Polish Postcard Records

I found these in the "45 RPM" section of one of my favorite thrift stores (which is fair because that's the speed they play at). What you're supposed to do is take a trip to Poland, pull one of these off the postcard racks at the souvenir store, not listen to it (because you didn't bring a record player with you to Poland), write some stuff on the back like "Hey buddy! I'm eating sausage and perogies. Wish you were here", put a stamp on it, and throw it in the mailbox.

When it arrives at your buddy's house, he listens to the music that you didn't hear, reads your message, and gets jealous that he had McDonalds for supper instead of sausage and perogies.

You can collect all of them, just like the previous owner did! We have the snot green one, the puke green one, the turquoise one, the orange one, the dark orange one, and the grandma's couch one.

If you've ever put a piece of paper on your turntable and tried to play it, then you get almost the exact same effect as the sound quality of these records. I can't imagine how much worse they sound when they've traveled through the mail from Poland.

The songs are awful and you get two of them on each record. Perhaps you're better off mailing someone a death threat with these.

That being said, I'm sure you're dying to hear a couple of these things...

The Snot Green One
The Orange One

Weren't those great? No? Then you probably hate Polish people. You're mean.

Killing Plenty Of Fish - Part Two

For those of you who've been around for a while, you'll recall that I posted part one about a year and a half ago. There was so much content I had to split it into two parts, but never really got around to it. I've had some recent requests for the follow-up, so I'm going to post the rest of the interactions.

For those who are new here, the original post is here. You don't need to read it, but you probably will if you enjoy the hell out of this one. For a recap, I posed as a female on Plenty of Fish as a girl named Annabelle. I was a real bitch to these guys, and had a lot of fun getting reactions out of them.

So here's the rest of it. Enjoy!!!

******************************************************************

joojoo_22

Him: hi there) how are you?

Her: Fine

Him: great! how is POF?

Her: Bollocks

Him: Yes, you are right! For how long have you been on here?

(a few weeks later)

Him: you are still on here!?:) have some luck or just for fun!?

Her: A little of both.

Him: i see you don't like to talk!!!

Her: About what?

Him: about anything:) whatever i ask you just answering like "yes" or "no"!
Him: i cannot believe that you found someone...he-he

Her: He didn't shave his balls :(

Him: what doesn't mean? didn't understand?!

Her: He had a big bush of sweaty yuck

Him: how do you know? you already met someone from POF?

Her: Yeah and I dumped him.

Him: how come? how long had you been together?

Her: I saw him about three times

Him: what type of guy are you looking for?
Him: but what the main reason? i wont believe if it's because of his balls..he-he

Her: My man needs to have good ball hygene

Him: i see, but do you care just about it? are you here just for a sex?

Her: No

Him: great answer...ha-ha, just "yes". do you always talk like this?

Her: Like what?

Him: like "yes or no" i guess just to me....what do you think, maybe we can meet?!

Her: Where?

Him: wherever you want...you can come over if you want!!

Her: That's creepy

Him: ha-ha...you asked and i answered:) i said where you want! we can go just for a coffee.
Him: but if you are not interested...we can just talk:)

Her: Oh yay

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SlinkyDan

Him: On my white trusted steed
To save you from pain and despair
Your love is all I need

Calling up to the heavens
Voice trailing to new heights
I am here to rescue you
Its your one and only white knight

Give me your hand darling
Our lives together will be bliss
Heal me from this lonely omen
I need your divine kiss

Carrying you from your tower
Loving arms grip me tight
Hold on to me forever
For I am your one and only white knight

Clenching my soul breathlessly
Your rose vine wraps around my heart
The only way to release this grip
Is to completely tear it apart

And I for one cannot fathom
To ever bear the sight
Ride out into the sunset forever
With your one and only white knight

Her: OMG,where did you find that?

Him: If by find you mean write from the bottomless pit of love known as my heart where I
would cherish you for all eternity and have our souls entangled into one singular
being where the mere sight of you would completely drive me into a euphoric coma just
for the fact that I found you so absolutely irresistible in every way shape and form
as you turned my ups to downs and lefts to blues causing me to lose sense of time and
reality.
Then that's probably where.

Her: Cool! Write some more.

Him: Whoa Whoa I'm no puppet lady.

Her: Just what I thought. You stole it from a book.

Him: This is the last time I will prove myself.

Oh, I just died in prettyanna23s arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in prettyanna23s arms tonight

I keep looking for something i will get
Pool of semen lies around me
As I dream of slapping the sh*tout of your tits
Your ass is propped up on the bedside table
In my favourite position its called rock the cradle
Who would've thought that a boy like me could cum like this

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
It must've been something you said
Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
Oh Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms tonight
Oh **** the cops are coming
I should've thrown the body away

Is there any just cause for feeling like this?
On the surface I’m on the sex offenders list
I thought I found love, but then asphyxiated it again
I've lost and found, body thrown in the lake
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take
'Cos i've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms

It was a long hot night
She made it easy, she made it feel right
But now it's over the moment has gone
I followed my hands not my head, i know i was wrong

Oh prettyanna23 just died in my arms

Her: fuck you I like that song

Him: Of course you do, I didn't write it for you to not like.
But listen, I’ve been thinking. I’m getting pretty sick of my job, it’s just the same
old thing every day. I think I’m going to head on down to Columbia and take a swing
at being a renowned drug smuggler, like Johnny Depp in Blow, but it wouldn't be as
fun without my Penelope Cruz. This is where you come in. I mean you really won’t have
to do much, maybe a couple lessons of Rosetta Stone but other than that you just sit
around by the by the pool all day, drink margaritas, and get oiled up by hot pool
boys while I conduct business. So are you down?

