Sunday, January 24, 2021

Not These Groups Again!

Today we shall revisit some artists that we've covered in previous entries. These three albums have been sitting in my queue pile for many years, so it's time to clear them out and make room for other crap.

The Welfare Starlets - Underground

Previously covered here

The last thing I reviewed by the Welfare Starlets was what seemed to be a demo tape which contained the song "Menstrual Blues". They also seem to have lost a member between the release of that cassette and this CD (more on that later). You know what? This album is quite decent. The music is played well, it has a good mix, and the lyrics are fun and dumb. You can't ask for much more than that. I have no clue what the hell is going on with the cover though.

The entire reason why I dug this one out was because I had received an email from one of the band members a couple of months back...

Thank you for posting about the Welfare Starlets. I wrote The Menstrual Blues 30 years ago because my mother didn't believe that cramps could hurt that much! After we started playing the song, people came out of the woodwork to thank us for expressing what they felt, and my mom learnt that the pain was real. You made me laugh with your comment on how you could relate, having had bloody diarrhea!

Anyway, the real reason I wanted to thank you for posting the song is this: the woman on the far right in the picture of us you posted now has young-onset Alzheimer's, and is in a long-term care institution. The other day, I found our recording on your blog, and played it for her and we sang along to it! It was great to see her eyes light up as she remembered the words.

Thanks for unearthing old cassettes and uploading them online. You're doing great work.

So let's enjoy a couple of songs from it. The Roadkill song is probably my favourite. As a side note, what's the deal about writing songs about eating roadkill?

Listen to Roadkill

Listen to Frozen Salsa

Kevin & Marg Harcourt - Shadow Pictures on the Wall

Previously covered here and here and here and here and here and here

Kevin stepped it up a notch and recorded this album on Chromium Dioxide tape. Now you can hear his moustache in crystal, clear audio fidelity! I'm just glad I can't hear the sound of their shirts. Yeeesh!

Whoever previously owned this tape decided to check off all the Kevin Harcourt albums they have. This really gives us an inside glimpse into what kind of people listen to Kevin Harcourt...

Kevin usually records nothing but cover songs. However, this time he recorded some originals that he got from other people across Canada. Kudos to him for being nice enough to give credit to these contributors unlike some of the other people I've reviewed who leeched talent and took all the credit for themselves. Good boy, Kevin!.

I'm letting you hear the song "Sick and Tired", which is how I feel from constantly finding Kevin's albums in the thrift store

Sick and Tired

George Wescott - Yesterdays Memories

Previously covered here

Do you like the Casio keyboard? Do you like screechy violins? If you do, then you're probably a Newfie. At least that's the impression I get from finding all these shitty Canadian sea shanties from Newfoundland. So if there's any Newfies out there who don't feel these musical elements represent their province, then perhaps you should hunt down all these people pooping out crappy albums and teach them how to make GOOD music.

Now look at the cover. George said, "Fuck this hayride shit, I'm gonna play my accordion!"

According to the sticker on the spine of the cassette, I paid fifteen cents for this. With eleven tracks, that's a little more than a penny per song, although I think he charged extra for "Fields of Athenry" since it clocks in at five minutes. Shitty music is getting expensive.

This guy should do an album with Eddie Coffey, although I think Eddie is well above and beyond doing suicidal sea shitties played on a Casio keyboard. Also, these songs almost all sound the same. I suppose that saves time programming the Casio.

Listen to Mist Upon the Morning

Listen to Fields of Athenry

Well, hopefully you get some entertainment from the junk I review while you're locked up in your smelly house that you're too depressed to clean due to not being able to have friends over or jobs because it's illegal. I know I'm entertained by it. Perhaps I should do something about the smell. Oh wait, it's probably because that last album stunk.

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Screw The Restrictions, Let's Travel!

In 2020, we weren't allowed to do much travel due to a plague trying to kill all of us. So to get 2021 started right, I'm going to get the year started right and bring you guys around the world through the magic of Classical Gas Emissions Travel Agency! Our first stop will be beautiful Israel!

Children's Party in Israel

This album was sealed, but I didn't think it was good enough to digitize the whole thing. Somebody paid $7.99 for this imported piece of shit. That's probably around $20 in today's money. They could have bought a couple of high quality Care Bears albums for that money. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt there are any people who speak fluent Hebrew who read my blog. Yes, this entire album is in Hebrew. If by some chance you ARE fluent in hebrew, here's a copy of the enclosed lyric sheet. 

It appears that the album may have been produced by the legendary Beatles producer George Martin, but don't quote me on that. The music is on the left channel and the speech/singing is on the right channel. There's a little bit of dialog on here, but it's mostly songs. It's actually recorded very well. For the people who wrote the bible, they're certainly a technically advanced society!

Listen to Announcement

Listen to Happy Birthday

A Child's Introduction to Life in India and Indonesia

We're going on a visit to visit the friendly country of India! This record tells a bit about the culture and tells some stories. It's a pretty fucking boring record for the most part. It makes me wonder how much I'd sleep during a tour of India.

Apparently, this album was co-produced by UNICEF. All I remember about UNICEF was those orange boxes that came from school during Halloween with the injured cartoon kids on them.  Children were supposed to beg for money while they were out trick-or-treating. Apparently, they ceased the money begging program in the mid-2000s.  Growing up, I never once knew what UNICEF stood for. In case you don't know either, it stands for "United Nations International Childrens' Emergency Fund". I have no clue what they actually do except make orange boxes to put money in.

I've provided a bit of dialog of how they celebrate "Hero Day" in India followed by the worst song I've heard since 2021 started.

Listen to a clip about Hero Day!

Hong Kong Pre-Trip Briefing

Now we get to visit the place where all my childhood toys came from! Hooray!

I was a bit baffled when I started the tape on side 1 and it told me I was listening to part 2. When I got to side 2, they welcomed me to part one. Clearly, someone either made a booboo in dubbing this, or put the labels on the wrong sides. I thought maybe the tape was manufactured in Hong Kong, but it was actually made in Switzerland. Good job, Switzerland! I'd hate to see how cheap your other products are. We certainly won't be visiting you anytime soon!

The tape is narrated by two numbskulls named Kathy and Chris who are reading an extremely bad script. You will be praying that these two finally give into their frustration and anger and finally beat the piss out of each other. Listening to these two banter back and forth gives me a headache. Regardless, I've given you some of their annoying dialog to ensure that you never want to travel to Hong Kong on the advice of Berlitz.

Listen to some clips!

Look at that! Now you don't have to worry about travelling anywhere in 2021 because you've already visited three annoying countries. Regardless, I look forward to bombarding you with another year of crappy music and whatever else I happen to pull out of my queue box. Welcome to the hell of 2021!