Uncle Bob Swarts Discography (with Archie Wood, Marvin Mouse and Petite!)

I figured I'd get the blog active again by going back to what inspired me to start it in the first place... Covering weird-ass shit that came out of Winnipeg Manitoba. Not only that, I'm re-visiting something that I've covered previously, albeit in pieces. Today I'm going to tie together all of the albums put out by Bob Swarts and his puppet characters. It was also by sheer co-incidence that a reader requested me to cover this topic after I had already begun working on this entry.

Bob Swarts had two local (and live) childrens' television shows which aired in Winnipeg, Manitoba from 1965 to 1986. These were "Archie and his Friends" in which Swarts took on the character of "Uncle Bob", and "Funtown" in which he took on the roll of "Mayor Bob". I was around to watch the tail end of the run between 1983 and 1986. During this time, my neighbor had a garage sale where I had purchased two of the albums featured here (Funtown & Petite Sings). They became childhood staples in my messed up musical palette (along with The Mini Pops and Engelbert Humperdinck)

And now for a few notes about these albums... Only one of these albums has a date on it, so I'll be piecing together the correct order of release solely based on album packaging, the progression of the album contents, and professional involvement (and yes, there was a bit of it). The copies I own are pretty good condition-wise, and one is a first spin from a sealed copy. Given the feedback from readers (and my own experience), "Petite Sings" appears to be the most difficult one to find and also the most sought after.

Anyway, enough of my yapping. Let's get to the albums!

Archie Wood and his Friends Christmas Album

Just look at this thing. It screams 1960s with it's drab Christmas presentation. Every single song is sung by Bob in his characters' voices along with our friend Agnes Forsythe on Funeral Organ, giving the entire album a "death of Christmas" vibe. Bob spits out a few witty comments here and there to liven up the funeral, but it's obvious in comparison to the following albums that he hasn't hit his true peak yet with his ventriloquism nor his witty humour.

All the performances on this album are 100% original, a feat that would never be repeated again throughout the rest of the discography. Sadly, there is absolutely no information on the back of this album as to who pressed it.

Listen to Jingle Bells

Listen to Frosty The Snowman

Download the entire album

Archie Presents Petite in Doggie in The Window

We have some very drab green-ish photography for this album cover. Our friend Agnes Forsythe continues her role on Funeral Organ for the majority of the songs, and the banter between Bob's characters is much more entertaining. We also have our first sped-up recordings. Petite "sings" two Patti Page numbers (How Much is that Doggie in the Window and Mockingbird Hill) and one song by Sue Thompson (I Think I'll Eat a Tadpole). This will sadly be Agnes's last appearance on funeral organ. She would eventually follow her life long dream of playing organ at the Norwood hotel for talent competitions.

This album was distributed by the absolutely wonderful people at Clay-Mor sales, whatever the fuck that is.

Listen to Pop Goes The Weasel

Listen to Home On The Range

Download the entire album

Funtown

This is probably the most common Archie Wood album out there, making it the album with the most destroyed copies of it in existence. I've been constantly upgrading my copy over the years as I find better ones. The one you're getting is pretty clean.

This album showcases Petite the dog and Marvin Mouse "singing" songs. Instead of Bob Swarts singing in character to the funeral organ, he uses existing recordings by mostly famous artists. The songs that Marvin "sings" are just straight copies of commercial recordings. The songs Petite sings are just 33 RPM records sped up to 45 RPM to make them sound more "girl-like". I'm pretty sure crediting commercial recordings to your puppet characters is illegal, but Bob got away with it on four albums. I will list the original artists for these recordings wherever possible.

Due to being a cheap bastard, Bob Swartz mastered this album on a tape that had been recorded on at least thirty times prior. The amount of dropouts in this recording is absurd. Add in the obvious inferior-sounding 8-tracks he used as music sources (which is extremely obvious at the beginning of "Steppin' Out") and you have a master tape that sounded like it was deteriorating before it was even released.

This album also came with an order form to buy a Petite puppet. I can't help but wonder how many were sold and how many may still be in existence today. Regardless, I dug through the bowels of the internet and found a picture of one...