Her: No

Him: Wow you're fun. Too bad some desperate loser is going to spend money on you just for
vagina.

Her: No, some desperate loser is going to send me shitty poetry on POF trying to get into my vagina.

Him: You must be socially awkward if you couldn't tell from my messages and profiles that
I'm ****ing with you.

Her: I'm not the socially awkward one, you're the sick bastard.

Him: Ya my bad, forgot there was nothing in your profile about having a sense of humor.

Her: I have a sense of humor. You're just not funny.

Him: I have studied the female psyche for years and know you are playing hard to get with
me. Lets put this all behind us. You can send your apologies by pretending to be a
japanese school girl.

Her: That's a load of bullshit and you're fukked in the head.

Him: See what I mean, a normal person who is fun would have realized it is a load of
bullsh*tand also a joke.

Her: In other words you're not a normal person because you write retarded shit.

Him: Don't even know why I'm wasting time on you haha. Never talked to someone so close
minded.

Her: I'm not closed-minded, but your mind's just full of dog barf. What an asshole you are.

Him: Have you noticed you're the only one that has been angry and swearing through this
conversation? I tried to joke with you, holy bejesus relax and laugh at the stupid
things in life.

Her: I do. I'm laughing at you.

Him: Lol lucky for you I'm not actually an ***hole or take
myself too seriously.

Her: But you ARE an asshole.

******************************************************************

Sk8trboi22

Him: Hi there how are you doing? My name is how.

Her: Fine

Him: Ok lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: I don't know lol

Her: So you just walk around laughing at nothing?

Him: Depends on what day it its lol no I sent it a while ago and I can't remember what you sent that I was laughing at.

Her: I didn't send you anything

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bellybuckle1986

Him: hey hows it going:)

Her: Fine

Him: want to get to know eachother?
Him: want to chat:)

Her: Not really

Him: ok sorry for bothering u

Her: What's in it for me?

Him: make a friend maybe better i can stop talking to u and
stop bugging u

Her: That doesn't make sense

Him: sorry
Him: im just looking for a friend maybe a girlfriend if u want
me to leave u alone i can

Her: Looks like you already have one

Him: what u mean?
Him: what u mean i already have one?

Her: That chick or guy in your picture... whatever that thing is.

Him: thats a guy lol

Her: Oh sorry, I didn't know you were dating him.

Him: nope he not my friend anymore he stab me in the back

Her: And you didn't bleed to death.

Him: (changes profile picture) i guess im still alive

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FreddyFantastic

Him: hey how are u>? u look famliar

Her: Yeah, you do too. Did you always have those glasses?

Him: have had them for few months.. i work in retail to.. do u
work in polo?

Her: No, but I used to go there quite often. Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Him: one brother ha.. why?

Her: Just trying to figure out where I might know you from. What's his name?

Him: jer... where r u from originally? well either way. ur super
sexy.

Her: Jer... Is he friends with someone named Michelle?

Him: haha no idea hes 29.. im sure u dont know him

Her: Why wouldn't I know him?

Him: hahah i dont know.. what does it matter.. i wanna get to
know u

Her: 29 sounds about right. He's probably that same sick fuck who stole a bunch of Jasmine's panties and gave them to his girlfriend for Christmas.

(sends chat request... ignored)

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jkejklerw_29

Him: you are gorgeous and i woul;d love to talk to ypu

Her: Who is ypu? I don't know them.

Him: Hey, how are you? I'm working in a fire hall just f ing the dog a little. What are you doing today?

Her: Looking for men who are not into beastiality.

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JoeJingleheimer88

Him: hey how are u doing

Her: Fine

Him: o thats weray good

Her: Weray?

Him: yeah andb watt u are do so today

Her: What planet are you from?

Him: im from paraguay

Her: Okay, that explains a lot.

Him: ok suons good

Her: Could you tell me how to fix a bowl of cereal?

Him: aret now way u mind

Her: I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about, so just tell me how to make a bowl of cereal and we'll call it even :)

Him: ok sorry

Her: Goddammit... Uh..okay. How about you tell me how to make a tuna sandwich. Maybe that will be easier.

Him: o yeah wud be heve good sexx in the bed

Her: No you dumbass... I'm talking about a REAL sandwich. NOT the tuna between my legs.

Him: ok sorry abuaret that ok

Her: Well......

