Thursday, June 28, 2012

Album Review: JohNNy SiZZle - MetamorpheSIZ

I'm in a fantastic mood right now, and I've been putting off reviewing this album. Why? I don't know. In my opinion, it doesn't fit in with the garbage I usually feature on this blog. However, if it wasn't for Johnny Sizzle, this blog probably wouldn't exist.

I was first introduced to Johnny back in the early 1990s because he had a public access television show called "Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch". I've featured a few videos from that show on this blog. He also went to the same high school as me, and there were a few people there who remembered him. I also remember seeing some of his home-recorded cassettes on sale in the 'local' section in the music stores. I was tempted to buy one, but when you're a teenager with very little money to spend, you question spending twelve bucks on a cassette.

A few months ago, I came across MetamorpheSIZ in a thrift store, I instantly bought it, took it home, and listened. Previously, I had heard only two of Johnny's songs at this point (Theme from Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch, If Satan Was My Lover) so I kinda knew what I was in for. But this album was a bit different than what I expected. It's good! It's all catchy acoustic punk rock songs. I like punk rock, I like the acoustic guitar, and I like catchy songs. It sorta reminds me of The Replacements, and I like The Replacements.

The first track (Because I Want To) is an absolute gem. It would be a fantastic song for a female singer to cover, and I'd love to get my girlfriend to do a cover (that's if Johnny's cool with it, and my girlfriend likes the song).

While looking at the credits for the album, I found out that the first six tracks (which have a full band on them) have contributions from Mr. Plow! If it slips your mind, I posted about a Mr. Plow album here.

Even though the album is fantastic, I'm not going to post the whole thing for downloading, but suggest you purchase it from here.

I respect all the work that Johnny has done over the last 20+ years, and feel he deserves the money. However, I do feel the need to post one track from it, and I've been torn on which one to post. But ultimately, I decided on the family sing-song "Oh Happy Happy Hardcore Kid"

Listen to it here!

The album is going into my regular CD collection as opposed to going into the blog archive bin, and that speaks volumes in itself.

Oh, one more thing... the blog has received 100 likes on Facebook. Finally, some real friends!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Sex Records

I haven't posted in a while because I've been extremely busy. I've been doing house renovations - one of them is FINALLY getting my 1300+ CD collection under control. The other is trying to get my bedroom renovated. On top of that, I've been enjoying time with my child, my girlfriend, and then being forced to do the usual house chores (which have NOT been kept up very well). Not only that, the weather's been nice and I don't feel like being trapped indoors. Everything else ends up suffering, like having frequent blog entries, and I STILL haven't revamped my computers which are maxed to the tits with data. Don't worry, I haven't lost my passion for this blog, nor have I run out of things to blog about. The in queue box is violently overflowing.

Anyway, let's get this shit done...

I got a new turntable! It's a Technics model SL-QD2 and it sounds just as fantastic as the Hitachi that I retired. The only difference between the Technics and the Hitachi is I paid $1.00 for the Hitachi while the Technics one was free. So, let's put the new turntable to use and check out some records on the subject of sex...

The Wild Humor of Rex Benson

Click on the cover to see it uncensored - NSFW!

I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong. I did NOT buy this album for the cover. No no no. I bought it because I've never heard of Rex Benson and I'm always interested in finding new talented artists to feature on this clean, family-oriented blog.

The album cover states that the audio contains "out of sight stories of sinful satire and wild, wild sexplay!" I think there's more wild sexplay on Raffi's Adult Entertainment album. The wildest part of this album is the cover. Rex Benson doesn't utter a single cuss word and dances around the obvious with polite, non-offensive ways to paint the pictures of his sex jokes. He sounds like a very proper young man who is still suppressing his sexual desires.

There will be no audio clip. The album isn't very funny and the woman on the cover has ugly tits.

My Body Is My Own Vol.2

Sex with children is generally frowned upon, so Kid Stuff records made an album about it. I bought this one still sealed, coloring book inclusive! Trying to pick an interesting clip from this record was very difficult. So much of it is entertaining! Before we get to the clip, let's look at some of the pages in the coloring book:

I don't know about you, but encouraging a kid to color a picture of a man feeling up a little girl's leg is just... uhhh... weird. As for the dialogue, I'm borderline on if I find it all extremely creepy or downright fucking hilarious. I suppose I'll let you decide for yourself:

Listen to My Body Is My Own!

Def Dames Dope - Don't Be Silly

I got this in a box of records on freebie weekend. Some bastard kept the free condom and sticker that were attached to the record sleeve. The back of the album has an address where you can send away for a free T-shirt of the album cover. Why in hell would ANYBODY wear a T-shirt with THIS album cover on it? If you're stupid enough to send money for a T-shirt like this, you've invested in a guarantee that a group of teenagers will kick the shit out of you for being a loser.

Smile Condoms, the company who is promoted on the album cover has the slogan, "Smile: Best condom, worst chewing gum." If you're dumb enough to chew on a fucking latex condom, then you have no right to be procreating with or without a condom. Do everyone a favor and choke on the Smile.

In my opinion, the song, the condom, and the T-shirt all promote stupidity. I don't think ANYBODY who purchased all this stuff has the smarts to figure out what hole to put their penis in. Perhaps that explains the gunk I had to clean out of the hole in the center of the record before putting it on my turntable.

This is the radio edit. The song isn't good enough to put up the five minute remixes.

Listen to the fucking song.

And that's it for this round! Now that it's garage sale season, I'll be on the lookout for even more fun and interesting stuff. Stay tuned and please forgive me for the sporadic entries. It is summer after all.