Looks just like the one on the show, doesn't it?

My copy of this album has a pen-written note on it, claiming it was won by some kid named Kevin at the EKY Swimathon on March 1, 1978. That gives us an approximate year of 1977 when this album was recorded, although given that Mayor Bob mentions that the song "You're Sixteen" came out recently, it could have been recorded at any point between 1973 and 1977.

This album was lovingly distributed by Play-All LTD, whatever the fuck that is.

Side A:

Jean-Jacques Perrey - The Little Girl from Mars

Yes Kids - Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah (probably re-branded)

Norma Tanega - Walking My Cat Named Dog

BJ Thomas - Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Anne Murray - Snowbird

Phil Harris - The Thing

Petula Clark - England Swings

Side B:

Guy Marks - Loving You Has Made Me Bananas

Doris Day - Please Don't Eat The Daisies

Ringo Starr - You're Sixteen

Anne Murray - Put Your Hand In The Hand

Tony Orlando & Dawn - Steppin' Out (I'm Gonna Boogie Tonight)

Anne Murray - Sing High, Sing Low

Download the entire album

Petite Sings

I have to point out that the title of this album is a complete lie!

If there's one thing I can say about this album, it's that I get more emails, messages, and comments (both online and offline) about it than any other one in the discography. I honestly don't understand why. The album cover is pretty unforgettable, so maybe that's the reason? I've also come to the conclusion that this is the rarest album of the bunch. Although I had it as a child, I almost never see it when I'm doing my thrift store digging. The fact that I have a copy as clean as this one is a friggin' miracle. I usually aim for copies that are a bit better than this, but I'll take this over every other trashed copy that I've seen.

The premise of this album was to give Petite her own album which angers the hell out of Marvin Mouse (and makes a nice plot for the entire record). Petite was obviously the favourite character on Bob's TV show.

Not only was this album distributed by the mutants at Clay-Mor Sales (over at 507 Furby Street in Winnipeg), but it was custom pressed by everyone's friends at PICKWICK RECORDS! You all know that Pickwick gives you the guarantee of a quality product.

Side A:

Eddie Osborn - Barbara Polka

Eddie Osborn - Ma, He's Making Eyes At Me

Lynn Anderson - Rose Garden

Sue Thompson - Paper Tiger

Kay Lande & Wade Denning - Fun in Fall

Doris Day - Teacher's Pet

Margaret Whiting - There's a Kind of Hush

Side B:

Lynn Anderson - Snowbird

unknown - These Boots Are Made For Walking

Loretta Lynn - Put Your Hand In The Hand

Burl Ives - Little White Duck

Loretta Lynn - Me and Bobby McGee

Download the entire album

Funtown - 20 Favourite Selections

As much as I shit all over Pickwick for their terrible releases, I have to give them credit for getting everything right on the "Petite Sings" album jacket. This album was put out by K-Tel International in 1978, and they didn't give a single fuck about the accuracy of anything on the album cover. They got a good half of the puppet song credits wrong.

This album took the longest for me to acquire, mainly because I didn't even know it existed. On the plus side, I got this album SEALED! That means you're getting a fresh, clean, first-spin transfer of it.

There is little to no dialogue between the songs on this album. Each track was likely done in one take because Bob made lots of lyrical and timing errors. All of Petite's songs are the usual 33 RPM records played at 45 RPM, but everything else used some of the most absurd sounding backing tracks I've ever heard in my life. The only one that's not out in left field is Grandma's Featherbed which I'm guessing is an original performance by some uncredited guitar player. There's also lots of Beatles songs on here to keep the average Beatles fan angry as hell.

As a side note, if anybody can identify the backing tracks that I couldn't figure out, please comment below or send an email. These instrumentals are obviously taken from some very well-deservedly-forgotten albums.