Him: ok woll yeah put mayones on there and after pus the sosetch on there and than the wurst

Her: Are you sure about that?

Him: yeah thats truh and u
Him: and abuaret u
Him: bod ho u are ting abuaret me
Him: bod u are luks weray nice

Her: You look like a mutant, but maybe I should take my head out of my ass before I make that judgment call.

Him: ok

Her: So, since you're into shit like that, give me instructions on how to pull my head out of my ass.

Him: oh never mind

Her: Why not?

Him: woll u are weray nice and wats up
Him: bod u are wud like me
Him: hey
Him: hey wats up
Him: hey

Her: Quit flooding my inbox. Go masturbate or something.

Him: ok

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Henrythe9th

Him: do you really want to know someone?

Her: Why?

Him: If it is really you in the picture
_ you look very intelligent
_ you look like have confident in your self
_ your looks are great
never seen a person like your self looking for someone on
internet

Her: Oh

Him: Hi prettyanna23
Have you ever ran any Intelligent person on this site

Her: I'd like to run some of them over with a car

Him: I see but not surprised what said about running them over
with a car
Just do not do it not worth it
Life is to short
prettyanna23
have to go chat with you next time
Have a wonderful day

Her: Well, I'll make theirs even shorter if you let me borrow your car.

Him: My car?
I do not want any blood on my new Infinity
You can Borrow it if you promise not run anyone over
do you forgive people or get even?

Her: Depends on how pissed off I am. And I'll write off your crappy infinity so you can buy a monster truck.

Him: Thanks Baby
Love Monster trucks
You can take my car for ride any time
it is brand new bought 2 weeks ago only 800km on it
you will able to lots damage with it
it have 320 Horse power
How can I unpiss you off?

Her: By not calling me "baby"

Him: did I piss U off?

Her: Yup.

Him: prettyanna23
I did not mean to piss you off I want to live longer
before i make things any worst I will leave
goodnight see you next time

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groovyganja9

Him: whats up ?

Her: Nothing

Him: what are you doin this weekend?

Her: I was busy

Him: yea my weekend was savage

Her: Savage?

Him: lol yes like a savage beast it was reckless and crazy lol

Her: Huh?

Him: my weekend you asked how it was i said savage you further requested an explanation i kindly gave you a breif description and meaning of the word which you did not fully understand or have not heard before and at which point we have come to a place where i think youre lost or may have forgotten what we were talkin about in the first place as you have asked me again to further explain but i have chosen to drop this particualr topic . understand?

Her: Was that paragraph you wrote intended to be one sentence?

Him: are you implying that i cant make a proper sentence? i was typin fast and i was stoned

Her: Go listen to some Pink Floyd or something.

Him: why pink floyd? what are you attempting to say

Her: I hate stoners.

Him: thats a nice thing to say. good thing im not a stoner or you mighta hurt my feelings there

Her: Your feelings aren't hurt probably because you're too damn stoned.

Him: lol jus bcuz ppl smoke pot once in awhile u cant define them as stoners stoners are ppl that there lives revolve around pot and thats all they talk about thats all there good at and all there belongings have something to do with it

Her: Instead of smoking pot, maybe you could get yourself into sentence structure and punctuation.

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SuperMuppetSpace

Him: hey how was your weekend?
do anything exciting?

Her: Not really

Him: That's not good. So do you have BBM?
Are you you liking this site?

Her: No and not really

Him: You don't say much do you? Lol
Have you actually gone on a date or met any one off here yet?
I haven't. Only chatting so far.

Her: I have

Him: Want to get together for a drink or something some time?

Her: Why?

Him: Why do most people go out for drinks?

Her: To get the other person drunk and **** them.

Him: I don't need to get my date drunk to **** them. Not my style.
Your pretty weird eh.

Her: And you're pretty gay, snuggling with your boyfriend in that picture. I don't fuck homos.

Him: Your the dumbest weirdest****I've met on thei site and that says something.
I get more **** than any guy I know so I'm the furthest from gay.
Your too young to be a bitter****but guess not

Her: Awww, poor baby, LOL

Him: Xoxoxox
Him: Xoxoxox we should have a drink eh hun

Her: Apparently I'm too dumb and weird for you to have a drink with me.

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Jimmythejerk27

Him: Hey, how's it going ? My names Tim :) , you probably get this all the time so I hope you don't mind me saying this but you are absolutely beautiful , so what's your name ? Lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: I dunno good question , nervous tick I guess .

Her: Oh boy...

Him: Well this one isn't lol . I take it you get lots of crazy dudes messing you .

Her: So you're a girl? Yuck, no thanks.

Him: Lmfao no no not quite haha your crazy lol

Her: Not quite? Lemme guess... You got your peepee chopped off, but kept the testosterone.

Him: Hmm nope that couldn't be, how did I get laid than ? You might like using a strap on but I prefer to use the gift God gave me !

Her: How the hell did you get laid? Wait... I don't wanna know...

Him: Pfftt yeah ok, there is only one way to find out how but i'd wreck you anyway .

