Thursday, May 30, 2013

Randy, Graham, Sky and Joy

It feels like forever since I've written a proper entry! The warm weather is here and there's stuff to do outside. Not only that, I've been hard at work on an entry for a songwriting contest. You'll be able to hear it sometime after June 15th, so stay tuned for that!

This time around, I dived into my "in queue" box and plucked these four CDs. They looked interesting enough, and interesting they were! So sit back, light up a cigar, and prepare to choke on the smoke in disbelief of the goods I've brought you...

Graham Leathers - Reality Check!

After listening to this album, I hoped the dog chewed him up into little bits because the world does not need a "Reality Check Vol. 2." I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a children's album or just a terrible Barenaked-Ladies-inspired piece of crap. Graham's voice really gets on my nerves, and it's pretty obvious that this was a home-recorded album.

I was really hoping that the song "Beautiful Legs" was going to be about Graham drooling over some woman's sexy figure and then getting beaned with a purse full of tampons and lipstick. Unfortunately, it's about bugs. Graham: you are NOT Alice Cooper. This song is terrible.

Listen to Beautiful Legs

Just Joy

Look at this old lady. She looks so lovely with her black beaded necklace, ugly broach, and happy potted plant in the background. This album cover sets the mood for romance in a nursing home. I was really excited about this album solely because of the album cover, and the first song I listened to based on it's promise to deliver something fantastic was "I Sing Because I'm Happy". Guess what? It's an instrumental song. In fact, the whole album is instrumental. How deceiving! Fuck you, Joy!

She can certainly play piano, but this album has absolutely no charm without Joy's amazing vocals - which we never get to hear. What a let down. No track posted because it's boring.

Skye Sterling - Moonlight & Roses / Memory Lane / Thank You For Sharing The Love

You know you're in for a treat when the person making the album can't decide on a definitive album title. One is on the front cover, one is on the back cover, and one is on the CD. A tip for those of you making your own album: be sure to use ALL your album title ideas to completely confuse your two fans.

This guy's pretty full of himself. He had the balls to put a total of 8 pictures of himself on the album cover. Skye performs all his favorite songs on here. It's really too bad that he did such a shitty job on every one of them. The Jim Henson company should hire this guy because he has a very Muppet-esque voice, and I'm pretty sure they could surround him by some genuinely TALENTED musicians.

I was really torn between posting "Always On My Mind" or "Ring Of Fire". In the end, I figured I'd give Willie Nelson a reason to smash his old-ass guitar over someone's head.

Listen to Always On My Mind

Randy Richard Janzen - Up But Down,

My first question when I saw this album was, "Why is there a comma at the end of the album title?" The inlay card provides a perfectly good explanation:

Oct. 2000 - Loss of eyesight in right eye due to possible "optic neuritis".
June 2001 - Loss of eyesight in left eye due to probable "ischemic optic neuropathy...

...and there you go. Randy most likely designed the album cover himself and didn't see the comma he accidentally put there because he's fucking blind.

I've said it on this blog before and I'll say it again: just because you have a disability, it doesn't mean you should record an album. This also wasn't just a one-time CD pressing either, there were about 12 copies of this hunk of shit at the thrift store. When you see that, you can't help but think "Wow! There's 12 fucking copies here! This guy MUST be AWESOME!!!"

He's not. He's extremely annoying. Randy moans through seven badly written songs about praising God. Don't believe me? Have fun cringing....

Listen to The Handywork Of God

And there you go! We shall wish Randy, Graham, Sky and Joy all the best on what promises to be a 100% successful career in music.

Yeah right....

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Killing Plenty Of Fish - Part Two

For those of you who've been around for a while, you'll recall that I posted part one about a year and a half ago. There was so much content I had to split it into two parts, but never really got around to it. I've had some recent requests for the follow-up, so I'm going to post the rest of the interactions.