Side A:

Patti Page - How Much Is That Doggie In The Window (re-recorded version)

Marty Gold - Hey Jude

unknown - Rhinestone Cowboy

Bobby Crush - By The Light Of The Silvery Moon / Cecilia

unknown - Grandma's Feather Bed

Danny Davis & The Nashvile Brass - Wabash Cannon Ball

Sue Thompson - Paper Tiger (re-recorded version)

Billy Bond - Walkin' My Cat Named Dog

George Martin and his Orchestra - All My Loving

Chet Atkins - Snowbird

Side 2:

unknown - Back Home Again

Lesley Gore - Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

Paul Martin and his Old-Timers - Side By Side

Russ Morgan & Eddie Wilser - Toot, Toot, Tootsie, Goodbye

unknown - Put a Little Love In Your Heart

George Martin and his Orchestra - Can't Buy Me Love

unknown - Carolina in the Morning

Russ Morgan - Zing Went The Strings of My Heart

unknown - Sweet Georgia Brown

Patti Page - Mockin' Bird Hill

(Put a little love in your heart, Hey Tuttle, All My loving)

Download the entire album

If you would like to dive more into this local TV show, there are two episodes (one Funtown, one Archie & His Friends) posted on Youtube. There are also some older clips that are fairly entertaining if you seek them out. I'm hopeful that more episodes will be unearthed in time, but not every family was recording kids TV shows in the early 1980s mainly because VCRs were expensive at the time.

Guess what? Halloween's a coming! This blog is scary enough without a Halloween entry, but it's been too long since we've done one. It'll be coming your way soon!

Time To Dust This Place Off...

 First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for your comments, concerns, positive energy, and all the warm fuzzy stuff you have sent. I appreciate it. It's also good to know that many people enjoy the content I put out, specifically the contents of this blog. I'm happy to announce that I'll be pumping out content again starting this Fall. My other half gets the summers off from work, so it only makes sense that I spend what little energy I have with her during that time.

As for news on the health front, not a lot has changed. However, I'm going to come right out and tell you that I'm 90% sure I have an autoimmune disease called Polymyositis. My bloodwork tells me my CK levels are high, my symptoms are identical to others who have been diagnosed, and I was able to discover that the drug initially used to treat this disease (Prednisone) got me up and back on my feet for a total of 10 days over the summer. It was a joy being back to my old pain-free self (with weakness being the exception, but I expected that). Unfortunately, Prednisone has nasty side-effects if used for extended periods of time, so I'm unable to stay on it. Going back to my achy-breaky self sucked after briefly having my life back, but knowing that treatment exists has had a positive effect on my mental health.

Another thing I'm going to come right out and say is that I highly suspect the COVID vaccine to be responsible for me having this disease. I was one of the first to receive the vaccine due to my (then) job in the health care industry. My symptoms came on quite slowly, initially being difficulty when getting up from a seated position. I just figured I was getting a bit older and it was perfectly normal. Over the course of about a year, it progressively got worse until my body was in full blown burning pain. The proof for me was when someone in the Facebook Myositis support group asked if anyone had developed the disease after receiving the vaccine. The amount of "yes" responses was staggering. I also recently realized that there were two other people from my workplace who suffered from new ailments after receiving the vaccine. Sadly, nobody seems to be allowed to talk about the horrible consequences that are affecting lots of people. Everyone's afraid of a lawsuit.

These days, my body still throbs and is over-exhausted from the minute I wake up. I usually nap at least twice per day. I've also gained a lot of weight due to my lack of movement which concerns me. I'd hop on the bike to lose it, but any sort of extreme exercise actually causes more problems. I don't like getting stuck on the toilet, nor being stuck on the couch when I have to go to the toilet.

As some of you may know, I opened my own thrift store in 2022. I enjoyed running it while I was physically able to. Sadly, I had to close it earlier this year due to my inability to haul around inventory and clean the place. As of this writing, I have no income. I applied for Disability in April 2023 and got rejected once. I have since appealed with letters from doctors and am waiting for a response.

Manitoba's health care system is incredibly fucking slow. Tests, Doctors appointments and specialist appointments are all spaced about 6 months apart. I'm absolutely tired of waiting to get SOMETHING solved. A friend of mine suggested that I should quit looking for an official diagnosis and attend a pain clinic which I'm highly considering.

