Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A New Audio Hosting Site!

Classical Gas Emissions has a new friend! From now on, sound clips will be hosted on Houndbite.com. This place is strictly for hosting goofy audio files, and has rescued the Creepy Hypnotist audio clip from the Youtube trashbin.

The only thing is the audio player doesn't seem to embed well into blogger, but the audio plays fine on the site. The biggest selling points were that it likes Linux and the Opera web browser.

Thank god, no more pissing around with Putfile!!! No more making crappy videos for audio clips! This also means I can get blog entries up faster, since I won't need to eat away time making videos. Don't get me wrong, I have lots more video stuff to put on Youtube, but I don't need to be making a video for every stupid audio clip.

Oh yeah, and you can now DOWNLOAD the audio clips (or as they're called, 'houndbites')

Friday, March 27, 2009

A Cassette For Women: Love Your Body

I'm feeling great today! My head is full of bumps, my nipples feel good, and I like to touch the fat on my hips.

The other day at the thrift store, I came across an interesting stack of cassettes. I picked out two titles that seemed the most interesting and bought them. They're hypnosis tapes that were created by a guy named Romane. Romane made it big a few years back with his 'Quit Smoking Through Hypnosis' seminar. The Allen Carr book I mentioned a few posts ago is cheaper than Romane's seminars, and it works well too.

Anyway, what initially caught my attention with these tapes was the warning "DO NOT PLAY WHILE DRIVING." I thought it was because of the hypnosis, but I was wrong. I would've crashed my truck from laughing if I had played this while driving! This particular tape is called "For Women: Love Your Body." To summarize, the guy tells the woman to get naked and touch herself.

There is a couple of problems I noticed with this tape though. First of all, I believe this tape would have been more effective had it been voiced by a female. Since it's a male, he just ends up sounding like a pervert. Second, the voice on this cassette seems to have been altered. If you look at the waveform in the below picture, you'll notice that everything below the zero line is clipping (lowest point of wave is cut off). However, everything above the zero line is fine, possibly a bit too small:

With the male voice being altered, the guy sounds like a creepy old pig getting off on talking about the woman's body.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO A CLIP! (edited down for length)

And of course if you'd like to buy this cassette or any of the other hypnosis cassettes that I left behind at the Thrift store, you can buy them HERE! Sorry, I think they're only available on CD now :(

UPDATE (03-30-2009):

I initially hosted this thing on youtube and it was removed. I'm not quite sure why the video was removed, but here's the reason I recieved:

The following video(s) from your account have been disabled for violation of the YouTube Community Guidelines:

* Creepy Male Hypnotist - (drbpony)

Your account has received one Community Guidelines warning strike, which will expire in six months. Additional violations may result in the temporary disabling of your ability to post content to YouTube and/or the termination of your account.

For your reference, a copy of this message has also been emailed to the address associated with this account.

The YouTube Team

Either it was removed for copyright infringement, or for nudity. I pulled this from the community guidelines which pretty much describes both the recording and the images:

YouTube is not for pornography or sexually explicit content. If this describes your video, even if it's a video of yourself, don't post it on YouTube.

Thanks to Houndbite.com, the audio is back up!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Toil In The Soil

Being a Winnipeg kid in the mid to late 1980s ruled because when you came home from school for lunch at 12:00, you turned on the TV to watch a show called "S'kiddle Bits" hosted by Joey Gregorash (who had a handful of hit songs in the 1970s and 1980s). It was a live show that featured contests, birthday announcements, local events, guest appearances, lost pets, and funny parodies.

This is one such parody of an advertisement for a record album full of parodies based on stereotypical Canadian humour. I still love watching it.

I used to have a videocassette full of clips from his show, but it's long gone. This and one full length episode is all that survives in my video collection. I also used to have an autographed picture of him, but I think that went up in my parents' house fire. Now that I think about it, I lost a lot of really cool blogworthy shit in that fire. Oh well, I'll survive.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Bad 80s Porn

When I was 16, my cousin (who is about 10 years older than me) gave me three porno movies he didn't want anymore. The other two seem to have disappeared on me, but this one called "Sweet Alice" has hung around and rightly so; it's the cheesiest one of them all.

Here's what happens in the movie from what I can remember... Sweet Alice runs away from her husband Billie Joe (that dude in the cowboy hat) and becomes a porn star. Billie Jo hires a female private detective to find Sweet Alice. She locates a porno video and shows it to Billie Joe. He then gets all heartbroken and the detective comforts him. Then they fuck under an apple tree.

The song "The Ballad of Billie Joe" which you hear in the beginning of this film keeps popping up repeatedly, making you fast forward through it because the chick singing it has a REALLY irritating voice, and the music sounds like it's playing off a record that was left sitting in the sun.

Here's my breakdown of what the movie consists of:
50% story
35% "The Ballad of Billie Joe"
15% Pornography

If you would actually like to buy a copy of this badly plotted, badly produced B movie that tries to be a porno film, you can get it here.

"A tender, touching saga of love and lust... quite simply one of the best scripts ever written." -- Velvet Magazine

Velvet Magazine must be made up of retarded children in order to call this a good script.

Anyway, here's the clip. I excluded the actual pornographic scenes solely to focus on the cheese, and for the 'cleanliness' of this blog:

Monday, March 9, 2009

Random Papers

Here's a couple of random pieces of paper I found...

Worship Satan

Way back when I was in High School, I found this sitting on my desk just after I entered the class room.

Letter to Mel

I found this one while on a walk one day. Sounds like Matt was looking for some pity.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Megadeth Concert Promo

I can't tell you how much great stuff I recorded off Scruff Connors' morning show back in the mid-90s. Morning shows have been so bloody boring since he moved out to Toronto.

Anyway, his morning show was filled with fake, but hilarious commercials. This was one of three concert promos that I heard while Scruff was on the air in Winnipeg:

I have one more like this, but I'll save it for another snowy day.

Sunday, March 1, 2009