Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The Scruff Connors Archive

"I have never been to Florida, nor do I have any proof that Miami, Florida actually exists" - Scruff Connors

On December 18th, radio personality Scruff Connors passed away (real name Jeffrey Newfield). He did the morning show on 97.5 FM in Winnipeg back in the mid-90s. I've posted clips from his show on here before.

Back when I was 16 years old, I decided to switch my radio station of choice from the poppy Q-94 FM to Classic Rock 97.5 FM. At this point in my life, I was going through a lot of difficulties. I had a lot of depression due to my restrictive home life, frustration from my (both personal and situational) inability to date girls, and my mind was beginning to go down the path of suicide. I was extremely unhappy with life as a whole.

Mere weeks after I started listening to 97.5 FM, they switched morning show personalities from some guy named Jake to this new guy named Scruff Connors. He was doing a very lively show by himself until they brought in Larry Updike who eventually ended up being the butt of all his jokes. One of their first interactions together was a discussion about Larry's dead dog. In my opinion, this was the defining moment for the show and the stage was set for the next year or so.

I realised that I was missing a lot of fun and great content while I was going to school, so I started recording the morning show using a reel to reel machine and a 4 hour tape. (Back in the 1990s, there was absolutely no other way to record such a lengthy amount of audio at once with the exception of video cassettes.) When I returned home from school, I would listen to the tape and pick highlights from the morning show to transfer onto cassette.

Scruff's morning show was a tremendous bright spot in my teenage life, and it gave me a purpose for getting up in the morning and reason to come home in the evening. It kept me from wanting to call it quits on life. Scruff's morning show gave me reasons to smile and laugh through the turmoil I was experiencing. Listening to those shows still bring a smile to my face and give me a good laugh.

One morning I woke up just like any other day, turned on the radio, and Scruff was suddenly gone. No warning, no word on what happened, nothing. He was replaced by two buffoons named BJ and Hal who were using some of the recordings Scruff had left behind to liven up their shitty and un-funny morning show. The bright spot that got me through one of the most difficult periods of my life was now gone.

Years later, I used Google to find out what had happened to Scruff. He was apparently going through some very difficult personal things himself, and took a leave of absence from radio due to immense stress. He moved back to Ontario (where he came from) and eventually returned to the airwaves there.

At some point in the early 2000s, Scruff had started his own website and was selling an album he put together called "Crazy Calls". Due to the financial difficulty I was experiencing at that point in my life, I was unable to buy his album. It quickly disappeared off the internet along with Scruff's website, and I was kicking myself for not purchasing the album when I had the opportunity.

Earlier this year, I decided to take on the project of transferring the remaining recordings I had of Scruff's morning show from my old reel to reel tape and convert it into MP3 format. The plan was to create the Scruff archive that you are currently reading (although a busy summer prevented me from getting it up sooner). Shortly after transferring the recordings onto my PC, I found a sealed copy of Scruff's album "Crazy Calls" for sale on Ebay. I quickly purchased it and after it arrived, had myself a good sit and a good laugh. It was a joy to have some new listening material from him!

The Shows

These almost-full shows were transferred from one reel to reel tape. Each show was recorded in mono to one track. Four tracks equals four shows. One is a bit messed up, and I have no clue how the heck I did that. I didn't do any editing on these recordings. You get the banter, the songs, and the commercials until the tape runs out.

Scruff Show 1: Jan-20-95
Scruff Show 2: Feb-13-95
Scruff Show 3: Feb-16-95
Scruff Show 4: Feb-16-95 & Feb-1-95

The Clips

This is the entire collection of my favourite clips that I kept from the shows I recorded. A lot of the comedy commercials are in here such as Cooking with Chef Perry, Middle Finger Man, and others he used to play a lot. I kept the funniest or most interesting banter. The only things not included here are recordings of my appearances when I phoned in to win a prize or something.

Scruff had a segment where you would listen to a song played backwards and you had to guess what it was. I used my reel to reel machine sometimes to play the songs backwards so I could win a prize. One song that I got correct was his partner Larry singing and playing "Another One Bites The Dust" on his ukelele.

Listen to a clip of Larry Updike's First Appearance
Download the entire collection

Crazy Calls Vol. 1

This is Scruff's entire out-of-print album. Despite the title, I don't believe there's a second volume, but I'm guessing he was intending on releasing more.

Listen to Traffic Tickets
Download The Entire Album

The Miami Superbowl Joke

You can find the newspaper clippings I kept and the relevant audio files here.

Youtube Videos

There are a few Youtube videos floating around of Scruff singing karaoke songs. Here are the links:

How's Your Whole Family
Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town
You Are So Beautiful
Blow Me

My Final Words

Rest in peace, Scruff. You brought a lot of joy to this human soul and I'm sure many others as well.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A Very Bunny Christmas

Here we are in the heart of Christmas! I hope you're drunk because Christmas isn't Christmas without being drunk at least 80% of the time. That's the only way to forget about all the money you blew on crap for family members you don't really like. Speaking of family, let's take a look at our first batch of Christmas albums...

Mickey and Bunny Sing Traditional Ukrainian Carols

You're going to be all set for Ukrainian Christmas this year!