Her: Yuck

Him: Lol

Her: Not funny.

Him: Haha the faces you would make would be hahaha

Her: No

Him: Lol.I'll.make you a bet ;p

Her: You're a douche.

Him: Yeah ok what does that make you? O yeah a cunt , it took you 2 days to come up with that ? You my friend are the douche .

Her: ***holes like you need to turn gay. Us women will be better off without you.

Him: Lol yeah ok it's girls like you that make guys think that all girls are bitches and slits , shit woman you got mental issues, are you off your meds, or did you just forget to change your tampon ?
Him: Haha I finally get your name, its prettyanna23 cause of your floppy used up puss ,LMFAO !!

Her: Have fun masturbating tonight.

Him: Lol o I will and just before I cum just to spite you I will think of blowing my load all over your face , I think you just wanna hear about my cock or something, you keep coming back eh ? You know if you want some you could've just asked.instead of being bitchy lol

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CreepyAllan

Him: hi

Her: That was original

Him: How are you doing?
Been on here long?
What are you looking for?
What do you like or look for in a guy?
Are you affectionate or tickelish?
How emotional are you?
What do you like to do for fun?
Ever been arrested?
How organized are you?
How active are you?

Her: Which Facebook post did you pull that from?

Him: There is not enough money in the world for me to go on facebook , I thought of them all by myself and I have lots more , are you going to answer them? YES or NO

Her: No

Him: well so much for me getting to know you that way , tell me about you ?

Her: I'm a girl

Him: thats a start, what else?

Her: I have hair

Him: more please:)

Her: I have lots of hair

Him: are you always so difficult and negative?

Her: Okay, I'm fucking bald. Happy now?

Him: are you always so difficult and negative?
Him: Have a wonderful night mystery women
Him: morning my love:) what are you up to today?

Her: I'm not your fucking love

Him: I just want one more message from you , PLEASE AND THANK YOU :)
Him: morning , do you want to do something today?

Her: Like what?

Him: Go to the zoo , play some pool , go bowling or mini golf or the forks is always nice to name a few things
can I call you to discuss this?
Him: hey there , hope your day is going well:)
what part of the city do you live?
any plans tonight?

Her: Lindenwoods

Him: we are close I am on Pembina hwy :)
what are you lookin g for on here?
Him: Have a wonderful gorgeous , if you ever want to go to the park and have some lrts say interesting yet fun conversation I am your guy or if you just wnat to have some beers and talk about whatever that would be totally awesome and un :)

Her: How much have you been drinking tonight?

Him: Had a glass of milk , I have had 0 liquor drinks if that is what you are asking, how about you?
Guess I was dreaming big thinking we could ever hang out , I can understand how you thought I was drunk
Him: really bad it could be akward
Him: How bad do you want to hang out with me?

Her: I'll see if I can figure something out for this week

Him: Anyway I did not get much sleep this weekend so I am off to bed , instead of saying really bad , how about it would be alot of fun to hang out with you :)
thanks for chatting tonight :)
Him: wow thanks , you are the best :)
Any chance i could call you? we could talk a little before we hang out :) if not its all good
Him: Morning hun :) hope you have yourself a great day Happy Monday
I had a dream about you last night , you came over thought I was an old guy , I was like WOW with you , we got over that and went on to have a fun time together with lots of fun and interesting conversation with lots of laughs as well I gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek goodbye ad that was it
Oh ya my schedule is like monday-friday I am usually home by 4:30ish
If you are still interesrted in getting together Thursday would be great for me , I am open to other days as well
My name is Al nice to meet you :) the pleasure is all mine

Him: just stopping to say hi, logn time no chat , hope all things are well :)

Her: Things are good. You?

Him: hey there so happy to ehar from you . glad things are going well , I am doing good thanks :)
Do I still get a chance to meet the amazing you?

Her: Yeah, but this week's a bit crazy. Maybe next week.

Him: ok thats cool as this week is almost over
can I ask what is going on with you this week?
what would you want to do ?

Her: Work, family, the usual junk cluttering my life

Him: well I hope you are not stressing out , I am so looking forward to meeting you :) cannot wait so thank you for that
Him: hey there how you doing?
how was the weekend?
you still interested in meeting?

Her: Yes I am, I'm gonna try for next weekend. I have to get my work schedule.

Him: ok thats cool , looking forward to it and thanks :) have a great week
Him: hey there how are you? how was the weekend?

Her: Pretty good. I'm trying to work out something for Saturday. I'll let you know.

Him: cool and thanks , glad you had a good weekend :)
Him: hello there hun , how are you? whats new with you?

Her: Not much. You?

Him: just relaxing going to watch the JETS game have some popcorn :) you should come over :)

Her: Gotta be up early. Could you send me your pics again? I'm trying to get someone to cover my shift on Saturday.

