Saturday, April 28, 2012

Rovez Rocks The Mic

I found this computer a couple of weeks ago. It's mostly loaded with pictures and illegally downloaded movies. However, I found a few little gems on it. Meet Rovez:

This is the only picture I could find of Rovez. I wish it was clearer, but he's just rockin' the fuck out of that microphone, isn't he?

Anyway, Rovez recorded a number of tracks on this computer. There are multiple takes, so I chose the most complete ones to share with you. I'm pretty sure they're all originals. None of them had titles, so I took it upon myself to bless these creations with only the best song titles I could think of.

I also found a downloaded copy of the Autotune VST plugin. He desperately needs it, but instead of putting it on any of his songs, I left them in raw form since they're so much more entertaining!

It's such a pretty song about how Rovez wants to be famous. His wish is my command... Please welcome Rovez to Classical Gas Emissions!

Here, Rovez is missing his girlfriend. She probably left because he sang to her.

You Got Me Too
This is his longest song. I thought the lyric was "Every time I think of it I pinch myself". After a couple more listens, I've decided that it's actually "I piss myself".

I'm Fuckin' Sick
This is his shortest song. In fact, it's him rapping for a total of 9 seconds! I'm not sure what the message is that he's trying to convey, but it fails to reach me. All I've learned is that you little bitches is just fuckin' faggots!

There's a little story behind this one. From the information I gathered, it seems that Rovez wanted to enter a freestyle rap contest. I found the actual MP3 he was rapping to and I also found an overdub track. Since I had the basic makings of a song, I mixed it together, threw some effects on it, edited it, and voila... I've got Rovez's big hit single! Make way for the mansion and the hot bitches!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed rummaging through Rovez's computer. I'm not sure when my next entry is going to be because it's time to re-vamp my PC again. Over the next little while, I'm going to be backing everything up, formatting, re-installing, and I've put together a nice file server which I've named "Jehovah". So forgive me for any delays, but I'll try to keep a few updates coming over the next little while.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Satellite Wildfeeds 12/04/15

So I've found myself a new hobby... Searching for wildfeeds on the satellite dish. A wildfeed is basically an unscheduled broadcast which is transmitted to a satellite. Someone waits back on earth to receive the broadcast for whatever purpose they need it for. These feeds can be TV shows, sporting events, or live broadcasts. Mobile news vans use this method extensively when they're reporting live.

I have my dish aimed at SES1 101W because they (used to) have History Channel. Unfortunately, History got nuked and all I'm left with is a couple of Russian stations and the shitty Pentagon channel.

I stumbled across my first wildfeed while I was doing a blind scan out of boredom. When I saw that I had grabbed something interesting, I immediately started recording. Here's what I got:

This stuff is almost as good as public access TV! So lately, I've been keeping my eyes peeled for more unannounced goodies freely transmitting into my living room. Here's my second one:

This guy's hilarious!

There isn't much for interesting wildfeeds on youtube, so I'm hoping I can changed that. I've just won an ebay auction for a satellite dish motor so I'll be able to scan the skies for even more interesting stuff.

I finally have TV worth watching again :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

American English Linguaphone Record

After a short break, it feels great to be writing in here again!

A few months back, I picked up an interesting record for 49 cents. This record is made by a company called "Linguaphone" which specializes in aids for learning new languages. Obviously, this one was to aid the student in learning English.

There's two things that make it odd. First of all, it must have been recorded sometime in the 1950s. Life isn't quite like the way it was back then! The second is the stories that the voice actors go through. They're completely unbelievable, and there is almost nothing for emotion in their voices!

So let us enjoy three of the best selections from this thing...

Car Trouble
Thank god for the crank when the battery fails!

Buying Cigarettes
Can't leave that one out! Six cigars, two pack of cigarettes, flints, and a box of matches for under five bucks.

A Visit To The Doctor
This guy should be fucking dead! Instead of admitting him to the hospital, he's been told to eat vegetables and take a nap.

