div>11 - At Sundown</div><div>12 - Maidens Lament</div><div><br /></div><div>More of the same as volume one except with no cymbaly instrumentals at the end of each side</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Tommy Buick Presents A Ukrainian Wedding Vol. 2</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/tommybuickwedding2.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>01 - Brides Presentation</div><div>02 - The Working Villager</div><div>03 - Courting Problem</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukpidhiomm.mp3" target="_blank">04 - Pid Hi-Omm Medley</a></div><div>05 - Be Good To My Daughter</div><div>06 - Rolisia Polka</div><div>07 - Farmers Polka</div><div>08 - Tommy's Polka</div><div>09 - Bev's Polka</div><div>10 - Mom's Waltz</div><div>11 - Mazurka Waltz</div><div>12 - Valley River Polka</div><div><br /></div><div>Another Tommy Buick album with Peter singing on the majority of it. Ukrainian weddings are quite a common theme on many of these records, and I wish I could say I've attended one. They're probably a very drunken good time!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Light-hearted Ukrainian Favourites </b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiuklighthearted.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>01 - Yebik No. 1</div><div>02 - Yebik No. 2</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukkiska.mp3" target="_blank">03 - Who Stole The Kiska</a></div><div>04 - Under The Cherry Tree</div><div>05 - Toomba Toomba</div><div>06 - Cymbaly Kolomayka</div><div>07 - Kolomayka No. 1</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukwindisblowing.mp3" target="_blank">08 - Wind Is Blowing</a></div><div>09 - Arkon</div><div>10 - Mushroom Song</div><div>11 - Beside The Woodlands</div><div>12 - Sunday Polka</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter is starting to come into his form on this album with "light-hearted" (read: not so serious) Ukrainian songs. Tommy Buick's band backs Pete's vocals. The album is pretty good!</div><div><br /></div><div>Strangely, there are two different covers for this album. I'm not sure if the real girl complained about her picture being used on the cover, or if K Records complained about V-Records stealing their artwork which I've provided below. I'd love to know the story behind this!</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/krecordsdanceseries.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/krecordsdanceseriesthumb.jpg" /></a>
</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>10 Little Bottles</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiuk10littlebottles.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><br /></div><div>01 - 10 Little Bottles</div><div>02 - Wishing & Thinking</div><div>03 - A Hospital Checkup</div><div>04 - Marusia</div><div>05 - Country Polka</div><div>06 - Unfaithful Husband</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukoohlala.mp3" target="_blank">07 - Ooh La La</a></div><div>08 - Pete's Kolomayka 2</div><div>09 - The Widow Song</div><div>10 - Under The Oak</div><div>11 - The Old Mill</div><div>12 - Mother's Lament</div><div><br /></div><div>Tommy Buick again backs Peter on this album. I find the albums with Tommy Buick have a distinct sound from the albums where Pete has his own band. This is another good album, and it sounds like Peter is playing quite a bit of cymbaly on this one.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Horeevka Party</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukhoreevka.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><br /></div><div>01 - Pete's Horeevka Song Part 1</div><div>02 - Lay That Pistol Down Pete</div><div>03 - Pete's Horeevka Song Part 2</div><div>04 - Ten Gallon Stephen</div><div>05 - I Gotta Travel On</div><div>06 - Out Of Our Mind</div><div>07 - I'm Sick, Sober & Sorry</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukbusted.mp3" target="_blank">08 - I'm Busted Really Busted</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukkiyiyuppyyeah.mp3" target="_blank">09 - Come A Ki Yi - Yuppy Yea</a></div><div>10 - She Thinks I Still Care</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukwolvertonmountain.mp3" target="_blank">11 - Wolverine Mountain</a></div><div>12 - Night Wind Waltz</div><div><br /></div><div>Pronounced "Hor-you-ko", which is the Ukrainian word for whiskey. This is the first album that I would consider to be "classic" Peter Hnatiuk, where his sound really became his. There's a lot of drunken dialogue on Side 1, so if you speak English only, this is probably not the best one for you to dive into. Someone is singing backup with Peter, and there's no credits on the album that tell me who it is.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>I Wish I Was Single Again</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiuksingle.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>01 - Six More Miles</div><div>02 - When My Blue Moon Turns To Gold</div><div>03 - Wreck On The Highway</div><div>04 - I Wish I Was Single Again</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukbluetailfly.mp3" target="_blank">05 - Blue Tail Fly</a></div><div>06 - No One Will Ever Know</div><div>07 - I Still Miss Someone</div><div>08 - Mansion On The Hill</div><div>09 - Please Release Me</div><div>10 - Goodnite Irene</div><div>11 - Cheating A Sin</div><div>12 - Yellow Bird</div><div><br /></div><div>We've got another one with Tommy Buick. These are all old country songs that are sung in Peter's unique style. Despite the amusing cover, I personally think this is one of Peter's weakest albums, but that may be from my inability to understand Ukrainian.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Tommy Buick Goes Ukrainian Western with Peter Hnatiuk</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/tommybuickwestern.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><br /></div><div>01 - Springtime In The Rockies</div><div>02 - The Birds Are Singing</div><div>03 - Songbirds Are Singing In Heaven</div><div>04 - Carmel By The Sea</div><div>05 - Fraulein</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukringoffire.mp3" target="_blank">06 - Ring of Fire</a></div><div>07 - The Prisoner's Song</div><div>08 - I'm So Lonesome Today</div><div>09 - At Mail Call Today</div><div>10 - Crying Heart Blues</div><div>11 - Are You Teasing Me</div><div>12 - Sweeter Than The Flower</div><div><br /></div><div>And now for one last album with Tommy Buick. This is pretty much a continuation of the last album, featuring more covers of old country songs.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>You Gotta Be Kidding</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukkidding.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiuksweetviolets.mp3" target="_blank">01 - Sweet Violets</a></div><div>02 - Marriage Experiences</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukryewhiskey.mp3" target="_blank">03 - Rye Whiskey</a></div><div>04 - Marriage - Old Style</div><div>05 - Wedding Presentation</div><div>06 - A Visit To The Doctor</div><div>07 - Deck of Card - Ukrainian Style</div><div>08 - Army Days Pete Style</div><div>09 - Army Doctor Verse Pete</div><div>10 - Variety Kolomayka</div><div>11 - Back From The Army Pete</div><div>12 - Seven Years - With The Wrong Woman</div><div>13 - Pete The Politician</div><div><br /></div><div>This was my first exposure to Pete's music. There is a lot of dialog on here and the canned laughter is absolutely terrible, but there's a couple of really good songs on here. I have no clue where the canned laughter was taken from, but some of the other albums in Pete's discography suggest an old sound effects record.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Don't Get Married Son</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukdontgetmarried.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>01 - The Happy Widow</div><div>02 - Dom-Nee-Tay-Ish-When</div><div>03 - Bingo Crazy</div><div>04 - Clementine</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukloddyloddylo.mp3" target="_blank">05 - Hey Loddy Loddy Lo</a></div><div>06 - Poor Farmer</div><div>07 - Extra Gang Days</div><div>08 - No Beer In Heaven</div><div>09 - Orange Blossom Kolomayka</div><div>10 - Veen Ne Mee Milay</div><div>11 - Chomoo</div><div>12 - Don't Get Married Son</div><div><br /></div><div>What a magnificent album cover! In my opinion, this album represents the definitive Peter Hnatiuk sound. This and the next two entries make this the ultimate trilogy of classic Pete. The songs on here are excellent and the band is fantastic.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>If I Were Prime Minister</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukprimeminister.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>01 - The Covered Wagon</div><div>02 - Mary and Bill</div><div>03 - Pompeye</div><div>04 - Please Re-Grease Me</div><div>05 - Mayoo Dohi</div><div>06 - Nema-Nema-Diwchini</div><div>07 - If I Was Prime Minister</div><div>08 - Taye Yoho Nema</div><div>09 - Off To Gilbert Plains With Brew</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukbehindthebarn.mp3" target="_blank">10 - Out Behind The Barn</a></div><div>11 - Married To Hard Labour</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukgirlabeepbeep.mp3" target="_blank">12 - My Girl A (Beep Beep)</a></div><div><br /></div><div>This is arguably Pete's best album. There is lots of English on it, the songs are all catchy (including the absolutely bizarre cover of "Popeye The Sailor Man"), and it has the classic Pete sound. I have no clue who the other guy is singing on this as there are absolutely no credits for any of the other performers. I know for certain it's not his brother Nick. If I ever find out who it is, I'll be sure to update this spot.</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter seems to have mastered a new instruments for the recording of this album... a bicycle horn! It shows up in the most absurd spots, sounds ridiculous, and it works extremely well. I can listen to this album all day and never lose my smile.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Hell's A Poppin</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukhell.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>01 - Welcoming Kolomayka</div><div>02 - Censored Kolomayka</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukfarmerinthedell.mp3" target="_blank">03 - The Farmer In The Dell</a></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiuklazyuke.mp3" target="_blank">04 - Life of a Lazy Uke</a></div><div>05 - Ukrainian Roulette</div><div>06 - Hopper - Grass</div><div>07 - Unknown Polka</div><div>08 - Mule Tren</div><div>09 - Intro Polka</div><div>10 - Tam Doornay</div><div>11 - Samsyo Petrolovich</div><div>12 - The Haunted Lover's House</div><div>13 - Confused Kolomayka</div><div>14 - How Dry I Am</div><div>15 - Too Fat Polka</div><div>16 - Dead End Polka</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter goes out with a bang for his last V-Records effort. It sounds like the entire band got completely shit-faced drunk, performed with the tape machine running non-stop, and edited the hell out of it afterwards. There's sound effects that are poorly spliced in, obvious cuts of dialogue, and self-censoring where they remembered to do so. The bicycle horn even comes along for the ride. I can't help but wonder if the session for this recording was the reason that Peter never recorded again for V-Records, or if the reasons were completely non-related. I can only guess this was one hell of a crazy recording session!</div><div><br /></div><div>Every time I listen to this album, the more I enjoy it due to how absurdly bizarre it is. I don't think V-Records ever released anything else that comes close to being this crazy. If you like really strange records, you'll enjoy this one.</div><div><br /></div><div>Given all the edits on this album, I would love to hear an uncensored copy (if one exists) of this session. If anyone has the master tapes for this particular V-Record, please let me know!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Peter Hnatiuk Goes To a Ukrainian Wedding</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukwedding.zip">(download)</a><b><br />