So there you go. You're all up to date now. After shutting down my shop, my body has been easier to manage mainly due to a lack of strenuous exercise. I feel I can get back to putting out content, at least on here. Unfortunately, I'll be excluding Junq Tours until I get some sort of treatment. One trip to the grocery store leaves me wrecked. Two days of thrifting would sadly be torture at this point. However, I still pop into the occasional thrift store and I have an enormous queue of horrible shit just waiting to be posted on this blog. There is absolutely no shortage of material.

We shall see you soon! I want to get a regular entry up, just to help me get back into the groove of things. Then we have an unfinished Junq Tour to tackle. Two years late is better than never!

You Deserve an Update

 Figured I'd give you guys an update since I've been gone for a few months. I haven't left this place for dead. I'm still struggling with health issues. I'm exhausted as I type this. I did absolutely nothing yesterday and I woke up exhausted. My arms are tired and sore. My neck and back are usually in pain. Getting around to doing anything is difficult, let alone anything that I need to get done around the house and yard.

All the doctors I've seen so far have been unhelpful. One prescribed me a bunch of exercises. The more I did them, the more I lost the ability to do them. It's like my muscles deteriorate when I use them. Extended periods of taking things easy and doing very little have been the most helpful to me. I actually did see some improvement in my abilities and was ready to get back at tackling last year's Junq Tour. I started doing the exercises the doctor had given me which put me back into constant physical exhaustion. I stopped doing them two weeks ago and haven't recovered from them yet.

I've decided that I will not be going on the Junq Tour this year. I'm not sure if my body can handle two days of constantly getting in and out of a vehicle and walking around stores. Hell, I haven't even finished posting last year's tour!

I'm going to try and make an effort to get back at posting. I really miss it. Some laughter at untalented hacks may be just what the doctor ordered to pick up my spirits. As of late, my mental health is doing a bit better. The exhaustion is the uphill battle now. I still have more doctors appointments and such spread out over the next few MONTHS (hooray for Canada's health care system!) I'm pretty sure I know what I have, but I need the doctors to get off the path of exercise being the solution and look elsewhere for my problem. I had to quit my physically demanding job because all the exercise I was getting from it was absolutely killing me.

So keep staying tuned. I haven't lost my love for reviewing bad albums. I still pick them up when I get a chance to stop at a thrift store. I just need to find a process of tackling the backlog that's going to work for me while my body is struggling. Again, many apologies for my absence. See you soon.

Junq Tour 2022: Steinbach

More apologies for my absence. My life has been full of doctor's appointments for both myself and my kid. When I'm not visiting the doctor, I'm exhausted to the point where I can't function due to whatever stupid undiagnosed health problem I'm dealing with. I also still have to work a real job which is getting more difficult as the weeks go by. So yeah, I'm not well. Good days are spent with family and bad days are spent sleeping. However, today is a good day and my family isn't around, so it's time to make it a bad day with some extremely terrible music. Let's finally get to the next Junq Tour installment!


Lax Luster - It's In The Blood

This is the only CD I bought at the Steinbach MCC. They used to have all kinds of weird crap there, but it seems the trash bin eats much of it up before it hits the racks. Anyway, this is a Winnipeg band, and they're actually quite listenable! They sound like a KISS knock-off which isn't exactly the worst thing in the world. However, the sixteen tracks on here don't really stand out from each other. If you've heard one drunken party rock song, you've heard pretty much all of them. If you're looking for deeper lyrics, you may want to scroll a little further down, but make sure you keep your hopes down too.

Listen to Let 'em Party


Live at Southern Nights

There is absolutely no band name listed on this CD, so I'm only going to assume that the band itself is called "Southern Nights". I have no proof, but this CD smells like it came from Branson Missouri. It sounds like Branson, the hype star makes it look like Branson, and the performances have that Branson quality to them.

The track listing on the back is all fucked up which made extracting the correct songs an absolute chore. Multiply that by two because the track listing on the back doesn't indicate what is on which disc. Also, two discs make this an excruciating listening experience. The performers are talented, but the performances are campy as hell.