My memories of Mickey and Bunny date back to the times when I was listening to their records in my grandmother's little apartment. There wasn't much else to do while my parents visited. She didn't speak a single word of English, except for the word "EAT!"

Here we see Mickey and Bunny with their son Daffy-Donald (haha, get it?). He just got a shiny new guitar for Christmas so he can jam out Christmas Carols with his dad. Too bad there isn't a single guitar to be found on this album. It's all depressing church organ music.

I must apologise to Mickey and Bunny's son for driving a screw through his right shoulder. He sadly lost the ability to play his guitar because I wanted to fix this 8-track. By listening to these audio files, you are all now guilty of amputation by association.

And if that wasn't bad enough, this poor kid ended up suffering even more when his parents divorced. His dad abandoned him to pursue a solo career. Then he died. Mickey's ex-wife Bunny is still touring Manitoba, singing "This Land Is Your Land" for all the old Ukrainians in the province.

Let's see what songs are on here...

Well, that's no fucking good. Somebody at V-Records had a little too much Whiskey while they were setting up the printing press to make the labels for this 8-track. I'm not very proficient at the names of regular Christmas Carols, let alone Ukrainian ones. As a result, I wasn't able to put the song titles on the files. You'll just have to guess what they're called.

Listen to ????!
Download the entire album!

Mickey and Bunny Sing English Xmas Carols in Ukrainian

When Mickey and Bunny were trying to figure out what their Christmas album covers were going to be, they looked no further than their family photo album. Since both of these pictures were take at the same time, I can't for the life of me tell you which album is which based on the covers alone. THEY ALMOST LOOK THE SAME.

The good news is the printing press guy was sober this time so I'm able to give you the song titles. On this album, we are again greeted by our good friend, the Hammond organ. Everybody rejoices!

By the way, did I mention I want to do a Mickey and Bunny discography? I've been actively buying their albums as of late.

Anyway, allow me to shut up so you can listen to a song and/or download the album.

Listen to Up On the House Top!
Download the entire album!

Christmas with Bugs Bunny

It's a damn good thing Mel Blanc did most of the Looney Tunes voices, or else Peter Pan Records would have gone bankrupt in a heartbeat making this record! They recruited some common asshole to voice Elmer Fudd, and he does a really dreadful job of it. But the rest of the voices are top notch since it was recorded before Mel Blanc's elderly, worn out chain-smoked voice went downhill.

The downside to this album is that Looney Tunes' strong point was the antics in the cartoons. Because this is a record album, they focused on content and plot which makes for an extremely dull record. Thankfully, there's some pictures on the back to help jumpstart your imagination.

There's a few songs throughout the album, and they're awful. Unless you're a die-hard Looney Tunes fan, you might want to skip this one.

Listen to Twas a Sight Before Christmas!
Download the entire album!

Eaton's - Christmas Through The Eyes of a Child

This one doesn't have any bunny reference, but it's the most interesting one of the bunch. This record was apparently given out to the staff at Eaton's department store. For those who don't know, Eaton's went belly up back in the 1990s due to Timothy Eaton's family fucking up the business they inherited.

This record is actually a red, transparent sound sheet. For those who don't know what a sound sheet is, it's basically an overhead projector sheet with grooves on it. For those who don't know what an overhead projector is, it's the ancestor to a computer screen projector. God I feel old.

This recording is nothing more than a twelve minute advertisement for Eaton's "Style of the 80s" campaign. The basis of the recording is Little Jack Horner telling awful jokes and interviewing a bunch of other fairy tale characters who can't stop bragging about how fucking awesome Eaton's is. It's quite a strange record to give out to your employees.

Listen to Christmas Through The Eyes of a Child!

And that wraps up the Christmas goodies for this year! I've got a big announcement (hopefully) coming in January. If you were hoping that the blog would go away, I'm sorry to inform you that it's not happening. I'm still going to be torturing you with awful recordings, but I'm going to add a new element to the blog. Stay tuned!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Christmas Cards to Lloyd and Erma

I don't know where I found these Christmas cards, but they belonged to a very old couple named Lloyd and Erma. So, let's spend Christmas with them through their friends and family!

Apparently, they moved recently. They're probably in a 55+ complex. Or a personal care home. Or they were recently moved to their graves. Who knows!

I'm glad Lloyd is feeling better too.

Branson seems to be a VERY popular place to visit for old people to visit. I wonder if Bertha was involved in the recording of "On The Road Again"?

This dumb bitch quoted the wrong scripture. Luke 2:13 reads: "Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying..." Boy, that one sure puts me in the Christmas spirit! Personally, I wouldn't go out for lunch with people who misquote God's word. Those people belong with Satan in hell.

Dear Niece Kathy:

Regina is a long way from BC. You are dumb.

Albert probably crashed his car because his Cataracts prevented him from seeing the 9 year old boy running into the street to catch a Pokemon.

Dear Alma,

Just because our grandchildren didn't go to university, it doesn't mean you should be gloating about your grandchildren. Besides, nobody makes good money being an anthropologist. We hope Asja enjoys her rewarding career at Burger King.

Don't you just love it when people write a full letter in their Christmas cards? Damn, why didn't you go into the details of your most recent and difficult bowel movement?

...and Larry is a fucking freeloader.

I hope these Christmas cards put you in the Christmas spirit! More stuff coming soon...