Saturday, May 14, 2011

Public Access Puppet Show

Before I dive into this entry, I must warn all of you that we're going to die. According to this billboard by, we're all fucking dead on May 21st:

So, before we all get killed by our loving God, I figured I'd help kick your hellbound ass to church by bringing you a puppet show, performed by the Public Access Puppet Lady I introduced you to back in December. Enjoy!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Found: Andrea's Computer

It's been a while since I've collected data from a discarded computer. I haven't really bothered doing this for a while since I haven't had the time. Collecting, sorting, and reading someone else's writings takes a lot of time.

I picked up this discarded computer for the sake of having an IBM Model 5150. It has a couple of nice upgrades, namely the 3 1/2" floppy drive, and the 20 Megabyte hard drive (which was completely full). Since this picture was taken, I've also found a matching IBM monochrome monitor to go with this system.

In the picture above, I am transferring the data onto my trusty little Sharp laptop. I tried connecting my netbook to the 5150, but the USB serial adapter and Linux weren't very co-operative in communicating with it. There's nothing that works like good ol' DOS when it comes to these old computers.

The hard drive contained stories and poetry written by a 13 year old girl named Andrea Woodrow. Her name has been changed for obvious reasons. I did a Facebook search on her real name, and found that we have a mutual friend on Facebook. It's VERY tempting to contact her and send her a copy of her own work.

The stories are generally incomplete, and so is the novel series that she was writing. Her poetry is actually quite decent though, but perhaps I should let you judge the content for yourself. I hereby bring you, The Writings of Andrea Woodrow!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Three Strange Albums

Before we get into this blog entry, let's play a little guessing game.

Question #1: Which one of the following songs is off a Children's album?

I'm Fat
My Friend Is A Cow
Let's Get Fat

Question #2: Same question, different list..

My Pencil's Trying To Kill Me
Baby In A Body Bag
Undersized Overpants

The answers will be given at the end of this blog entry.

Anyway, here's three very strange looking albums I've purchased over the last few months. Since I've had a bit of time on my hands, all three of these albums are available for download! (Don't expect this to be a regular thing, I just happened to have the time to do it.)

Trouser Mouth - Steel Urinal! Pass The Puck!

I bought this album still sealed from a thrift store. After reading the song titles (Nut Sac Out, Touch Yer Bum) I thought it was going to be one of the shittiest albums I've ever heard. Surprisingly, it's quite the opposite. These are fantastic (and short) punk rock songs. The band is tight and the songs are catchy as hell! If you like Punk Rock, you'll enjoy the shit out of this album.

Listen to "Green Drip"

Download link removed by request of the band, but you can get their albums by visiting their website.

Bob King & Friends - The Giant Hot Dog That Ate Regina

Personally, I would've been more impressed if the album was called "The Vagina That Ate A Giant Hot Dog". But if it were called that, I suppose parents would be up in arms over the title since this is a children's album. Not only that, it's a shitty children's album.

I think there's two or three songs on here about eating moldy food, and the rest is just "positive lyrical content for our younger generation" which we all know does NOT make for an interesting and fun album. Take for example the song "Rock & Roll Teachers". Sounds like something off a crappy Meat Loaf album. Don't believe me? Click here and listen to the damn thing. Kids would rather hear songs about their teachers having their pants fall down or having homework. NOBODY wants to hear about their teachers Rockin' and Rollin'. NOT COOL.

Sorry, but I made this available for download too :(

Mr. Plow - It's Plow Or Never

This unoriginal bastard stole his name from a Simpsons episode. The songs all sound like they were written by an immature 16 year old boy, although I think "Bukkake Night In Canada" would make a fine National Anthem. I'll give Mr. Plow credit though, the album definitely held my attention with songs such as "I Like Your Tits" and "Golden Shower Girl". I anticipated finding out what stupid lyrics he could come up with on the next song.

Listen to the ever-so-fun song "Donkey"

Download the album and feel 16 years old again.

And now, the answers to the quiz from earlier. The songs from the children's album "The Giant Hotdog That Ate Regina" are highlighted:

I'm Fat
*My Friend Is A Cow*
Let's Get Fat

*My Pencil's Trying To Kill Me*
Baby In A Body Bag
Undersized Overpants

Yup, that album is pretty fucking sad.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Canned Peaches Computerized Catalog

When I was a teenager, there were two things that were most important in my life. The first was my novelty mashup project called "Canned Peaches". I would take an existing song, mix things into it (movie clips, sound effects) or even remix the whole song, and put collections of these songs into albums. Quite the task when you consider that there were no computers powerful enough back then to make the job easier. But, it was a fun hobby to keep me occupied during my sheltered teen years. I will be putting these recordings up sometime in the future.

The other thing that kept me entertained was programming in BASIC on my Commodore 64. I wrote lots of software; some useful, some stupid, and some that was highly amusing. I ended up using my "Canned Peaches" brand on the software I wrote (at least from 1992 on). I'm going to feature some screenshots of one particular program.

This is probably my most favorite creation out of all the software I wrote on the Commodore, called "The Canned Peaches Computerized Catalog." It's supposed to be a digital catalog, featuring some of my 'albums' and a bunch of fake products purely for the sake of making something funny.

The inspiration for this was a piece of software a friend of mine had written (also on the C-64) called "The C-64 Buyer's Ad". It was also funny, and included a couple of (what we now know as) easter eggs. As a result, I loaded my creation with many easter eggs.

The year 1995 was probably the most creative year in my life, and I still to this day bust out in laughter when I run this piece of software and read the crazy shit I wrote back then. The Canned Peaches Computerized Catalog will be celebrating its 16th birthday tomorrow on May 3.

The first menu:

Yeah, three items is a lot to choose from! For this blog entry, I'm going to choose section 3: the special items. Here's what you can buy:

I posted screenshots of every item. I hope you enjoy reading the text, looking at the crude graphics, and get a kick out of the humor I put into this goofy little program.

This blog entry really does not do the software justice. If you have the inclination, you can download it and run it in a Commodore 64 emulator (available here) to get the full experience. There's much more to it; the easter eggs, the interactive menus, the sound, the animation, and the overall experience.

For those who have never used a Commodore before, all you have to do is unzip the file, run the emulator, attach the disk image, and type: LOAD"*",8

Then, type "RUN" after it loads (*screenshot*)

Download the Canned Peaches Computerized Catalog!

I should really count myself lucky. I damn near lost all my home-made C-64 software in my parents' house fire. I spent days cleaning the smoke, water, and mold off the floppies just so I could transfer them onto the PC. A *very* small section of the Computerized Catalog disk was damaged, but I was able to restore the damaged part of the program. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of what the original disk looked like.

I'll eventually put more of my software on here for you to laugh at. Lord knows I still laugh at it!