Listen to Golden Ring
Listen to The Lion Sleeps
Listen to Rhinestone Cowboy
Listen to You're The One That I Want


Abe Reddekopp - Cowboy Songs of Yesteryear

More like Cowboy Songs of YesterCentury. These songs are really fucking old!

On the plus side, this is one of the more talented old guys I've listened to over the past few years. The CD is mixed well, but the cover took the talent of someone who only had 10 spare minutes of time in their day.

Listen to When The Work's All Done This Fall


Art Rempel - Accordion Favorites III



Due to popular demand, Art made two more volumes of accordion music after the first one went quadruple platinum. He also gets to keep all the profits because there isn't anybody else in the band. To keep other costs low, he recorded the album onto a cardboard box. On the plus side, his accordion skills are decent.

I got this CD sealed and the disc retainer was broken. How the hell does that happen?

Listen to Never on a Sunday


The Female Beat - Steppin' Out



The Female Beat's first album was released on K-Records, and yes I own it. It's a whole pile of good fun-time Ukrainian music! although the music is enjoyable, I have a couple of slight complaints about it.

The vocals have absolutely no effects on them. Joyce has a fairly boring voice, and that's when she does sing. A better mix on the album would have really brought it to life. I shall use this opportunity to declare that I'd mix their next album for free if they'd let me. A few tweaks could really bring a bit of extra life to this recording.

Regardless, the album is still good enough to go into my personal collection.

Listen to Memories of You
Listen to Casey's Polka


Sound Rage - When It Rains

Boy did this album start off strong! It was rocking pretty fucking good until the singer opened his mouth. The fact that this guy is the best singer in the band is absolutely pathetic. I can barf in tune better than he can sing.

The songs seem to have an early Metallica or Testament influence. They are also quite long, but I can't be bothered to sit through them for the most part because the singer is so bloody awful.

This band is from Steinbach, but due to the fact that they had a drummer, they didn't qualify to record their album at Silver Shit Streams.

Listen to Stain
Listen to Distant Minds


Mia - Crossroads

Looks like Mia attended a Grade 4 art class! Great job, Mia! You get a gold star for coloring inside the lines. Not sure why someone toilet-papered the cross in her art piece, but it's an interesting touch.

I'll be blunt... This album's more about the magnificent artwork. Mia's singing is mildly annoying, but the artwork on her album is totally fucking picasso. Check out her legless collage of herself on the back. Awesome!

Listen to Another Mountain


Rick Wedel Vol.2

Rick was in such a hurry to get volume two out to capitalize on volume one's success that he didn't even bother making a proper cover for it. He also got the track listing in descending order. Nice fucking job.

Well... It's not the worst thing I've ever heard. The mixes and recording quality vary quite a bit, but it's all somewhat acceptable. Rick tries to sing a bit too low at times which doesn't work very well. The song "Blowin' in the Wind" sounds like it was recorded with the microphone buried under a pile of dog shit. I can only hope volume one is better (if I ever find it).

Listen to Blowin' In The Wind


New Covenant

Three out of the four guys on the cover have bad mustaches. The one without a mustache has a bad mullet. With so much bad hair, you'd think they'd be extremely talented. They initially appeared to be, and I wasn't sure this album was going to qualify for this blog until I heard the second song. Apparently they put all their talent into the first song and every other fuck given went straight out the window for the rest.

The band and the female singer aren't credited anywhere on the album, so they get screwed on royalties. Then again, maybe they didn't want to be associated with this recording. I wouldn't either.

Listen to Child of the Light


Del-Keith Dubbin - Deal Me An Ace / The White Album

Surprisingly, Del-Keith played in a Manitoba band called "The Dovermen". You know who else was in that band? Bill Hillman from The Western Union! With that kind of talent, you think Del-Keith would be quite capable of recording a half decent solo album. Guess what? It's fucking terrible.

On the plus side, at least Del-Keith can shred the hell out of the guitar. Well, at least I thought he could until I looked at the credits and found out it's some other guy playing it. Mr. Guitar Player needs a solo album more than Del-Keith does. All of the other musical contributions are absolute garbage. Actually, it's worse than garbage... it's the water at the bottom of the garbage bag.