For those who are new here, the original post is here. You don't need to read it, but you probably will if you enjoy the hell out of this one. For a recap, I posed as a female on Plenty of Fish as a girl named Annabelle. I was a real bitch to these guys, and had a lot of fun getting reactions out of them.

So here's the rest of it. Enjoy!!!



Him: hi there) how are you?

Her: Fine

Him: great! how is POF?

Her: Bollocks

Him: Yes, you are right! For how long have you been on here?

(a few weeks later)

Him: you are still on here!?:) have some luck or just for fun!?

Her: A little of both.

Him: i see you don't like to talk!!!

Her: About what?

Him: about anything:) whatever i ask you just answering like "yes" or "no"!
Him: i cannot believe that you found someone...he-he

Her: He didn't shave his balls :(

Him: what doesn't mean? didn't understand?!

Her: He had a big bush of sweaty yuck

Him: how do you know? you already met someone from POF?

Her: Yeah and I dumped him.

Him: how come? how long had you been together?

Her: I saw him about three times

Him: what type of guy are you looking for?
Him: but what the main reason? i wont believe if it's because of his balls..he-he

Her: My man needs to have good ball hygene

Him: i see, but do you care just about it? are you here just for a sex?

Her: No

Him: great answer...ha-ha, just "yes". do you always talk like this?

Her: Like what?

Him: like "yes or no" i guess just to me....what do you think, maybe we can meet?!

Her: Where?

Him: wherever you can come over if you want!!

Her: That's creepy

Him: asked and i answered:) i said where you want! we can go just for a coffee.
Him: but if you are not interested...we can just talk:)

Her: Oh yay



Him: On my white trusted steed
To save you from pain and despair
Your love is all I need

Calling up to the heavens
Voice trailing to new heights
I am here to rescue you
Its your one and only white knight

Give me your hand darling
Our lives together will be bliss
Heal me from this lonely omen
I need your divine kiss

Carrying you from your tower
Loving arms grip me tight
Hold on to me forever
For I am your one and only white knight

Clenching my soul breathlessly
Your rose vine wraps around my heart
The only way to release this grip
Is to completely tear it apart

And I for one cannot fathom
To ever bear the sight
Ride out into the sunset forever
With your one and only white knight

Her: OMG,where did you find that?

Him: If by find you mean write from the bottomless pit of love known as my heart where I
would cherish you for all eternity and have our souls entangled into one singular
being where the mere sight of you would completely drive me into a euphoric coma just
for the fact that I found you so absolutely irresistible in every way shape and form
as you turned my ups to downs and lefts to blues causing me to lose sense of time and
Then that's probably where.

Her: Cool! Write some more.

Him: Whoa Whoa I'm no puppet lady.

Her: Just what I thought. You stole it from a book.

Him: This is the last time I will prove myself.

Oh, I just died in prettyanna23s arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in prettyanna23s arms tonight

I keep looking for something i will get
Pool of semen lies around me
As I dream of slapping the sh*tout of your tits
Your ass is propped up on the bedside table
In my favourite position its called rock the cradle
Who would've thought that a boy like me could cum like this

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
It must've been something you said
Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
Oh Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
Oh **** the cops are coming
I should've thrown the body away

Is there any just cause for feeling like this?
On the surface I’m on the sex offenders list
I thought I found love, but then asphyxiated it again
I've lost and found, body thrown in the lake
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take
'Cos i've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms

It was a long hot night
She made it easy, she made it feel right
But now it's over the moment has gone
I followed my hands not my head, i know i was wrong

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms

Her: fuck you I like that song

Him: Of course you do, I didn't write it for you to not like.
But listen, I’ve been thinking. I’m getting pretty sick of my job, it’s just the same
old thing every day. I think I’m going to head on down to Columbia and take a swing
at being a renowned drug smuggler, like Johnny Depp in Blow, but it wouldn't be as
fun without my Penelope Cruz. This is where you come in. I mean you really won’t have
to do much, maybe a couple lessons of Rosetta Stone but other than that you just sit
around by the by the pool all day, drink margaritas, and get oiled up by hot pool
boys while I conduct business. So are you down?