Him: well you would not have to stay long , sorry do not have any pics , if it has to be Saturday that cools to , I have to be up at 6 am tomorrow morning
Him: I am not your pretty boy type just to make you aware , not sure what you like in a guy , as well I am alot older just to make sure you know :) not sure what you are expecting to find ?
Him: Hope I did not scare you away :)
Him: well you did not get back to me so i guess i screwed up yet again :)

Her: I got the shift off from work. I'm going out to The Curtis on Henderson for Karaoke. You can meet me there if you like.
Annabelle.

Him: hey there well if I new that earlier I would have went , I am on Pembina Hwy and as bad as I want to meet you that is far , have a wondewrful night Annabelle , if you want to hang out later feel free to come on over 2331 pembina hwy

Her: Oh well, tough shit for both of us.

Him: you should come over we could have some drinks , popcorn , watch the JETS game, talk and watch a movie
Him: If I am not able to meet you , can I call you?
Him: I will pay for your cab here :)

Her: I busted my ass to get my shift covered to watch a fucking Jets game? I'm going out to have FUN, not sit on my ass watching TV.

Him: well meet me somewhere closer to me as I do not have a car , I will be there and we will have so much fun
Him: oh well I guess it sucks to be me , will get the tequilla out
Him: have a great time tonight

Her: Go ahead and drink your face off. You fucking deserve it after I did what I could to accommodate meeting you and then you back out. I thought you might be cool but I fucking guess not. Have fun with your bottle.

Him: I do not want to go to the curtis , sorry you feel that way ,more notice would have been nice , found out I have cancer yesterday , wow no reason to swear and be all rude and negative
nice to see the real you, looks like I was wrong again about someone being proper
Him: I am the the Curtis where are u? Not staying here long

******************************************************************

I was actually at the bar that I invited that last guy to. I never saw him looking around for me, so who knows if he really showed up.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed creating it. Remember, that sexy girl on the other end might actually be me!

American English Linguaphone Record

After a short break, it feels great to be writing in here again!

A few months back, I picked up an interesting record for 49 cents. This record is made by a company called "Linguaphone" which specializes in aids for learning new languages. Obviously, this one was to aid the student in learning English.

There's two things that make it odd. First of all, it must have been recorded sometime in the 1950s. Life isn't quite like the way it was back then! The second is the stories that the voice actors go through. They're completely unbelievable, and there is almost nothing for emotion in their voices!

So let us enjoy three of the best selections from this thing...

Car Trouble
Thank god for the crank when the battery fails!

Buying Cigarettes
Can't leave that one out! Six cigars, two pack of cigarettes, flints, and a box of matches for under five bucks.

A Visit To The Doctor
This guy should be fucking dead! Instead of admitting him to the hospital, he's been told to eat vegetables and take a nap.

Yes, this record has been brought to you by the most educational blog in Canada. Now you know how to speak proper English. Good thing they don't teach you how to spell since the label is full of typos.

Killing Plenty of Fish - Part One

About a year and a half ago, I found myself single again. It's not that I can't go out and meet women in person, but I can't do that when I'm working out of town or bored on a Sunday night. So to fill in some time during these off-hours, I made a Plenty Of Fish profile. I've had a little success off it, but nothing that classifies as "plenty of fish". I couldn't help but wonder what things were like on the female side of the coin, so I created a female profile. NOW I know why it's called "Plenty Of Fish". The fish are male sharks with raging hard peckers, looking to stalk and fuck anything that crosses their eyes.

Initially, I didn't respond to the 10+ messages I was getting per day. But over time, it was just to irresistible. I never knew how disgustingly desperate the men of the world are. So I began to interact and poke fun at them for their desperation, their use of netspeak, and the misuse of the acronym "lol".

I saved the best conversations for your reading pleasure. There was so much that I decided to break it up into two post. Without further ado, meet my alter-ego: Annabelle the bitch.

******************************************************************
toupeeguy

Him: haw are u i hope u are ok
so i'm looking for somone ho want have a god time and enjoy with him
if u are intersted text me that is

Her: Your piss-poor engrish is hilarious!

Him: yes i now because i'm new i speak french and spanish

Her: I want you to give me instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Her: Where did you go? Message me!!!

Him: i don't now how to sey it to you sorry

Her: Please? For me? I think you're cute :)
Her: You eres un hombre dulce, pero haven respondió

Him: u to are a beautiful and i like u more than u so if u want
to meet me i have all time for u baby just say yes and i
will be yours a wana have some fun with u that all

Her: No problem, but first you still need to tell me how to make that sandwich.

Him: hi there

Her: Dude, I can't date you if you can't even fucking listen to me.

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superbrownnose71

Him: i am not a creep, i am a normal guy. fyi my name is chris. r u orginally from wpg.?

Her: What makes you 'not a creep'?

Him: cause i aint lookin for a **** or a one night stand . i am looking to meet someone that has time to spend with me and get to know one another. hopefully if things were right to take it to the next level. i basically just want some one to love me again. and well..... me love them back.thats it i aint hard to please.

Her: Get a dog

Him: that was a little uncalled for i am a single dad tryin to raise my boys all alone in an already tuff world. just opening up my heart. and u have to make some smart ass remark why? but whatever i hope u have a great evening.