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</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>01 - Bride Leaving Her Home</div><div>02 - Bride's Blessing</div><div>03 - Marriage Vows</div><div>04 - Arriving At Home</div><div>05 - Wedding March</div><div>06 - Waltz For Bride & Groom</div><div>07 - Rah Chah Polka</div><div>08 - Nobody To Live With</div><div>09 - Vecela Kolomyka</div><div>10 - Wedding Presentation</div><div>11 - Father's Toast To Son</div><div>12 - Kabasayou Polka</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukdrinkneighbour.mp3" target="_blank">13 - Let's Drink Neighbor Waltz</a></div><div>14 - Bride's First Night</div><div>15 - Presentation Polka</div><div>16 - Jolly Good Fellow</div><div>17 - Mnohaya Lita</div><div><br /></div><div>This is Peter's first venture outside V-records, on the short-lived Eagle Records. To my knowledge, It's the only album he did on this label. It appears to be a scripted story with songs thrown in. The recording quality is actually decent, but I wouldn't consider it to be one of Pete's best albums.</div><div><br /></div><div>I found a re-release of this album by "Baba's Records" on compact disc and it's dreadfully awful. Someone put the entire album through a click & pop filter and added a layer of reverb to it. It sounds hollow and terrible (as all of the Baba's Records releases that I've heard). I will be honoring the actual Eagle Records release by providing a transfer of the LP. However, the record is warped on the edge, so you'll hear a "whirr" noise for the first bit on sides a and b. Someone left it sitting upright on the stove I guess.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>12 Goofy Ukrainian Hits</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiukgoofy.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukoieoieoie.mp3" target="_blank">01 - Oie-Oie-Oie</a></div><div>02 - The Pills</div><div>03 - Oie Staraw</div><div>04 - Hospital Stay</div><div>05 - Combination (underwear)</div><div>06 - Ukr. Jingle Bells</div><div>07 - 12 Days of Holiday</div><div>08 - The Metro System</div><div>09 - PHFFFT</div><div>10 - The Non Drinker</div><div>11 - The Smoker's Song</div><div>12 - Fee-Faw</div><div><br /></div><div>His first (and likely only) entry on Sunshine Records (which I believe was sort of a replacement for V-Records). Despite the title, it's not a greatest hits album. It's an album of entirely new recordings. The recording quality is excellent which is almost strange to hear from one of Pete's albums. This is probably the best post-V-Records release of his. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Peter & Nick Hnatiuk - Together Again</b></div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/hnatiuktogether.zip">(download)</a><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>01 - Chorney Orel</div><div>02 - Zvidky Zviyalysia Vitry</div><div>03 - Lover's Waltz</div><div>04 - Marshall's Polka</div><div><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/hnatiukfugitive.mp3" target="_blank">05 - The Fugitive</a></div><div>06 - Oy U Zelenim Hayu</div><div>07 - Oy Vidse Hora</div><div>08 - Cherez Sosidonky</div><div>09 - Kozak's Love Song</div><div>10 - Altaneer's Polka</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter's brother Nick decided to have a music career of his own (although not nearly as successful as Peter's), and Peter decided to join his brother on this album. I have next to no knowledge of Lily Records, but Nick released some of his albums on this label. To my knowledge, this was Peter's last music-related release before his death in 1994. In all honesty, I think this album sucks. The music is terrible, it's got 1980s over-production on it, Nick's afro is terrible, and the songs lack the quirkiness that appeared in most of Peter's previous releases. However, Peter gets to return to the cymbaly on this one, but it's buried in the terrible mix. The accordion is too loud and the drums are too quiet. If I'm honest, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between this and a shitty Bobby Vinton polka album. All the V-Records releases seemed to have more life to them for some reason. Modern polka and waltz recordings sound like cheezy mush, and Nick's albums are no exception.</div><div><br /></div><div>While we're on the subject, here's two other albums that Nick released. I'm not providing download links to them solely because Nick is not the focus of this entry. These sound just as mushy as the one with Pete.</div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Cymbaly Contest Albums</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>I covered these album in this entry. Pete performed on both of them, and won the competition on the 1972 album. He also performed one song. Check out <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2016/01/cymbaly-contest-albums.html" target="_blank">this link</a> if you want more details on these two releases.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Roy Mykytyshyn Sets Your Hearts On Fire</b></div><div><br />
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</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter performed with Roy on the song <a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sob.mp3" target="_blank">SOB</a>. It sounds like the both of them were in the liquor cabinet.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Dennis Lischynski's Tribute to Peter Hnatiuk</b></div><div><br /></div><div><b>
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</b></div><div><br /></div><div>This album is only worth mentioning because it has Peter's name splashed on the front of it. From what I can tell, it doesn't contain a single song that Peter did and is NOT a genuine tribute album.</div></div>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-68814854520437078872022-02-11T04:53:00.003-08:002022-02-11T04:55:31.942-08:00Super Romantic Greeting Card CDs<p>Valentines Day is upon us! For those of you who have a partner who lives far away (and is probably fucking around on you), you can maintain your true love for each other by <a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardourlove2.jpg" target="_blank">mailing them a CD</a> with some generic background music on it. Yes, background music can keep the love alive between two people. If you don't believe me, then perhaps these CDs will prove you wrong. However, that doesn't mean you can't use these to increase the passion in the bedroom. After all, these CDs are supposed to be full of romance.</p><p>I covered one of these CDs <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2019/06/junq-tour-2018-dauphin.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Now I appear to have many of the others in the series. After doing a Google search, it appears there are even more of them floating around out there.</p><p>These were produced by the Allegro corporation; the same guys who did those shitty Solitudes CDs. You'll be happy to know they went tits up in 2016.</p><p>And now, on to the romance...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Forever Yours</b></p>
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<p>This one contains "beautiful melodies of guitar and piano blended with nature sounds." Personally, I like the sound of crows and cats fighting which probably would have been more fun in the bedroom. The album starts off with the sound of someone running a bath or something. Then we get some fake instruments played on a high-end Casio. Then the fake birds decide to chime in. The music is fucking boring.</p><p>The second song starts with the sound of a jungle. I guess she forgot to shave.</p><p>The song "Long a Growing" is probably about the Viagra kicking in.</p><p>Track 7 is called "Playa Blanca". Perfect for letting her know that you're fucking around with another woman.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcardplayablanca.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Playa Blanca</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Our Love</b></p>
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<p>Contains "beautiful melodies of hammer dulcimer". Who the hell is "Hammer Dulcimer"? Sounds like a Jewish rapper. Shouldn't it say "beautiful melodies played on the hammer dulcimer"? As a side note, I actually like the sound of the dulcimer. Unfortunately, that's the only instrument you're going to hear. They couldn't even be bothered to mix in some shitty nature sounds on this one (or a Jewish rapper).</p><p>The song "She Boeg She Mor" is spelled wrong. Also, I would never have sex to dulcimer music.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcardrockthecradle.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Rock The Cradle Joe / Soldier's Joy</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>For Love Everlasting</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardforloveeverlasting.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardforloveeverlastingthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Contains "a gorgeous blend of acoustic guitar, harp and violin". In other words, it's really boring.</p><p>They did another version of the song "Shee Bheg Shee Mhor" which is spelled right at least in some countries. This is probably the most uninteresting CD of the lot. She'll probably fall asleep while you're doing foreplay. Unfortunately, I think I got erectile dysfunction listening to this one.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcarddannyboy.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Danny Boy</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Just For You</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardjustforyou.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardjustforyouthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Contains "beautiful melodies of piano." I honestly have no problem with piano music, and this disc is probably the most listenable of the lot. It's recorded very well, and I could see my face planted between her legs while listening to this one.</p><p>The song "Air on a G string" is about her farting before you take off her panties.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcardtwobecomeone.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to As Two Become One</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcardjesujoy.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>You're The One</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardyouretheone.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/greetingcardyouretheonethumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Contains "a beautiful blend of acoustic guitar and nature sounds." Bring in the frogs and crickets!</p><p>Whenever you have a sole acoustic guitar performance, it's usually jazz or spanish shit which is exactly what we have here. The bonus about this kind of music is when you fuck up a note or a chord, nobody will notice.</p><p>Track 2 has crashing waves and flute. There was no warning about a flute on the back! I got dumped because she doesn't like the flute!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/greetingcardmoonlightbeach.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Moonlight Beach</a></p><p><br /></p><p>In light of the romantic feelings I got from this batch of CDs, I decided to make my own romantic instrumental track. It has beautiful acoustic guitar, piano, and nature sounds. I'm sure I will make many babies while listening to this song, and I hope you will too. Perhaps making these will be my future career!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wishyouwereherenature.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Wish You Were Here In My Motorboat During a Rain Storm</a></p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-3570168290954817282022-02-02T18:36:00.000-08:002022-02-02T18:36:54.773-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Altona<p>We've reached our final destination of the Junq Tour, and there's a lot to cover here. Things haven't improved on the music front since last time. If anything, it's probably a bit worse.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Apryl Dawn = When God Dips His Love</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/apryldawngoddips.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/apryldawngoddipsthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>I told you Apryl Dawn would be back! Thankfully, The Sandersons are taking a back seat on this one. Unfortunately, it's just a back seat and not a back road. They're still present on this recording, but they're a bit more buried in the mix.</p><p>So, I have a question. Why does Apryl Dawn get stuck with these horrendous song titles? The last album had her singing "He Pours His Love All Over My Face" or something along those lines. Now, God's dipping his love into places where God shouldn't be dipping his love. From what I gather, it's The Sandersons writing all these somewhat perverted songs for Apryl to sing. I'm surprised that Kate didn't interrupt Apryl again on this album to announce how visually impaired she is.</p><p>Anyway, Apryl is still talented and the songs still suck.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/apryldawngoddips.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to When God Dips His Love</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Ernie Hiebert - All The Love</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/erniehiebertlove.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/erniehiebertlovethumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>This is an album put out by Silver Shit Streams in 1986. I didn't realize that they've been around for that long, and it seems they used to release albums by people who had at least an ounce of talent. This is your run-of-the-mill "Blum-pling Blum-pling" guitar music which I'm sure will excite most of you. I'm sure you'll enjoy his rendition of everybody's favourite Bon Jovi song.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/erniehiebertbedofroses.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Bed of Roses</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Mr. Ken - Smiles Around The World</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mrkensmiles.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mrkensmilesthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>This album was sealed, but that seems to be common with a lot of crappy albums. Children are probably creeped out by this guy and are scared to listen to his songs. Just look at this picture from the booklet:</p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mrkensmiles2.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mrkensmiles2thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>I reviewed one Mr. Ken album <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2019/11/junq-tour-2019-portage-la-prairie.html" target="_blank">here</a>, but I think he sings much worse on this one. He also found some kids who can't sing either. On the plus side, the music itself is pretty fun. It sounds kinda like Ween, except it takes itself a bit more seriously.</p><p>The QR code on the back of the album takes you to a Chinese lottery website. I guess I lost.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mrkenmakeasmile.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Make a Smile</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mrkenbigtoptent.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Under The Big Top Tent</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Virginia Ridge - Get On Board That Glory Train</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/virginiaridgeglorytrain.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/virginiaridgeglorytrainthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Yes! Please get on that glory train and get the fuck out of here. And take your shitty drum-less album with you.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/virginiaridgewingsofangels.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Wings of Angels</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/virginiaridgememories.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Music Of My Memories</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Dutton Family - The Water is Wide</b></p>