Yes, this record has been brought to you by the most educational blog in Canada. Now you know how to speak proper English. Good thing they don't teach you how to spell since the label is full of typos.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Junq Tour 2012: Dauphin

This is a really, really long entry which is why it took so long to post. Not only that, spring is in the air and I've been mating like rabbits. I've also been doing a major cleaning of my garage and working overtime. It's just been a very busy period for me, and you know what busy periods mean... lots of messy cleanup!

I bought a ton of stuff when I passed through Dauphin. The thrift stores were overloaded with goodies, and I've filtered out the crap I wasted my money on so I could bring you the best of the worst and the worst of the best!

Bob Brown's Orchestra (revisited)
I found two more of these! I picked up three of them last year when I visited the Hodge Podge in Dauphin. They've been added to the archive which you can get here.

Nebula 9 - Scream - A Collection of Modern-Gothic Works

There was a whole series of these books, but this was the only interesting one. This book contains poetry and short stories, some of which are kind of fucked up. Whoever wrote these desperately needs therapy because a perfectly sane person like myself would NEVER write anything this messed up!


Desiree Fox

I don't know why, but I always have a soft spot for girls with a rounder face. So yeah, I picked up this tape because I liked her face. Her clothes are kinda ugly though. I was really hoping this girl's voice was as nice as her face, but she sounds like a less talented version of Tiffany.

Anyway, this cassette of covers is extremely underwhelming and not worth posting a clip. Perhaps if she had covered "All This Time" or "I'm Not Sleeping" I could've been more forgiving.

Kevin & Marg Harcourt - Our Gospel Favorites

When I started this blog, I never thought I'd be collecting entire discographies of artists that nobody gave a shit about. This is my third entry for "Weird Kevin" Harcourt, and it's his shittiest album yet (others here and here). There's nothing remotely interesting on here except Kevin's Kermitty voice, so I'm not putting up a sound clip.

Emerson Stone

I like it! I think that's the first time I've ever written that on this blog. Seriously, it's decent music and it's catchy enough for me to enjoy.

Listen to Merry-Go-Round

The Glendys - Third Time's A Charm

Oh my fucking god! If you're looking for a singer (I wasn't) who sounds like he's got a nose full of snot and a mouth full of chewing tobacco, then you've gotta get The Glendys "Third Time's A Charm" album. After their previous albums "First Time We Were Drunk" and "Second Time We Ever Picked Up A Guitar" failed like a busted condom, they finally hit a home run. Unfortunately, they tripped and fell while running home, smashing their noses into their faces which is why the album sounds like it was recorded in 'nasal-round-sound'

So here's a Kenny Rogers cover. Poor Kenny. First the facelift, now this...

Listen to Lucille!

Aerobic Praise

Why must these Christian groups keep enforcing the thought that exercising and praising God go together well? This tape is a nightmare! In the right channel, we have the worst Christian music ever recorded. In the left channel, we have some bitch commanding us to move all over the goddam place. If one of your speakers isn't working, this cassette isn't going to be effective. You'll either be moving around the house like an idiot, or you'll kill yourself to stop the pain from this shitty praise music.

Apparently this is a second volume. The reasoning for making more than one of these albums is beyond me. Volume one probably isn't any better.

Listen to Breakaway

Buryl Red & Grace Hawthorne - It's Cool In The Furnace

This is apparently a pretty popular Christian musical about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (I can't believe I remembered how to spell those fucked up names.) The production is nice, the children can sing, and it's an all-around decent album for Christian kids. I wouldn't however recommend it to those of you who are raising your children to be Satanists. It will contradict all the values that took years to instill into your children.

Anyway, the biggest problem I have with this album is the title track. The smooth-jazz song is way too fucking long, it has minimal content for lyrics, and ends every line with the word "man" (kinda like a certain guy I know). So if you like boring and lengthy repetitive songs, this one is for you!

The Brothers In Law Strike Again

Another 'fine' release on the Arc label. As a side note, I bought Anne Murray's first album which was released on Arc. It's actually a really good folk album! Too bad she turned to crappy country music after such a great start.