Her: Good, I don't need a big baby for a boyfriend.

Him: whoa! i aint no suck. i am a mans man no worries there! i kinda like u already your kinda a challenge, lol

Her: Then why are you whining like my best friend when she's off her meds?

Him: lmaoo was meaning to whine. just telling you like it is. oh fyi bounus, i dont take meds. lol so instead of being mean what else do ya do? and dont be snotty with me be real. i can tell by your eyes you aint a **** at all.

Her: You can't tell shit by my eyes.

******************************************************************
longdonkeydick

Him: daaaaaaaam ;)

Her: Go buy a new keyboard. Yours is broken.

Him: lmao nope thats my heart lol

Her: Getting electrocuted might fix that

Him: your just a charmer eh lmao :P

Her: You're not

Him: you always this happy? lol

Her: Yes

Him: wow so whats wrong?

Her: Nothing

Him: lmao want me to stop messaging you?

Her: Sure

Him: lol your wish is my command ;) happy fishing

******************************************************************
zubbazubbazab

Him: Hello there. How is life treating you?

Her: Fine

Him: It's funny, I used to put "shiny things, wicker, sirens" as interests. But too many people were taking it literally.

Her: Poor you.

Him: Well it wasn't so much poor me. It was more so a result of my overestimation of the intellectual capabilities of the average person. I know realize that there are many 'simple' people out there who have trouble grasping concepts that I take for granted and who reply to others on POF using one or two word responses, as a result of their limited attention span.

-- You have been blocked by this user. Find someone else... --

******************************************************************
FatPig171

Him: hello, my name is justin, hows it going? wanna chat and get to know eachother?

Her: No

Him: oh. why not?

Her: You look creepy

******************************************************************
lengthylinky

Him: Hi how are you doing?

Her: Fine

Him: thats good.. whats your fav tv shows?

Her: Ellen

Him: cool mine too lol

Her: Liar

Him: lol i did lie but i didnt tend to make it like i was lying

Her: I don't like liars.

Him: lol. me eeiher but i was just trying to be funny cause im not sure what guys likes ellen

Her: You were ready to, just to impress me

Him: i have to try somewhere cause my looks dont get me far jk lol

Her: That's for sure

******************************************************************
angryolaf27

Him: Hey, you seem like a sweet down to earth lady. Give me the chance to get to know you
and I am sure you appreciate my friendship. If your interested in making another
friend, iam here to listen.

Her: That's nice

Him: It is, isn't it? :) So iam pretty new to this website and
iam pretty outgoing at trying to find new friends on here.
I am not one to play games or string you along, my
intentions is to meet new people and see what they are
like. I have several good friends, guys and girls that i
hang with already and I would like to broaden that horizon.
If your interested I would love to offer you a chance to
come out for wings/hockey game or something along that line
or we can chat more. Up to you really.

Her: I hate hockey

Him: It was just a suggesting, it would help me if you would be
glad to share some of you enjoyments.
Wait, do you hate wings to?

Her: Depends

Him: Of course. Anyways it was nice talking to u.
Bye

Her: It was?

Him: Not really. I think you having enjoyment out of these two
word replies plus, its a little more annoying when you
declined to chat which continues these 2 word replies.
Anyways, if you don't have much more to say, I won't
continue to ask.

Her: Okay

Him: Okay then :) Nice talking with you.

Her: You just lied to me again. You're a jerk.

Him: Well it is true i wasn't enjoying the 1 word replies but
now iam actually enjoying this a little. How did i lie to
you the first time?

Her: You told me you enjoyed chatting with me, and you weren't.

Him: Well, the chatting is sorta interesting now. I still don't
understand you that much. I think you like to poke fun,
which is good, but not all the time.
Do you like chatting with me?

Her: I can't believe anything you say, so it's kinda pointless now.

Him: I am sorry to disappoint you then. On a side note, how was
your day?

Her: Fine

(one month later)

Him: I miss talking to you! How are you doing?

Her: Oh... you're that lying bastard. I'd forgotten about you.

Him: You hold me in such high esteem. I am amazed.

Her: You shouldn't be

Him: Your right i am not that amazed. Just curious how our
virtual relationship got so out of hand.
You interested and having a few margaritas at pony to
discuss it?

Her: No, you'll probably show up at Boston Pizza or some shit.

******************************************************************
FrankZappy23

Him: Hhows it goin what types of wrkouts do you do

Her: I use punctuation and good spelling to make my sentences more attractive. You?

Him: Well, usually i use better grammar. Usually people say, why do u spell
the whole word when u are texting? Sorry for offendinding you, i
meant to be as attractive as i could.

Her: Did you sneeze when you typed "offendinding"?

******************************************************************
dr_poker_999

Him: Hi how's your evening going?

Her: Fine

Him: lol you don't sound happy to be chatting with me

Her: Nope

Him: y?

Her: z

Him: wtf

Her: lol

******************************************************************
JohnSanders

Him: Your pretty

Her: You're not.