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<p>These wimps decided to tackle the aggressive country hit "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". It doesn't work, not only because the Dutton Family is in Utah, but also because they sing like a bunch of wimps. I'm pretty sure that if the Devil went down to Utah, they would be crying in a corner. On the plus side, they can actually play their instruments which would give them a slight chance at winning a fiddle of gold.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/duttondevil.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Devil Went Down To Georgia</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/duttongrandpa.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Grandpa</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Flirtations - Out On The Road</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/flirtationsroad.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/flirtationsroadthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Guess what? It's another Yuckapella album! However, this one is made up entirely of gay men. Normally, you'd have to wonder if any acapella group is made up of gay men, but this one is genuine. Check out the copyright disclaimer:</p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/flirtationsroad2.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/flirtationsroad2thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Unfortunately, there's at least one more album by these guys out there.</p><p>I have two major problems with this album. First of all, it's acapella. I hate acapella. Second, the songs on here are all parodies with a gay slant. I think "Boy from New York City" would have been fine on its own, but they changed all the words so you can't sing along. I mean, the lyrics are mildly amusing, but they've been altered to make a statement. I'm pretty sure people would be quite angry if I took the song "Candle in the Wind" and added lyrics about Donald Trump to it.</p><p>The third problem with this album is that the track listing on the inlay incorrectly puts "Johnny Angel" at the beginning of side 2 when it's at the end of side 1. This makes it difficult to find the song I want. I guess someone had their mind on a big juicy cock instead of getting the track order correct.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/flirtationsboy.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Boy From New York City</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/flirtationssomuchinlove.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to So Much In Love</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Randolph Ringers</b></p>
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<p>Randolph the red nosed ringer, had a very shitty album...</p><p>This is just as bad as listening to the acapella album, except all the gay people have been replaced with hand bells. This album could have sounded really pretty, but because it was recorded by Silver Shit Streams, it sounds like a shrill piece of a car dragging along the highway.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/randolphmusicbox.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Music Box Dancer</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Jake & Hilda Friesen - Music Memories</b></p>
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<p>Hey look! It's the Everly Brothers! Oh wait, one of them is a woman. Never mind.</p><p>This duo easily falls apart when they're playing faster than their walkers can move. Not only that, Hilda is an absolutely atrocious singer. She will make your listening experience much more difficult. Thanks, Hilda.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jakehildaashes.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ashes of love</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jakehildatruckdriving.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Truck Driving Man</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/jakehildahome.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Home Sweet Home</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Family Circle - Longing For Heaven</b></p>
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<p>Silver Shit Streams must have a bigger problem with drummers than Spinal Tap does. No drums to be found yet again. All we have is screechy women, screechy violins, and a crappy guitar buried in the mix. Incidentally, why does the guitar sound the fucking same on all these recordings? It always sounds like they're strumming right by the bridge and it's always somewhat out of tune.</p><p>If you have squeaky brakes on your car, you're going to appreciate the musical value in that more than this pile of shit.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/familycircleiforgive.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Forgive</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/familycircleneverturnback.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Will Never Turn Back</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/familycirclecomeseeme.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Come See Me</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Southern Country Gospel - If That Isn't Love</b></p>
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<p>This album is brought to you by the Petkau family (pronounced "Pet Cow"). A pet cow isn't very good at tuning instruments, and neither is anybody in this group. As per usual, nobody owns a fucking drum set. You'd think they could at least slap a cardboard box or something to give the songs a little bit of substance.</p><p>In case your wondering, no, my tape deck is not broken. That's just how badly their instruments are out of tune.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southerncountrypictureme.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Can't Picture Me Without You</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/southerncountryisntlove.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to If That Isn't Love</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Custom Music CD - O Come Angel Band Vol. 18</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/custommusiccd18.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/custommusiccd18thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Does anybody know here I can get the other 17 volumes? After listening to this, I feel like my life needs them.</p><p>This album contains hits such as "O com Angel Band" and "The Old Cuntry Church". There's something to be said about old cuntry women, but I probably can't repeat it.</p><p>The sound on this one is tinny, awful, and out of time. On the plus side, you never know what surprises are going to pop up in each song. I would have put the entire thing up for downloading, but it won't play past the old cunt song. We will never truly know how many treasures were buried on this album.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/custommusicflyaway.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I'll Fly Away</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/custommusichomeinheaven.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to A Home In Heaven</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Wow, it took a long time to get through all that trash. I have something in my queue pile I'm excited to get to, so now we shall commence with 2022's pile of dog shit. See you soon!</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-62526678489860074272022-01-27T18:29:00.002-08:002022-01-27T18:38:15.079-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Plum Coulee<p>Take me down to Plum Coulee where the grass is green and the plums are purple! And now, here's some songs that are nowhere as good as Paradise City...</p><p><b>Bubba & The Bottom Feeders</b></p>
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<p>Hey! What is talent doing on this CD? I mean, look at the cover. These guys should sound as shitty as their name and cover indicates. I want my money back!</p><p>They can play their instruments in time, they can sing, and the mix is decent. My only complaint is they write really lame comedy songs. If they actually put in the effort to write REAL songs, then I'd probably like this more. Apparently, this is a benefit album for people in the Banderas Bay area. I don't know what happened there, but I hope those in need got the help they needed.</p><p>On that sentiment, here's a heartfelt song for those who benefitted from the sale of this album</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bubbaasshole.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Asshole from Vallarta</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bobbi Lee - With Love from Mexico</b></p>
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<p>New cover, same shit as one of her other albums. At least we get a disclaimer! Since this cover sucks, I can't help but wonder how bad the old cover was. Anyway, this is also a benefit album for those in the Banderas Bay area, but you wouldn't know it because Banderas is spelled incorrectly in the liner notes. Perhaps this was a scam for Bobbi to sell more albums.</p><p>Four songs are original, but they're just as bad as the covers. The sound is dull as shit and it sounds like it was recorded inside a sewer and then ran through a bad Audacity filter. We have Bob Carlson to blame for the sound quality since he was the producer. I hope Bobbi got a refund for how bad this thing sounds. On the plus side, she can sing better than Bob Dylan.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bobbileeillbeyourbaby.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I'll Be Your Baby Tonight</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>MCI Vocal Ensemble 97-98 - Thank You</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mcivocal97.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/mcivocal97thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>On the surface, this may look like a Velvet Underground & Nico tribute album, but I was unable to peel off the bananas. Talk about a lost opportunity! </p><p>Apparently Ian Loeppky is the absolute shiznit when it comes to directing. Anything he directs turns into a banana.</p><p>Guess what? It's an acapella album! There's been a lot of these thing on this year's junq tour, and I hate each and every one of them. I didn't know any of the songs on here, so I picked the Boyz II Men song and had to search out the original because I've never had the desire to listen to Boyz II Men. Honestly, the original version is pretty fun. The MCI version is lame, but that should be expected.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/mciboyziimen.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Thank You</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Easy T's Live - Acapella Run Amuck</b></p>