Her: No

Him: Wow you're fun. Too bad some desperate loser is going to spend money on you just for

Her: No, some desperate loser is going to send me shitty poetry on POF trying to get into my vagina.

Him: You must be socially awkward if you couldn't tell from my messages and profiles that
I'm ****ing with you.

Her: I'm not the socially awkward one, you're the sick bastard.

Him: Ya my bad, forgot there was nothing in your profile about having a sense of humor.

Her: I have a sense of humor. You're just not funny.

Him: I have studied the female psyche for years and know you are playing hard to get with
me. Lets put this all behind us. You can send your apologies by pretending to be a
japanese school girl.

Her: That's a load of bullshit and you're fukked in the head.

Him: See what I mean, a normal person who is fun would have realized it is a load of
bullsh*tand also a joke.

Her: In other words you're not a normal person because you write retarded shit.

Him: Don't even know why I'm wasting time on you haha. Never talked to someone so close

Her: I'm not closed-minded, but your mind's just full of dog barf. What an asshole you are.

Him: Have you noticed you're the only one that has been angry and swearing through this
conversation? I tried to joke with you, holy bejesus relax and laugh at the stupid
things in life.

Her: I do. I'm laughing at you.

Him: Lol lucky for you I'm not actually an ***hole or take
myself too seriously.

Her: But you ARE an asshole.



Him: Hi there how are you doing? My name is how.

Her: Fine

Him: Ok lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: I don't know lol

Her: So you just walk around laughing at nothing?

Him: Depends on what day it its lol no I sent it a while ago and I can't remember what you sent that I was laughing at.

Her: I didn't send you anything



Him: hey hows it going:)

Her: Fine

Him: want to get to know eachother?
Him: want to chat:)

Her: Not really

Him: ok sorry for bothering u

Her: What's in it for me?

Him: make a friend maybe better i can stop talking to u and
stop bugging u

Her: That doesn't make sense

Him: sorry
Him: im just looking for a friend maybe a girlfriend if u want
me to leave u alone i can

Her: Looks like you already have one

Him: what u mean?
Him: what u mean i already have one?

Her: That chick or guy in your picture... whatever that thing is.

Him: thats a guy lol

Her: Oh sorry, I didn't know you were dating him.

Him: nope he not my friend anymore he stab me in the back

Her: And you didn't bleed to death.

Him: (changes profile picture) i guess im still alive



Him: hey how are u>? u look famliar

Her: Yeah, you do too. Did you always have those glasses?

Him: have had them for few months.. i work in retail to.. do u
work in polo?

Her: No, but I used to go there quite often. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Him: one brother ha.. why?

Her: Just trying to figure out where I might know you from. What's his name?

Him: jer... where r u from originally? well either way. ur super

Her: Jer... Is he friends with someone named Michelle?

Him: haha no idea hes 29.. im sure u dont know him

Her: Why wouldn't I know him?

Him: hahah i dont know.. what does it matter.. i wanna get to
know u

Her: 29 sounds about right. He's probably that same sick fuck who stole a bunch of Jasmine's panties and gave them to his girlfriend for Christmas.

(sends chat request... ignored)



Him: you are gorgeous and i woul;d love to talk to ypu

Her: Who is ypu? I don't know them.

Him: Hey, how are you? I'm working in a fire hall just f ing the dog a little. What are you doing today?

Her: Looking for men who are not into beastiality.



Him: hey how are u doing

Her: Fine

Him: o thats weray good

Her: Weray?

Him: yeah andb watt u are do so today

Her: What planet are you from?

Him: im from paraguay

Her: Okay, that explains a lot.

Him: ok suons good

Her: Could you tell me how to fix a bowl of cereal?

Him: aret now way u mind

Her: I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about, so just tell me how to make a bowl of cereal and we'll call it even :)

Him: ok sorry

Her: Goddammit... Uh..okay. How about you tell me how to make a tuna sandwich. Maybe that will be easier.