I'm pretty sure Del-Keith created the lyrics by wiping his ass with a blank sheet of paper. Seriously, these are some of the worst penned lyrics I've heard in my entire life, and this blog is full of terrible lyric-filled songs. There are no deep thoughts in songs such as "Landlady" or "Lil' Led Zeppelin Man", or any of the other masterpieces on this album.

Do you know what the worst part about this album is? I thought I was only getting six crappy songs according to the inlay. To my horror, there are three more crappy songs tacked on after the album is finished. It's like when you go into the bathroom to take a quick shit, and you're in there for 25 minutes.

Don't believe it's that bad? Have a listen for yourself.

Listen to Lil' Led Zeppelin Man
Listen to Landlady
Download the whole mess


Bristol Boys - Silver and Gold

These guys look like they're up to no good. One's gonna beat your head in with a cane, one's gonna sit on you, and one's gonna sing cowboy songs at you. You'd better go buy your urn!

I cracked open this sealed album only to discover another broken disc retainer. What the fuck? Did someone pre-smash all these disc retainers before sealing the cases?

Anyway, the album's compressed all to hell, the fiddle player sucks, and the longer you listen to it, the worse it gets. On top of that, they photoshopped a picture of an old guy onto the back of the CD because that was really important.

Listen to Whei En's Breakdown
Listen to Black Velvet Waltz


Mary Blatz - Mary's Country Favorites

GRANDMA!

Mary clocks in at around 820 years old. Believe it or not, she's the most talented one in the band. All the other band members are deaf and terrible. The fiddle player has three broken fingers on each hand.

Just look at that cover. You can tell that the photo was taken just before Mary beat the piss out of the fiddle player for doing such a shitty job on her album. Don't fuck with Mary!

Due to this being another Silver Shit Streams release, the drummer wasn't allowed in the recording studio.

Listen to I'll Be All Smiles Tonight
Listen to Bring Back My Blue Eyed Boy To Me
Listen to Have I Told You Lately That I Love You


Jasper - The Blood

Well, third time's a charm! Another sealed CD with a broken retainer.

This album is absolutely amazing. You can tell it was recorded in Jasper's parents' basement. Jasper is also the most gangsta of all the Christian rappers in the world. If you don't believe me, you will certainly change your mind after hearing "I Love God", "Amazing Grace", and "The Flyin' Lion in Zion".

This album contains three remixes which are just as lousy as the original versions. I would have preferred some new lyrics as opposed to new beats. However, I'm sure God loves every single song on this album.

Listen to Amazing Grace
Listen to I Love God
Listen to The Blood


Pete & Liese - God's Family

How fucking old are these people? Judging by their singing, they should have died 30 years ago from old age. Listening to them sing is akin to drinking expired milk. If you think that's my tape deck jittering, then you sadly haven't realized that it's actually Pete's voice. As for his wife, she's the squeaky wheel in the background.

Listen to I'm Willing Lord
Listen to I Believe Jesus Saves
Listen to I Won't Have To Cross Jordan Alone


The Sandersons - Everyday People

I've reviewed a lot of albums since I started this blog well over a decade ago. There's been some very laughable ones, some chalkboard-scraping ones, and even a few good ones. However, The Sandersons are one group that absolutely infuriate me when I listen to one of their coasters of digital garbage.

First of all, they're terrible musicians. The music they create is lousy. They also have a couple of the worst singing voices I've ever heard. However, I've built up a very tough skin when it comes to terrible musicians and singers. I've listened to countless hours of terrible hacks who think they can record their own hit albums.

The one thing that absolutely drives me up the fucking wall about The Sandersons is their decisions to captialize on the misfortunes of others to not only supposedly vindicate God's name, but to sell their shitty fucking albums. So who are the targets on this album? How about a victim in the Columbine high school massacre? If that's not enough, let's throw in one of the planes destroyed in the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Still not enough death for you? Well, let's throw in the Columbia Space Shuttle explosion too. Are we supposed to praise God for these people dying, or are we supposed to praise Him for not doing anything about it? All of this death occurs in the title track. Just for the hell of it, they recorded another song about Kate's niece Tianna who was adopted and apparently ended up with a disability. As per usual, Kate has to talk for about 1/3 of the album. Imagine being married to her.