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<p>Oh fucking hell, not another one. Surprisingly, it doesn't have "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" on it. However, it DOES have "Under The Boardwalk", "Stand By Me" and "My Girl" on it. Personally, I'd like to hear acapella versions of "Jesus Build My Hotrod", "Welcome to Planet Motherfucker", "Painkiller", or even "Balls To The Wall". I'm tired of the same old acapella shit.</p><p>Their version of Roy Orbison's "Only the Lonely" is atrocious. They try and make it funny, but nobody should be doing that. The song isn't supposed to be funny, but what do you expect from a bunch of wheat munchers from Brandon, Manitoba?</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/easytsonlythelonely.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Only The Lonely</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Call Me & Other Hits of Al Green / Super Rock: A Tribute to Al Green</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/algreensuperrock.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/algreensuperrockthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Hey look! It's a collection of songs that Al did after his sex change and skin bleaching! You'd swear that his real name was Michael. Apparently, nobody could decide on what to call this thing, so they put two titles on it. Pick whichever one you like more.</p><p>In case you couldn't tell, this is a fake Al Green collection. This tape is devious because it has absolutely no mention of these being recorded by a bunch of studio musician hacks. The only clue that this is trash is the generic picture of the secretary on the cover. I can't even tell you where this secretary works since no company is mentioned on the label.</p><p>I'm not very familiar with Al Green's music. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the original version of "So You're Leaging" so instead I used one of his most well known songs. After comparing it with the original version, this one is pure mushy crap.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/algreentribute.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Let's Stay Together</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Marcella and Doc - The Next Generation</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/marcelladocgeneration.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/marcelladocgenerationthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>This must be their greatest hits album since the sound quality on the recordings are all over the map. The first two sound like they're pulled from a scratchy vinyl LP. The third song sounds like it's from a cruddy old cassette. Every song seems to make you want to guess where it was recorded. The only professionally recorded song is the last one, but it's a piece of shit country song nobody cares about. At least I can say that listening to this was an adventure!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/marcelladocfamilytradition.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Family Tradition</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/marcelladocringoffire.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ring of Fire</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Gospel Pioneers - Thank-You Lord</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/gospelpioneersthankyou.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/gospelpioneersthankyouthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Where's the cover? Did Silver Shit Streams forget to make one, or did the last owner wipe his ass with it? On the plus side, this is our second album with the phrase "Thank You" in the title. You're not fucking welcome.</p><p>The playing is bad, the singing is bad, and the songs are bad. They're all interchangeable with how awful they are. Sometimes I wonder if Silver Streams is just one crappy band who performs under a million different names. I'm honestly blown away with how much shit is in their catalog and how many idiots bought these tapes.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/gospelpioneershome.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Home in Heaven</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Martin Van Hal - Gospel Singer</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/martinvanhal.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/martinvanhalthumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>He should have called himself "Martin Van Hat".</p><p>Take twelve cats running across a piano and a guy who gargles water while singing, and you get this pile of shit. I can't understand what the fuck he's singing about. As for what notes and chords are being played on the piano, I'd have to say it's all of them. This is probably the most fucked up sounding album from the entire Junq Tour.</p><p>The best part of this album is Martin's hat. However, it probably stinks as bad as this album.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/martinvalhalsomeday.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Someday</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>DVD: Close2My [heart] Wraps</b></p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps01.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps01thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>If you want to strangle your infant, then this product is for you! Here's a page from the included manual:</p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps02.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps02thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>I have to admire this single mom for trying to start a home business making things to carry your baby around, but aren't there a ton of regulations on this shit? Everything about this DVD screams "LAWSUIT!" There's all kind of warnings angrily vomited all over the packaging. Remember, if you strangle your baby using this product, it's your fault.</p><p>Anyway, here's a couple of screenshots:</p>
<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps04.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/close2mywraps04thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>Oh look! A doggie! Why doesn't she wrap him in that thing? Dogs don't suffocate as easily as babies.</p>
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<p><br /></p><p>One more stop! Altona's always rich with rewards, so that's where we're headed...</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-46062783801760528532022-01-18T04:53:00.003-08:002022-01-18T04:53:42.403-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Winkler (Gospel Echoes)<p>This thrift store gets a gold star for carrying the worst albums ever released in Manitoba, the majority being on the Silver Streams label. With two valuable metals being mentioned in the same sentence, we should get to the reviews...</p><p><b>Paul Holmberg - Built For Glory</b></p>
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<p>Looks like he's built for business in the front and a party in the back. He also looks like a reject from the Crash Test Dummies. The limited liner notes are filled with typos because apparently neither spell check nor proofreading existed in 1995. What a cave we lived in.</p><p>Paul sings like John Denver, but with worse songs and less passion. All this music sounds the bloody same which is something I absolutely detest with any album. You have an hour or so of time on a compact disc, so why don't you fill it with variety? Instead, we get the same boom-chicka-boom country shit across the whole fucking thing. The only exception is the weather report at the beginning which is the most interesting part of the album. On the plus side, he can sing and the mix is done well.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/paulholmbergweather.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the weather report</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/paulholmbergmansion.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Build My Mansion</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Sharon Bethel Quartet - Home Is Where The Heart Is</b></p>
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<p>It's always exciting when I pick up a sealed album because I have to wonder what horrible secrets the previous owner (if any) left locked up. Well, this one certainly had a secret it didn't want to reveal. First of all, it didn't want to open when I peeled the cellophane off. I had to pry the fucking case with a screwdriver to get it open. Then I found out why I had such a problem...</p>
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<p>The disc was stuck to the fucking insert. Since the disc retainer was new and strong, it didn't want to let go. I'm guessing the ink on the insert was still fresh when they sealed this up, and it glued itself to the disc. Sadly, I shall never find out what interesting things needed to be said in the liner notes. However, not much needs to be said since this is another fucking acapella album. There have been way too many of these on this trip.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sharonbethelangelsbroke.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Then The Angels Broke The Silence</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Joannie - In Memory Of</b></p>
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<p>Joannie's back! We haven't seen an album from her in a long time. I thought I had covered all her albums <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2017/11/junq-tour-2017-altona.html" target="_blank">here</a>, but I guess she fart squeaks another one into my hands every now and then.</p><p>Joannie decided to record a new album after a couple of people in her life died. That's kinda pointless since the dead people aren't going to be around to enjoy the songs that were written about them. So how are the songs? Awful as usual. The piano player's right arm appears to be asleep. The rest of the band is so overwhelmed with Joannie's terrible outfit that they can't focus on how well they're playing their instruments. Joannie has the absolute worst taste in clothing. I can't imagine anybody else wearing the shit that she's always dressed in, unless you're in an episode of Little House on the Prairie.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/joannietouchmelord.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Touch Me Lord</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Pure Gospel Gold - Plautdietsche Leida Vol.2</b></p>
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<p>This is a German album, but I bought it because it's on the Silver Streams label. I have to hand them credit, they did a really good job of adding the sound effect of someone peeing on a plastic bag throughout the whole album. I wonder if the plastic bag pee sound is also featured on volume one? I shall have to seek it out.</p><p>Now, we all must take a moment and thank Jim for the use of his guitar. Apparently the use of his guitar was so important that it needed to be mentioned in the liner notes. Without Jim, all we'd be listening to is someone peeing on a plastic bag. Too bad the person peeing on the bag isn't mentioned in the liner notes.</p><p>So here's a German version of Blue Eyes Crying in the fucking Rain. At least, that's what it sounds like.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/plautdietscheeenschiena.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Een Schiena Dach</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Lange Family - Gospel Ship</b></p>
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<p>This should have been called "Gospel Shit".</p><p>I tried to review an album by the Lange Family <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2020/12/junq-tour-2020-christmas.html" target="_blank">back in 2020</a>, but the case had a recording of a Kevin Harcourt album in it. Since the release of Gospel Ship, the Lange family fucked like rabbits and added three more kids to their band. </p><p>All the instruments are credited inside the album except for the drums. So who the hell is playing the drums? Is it a pirate on the gospel ship? Is it God? Is it Kevin Harcourt? Regardless of who it is, they're a terrible drummer and they seem to speed up as they play.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/langefamilygospelship.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Gospel Ship</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Teichroeb Family - Harvest Wind</b></p>
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<p>Apparently, the Teichroeb family wanted to go take a picture in the forest, but we all know forests are extinct so they had to be photoshopped into a picture of a forest. I'm guessing that Silver Streams did the photoshopping themselves since they seem to have a knack for doing shitty work.</p><p>The quality of the album cover is a good indication of what the music sounds like - poorly done. If you didn't know it was a Christian album, you'd think it was an album about a passionate night of sex. It features songs such as "Somebody Touched Me", "Forever on my Knees", "He Holds Me in His Hand", and "Somebody's Knocking". I'm guessing "Harvest Wind" is another way of describing a pussy fart.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/teichroebsomebodytouchedme.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Somebody Touched Me</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/teichroebonmyknees.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Forever On My Knees</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/teichroebsomebodysknocking.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Somebody's Knocking</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Wally Whitehead - I'll Not Be Defeated</b></p>
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<p>What the fuck happened to his guitar? Oh wait, he's Wally Whitehead. That's pimple puss all over it.</p><p>It's not often we get to experience truck driver Christian music, but here it is in all it's glory. Wally half talks and half sings his way through every song. He appears to have eaten the reverb unit since there are no effects on his vocals.</p><p>Sadly, Wally was in fact defeated when he died in 2015. All we have is this shitty album to remember him by.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/whiteheadjesus.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jesus Is The Sweetest Person Name I Know</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/whiteheaddefeated.zip">Download the whole thing!</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Penners - Ekj Jleijch Tom Saajen To Senne</b></p>
