Before I dive into this entry, I must warn all of you that we're going to die. According to this billboard by familyradio.com, we're all fucking dead on May 21st:
So, before we all get killed by our loving God, I figured I'd help kick your hellbound ass to church by bringing you a puppet show, performed by the Public Access Puppet Lady I introduced you to back in December. Enjoy!
Here is another band who made it onto "Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch." This video is from Christmas 1991. Box Lunch is like a really low-budget Iron Maiden. The bass player faithfully follows the lead guitar player in most of the songs, and the singer kinda looks like a cross between Axl Rose and Bruce Dickinson. However, I couldn't imagine either one of them writing a goofy song like this:
Yes, it's a heavy metal song about Eggnog. Here's the lyric sheet in both English and French:
With the exception of the extremely silly Eggnog song, Box Lunch actually wrote some decent stuff. The singer wasn't fantastic, but the hooky choruses made up for his extremely repetitive singing style.
Within three years, Box Lunch got themselves a record deal. Now, here's how they fuck it all up...
They got rid of great songs like "Eggnog" and every other song they performed on that Johnny Sizzle episode, they booted out the singer (the bass player took over on vocals), they wrote some shitty new songs, made some cool artwork, photocopied it, and stuck it on the album cover. Then, they gave it a retarded, unmemorable album title, and mass produced it through a little company called "En Guard Records".
Thus, "The Rock Box, The Pebble Pusher, A Pitbull" was born:
I'm not shitting you, this is what the album cover looks like on the glossy insert paper.
When I bought this album last summer at a garage sale for $1, I was quite anxious to hear it. After listening to a few songs, I shut it off. With songs such as "Begginnerring Boss", "2 Chord Jazz", and "2 Chord Twang", you know you're going to shut it off before reaching the end.
I have no clue when Box Lunch disbanded, but judging from how terrible this album is, it probably wasn't too long after it was recorded and released. It's a shame they didn't make this album when they were at their tightest back in 1991 when "Eggnog" was destined for the.... well, not the charts, but at least it was interestingly stupid.
If you want to hear the more serious side of Box Lunch (and emphasize how crappy their album was), here's another track from the Johnny Sizzle episode (audio only)
It's that time again, time for me to write a Christmas entry (or two if I have time). You may remember last year when I brought you highlights from the album "Shit Yule" which of course brought joy and suffering to the ears of many. Well, not much has changed this year...
This time around, I'm bringing you another video from my collection of Public Access TV shows. Not sure what this show was called, but a very zealous, enthusiastic Christian lady is wishing all her viewers a Merry Christmas, and is helping us celebrate the birth of Jesus by having Henrietta and Merna sing "Go Tell It On The Mountain". I'm sure Jesus has forgiven these two for causing many to change the channel in search of a non-Christian TV program solely to have their ears relieved of such torture. After all, Jesus understands what torture is like.
Update Dec 22/08:
Ever since I posted this video just over a week ago, it has spread around the internet like a contageous venerial flu and has recieved some nice youtube honors. Here's a handful of my favorite comments posted on various sites & blogs:
Borstalboy:
Now THIS is the kind of Christmastime enthusiasm I expect from the Bible belt! You GO, girls!
PalJoey:
I may convert. But to WHAT?
Reginald Tresilian:
They found Jesus--and are obviously bitter about it.
anthony:
damn that bass has some FUNK
Kidcobra:
Most of all though, I'm loving that bitch on the far right. Merna, is it? Though she clearly looks like she's having the time of her life, I sense she would much, MUCH rather be downing whiskey chasers at a frat
thedarkbackward:
The hot little minx on the right would look great chained to a radiator.
Update Dec 28/08
Here's a fun happy remix from Calpernia:
By popular demand, here's a couple of updated pictures of Merna:
I really can't tell you how much I miss Public Access TV. So many terrible shows, so little time to watch them. And now they're gone. Well, the Public Access channel hasn't exactly disappeared. What happened was Shaw bought both our little Winnipeg-based cable companies (Cablevision and Videon, depending which side of the river you were on) and turned it all into a big corporate pile of shit. The public access channel now shows garbage like high school sporting events - and that's all. I don't want to watch that, I want to watch my old high school Social Studies teacher do his makeshift religious program and sing songs of praise with his wife (yes, every bit of that is true! I have the video somewhere.)
Here's a real gem. This is probably the most god-awful thing I've ever seen on that channel. Again, it's so bad, I had to record it. It's some Polish guy singing really badly while playing his barrel organ.
Hello, and welcome to the grand opening of Classical Gas Emissions! I might as well give credit where credit is due... I was inspired to start this thing because of another blog which I enjoyed immensely: http://www.dinosaurgardens.com/
The idea of featuring the worlds stranges, horrible, stupid, and most unique creations appealed to me greatly. I've been collecting strange and bizarre things for as long as I can remember. I'll be featuring some of the best stuff that I've got in my vast collection of audio, video, and other junk.
Anyway, I figured I'd start this off the right way. Back in 1992, I went through my "Public Access TV Show" phase. Doesn't everyone? There were such memorable shows as Cooking with Fran, Math with Marty, You & Your Dog, along with a slew of people who thought they made fantastic tele-evangelists, including one of my high school teachers. Yeah, he heard about the broadcast from his students on the next day. They usually found his TV show when they couldn't find shit to watch on TV.
However, I'm going to present one of those special moments for me. This was one of those moments when I couldn't get a tape in the VCR fast enough to record what I was seeing. It was on a TV show called "Johnny Sizzle's Entertainment Watch". It's stuff like this that my blog is based on. Stuff that's too bizarre to be true. Stuff that's so unique that nobody will ever see it again. I present you with a song by a (former) local Winnipeg band called Mental Note. Just watch and you'll see why I taped it.
On a side note, this is my first EVER submission to youtube. If any of you have tips on creating better videos for youtube, please let me know (I'm using Nero 7)
