Friday, May 31, 2019

Fake Soundtracks

I've been gone for a while for some perfectly good reasons that I shall not discuss. My time was needed elsewhere. You know how it goes.

But I always come back! Back to grinding away at the shitty things I find because I enjoy polluting the internet. This blog will not die, no matter how much terrible shit I post. Speaking of terrible shit...

Music From the Motion Picture FM

If you look at the cover, it says in small capitalized letters "NOT THE ORIGINAL SOUND TRACK". Pickwick must be losing their touch. That text should be much, much smaller.

I haven't seen the movie nor do I own the real soundtrack, but I know some of the songs on here. These renditions are unnecessary, unexplainable crap. First of all, after looking at the track listing for the real soundtrack, they've chosen some of the shittiest songs from it. Second, the Doobie Brothers song is sang by some female Pickwick employee who also sang the Linda Ronstadt songs. Some guy sings all the male-fronted songs (except for The Doobie Brothers). I would've like to see him do a Linda Ronstadt song, but since Linda Ronstadt is a hack in her own right and covered The Rolling Stones and Warren Zevon, the songs would've sounded closer to the original had they been sung by the guy. Everybody loses.

The vinyl record pictured on the cover appears to be the real FM soundtrack. Cute. What a way to rub in the money you wasted on the Pickwick piece of shit.

The recordings are typical Pickwick garbage. The Doobie Brothers song "It Keeps You Runnin'" doesn't have that poop-tastic casio sound that the original does (which isn't a bad thing), but it's still one of the shittiest Doobie Brothers songs in existence (along with everything from the "Cycles" album), so there's no justice done here. Life In The Fast Lane is the worst, and it's one of the shittier Eagles songs as well. Thank God they faded it out early to end the suffering quickly.

Listen to It Keeps You Runnin'
Listen to Life In The Fast Lane
Download the whole piece of shit

A Tribute To The Flintstones By Overtures

When I saw this in the thrift store, I knew it wasn't going to be music from the animated series since the band Was (Not Was) did not exist in the 1960s. This is supposed to be a take on the soundtrack from the motion picture that was released in 1994. This is another movie I haven't seen and a soundtrack I don't own either.

Was (Not Was) is actually one of my more favourite bands and I've never heard a cheap imitation cover of them, so this is a first and it doesn't disappoint. The fucking third verse is missing in "Walk The Dinosaur".

I'm surprised that they actually did a cover of the Green Jello version of Anarchy in the UK instead of grabbing a Sex Pistols cover they had laying around. The singer's a piece of shit though. He doesn't sound nearly as angry as the guy from Green Jello. The analog fuck up that exists in the Green Jello version is nowhere to be found here, nor did I expect it to. Why put in any kind of effort to emulate the original? Because turds don't need to be polished, that's why.

The Brad Roberts impression on "In The Days Of The Caveman" is comedy gold! Remember how Weird Al forced his voice to be lower in the song "Headline News"? Well, he did a good job on that. This guy just sounds like a pompous dink getting sucked off by your hairy mother.

The first six tracks on the CD are cheap imitations from the movie soundtrack. The other nine songs are just some relevant bullshit The Overtures recorded to fill the rest of the CD. Here's what they added:

Wooly Bully
Tyrannosaurus and Me
Crocodile Rock
Alley Oop
Stone Agent
I'm a Caveman
Neanderthal Man
I Go Ape
Monster Mash

Woolly Bully is terrible, and they spelled it wrong. I don't know what they were trying to do here, and I don't believe there's a modern cover they were trying to emulate. All they wanted to do was shit this one onto the CD and call it a day. The same goes for Crocodile Rock. Elton John is spinning in his stupid looking clothes from this atrocity.

Alley Oop is surprisingly not too horrible. It follows the original recording pretty well with exception of the flat, over-polished production.

Putting The Monster Mash on here was a cop-out. It's been slightly re-written to be more caveman-centric, and from what I can tell from Google, the guys who made this CD came up with the alternate lyrics. It's pretty dumb and lame.

Listen to In The Days of The Caveman
Listen to Woolly Bully
Listen to Monster Mash
Download the whole piece of trash.

It's good to be back posting.

Guess what? We're planning this year's Junq Tour! It shall be every bit as entertaining as the last one, possibly more! However, I have a certain subject to cover before I venture out into the deep thrifty forest of the Christian Wheat Belt. You'll eventually see why...