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<p><br /></p><p>Silver Streams apparently doesn't give a fuck if they forget the letter "s" at the end of the word "streams". It's that, or "Silver Stream" is a subsidiary of "Silver Streams". The most likely answer is that the people at Silver Streams don't give a shit if they spell their record label's name correctly.</p><p>This album is in German, but it doesn't mean you can't pick out the people in the family with no talent. Don't they tune their instruments? Don't they tune their women? What in the hell is this barf-fest of noise? Didn't anybody (including the "engineers" at Silver Stream) lean over to the dipshits playing the guitars and say "You both need to go home because you and your Mickey Mouse guitars are ruining everything"? I'm pretty sure most people would remove this tape from their deck and smas it with a hammer. I'd seriously love to know how much Silver Stream charged their customers for this awful piece of trash.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/pennersjesusmuak.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jesus Muak Mie Loos</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/pennersekjwoa.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ekj Woa Horchen</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Book: Avoiding Drugs</b></p>
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<p>The joke's on Walmart... The happy face is covering the bong. Anyway, this book has some pretty fun pictures in it, so let's take a look...</p>
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<p>Tommy isn't getting an inheritance because cigarettes cost $16 per pack. Judging from that ashtray, there's about $40 in there.</p>
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<p>Sue's aunt was good friends with Bill Cosby too.</p>
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<p>Sue needs to put her magic sparkly hat back on to make her headache go away. She also needs another Rolling Rock to wash down her pride.</p>
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<p>How many drunken Aunts does Sue have? Also, with a glass that full, why isn't she just drinking straight from the bottle?</p>
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<p>These are real situations that every child on the planet is put through on a weekly basis. Therefore, here's some great answers that won't get you beat up or laughed at.</p>
<p><br /></p><p>After checking all the audio files to make sure they work, I realize how sad the country music genre is. So many of these songs sound the same! Anyway, that's it for Winkler. We still have a couple more stops before the end of the Junq Tour. Next, we'll be visiting Plum Coulee! Wheee!!!</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-16745278142219004102022-01-08T18:48:00.000-08:002022-01-08T18:48:56.654-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Winkler (MCC & Superthrift)<p>There weren't enough worthy albums from either store for a whole entry each, so I stacked one pile of shit on top of another and it stinks.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><u>MCC</u></h2><p><b>CFAM Radio 950 Altona: Made in Manitoba</b></p>
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<p>This apparently came from the radio station CFAM in Altona. I recently switched jobs and now have a career in the Christian Wheat Belt, and they play this station at work. Honestly, I would prefer listening to someone chewing a handful of bolts, but they occasionally play something decent.</p><p>The tracks are split up according to where they put commercial breaks, so there's a pile of songs jammed into one track, causing me to work harder to extract audio. The first performer on this disc is Cate Friesen who is surprisingly decent, although I wouldn't exactly be rushing out to buy her album. However, she's talented enough to be put into the "good" category.</p><p>The other performer is Ray Kuran, and I posted about one of his albums <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2011/04/junq-tour-2011-gimli.html" target="_blank">here</a>. He is perfectly mediocre enough for me to skip over.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/catefriesenbrokenship.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Broken Ship by Cate Friesen</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Maxell 8mm Videocassette</b></p>
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<p>So what does twenty five cents get you at a thrift store in the Christian Wheat Belt? Pornography! The person who recorded this aimed their camcorder at their television and recorded the smut channel. The video quality is absolute garbage, but I suppose someone enjoyed this tape. We shall have a more in-depth look on this tape a bit later...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Dolores - Precious Memories</b></p>
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<p>Dolores decided to jumpstart her music career by singing along to a bunch of karaoke tracks. She also seemingly put a recording of her singing as a child on the first track. It's a bit jarring when you hit play and hear this child yelling her song at you. Whoever cleaned up the first track made a mess of it. They ran it through a billion filters and it sounds like she's singing at the bottom of a sewer, which is right where this CD belongs.</p><p>Other songs on this album include Don't You Wanna Go Do That In Me, I Wanna Know How It Feels In The Sweet By and By. I may have forgotten some commas in that previous sentence. The song "Do That In Me" sounds identical to the original by Sarah Delane. Sarah sings it better, but it's still a stupid song. Regardless, both women want it done in them, so I combined Dolores's performance with some footage from that 8mm video tape and made a music video! Perhaps this will help kickstart Dolores's career in singing and/or pole dancing.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/doloresjesuslovesme.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jesus Loves Me</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/doloresdothatinme.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Do That In Me</a></p><p>Or watch the music video:</p>
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<p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><u>Superthrift</u></h2><p><b>Bobby Bowen - 20 Years of Christian Country</b></p>
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<p>Bobby Bowen has been performing Christian music for 20 years, and there isn't even a good song to show for it. What a waste of time. Some of these don't even sound like country songs. They're more like bad R&B music from the early 1980s. The rest of it is just cheesy country music. I was hoping that Bobby has moved on and found something that he's actually good at, but according to his website he's dragged his whole family down his music shit hole. Thanks to Bobby and his stubbornness to give up on his lousy music career, this blog keeps going and I don't think anybody likes that.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/bobbybowenthatsmychild.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to That's My Child</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Lindsay Dueck - I Love Katie</b></p>
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<p>Imagine my disappointment when I cracked the seal on this CD and discovered it only has one fucking song on it. It's about some religious kid named Katie stuck in the hospital who is apparently more important than Jesus, and therefore we should all love like Katie. I have so many questions... Who the fuck is Katie? Was she real? Why is she in the hospital? Did she ever get better? Did she actually want a crappy song written about her? Did the proceeds from this CD go to her? If she was real, I genuinely hope she got better. I also hope that she hated the song as much as I do.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/lindsaydueckkatie.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Love Katie</a></p><p><br /></p><p>We have one more thrift store to cover in Winkler, and it's caked in silver and streaming shit. We'll be back...</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-2153409845200289082021-12-31T05:51:00.000-08:002021-12-31T05:51:47.441-08:00Junq Tour 2020: Morden (Hope)<p>All of this stuff came from the "Hope" thrift store in Morden. Hope turned into a blessing of musical thrash. I completely avoided the other thrift store since I never find much there and it's usually overpriced anyway.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Stories of Ethel Barrett For The Children Vol. 3</b></p>
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<p>This lady scares me. She has angry eye brows and she's not smiling. This is the kind of woman who looks like she'd beat her kids with a wooden spatula. Also, it took me forever to figure out what the hell was peeking out from under her dress. It's her stinky toes! The only way I figured that out was by realizing that this woman still had her legs. I initially thought her dress was a round throw rug. </p>
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<p>Also, what's with her earrings? They look like 3v coin cell batteries. Perhaps that's why she appears to have a shockingly evil look on her face.</p><p>Anyway, most of the stories on this record are bible stories. I would recommend reading the bible instead of listening to her interpret them for you. However, there is one story on here that isn't from the bible. It's a story of how she and her cousin were left at home as young children (which is thankfully illegal now) and how they decided to defend themselves against a burglar by getting Ethel's dad's gun (which is also thankfully illegal now). The story would have been much more interesting if there was blood shed, and Ethel looks like she's perfectly capable of it.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/ethelbarrettafraid.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to What Are You Afraid Of</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Wiebe Family - Send The Light</b></p>
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<p>Oh look! It's the Christian sunset again! I have to wonder if there's a particular mindset when choosing this for an album cover, or if it's a requirement of a particular religion? Here, let's see if I can make my own sunset album cover...</p>
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<p>Wow, I should contract my work out to everyone in the Christian Wheat Belt.</p><p>According to the cover, this is the stereo version of the album. I would have been much happier with the mono version.</p><p>This album is full of organ, accordian, bass guitar, and people who can't fucking sing. Surprisingly, I can't hear any male voices on this recording. They were probably hard at work making the album cover. If I were to give the Wiebe family a piece of advice, it would be to hire better singers for their next album.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wiebefamilysendthelight.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Send The Light</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/wiebefamilywilltherebe.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Will There Be Any Stars</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Stutzman Sisters - It's Raining</b></p>
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<p>It's raining men! Or maybe boys. Or maybe chastity belts.</p><p>This is a very clean, well-produced sounding album. The artwork is well done, the liner notes are informative (except for a lack of release year), and it's almost worthy of getting tossed into the trash for being too mundane and mediocre for this blog. However, the youngest Stutzman sister (who is five years old) made one appearance on the album, and it's the most disgusting song that no child should be singing. We'll get to that in a moment...</p><p>Three of the four websites listed on the album are dead. Two of them show up in the Wayback machine, and they're just boring blogs that were kept by the two girls on the cover. According to the actual Stutzman website, this family has made 13 albums in total. Why aren't they more famous? You'd think they would have landed worldwide stardom by this point.</p><p>Anyway, enough yapping from me. Let's get to the filthy little number (or two numbers in this case) that should make most people cringe.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/stutzmandaddyshands.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Daddy's Hands / I Want To Marry Daddy</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>All Together Now: 13 Songs Made Popular by The Beatles</b></p>