Him: o yeah wud be heve good sexx in the bed

Her: No you dumbass... I'm talking about a REAL sandwich. NOT the tuna between my legs.

Him: ok sorry abuaret that ok

Her: Well......

Him: ok woll yeah put mayones on there and after pus the sosetch on there and than the wurst

Her: Are you sure about that?

Him: yeah thats truh and u
Him: and abuaret u
Him: bod ho u are ting abuaret me
Him: bod u are luks weray nice

Her: You look like a mutant, but maybe I should take my head out of my ass before I make that judgment call.

Him: ok

Her: So, since you're into shit like that, give me instructions on how to pull my head out of my ass.

Him: oh never mind

Her: Why not?

Him: woll u are weray nice and wats up
Him: bod u are wud like me
Him: hey
Him: hey wats up
Him: hey

Her: Quit flooding my inbox. Go masturbate or something.

Him: ok



Him: do you really want to know someone?

Her: Why?

Him: If it is really you in the picture
_ you look very intelligent
_ you look like have confident in your self
_ your looks are great
never seen a person like your self looking for someone on

Her: Oh

Him: Hi prettyanna23
Have you ever ran any Intelligent person on this site

Her: I'd like to run some of them over with a car

Him: I see but not surprised what said about running them over
with a car
Just do not do it not worth it
Life is to short
have to go chat with you next time
Have a wonderful day

Her: Well, I'll make theirs even shorter if you let me borrow your car.

Him: My car?
I do not want any blood on my new Infinity
You can Borrow it if you promise not run anyone over
do you forgive people or get even?

Her: Depends on how pissed off I am. And I'll write off your crappy infinity so you can buy a monster truck.

Him: Thanks Baby
Love Monster trucks
You can take my car for ride any time
it is brand new bought 2 weeks ago only 800km on it
you will able to lots damage with it
it have 320 Horse power
How can I unpiss you off?

Her: By not calling me "baby"

Him: did I piss U off?

Her: Yup.

Him: prettyanna23
I did not mean to piss you off I want to live longer
before i make things any worst I will leave
goodnight see you next time



Him: whats up ?

Her: Nothing

Him: what are you doin this weekend?

Her: I was busy

Him: yea my weekend was savage

Her: Savage?

Him: lol yes like a savage beast it was reckless and crazy lol

Her: Huh?

Him: my weekend you asked how it was i said savage you further requested an explanation i kindly gave you a breif description and meaning of the word which you did not fully understand or have not heard before and at which point we have come to a place where i think youre lost or may have forgotten what we were talkin about in the first place as you have asked me again to further explain but i have chosen to drop this particualr topic . understand?

Her: Was that paragraph you wrote intended to be one sentence?

Him: are you implying that i cant make a proper sentence? i was typin fast and i was stoned

Her: Go listen to some Pink Floyd or something.

Him: why pink floyd? what are you attempting to say

Her: I hate stoners.

Him: thats a nice thing to say. good thing im not a stoner or you mighta hurt my feelings there

Her: Your feelings aren't hurt probably because you're too damn stoned.

Him: lol jus bcuz ppl smoke pot once in awhile u cant define them as stoners stoners are ppl that there lives revolve around pot and thats all they talk about thats all there good at and all there belongings have something to do with it

Her: Instead of smoking pot, maybe you could get yourself into sentence structure and punctuation.



Him: hey how was your weekend?
do anything exciting?

Her: Not really

Him: That's not good. So do you have BBM?
Are you you liking this site?

Her: No and not really

Him: You don't say much do you? Lol
Have you actually gone on a date or met any one off here yet?
I haven't. Only chatting so far.

Her: I have

Him: Want to get together for a drink or something some time?

Her: Why?

Him: Why do most people go out for drinks?

Her: To get the other person drunk and **** them.

Him: I don't need to get my date drunk to **** them. Not my style.
Your pretty weird eh.