Anyway, The Brothers In Law play bluegrass music and sing tongue-in-cheek lyrics about political and historical Canadian issues. I'm not too fond of bluegrass nor Canadian history, so this album doesn't have much to offer me. However, "Lullaby to a Spoiled Brat" is pretty funny, so I've put it up for you rich folk who don't understand why I buy old junk in the thrift stores. Hey, I can't understand why you buy hardwood flooring and then are afraid of scratching it. You've got the money to install it, so you MUST have the money to fix it!

Listen to Lullaby to a Spoiled Brat

Candle - The Music Machine

I bought this because it looked like someone recorded over it, so I thought it would be interesting to spend the 25 cents and find out what was on it. Unfortunately, nobody recorded over this awful Christian tape, but fear not! It doesn't play worth a damn in my machine which makes it sound like Satan is taking over their souls.

Give it a listen!

Celebrate Saskatchewan with The Panio Brothers

I very recently mentioned these guys in the Neepawa entry. I didn't think they put out any albums, but here it is in all it's 8-trackky glory. Guess what? They still suck. This album is worse than the lowly 45 I picked up. I'm pretty sure the entire band was intoxicated while they recorded this album. Musically, it sounds like a drunken slopfest. I can certainly appreciate this music when it's played well, but Christ you'd think they would at least ATTEMPT to stay sober while recording!

How bad is it? Well, this is absolutely the WORST version of "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain" I've ever heard in my life. The band doesn't hold it together, and the singing drunk sounds like he's going to puke while crying in the rain. You can literally hear the room spinning in his voice!

Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain

Our Father Played & Sung by Fr. Ray Guimond

I have a great debate when I find shitty looking Christian albums. I've bought many of them and most of them are very mediocre. Every time I pick one up in the thrift store, I think to myself "is this going to be as crummy as it looks?" Most of the time I put the album down and keep going. I'm not sure why I grabbed this one, but it's probably the second-worst album I've ever featured on this blog. Think of the Steve Wilson album, but a bit more talented. ONLY A BIT.

The music is very smooth pop, the mix is bad, and Ray's voice makes him sounds like he's got parkinsons disease and is singing on his death bed. All the songs are at various stages of bad, so it was tough choosing a song off here. I decided to just go with the title track, because that's the song that should represent the whole album, and it REALLY sets it up for failure.

Listen if you dare to "Our Father"

Oak Bank Pride - 2004 Oak Bank Elementary School Music Performances

This one was still sealed. Albums made by elementary schools are always weird, terrible, or both. The music is quite well produced and sounds almost professional. Then an entire class of tone-deaf children ruin the whole fucking thing. Not only do you get children singing badly, the CD also includes a video file containing clips of the recording sessions. So this time you can actually pinpoint the children who are ruining the songs you're listening to!

Listen to the Alphabet Song

I've graciously included a Youtube video of the song "Jubilation". The kid on the cowbell got fired from Blue Oyster Cult because her sense of rhythm is about as good as a quadriplegic having a seizure. One of the drunken Panio Brothers bashing a trashcan could do a better job.

Video: Learn to Discern

Christian videos that slam mainstream music are always fun. This one has a lot of boring fodder, but right in the middle they did a piece on Kurt Cobain and how he has influenced kids to kill themselves. Since I was a fan of Nirvana, I decided to kill myself as well. I blew my head off with a shotgun at age 16 and my religious mother (who warned me that Nirvana was satanic) felt absolutely no remorse over my death.

I love how this segment of the video was prefaced by a video clip of the highly controversial heavy metal band Nelson. When I wanna get my Satan on, Nelson is the first thing I grab off my CD shelf.

Whew! That's a lot of stuff! I think I spent about 2-3 hours in Dauphin collecting it all. I've got a nice trip to Thompson coming up which means I'll probably be hitting the thrift store in Ashern on the way back.

I've got tons more stuff that I'm just dying to post, but I've been lacking the time. Summer is here (okay, it's Spring, but it's a really nice spring) and I'm enjoying getting outside and doing things. Not only that, every two years I re-vamp my computers (and this spring is the deadline for me) so I need to do massive backups, formatting, installing, and all that other fun shit. However, I'm in the process of building myself a nice file server (which I've named Jehovah) so things should be a little more smooth with transition in the years to come.

Until the next entry, keep your eyes on the skies!