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<p>There are only four kids on the cover, but it took 36 people to record this piece of shit.</p><p>Apparently, this is the sequel to the "All You Need is Love" album which I'm sure is in my queue box somewhere. Given how terrible this one is, I can only guess how bad the other one will be.</p><p>This album has a (2000s era) modern arrangement for these classic (and not-so-classic) Beatles songs. I like a lot of the Beatles' material, but I wouldn't exactly say I'm a die-hard fan which explains why there are some songs on here I don't know. Apparently they dug into some album cuts that the average person won't remember. However, there's plenty of well-known Beatles songs that you will no longer recognize. These songs may as well have been done by that Crazy Frog fad. If anything I would have preferred a Crazy Frog arrangement over this electronic pop-centric garbage.</p><p>There is nothing on this album that's appealing to anybody. It's fucking terrible. Why make a kid's Beatles album? Why not give them a real Beatles album? I'm sure a copy of the red or the blue album would be sufficient and much more enjoyable than this eletronic vomit-fest.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/alltogetherwecanworkitout.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to We Can Work It Out</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/alltogetherfrommetoyou.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to From Me To You</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/alltogethernow.zip">Download the whole thing</a></p><p><br /></p><p>We've got three stops in Winkler, but we won't get to those until 2022. The new year promises to have a plethora of more lousy finds, so fasten your seatbelts and cover your ears!</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-91660262106568461592021-12-27T17:56:00.000-08:002021-12-27T17:56:54.460-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Carman<p>Welcome back to the Junq Tour! There wasn't much at the Carman thrift store, but there was enough to annoy the hell out of you.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Tom Comerford - Celtic Classics</b></p>
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<p>Yup it's Irish Celtic Newfie music. On the cover, we have Tom romantically necking with his guitar. I wonder if he's going to stick anything in the hole? He also autographed this for someone apparently named "Erthee", but according to Tom's writing, his last name is spelled "Comefan" which explains a lot given the nature of the cover.</p><p>So is his music better than his writing? Well, it sounds like the <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2019/07/eddie-coffeys-newfie-music.html" target="_blank">Eddie Coffey</a> garbage except genuinely more Irish. It's mediocre at best. On the plus side, he does a cover of my favourite Metallica song.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/tomcomerfordwhiskey.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Whiskey in the Jar</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Frederic Rey, Tenor / John Holland, Organ - The Lord Is My Light: Sacred Classics</b></p>
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<p>You know it's a Christian album when you have the mandatory Christian sunset on the cover. What is it with the sunset? Are we waiting for the light of the Lord to go away? I wish he would have intervened when this album was being recorded. Oh wait, he did... </p><p>The Lord commanded in the second chapter of Revelation that the right channel be cast into the abyss. As a result, there is only audio on the left channel and I was way too fucking lazy to fix it.</p><p>My CD drive also doesn't want to play the tracks near the end of the album, proving that the Lord wasn't exactly happy with this project to have it turn out so poorly.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/fredericreycomeyeblessed.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Come Ye Blessed</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Sandersons - Tell Them All</b></p>
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<p>This is probably my 7th album by a group called "The Sandersons" and they're probably all different. I guess it's a really catchy name to call your band, just like "Nirvana" and "Saga". Unfortunately, this sounds nothing like any of the Nirvana and Saga bands in existence.</p><p>According to track 10, Apryl (the girl in the middle) is blind. It also became apparent that Apryl's surname is NOT "Sanderson". I find it quite shameful that the Sandersons exploited Apryl's disability in this fashion. I honestly think that Apryl's talent stands on it's own merit. That being said, I would like to congratulate Apryl on being the first truly talented disabled person to appear on Classical Gas Emissions. It only took 14 years! Unfortunately, Apryl wasted her voice on a lot of really crappy songs. Fortunately, she will have a chance to redeem herself since this isn't her last appearance on this Junq Tour. Stay tuned...</p><p>After listening to this album, it's clear that Apryl is the true star here. Jim Sanderson sounds like my grandmother would have if she didn't die back in 1996 (she would be 108 years old today.) Kate Sanderson's only talent on this album is telling everybody that Apryl is disabled. If you ask me, Kate is the one who's disabled with her lack of musical talent and her idiocy.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonspourshislove1.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to He Pours His Love On Me</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonswhatwontbethere.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to What Won't Be There</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonswhatsyourgift.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to What's Your Gift</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Sandersons - Just Who We Are</b></p>
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<p>Guess what? This is almost the same album as the last one except Jim is singing it all and doesn't get any better. If you need to get a Sandersons album, don't buy this piece of shit. It's hard for me to admit, but the other one is a lot better.</p><p>Fortunately, we can still enjoy Jim singing about getting covered in Jesus juice.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/sandersonspourshislove2.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to He Pours His Love On Me</a></p><p><br /></p><p>When we get to Morden, we'll be visiting a brand new store which is bigger and better than the other expensive piece of crap store that I didn't bother stopping at.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-36479914905159715782021-12-12T05:42:00.000-08:002021-12-12T05:42:36.973-08:00Worst Christmas Ever<p> We interrupt the Junq Tour to bring you Christmas music. Sorry. This probably marks one of the worst Christmas entries I've done to date. Again, sorry. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>Flo Price - Christmas 2020: The Return of Orion and Myah</b></p>
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<p>Yes! We have a record released in 1984 that predicted the worst Christmas of the 21st century! Instead of a worldwide pandemic that kills thousand of people and destroys the world's economy, we have a kid accidentally time travelling and getting lost in Bethlehem after aliens visit the planet. The Christians finally got one of their prophecies right.</p><p>You can't ask for a vinyl record to age worse than this. However, the record talks about a "chip deficiency" which is a genuine problem the world is having as of this writing. Tech product releases are experiencing delays, both in the professional and in the hobbyist world due to chip shortages. There are also vinyl shortages causing problems with music releases, so melting this album down and using it for the latest Megadeth release isn't out of the question.</p><p>One of the kids on this record brags that he's getting a 1024k Tangerine computer with a universal interface. I knew Tangerine computers existed (and were originally released in 1979 with 48k of RAM), but they are quite rare. 1024 kilobytes of RAM is a bit low for the tech-savvy world we currently live in.</p>
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<p>As for the kids travelling back to bible times, they discover that the people from the bible speak perfectly clear English as opposed to Hebrew. The kids also apparently know what Micah looks like. This record is a flaming pile of horse shit every way you look at it.</p><p>The album is mainly filled with music, so I made an edited version that only has the dialogue. It's nearly a whole eight minutes long. I've had farts last longer than this story.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/xmas2020.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the dialogue</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/xmas2020.zip">Download the whole album</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Boxcar Newfie - Merry Christmas</b></p>
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<p>The funny thing about Boxcar Newfie is that he doesn't really play Newfie music which is somewhat a relief. Perhaps there is hope for the music scene in Newfoundland since this album isn't the worst thing I've ever heard, although I'm fairly certain Boxcar had a few drinks before recording Jingle Bells. I'm pretty sure that drunkenness is more of a given than an exception in Newfoundland.</p><p>In the insert, Boxcar Newfie begs you to collect his five other releases. The fact that he has five other albums (one of which I have) proves that he's yet another music making machine that I need to start covering on this site.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/boxcarnewfiejinglebells.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jingle Bells </a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Kris's Khristmas Karols 2004 - Hey, Join the Fuckin' Club</b></p>
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<p>I covered a bunch of these <a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2018/12/kriss-khristmas-karol-cds.html" target="_blank">back in 2018</a>. It seems that I had accidentally left one behind, so I'm presenting it here. Again, these are just mix CDs with interesting pictures and liner notes. Apparently someone's car got stolen and it was really worth remembering. Here are scans of all the custom artwork.</p>
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<p><br /></p><p><b>Maryam Malak - Christmas Essentials</b></p>
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<p>I honestly thought this woman's name was Daryam, given that the first letter of her name looks like a letter D on the cover. I can't exactly figure out how that fucking thing is supposed to look like a letter "M". She should have called herself "Dayam Makeup" after giving herself the Tammy Faye treatment. As for the cover photo, it's pretty easy to tell who took it.</p><p>This album was sealed. It also came in a slim case which makes the packaging a bit unusual. Daryam put a high gloss sticker on the back featuring a picture of herself wearing too much fucking makeup, and a track listing, showing that the album includes the essential Christmas songs "Rockin Around" and "O Holly Nigth"</p>
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<p>In case you're wondering, no that's not a Spanish accent. That's just her having difficulty singing due to the weight of the makeup on her face.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/maryammalakrockinaround.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Rockin Around</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Ecole Powerview School - Winter Wonderland</b></p>
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<p>This one was sealed, and I shamefully opened it up and unleashed the atrocious noise that was contained within. This is by far the worst Christmas album I've ever listened to. The credits list Cindi Cain as being the vocal coach. Cindi Cain was a Canadian country singer who released one album in the 1980s. She also has a sister who dated my cousin. The fact that this album turned out so fucking terrible makes me question both Cindi's ability to sing and her ability to teach singing. Every other album I've covered in the past year is better than this garbage. I'll take my criticism back if I find out that this is a school for the deaf and hard of hearing.</p><p>If the children at this school genuinely don't have hearing problems, then I have to question the teachers. What teacher in their right mind said, "These kids sound great! We should put them on an album and we'll sell a million copies so we can refurbish the gymnasium!" Christian schools are much better at teaching their kids to sing, but they probably beat them with meter sticks.</p><p>I hope that you guys burn yourselves copies of this album and bring them to gatherings with family that you don't like. Tell them that this is Canada proud. Tell them that this is a Cindi Cain Christmas album. Tell them that your kid is singing on it. Hell, tell them that YOU are singing on it. If anybody throws up while listening to this album, be happy that it's not at your house.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/winterwonderlandsantaclaus.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Santa Claus Is Coming To Town</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/winterwonderlandjinglebells.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Jingle Bells</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/winterwonderland.zip">Download the whole thing</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Well, that covers Christmas for this year! I'm going to probably just work on Junq Tour entries and put them in queue until after Christmas. Until then, I wish you the very best and I'll be more than happy to torture you after the holidays.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-22878288440159803612021-12-05T06:38:00.001-08:002021-12-05T06:40:23.452-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Brandon (Value Village)<a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/workspace2021.jpg"><img src="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/imgs/workspace2021thumb.jpg" /></a>