Her: And you're pretty gay, snuggling with your boyfriend in that picture. I don't fuck homos.

Him: Your the dumbest weirdest****I've met on thei site and that says something.
I get more **** than any guy I know so I'm the furthest from gay.
Your too young to be a bitter****but guess not

Her: Awww, poor baby, LOL

Him: Xoxoxox
Him: Xoxoxox we should have a drink eh hun

Her: Apparently I'm too dumb and weird for you to have a drink with me.



Him: Hey, how's it going ? My names Tim :) , you probably get this all the time so I hope you don't mind me saying this but you are absolutely beautiful , so what's your name ? Lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: I dunno good question , nervous tick I guess .

Her: Oh boy...

Him: Well this one isn't lol . I take it you get lots of crazy dudes messing you .

Her: So you're a girl? Yuck, no thanks.

Him: Lmfao no no not quite haha your crazy lol

Her: Not quite? Lemme guess... You got your peepee chopped off, but kept the testosterone.

Him: Hmm nope that couldn't be, how did I get laid than ? You might like using a strap on but I prefer to use the gift God gave me !

Her: How the hell did you get laid? Wait... I don't wanna know...

Him: Pfftt yeah ok, there is only one way to find out how but i'd wreck you anyway .

Her: Yuck

Him: Lol

Her: Not funny.

Him: Haha the faces you would make would be hahaha

Her: No

Him: Lol.I'll.make you a bet ;p

Her: You're a douche.

Him: Yeah ok what does that make you? O yeah a cunt , it took you 2 days to come up with that ? You my friend are the douche .

Her: ***holes like you need to turn gay. Us women will be better off without you.

Him: Lol yeah ok it's girls like you that make guys think that all girls are bitches and slits , shit woman you got mental issues, are you off your meds, or did you just forget to change your tampon ?
Him: Haha I finally get your name, its prettyanna23 cause of your floppy used up puss ,LMFAO !!

Her: Have fun masturbating tonight.

Him: Lol o I will and just before I cum just to spite you I will think of blowing my load all over your face , I think you just wanna hear about my cock or something, you keep coming back eh ? You know if you want some you could've just asked.instead of being bitchy lol



Him: hi

Her: That was original

Him: How are you doing?
Been on here long?
What are you looking for?
What do you like or look for in a guy?
Are you affectionate or tickelish?
How emotional are you?
What do you like to do for fun?
Ever been arrested?
How organized are you?
How active are you?

Her: Which Facebook post did you pull that from?

Him: There is not enough money in the world for me to go on facebook , I thought of them all by myself and I have lots more , are you going to answer them? YES or NO

Her: No

Him: well so much for me getting to know you that way , tell me about you ?

Her: I'm a girl

Him: thats a start, what else?

Her: I have hair

Him: more please:)

Her: I have lots of hair

Him: are you always so difficult and negative?

Her: Okay, I'm fucking bald. Happy now?

Him: are you always so difficult and negative?
Him: Have a wonderful night mystery women
Him: morning my love:) what are you up to today?

Her: I'm not your fucking love

Him: I just want one more message from you , PLEASE AND THANK YOU :)
Him: morning , do you want to do something today?

Her: Like what?

Him: Go to the zoo , play some pool , go bowling or mini golf or the forks is always nice to name a few things
can I call you to discuss this?
Him: hey there , hope your day is going well:)
what part of the city do you live?
any plans tonight?

Her: Lindenwoods

Him: we are close I am on Pembina hwy :)
what are you lookin g for on here?
Him: Have a wonderful gorgeous , if you ever want to go to the park and have some lrts say interesting yet fun conversation I am your guy or if you just wnat to have some beers and talk about whatever that would be totally awesome and un :)

Her: How much have you been drinking tonight?

Him: Had a glass of milk , I have had 0 liquor drinks if that is what you are asking, how about you?
Guess I was dreaming big thinking we could ever hang out , I can understand how you thought I was drunk
Him: really bad it could be akward
Him: How bad do you want to hang out with me?