Him: Wow that's fucking rude

Her: No, it's fucking honest.

******************************************************************
SeaMan1983

Him: Where do I sign up? :)

Her: For what?

Him: You asked where your Knight is, and I'm responding to the question.
Although, I should probably mention that I'm without a horse at the moment, but I'm pretty good without it. All the other prerequisites are met, shiny armor and all that.

Her: You're a pretty crappy knight if you don't have a horse. What do you use? A tricycle?

Him: I'm in an apartment and the landlord doesn't allow pets, and the neighbours would complain because the hay in front of my door. So I had to become a modern knight, but once a knight always a knight!
p.s.
I must say that I don't appreciate the remark about a tricycle. As a matter of fact, it's been quite some time since I got used to my training wheels.
Him: And on the other hand, while you're questioning my knightly credibility, there are requirements that need to be met by you too. How do I know you are a Lady in need of a knight?

Her: Because there's too many shit heads on this site. I need you to go kill some of them.

Him: We'll I told you knights are rare, chivalry is almost dead.
And that's a little harsh, it can't be that bad, can it?
What happened?

Her: I swear every guy on here wanks to my picture, gets cream all over their keyboard, and they can't spell because the keys don't work anymore

Him: Gross.
Is it the one with hay?
;)
Anyway, changing the subject...
My name's Ogi, what's yours?
And what would you like to do in health care? I am currently making my way into it, in university.

Her: Where the hell did you get that name?

Him: Where did I get it? Most likely in the hospital, when I was born. It's not my full name, just a short version.
Where did you get your name, and what is it?

Her: I got my name from my dead aunt who got murdered by being run over by a tractor.

Him: Who was behind the wheel

Her: My uncle Louis

Him: Like in the song: Louie, Louie...
So, how bored are you exactly?

Her: That wasn't very nice

Him: Really? What do you mean?

Her: It was an accident and comparing it to a dumb old song about a sailor is disrespectful

Him: Are you saying that it actually happened?

Her: No duhhh.

******************************************************************
GreatestManEver

Him: hey beautiful hows it going

Her: Not too bad, ugly

******************************************************************
countrysinger2010

Him: Hey there prettyanna23, Very beautiful picture. You're stunning!
I must say i'm pretty skeptical about this whole site :(
But I'm not really into the club scene, and i don't just go
hang out alone at places to meet people haha.

I'd like to find out a little bit about you.
What do you do for fun? Have you always lived in Winnipeg??
What's your favorite Movie? How has your summer been?? :)

I'm sure you have a lot of messages on this site to sift through,
but here goes my attempt at catching your attention :)

Allow me to introduce myself :)
I don't really want to write a
novel but here we go. My names Jerry
and I'm just looking to meet new fun
people to talk to, chill with and see how
things go. I'm a good old country boy that
now resides in the city .I love to play
guitar, write songs, and sing. I'm 6'4 athletic, brown
hair. I enjoy working out, outdoor activities,
movies, cuddling and music, not a bad dancer, but not spectacular. Maybe you could
show me lol. Id like to chat
more you if you'd like to chat. Hope to hear
from you :)

I'm just looking for a cool girl :) As mentioned
earlier, i'm really
not sure about this site for a lot of reasons.
I've read a lot of profiles but ive been signed up mostly for
humourous reasons, but i figured i'd message you.
Because I'm really out of the bar scene. It
sucks. I do go to bars once in a while if I
need to... This also makes it harder to find someone,
so why not try plenty of fish lol.
If i find something great, if not, maybe i'll
meet some cool new people to slam a few dozen beers with
when the occasion presents itself haha

I'm just looking for somebody to hang out
with, watch movies, workout with, go to
dinners, dancing and enjoy life. I hope I
hear from you! I think a cool first date
would be to grab a drink, maybe go
rollerblading, skating or bowling. Follow it
up with an evening stroll, then grab a bite
to eat, and go for a nice casual drive. All
geared towards allowing us to chat and get
to know each other. Although later on after
we know each other better a little cuddling
with a movie would be a nice change to
throw into the mix once in a while.

I guess i've said enough haha. I hope to hear from you :)
Are you on Facebook? I'm not on here very often

Oh and if you read this far congrats :p I'm also a singer

(youtube link to country music video)

Her: You expect me to read all that shit?

Him: Guess not

Her: lol

Him: :) night

Her: I watched some of your video. I forgot how much I hate country music.

Him: Well arent you happy lol

Her: That wasn't very happy music

Him: Nice meeting yah. Good luck fishing :)

Her: Sure

******************************************************************
hockeyman_25

Him: whats up sexy

Her: Not much, creepy.

******************************************************************
Seffy010101

Him: I am ryan. How is pof?

Her: Shitty

Him: We can change that. I had a horrible expierence off here. Ur pretty btw

Her: You're not

Him: Lol ouch. I like it..

Her: That's good. You should stick your face in a blender and make it worse.

Him: I might. U will be an accomplice to suicide.

Her: Nope. Totally innocent.