This is The Sandersons' worst album by far. Sadly, this won't be the last time we hear from them on this Junq Tour.

Listen to Everyday People
Listen to Tianna's Song


I will again genuinely apologize for the slowness of getting this entry out. I'm hoping that I can get back on a somewhat regular schedule to get the rest of the Junq Tour posted. We're still not finished with Day one yet either! The next stop is Grunthal...

Junq Tour 2022: Ste. Anne

Happy New year! My apologies for the Junq Tour entries crawling out the door. I appear to be suffering from a medical problem that is causing extreme exhaustion and making me sleep for 10 hours per day. I'm in the process of getting it diagnosed and dealt with. I'll get the entries out as efficiently as possible, but it's going to be slower than I'd like. Anyway, onto the haul...

I didn't come out of the Ste. Anne thrift store with a lot, and even more got filtered out. However, this entry just goes to prove that one really crappy album can make up the bulk of garbage from one thrift store.


Great Group Hits In Groups of 3+2: The Sounds of England's Top Groups

This one wins the best fucking album title of 2023. Great job, guys.

It's been a while since we visited our friends at Arc Records, and we've missed them. Their knock-off albums are the fucking worst things I've ever heard. And now it's time for their substandard re-creations of great songs to flush the toxins out of our eyes. Get your tissues ready...

On this album, Arc ever-so-unkindly gives us re-recordings of four bands: The Spencer Davis Group, The Hollies, The Kinks, and The Tremoloes. Two of those bands are pretty much one-hit-wonders (who's hits we will visit), but the bulk of trash here is made up of songs by The Kinks and The Hollies. The song by The Tremoloes is actually re-created quite accurately, but that's the only one. The Spencer Davis song has absolutely no backup vocals which is really weird because the rest of the songs had lots of (really bad) harmonies layered down. You can't tell me there wasn't anybody around to scream "Gimme Some Lovin!" in the background.

The Kinks gain a lot of respect from me for being able to stand on their own without recording tons of cover songs. Then we have the idiots at Arc Records who made their living doing that. Arc Records is from Canada, and this album contains a bunch of Canadians singing in their faux British accents. It's just as bad as you imagine it to be.

The Hollies are one of my most favourite bands of all time. I have nearly everything they've released (aside from the junk from the past 20 years). This album marks the first time I've ever seen someone make an incredible effort at fucking up their songs. The Hollies were known for their multi-layered harmonies. Arc Records takes those multi-layer harmonies and replaces them with a bunch of cats getting run over by a pick up truck. They're extremely out of tune with each other and it just sounds like a bad train wreck with all of the passengers on fire. It's so bad, that one of the "stop"s didn't make it into the song title "Stop, Stop, Stop". Also, the main singer of "On A Carousel" has a really bad cold.

Alas, I must now torture you with this horrible mess of covers...

Listen to Carrie-Anne
Listen to On A Carousel
Listen to Stop, Stop
Listen to Gimme Some Lovin'
Listen to Dead End Street
Listen to Sunny Afternoon
Listen to Autumn Almanac
Listen to Silence Is Golden


Sister Secrets

My God, when was the last time I dragged out the open reel machine? I used to see these tapes everywhere back in the 1990s and now when I see them, people ask antique prices for them. I bought three of these. I didn't think I was going to get anything but 70s light rock recorded off the radio until I hit tape three and found this gem that I'm going to share with you.

I believe there are four girls in this family. I have absolutely no clue who's interviewing them (maybe an uncle or something), but he gets each of the girls to give some dirt on all the others. It's a pretty fun recording. I did a bit of work on this one to make it a little easier on the ears, and it turned out well. Enjoy!

Listen to Sister Secrets

And that's all for this entry! We've got a big ton of stuff from Steinbach, so hold tight while I get it together.