<p>It's taken a bit to get this one out, but I'm happy to announce that I'm officially writing this from my new workspace! This is only one of four "stations" in this room The other three are for repairs, retro computers, and recording music, all of which haven't been set up yet. There's still a long way to go before this room is tweaked to my liking (and the window needs some trim), but I'm quite happy with it so far. Anyway, let's get to the last entry for day one of the Junq Tour...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Peter Appleyard - Vibes</b></p>
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<p>So here's a riddle... What do you get when you throw a Canadian Xylophonist into a Pickwick recording studio? You get a song about me! Seriously, there's a song called "Ben" on here and yes, it's the Michael Jackson one. I would heavily qualify this album as a necessity for any television studio who has moments of "technical difficulties". The xylophone will soothe the viewer's anger at missing their favourite episode of Bonanza while the A/V technician is trying to pull the episode out of the VTR that just ate the fucking thing.</p><p>Apparently this album was previously released under the title "The Lincolnshire Poacher", but the album looked way too British to qualify for the Canadian Talent Library (they use the word "talent" very loosely over there), so instead, they took a picture of colored lights, because that's way more Canadian than an Englishman with his horse.</p><p>Again, this is "technical difficulties" music. I guess it takes talent to make music this mundane.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/peterappleyardben.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ben</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>A Giant Leap of Faith Vol 3</b></p>
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<p>This CD has all the ingredients to indicate that it's a Christian compilation, but the songs and bands don't appear to be Christian. The previous two volumes are listed on Discogs and surprisingly, the first volume was released on a vinyl LP.</p><p>There is a lot of influence here from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Many of these bands try their hand at funk rock, but they really shouldn't. The best thing about this CD is the song by Blind Caddy who seemingly try to sound like U2, but are much better because Bono is pleasantly absent.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/vividparty.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Are You Ready to Party by Vivid</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/weaselalone.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Alone by Weasel</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/blindcaddystatesidesmile.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to State Side Smile by Blind Caddy</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Scott Cooper - Strumming</b></p>
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<p>What a stunning album cover! I'll bet that one took days to come up with. Here, let's see if I can duplicate this genius...</p>
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<p>Nope, doesn't even come close. This cover took three people to make.</p>
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<p>Here's a picture of Scott scratching his head, wondering why Dave didn't "dig" this CD.</p><p>Surprisingly, Scott's website is still up and running although it hasn't been updated in the last six years. If you have nothing going on for six years, it's time to put the costs of the website toward getting a new life.</p><p>Scott had one of his albums released on vinyl, so I went to check out the record label who released it and see about buying a copy. It turns out the record label was actually just a cafe who closed its doors in 2020. I'm willing to bet all of Scott's vinyl records are either in the trash, or he took them back and has all of them hanging on his wall to remind him that he was once a successful musician signed to a place where you can get cheese toast.</p>
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<p>I'll bet that Crosley turntable adds brilliance and depth to Scott's music. Looks like he kept two coins handy to put on the head shell to prevent that piece of shit from skipping.</p><p>Most of the music on here is boring, but Scott has released what I would consider to be one of the worst love songs I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure the girl he wrote this for would get a restraining order after hearing the lyric "your love is way better for me than crack".</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/scottcoopertouch.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Touch</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Music & Forklore Assoc. of Eastman Inc. Proudly Presents Rural Roots #1</b></p>
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<p>Hey look! It's the last profitable thing that Kodak ever made!</p><p>This is a compilation of people drunk on different kinds of alcohol who decided to play music. There is one good song on here and the rest ranges from bad to awful. You have yodelling, casio, Kermit the Frog, an old man, and really bad guitar playing all on one cassette. There is also a sticker on the inside that explains some errors that need to be corrected on the inlay. All of these probably contributed to the ultimate failure of Eastman Kodak. The only good song on here is "I Need a Man". The rest should have been flushed down the toilet.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/stankulamyswiss.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to My Swiss Moonlight Lullaby by Stan Kula</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/fiebelkornineedaman.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to I Need a Man by Angela Fiebelkorn</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/ruralroots1.zip">Download the whole thing</a></p><p><br /></p><p>This brings a close to day one of the Junq Tour. I've come to the conclusion that I won't be done posting Junq Tour entries until sometime in the new year which is likely due to both getting my workspace all finished and the sheer volume of garbage I acquired this year. Hopefully things will move a bit faster now that I have somewhere decent to bang away at my keyboard and destroy my stereo equipment with bad music.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-38163092676742690112021-11-12T19:07:00.001-08:002021-11-12T19:07:38.386-08:00Junq Tour 2021: Brandon (Superthrift)<p>Every time I walk out of this thrift store, I'm usually carrying a real gem covered by feces. This year was no exception. There's a lot of content here, so let's get to it...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Ronnie Prophet - Prophet Pickin'</b></p>
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<p>I have absolutely no clue why I plucked this one from the massive pile of records. Perhaps it was my assumption that he was some religious guy, or maybe it was the fact that it was on "Prophet Records", but my God, what a stellar record! It's weird and wonderful guitar-centric music and I absolutely love it! There's a fantastic version of Wildwood Flower on here, and a really trippy cover of Ghost Riders in the Sky.</p><p>Apparently, he's a Canadian who ended up on the island of misfit performers (Branson, Missouri). He probably got kicked off for being too talented. This guy is like a cross between a Canadian Jimi Hendrix and Mike Oldfield. He did all the multitracking himself and the guy can certainly play guitar. He also added some weird effects to some of the tracks, but instead of making it sound like garbage, it adds to the charm of this record.</p><p>Ronnie Prophet died in 2018 and this album is long out of print, so I have shamelessly made the whole thing available for download. This one is going into my personal collection.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/prophetpickinghostriders.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Ghost Riders In The Sky</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/zip/prophetpickin.zip">Download the whole thing</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>The Rock 'N' Roll Circus</b></p>
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<p>Yup, it's a fucking circus alright, and all of the members scribbled on the cover. Apparently, this record belonged to Cec & Linda who were lucky enough to escape from the circus, but not without taking a few souvenirs with them.</p>
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<p>Yup, they got an undated poster and a post card. They probably stole some hotel towels too. On the plus side, I have a new poster for my bedroom! Taco meat will be in my nightmares.</p><p>So, let's talk a bit about this one. They had enough money to print all these inserts, but fuck putting a track listing on the back of the album. It's completely blank. Also, although this band would qualify for the island of misfit bands, these guys were apparently in London, England. You poor Brits had to put up with this shit? And lastly, they look like leftovers from the Doobie Brothers and Peter Frampton's backing band.</p><p>This album is full of cornball covers from the 50s and 60s. It's exactly how you'd expect those songs to sound in the 1970s - campy and sweaty.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circuseverly.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to the Everly Brothers Medley</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/circusrunaway.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Runaway</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Angela Kelman - Cafe Brasilia</b></p>
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<p>Ever feel like songs like "To Sir With Love" and "My Cherie Amour" are way too fucking exciting for listening? Not to worry, Angela sucked the life out of them for you. The insert of this CD is absolutely blank. No booking information, no thanking God, no fuck you, just selling itself on Angela's bad hair dye job. We have some flowers on the back, but we can get better ones from the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg7uGL6Ku20" target="_blank">Henrietta & Merna video</a>.</p><p>Note to self: Don't visit Cafe Brasilia, wherever the hell that is.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/angelakelmantosir.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to To Sir With Love</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/angelakelmanmycherie.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to My Cherie Amour</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Vern Durksen - What a Healing Jesus</b></p>
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<p>Looks like it's karaoke night at the funeral home!</p><p>I'm trying to figure out how to read the title. Here are some possible ways...</p><p>"What? A Healing Jesus?" </p><p>"What a healing Jesus!" </p><p>"What a healing, Jesus"</p><p>"What a piece of shit, Jesus"</p><p>Vern Durksen is like the Bette Midler of gospel music; Kinda boring and kinda shitty. The only difference is Vern is old and kind of annoying. Oh wait, that's also Bette Midler.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/verndurksenserenaded.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Serenaded by Angels</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Dave, Duane & Neil - One Nation Over God (or Together Again!)</b></p>
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<p>How many old men does it take to make a shitty gospel album? Well, the answer is apparently three.</p><p>On the album cover, we seem to have a combination of the mandatory religious sunrise, some jail bars, and a picture of the Statue of Liberty holding a cross instead of a torch. Who the fuck came up with that idea? They need to stop taking their old person medication which is obviously messing with their brains.</p><p>Surprisingly, <a href="http://thecouriers.com/" target="_blank">their website </a>is still up and you can buy this album, their other album, or their live DVD which seemingly has more attendees than a Travis Scott concert.</p><p>The baritone is laughably bad. It's like listening to a Ween song with Gene's voice slowed down, but even funnier because you know damn well that he's trying to sound like that to sexually energize all the old grannies in the nursing home. Time for some new depends, ladies!</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/daveduaneneiljoshua.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Set Me On The Rock, Joshua</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/daveduaneneilplaceofprayer.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to The Place of Prayer</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Mollie B - A Song For Everyone</b></p>
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<p>As I look at the track listing, I fail to see a song for me. I shall go into the corner and cry.</p><p>This is a crappy jazz album featuring standard jazz numbers such as "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah", "I Fall To Pieces" and "Rainbow Connection". I really don't have a problem with someone covering a song by Kermit The Frog, but can't you at least make it just as magical (if not moreso) than the original? I also have to admit that "Rainbow Connection" is the only reason I bought this damn CD, and I hate it.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/molliebrainbowconnection.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Rainbow Connection</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Deborah - Soteria</b></p>