Her: I'll see if I can figure something out for this week

Him: Anyway I did not get much sleep this weekend so I am off to bed , instead of saying really bad , how about it would be alot of fun to hang out with you :)
thanks for chatting tonight :)
Him: wow thanks , you are the best :)
Any chance i could call you? we could talk a little before we hang out :) if not its all good
Him: Morning hun :) hope you have yourself a great day Happy Monday
I had a dream about you last night , you came over thought I was an old guy , I was like WOW with you , we got over that and went on to have a fun time together with lots of fun and interesting conversation with lots of laughs as well I gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek goodbye ad that was it
Oh ya my schedule is like monday-friday I am usually home by 4:30ish
If you are still interesrted in getting together Thursday would be great for me , I am open to other days as well
My name is Al nice to meet you :) the pleasure is all mine

Him: just stopping to say hi, logn time no chat , hope all things are well :)

Her: Things are good. You?

Him: hey there so happy to ehar from you . glad things are going well , I am doing good thanks :)
Do I still get a chance to meet the amazing you?

Her: Yeah, but this week's a bit crazy. Maybe next week.

Him: ok thats cool as this week is almost over
can I ask what is going on with you this week?
what would you want to do ?

Her: Work, family, the usual junk cluttering my life

Him: well I hope you are not stressing out , I am so looking forward to meeting you :) cannot wait so thank you for that
Him: hey there how you doing?
how was the weekend?
you still interested in meeting?

Her: Yes I am, I'm gonna try for next weekend. I have to get my work schedule.

Him: ok thats cool , looking forward to it and thanks :) have a great week
Him: hey there how are you? how was the weekend?

Her: Pretty good. I'm trying to work out something for Saturday. I'll let you know.

Him: cool and thanks , glad you had a good weekend :)
Him: hello there hun , how are you? whats new with you?

Her: Not much. You?

Him: just relaxing going to watch the JETS game have some popcorn :) you should come over :)

Her: Gotta be up early. Could you send me your pics again? I'm trying to get someone to cover my shift on Saturday.

Him: well you would not have to stay long , sorry do not have any pics , if it has to be Saturday that cools to , I have to be up at 6 am tomorrow morning
Him: I am not your pretty boy type just to make you aware , not sure what you like in a guy , as well I am alot older just to make sure you know :) not sure what you are expecting to find ?
Him: Hope I did not scare you away :)
Him: well you did not get back to me so i guess i screwed up yet again :)

Her: I got the shift off from work. I'm going out to The Curtis on Henderson for Karaoke. You can meet me there if you like.

Him: hey there well if I new that earlier I would have went , I am on Pembina Hwy and as bad as I want to meet you that is far , have a wondewrful night Annabelle , if you want to hang out later feel free to come on over 2331 pembina hwy

Her: Oh well, tough shit for both of us.

Him: you should come over we could have some drinks , popcorn , watch the JETS game, talk and watch a movie
Him: If I am not able to meet you , can I call you?
Him: I will pay for your cab here :)

Her: I busted my ass to get my shift covered to watch a fucking Jets game? I'm going out to have FUN, not sit on my ass watching TV.

Him: well meet me somewhere closer to me as I do not have a car , I will be there and we will have so much fun
Him: oh well I guess it sucks to be me , will get the tequilla out
Him: have a great time tonight

Her: Go ahead and drink your face off. You fucking deserve it after I did what I could to accommodate meeting you and then you back out. I thought you might be cool but I fucking guess not. Have fun with your bottle.

Him: I do not want to go to the curtis , sorry you feel that way ,more notice would have been nice , found out I have cancer yesterday , wow no reason to swear and be all rude and negative
nice to see the real you, looks like I was wrong again about someone being proper
Him: I am the the Curtis where are u? Not staying here long


I was actually at the bar that I invited that last guy to. I never saw him looking around for me, so who knows if he really showed up.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed creating it. Remember, that sexy girl on the other end might actually be me!