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<p>Yes! We're finally getting to some Christian Death Metal! The first time I ever heard Christian Death Metal was when I performed in a battle of the bands competition. I honestly didn't know Christian Death Metal existed and was astounded that some idiot thought it was a good idea. Here I am, twenty some-odd years later, and I'm still astounded that it exists. This kind of music goes well with growling about Satan, but growling about your love for Jesus? How the fuck does that work?</p><p>When this album started, I was actually enjoying it's heavy fast-paced guitars and drum beat. The singer is always the one who makes or breaks the song, and Deborah broke the fuck out of it. Yes, it's a female growling about how much she loves Jesus. She sounds more like she shoved in her tampon too far and is choking on it.</p><p>In case you don't believe this is a Christian band, here's the lyrics to the song in the forthcoming link...</p>
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<p>This CD was brand new in the cellophane. I took it out, looked at it, and it's got a big fucking scratch on it. How the hell does that happen? Usually that happens when the retainer in the case is broken, but the retainer is fine. It just came pre-scratched. I'm guessing it was the work of Satan. Anyway, I had a problem extracting the first song (which is ten fucking minutes long), so I copied it manually by playing it in my CD player. It took me a while to realize that the damn thing was skipping because much of the song sounds like it was already skipping. I don't think any of you will cry at my failure to extract all ten minutes.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/deborahsoteria.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Soteria</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Quest Musique Recitals 2011</b></p>
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<p>This is a three DVD set. I figured it was just some local bands or some shitty musicals, but holy fuck what a monstrosity this one turned out to be! Talent is far and few between, and most of this is mediocre to horribly awful covers of classic songs. There's some really boring stuff on here, but you know I'm gonna filter all that shit out. Quest Musique is a music store in Winnipeg, and because I'm a musician myself, I've made multiple purchases from there in the past and will continue to do so. It's a very good music store! I'm guessing that they give music lessons, but given how awful this DVD set is, I wouldn't be broadcasting that.</p><p>I'm bringing you a total of 14 videos that range from one excellent performance to a whole pile of dog shit. Let's get to it...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Angeline The Baker</b></p>
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<p>I feel really bad for this poor girl. You can pinpoint the minute that she starts holding back the tears because she knows how much she sucks at the violin. Her evil parents were probably trying to shove the violin down her throat and all she wants to do is play with Barbie dolls. This violin performance is worse than nails on a chalk board</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Rocket Queen (Guns N' Roses cover)</b></p>
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<p>This kid is YOUNG, but he's doing a pretty good job at beating the piss out of those drums. I also had to ask... What the hell is a kid this young doing listening to Rocket Queen by Guns N' Roses? Then I remembered that I was probably about his age when Appetite for Destruction came out and all my classmates were listening to Rocket Queen. If you didn't know, there is audio of Axl Rose and a woman named Adriana Smith having sex during the break of the song.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Little Bones (Tragically Hip cover)</b></p>
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<p>The Tragically Hip is on the list of my two most hated bands (the other is Meat Loaf). I genuinely can't stand listening to them, and they play them on the radio all the time here in Canada. I'm a pretty terrible Canadian by definition; I don't like coffee (or anything from Tim Hortons), I have absolutely no desire to watch hockey, I'm not French, and I don't like the Tragically Hip. However, I would take any recording by The Tragically Hip over this absolutely horrible cover of one of their songs. It's so bad that even Youtube can't figure out what it is.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Have Faith In Me (A Day To Remember cover)</b></p>
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<p>I've never heard of this band, but here's some girl who can't sing them very well.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>I Want To Hold Your Hand (Beatles cover)</b></p>
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<p>This guy thinks he's gonna sit under the bedroom window of a girl he like and play this shit. He'll be lucky if she doesn't drop a sofa on his head.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bye Bye Blackbird (Miles Davis cover)</b></p>
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<p>Well, since it's Jazz, I guess she doesn't have to sing in time (or on key)</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Star Wars Theme</b></p>
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<p>Someone needs to use this for a Star Wars parody on Youtube. If you do, have at 'er!</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Aces High (Iron Maiden cover)</b></p>
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<p>Rolling, turning, diving... It's like watching a truck fall off a bridge. On the plus side, the kid on bass is kinda cool. The singer needed to throw his vocal cords in the garbage after this one.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Tom Sawyer (Rush cover)</b></p>
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<p>If you ever wanted to hear the whiniest Geddy Lee impersonation that ever existed, this is it. The best part of this video is the drummer. The guy beats the piss out of those things. Neil Peart would be proud!</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Don't Stop Believin' (Journey cover)</b></p>
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<p>This is the worst one on here. It's also one of those "so bad it's good" videos. I've watched it over and over, and I never get tired of how awful it is. The girl singing is giving it the fucking diva treatment, and it fails really badly. Half of the guitar player's hand has fallen asleep and is tripping all over the strings. It's just pure crap at it's finest.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>American Woman (Guess Who cover)</b></p>
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<p>Okay, fuck the guitar solo, fuck singing in time, fuck playing in time. Youtube hasn't figured out what this is either.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Bad Medicine (Bon Jovi cover)</b></p>
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<p>Hey look! I guess the singer from Aces High didn't throw his vocal cords in the garbage after all, but he's still not great. The kid on drums is pretty cool and the girl on bass is just so fucking chill. It's interesting watching all of these misfits performing together.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Love Story (Taylor Swift cover)</b></p>
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<p>This one doesn't sound bad when it starts. To be honest, the first girl actually seems to have a spark of talent. Then the girl who sang in the Journey video comes in and fucks it all up. Thanks a lot.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Poker Face (Lady Gaga cover)</b></p>
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<p>I decided to end this one on a positive note. This version of "Poker Face" is sung by two girls who are sisters, and they're very talented. I could listen to this all day.</p><p><br /></p><p>We have one more stop in Brandon, and I'll be getting to that after I move all my shit into my new work space. Yes, it's all done, and I'll be posting pictures of the glorious mess. It's become evident that I'll have to invest some cupboards for some of my junk. I suppose that will come in due time.</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8731507207480208400.post-64890924880758249162021-10-27T17:32:00.004-07:002021-10-27T17:32:52.278-07:00Trick Or Treat, I'd Rather Smell Your Feet<p>Halloween is upon us, and I actually have some content this year. I think I could classify this as more revolting than scary, but I'll let you be the judge of that one. Let's get to it...</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Drew's Famous - Kids Halloween Sing-a-long</b></p>
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<p><a href="http://www.classicalgasemissions.com/2020/09/junq-tour-2020-carman.html" target="_blank">I covered this last year</a> on the Junq Tour, except with a different cover. This is how we fund Drew's drinking habit.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Drew's Famous - Kids Pop Halloween Songs</b></p>
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<p>Should have been called "Kids Poop Halloween Songs". This CD came in the wrong case, although it's another Drew's Lamous album so it doesn't really fucking matter. We have some more kids singing on this one. Just like the previous one, there are absolutely no effects on the kid's voices. Apparently the only thing Drew was mixing that day was screwdrivers.</p><p>There are some repeats on this one (like the Addams Family theme), but we have some new garbage as well. Michael Jackson heavily rotates in his grave every time this copy of Thriller is played. You can tell that this was an older recording with the children's singing sloppily mixed over top. The Mini Pops are more professionally recorded than this shit. </p><p>You also get the already terrible song Elvira, made even more terrible with the singing kids.</p><p>"Remember kids, Crown Royal over crowning achievement!" - Drew</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousthriller.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Thriller</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousegyptian.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Walk Like an Egyptian</a></p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamouselvira.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Elvira</a></p><p><br /></p><p><b>Drew's Famous - Sounds of Fear</b></p>
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<p>Bad sound effects. I mean these are REALLY bad. You can get a 3 CD collection of stuff pulled off old records that is more realistic and usable over this garbage. What an absolute fucking waste of money. The purchase of this CD buys Drew another bottle of scotch.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamouswickedax.mp3" target="_blank">Wicked Ax</a>: Someone changing channels on an old TV.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousrun.mp3" target="_blank">Run</a>: Someone breathing into a microphone cupped in their hand. I made that sound effect when I was a kid.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousletitburn.mp3" target="_blank">Let It Burn</a>: Motorcycle</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousblackcat.mp3" target="_blank">The Black Cat</a>: Someone fucking around on a synthesizer with the treble turned down</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousboneappetite.mp3" target="_blank">Bone Appetite</a>: Same as Black Cat</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousmonsterwalks.mp3" target="_blank">Monster Walks</a>: Same as Black Cat</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/drewsfamousoutoftime.mp3" target="_blank">Out of Time</a>: Same as Black Cat</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Horror Sounds of the Night</b></p>
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<p>I'm pretty sure this is one of those cassettes you used to be able to get at the dollar store. They came in a bubble with a carboard backing and no case. To make it even more cheap, they just used an old Lloyds record and cassette combo stereo and recorded sound effects from a couple of scratchy old sound effects records from the 1950s. It doesn't get any more low budget than this. On the plus side, the sound effects are much more high quality than that Drew's Lamous shit.</p><p>I've decided to not include the whole thing, but I'm going to share a snippet of it. The sound effect of the woman screaming sounds like she's being raped. The sound effect of the cats meowing sound like a woman being raped while making cat noises. I genuinely find it disturbing listening to this stuff.</p><p><a href="http://www.files.classicalgasemissions.com/audio/horrorsoundsofthenightscreams.mp3" target="_blank">Listen to Horror Sounds of the Night</a></p><p><br /></p><p>Well, that wraps up another Halloween being ruined. Stay tuned for the continuation of the Junq Tour!</p>Ben Centuryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11615191651939269589noreply@blogger.com0