Him: U think so. Try me. Tell me to do it again. Ur no prize.

Her: Got that right

******************************************************************
SuperForeignCasanova

Him: hi how r you

Her: Fine

Him: me to lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: i dont no

Her: Then why were you lol?

Him: i ask you how r you you tolmi fean
Him: soory maerading eglish es so so you r beautiful

Her: Did you just slam your head on the keyboard?

Him: no i kaent raed eglish good

Her: Yeah right

Him: no iam from macedonia skoje iam ny her en canada 5
yers
Him: ok her es me ceel nomber i spik eglish weth aksent 4xx5xxx
Him: so wae do you do foor fain

Her: Wait, what planet were you from again?

Him: macedonia lok en googel

Her: Okay. Will I get extraterrestrial charges if I call you?

Him: no i am en winnipeg i liv her 12044xx5xxx

Her: Can you tell me how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Him: yes you tost the bred an but peanut butter and jelly

Her: More detail please...

Him: i dont no how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Him: i no ho to mek Popcorn

Her: Okay, tell me how to do that.

Him: no wrile i wael lov tomet you ef es any chans

Her: Igu um mleh flik unga bunga jub milf sloth glunk to you too! :)

Him: i tol yuo i dont raed eglish good soory princess
Him: cool me plls

Her: LOL!

Him: plls

Her: Pills are good.

Him: no pills pless

Her: Why not?

Him: cool me
Him: waet es you r naim i am gani
Him: hi how r you doing

Her: Fine, and yes you are cool.

Him: how r you doing beautiful

Her: Fine

Him: me to iam good
Him: waet dit you do laest naht you go aut

Her: You're so cute with your sdfj eryertw cbnmghk asfdasj dfdfg

Him: i tol you maerading eglish es so so

******************************************************************
john7755

Him: Hey how's it going

Her: Fine

Him: What are u looking for

Her: My ipod

Him: Lol

******************************************************************
GilbertHappy

Him: hey how r u? i am adam nice 2 meet u id just like 2 hangout mayb watch a movie n
cuddles or just have coffee or sit listen 2 music n chat

Her: Could you re-write your sentence with a couple of 3's in it?

Him: y?

Her: z.

******************************************************************
fastcar68

Him: hey there my name is david. how are ?. so what do u want in life?. what are you looking for from here?

Her: Did you think, proofread, and correct your spelling before you hit "Send Message"?

Him: lol sory was it looking lol.so what are you looking for from this site?.what do you want in life?.

Her: I'm looking for good spellers, but I'm failing miserably.

Him: wow that alitle judgmental? wy dont u look for someone who is sweet careing who has a good job who can stand on there own 2 feet. just bc someone is not a good spller wy judge them ?

Her: If I looked for that, I'd be fucking every guy on this site.

Him: that i dont understand about girl there very fast to judge.someone can do very good for them self and theyt well judge right away . wy is that pls tell me
Him: wy judge someone on ? im upset with this
Him: any way im over it . what else do you look for? what do you want from t6his site?

Her:I'd answer you if I could figure out what the hell you're writing. Could you use babelfish and translate that into French?

Him: what ever have fun

Her: I will

Him: im sure u well

Her: lol

Him: u thiink thats funny.

Her: Yup. Still waiting for you to talk to me in French.

Him: lol i dont no how .u talk to me in french?.

Her: You can barely speak English for chrissake. Your French HAS to be better.

Him: i can speack just ****ing fine.u dont no me you no nothing about me. just bc i have trouble spelling dose mean i cant speak english. pepel have trouble in thing im pertty sure u have trouble in doing some thing. ur not perfect
Him: ????????????? u pest me off i aready no what kind off girl u are and want no part of it so have fun

Her: LMAO!

Him: whats sooo funny?

Her: You're more emotional than an old woman going through menopause

Him: lol

Her: Do you get hot flashes?

Him: well u keep on meassge me? wy.if u want to get to n a nice guy who dose it judge. text me 6xx 8xxx

Her: You dose a what?

Him: what? doseit judge . there my nomber use it lol. im to tierd to meassge on here lol.

Her: Then go to bed lol

Him: i did lol i just woke up lol. are you going be nice now ?

Her: You said you were tired. Go back to bed.

Him: anser my ?. i am but i have to get up lol

Her: No you don't. Go back to bed.

Him: i cant i do have a life cant sleep all day lol. i dont live at home, momey and dady dont pay my shit.

Her: Probably because your shit stinks lol

Him: fuuny funny girl im dose talk to u. when u want to be nice meassge i dont del with girls who think there all when ur realy not

Her: Oh boo hoo. The tiny sweet girl blew down the big bad wolf, lol.

Him: not really im not a big bad wolf. i really nice guy. and thing igs girls cant handel that.

Her: Okay, you're a cute little bug that I squashed with my foot.

Him: ol ur funny u talk big lol. is this site a game for you? go read my profile then dont waste my time

Her: Okay, I looked at your profile. Judging from your pictures, you fucked a young chick, an older chick, an old man, Ian Rabb, Cookie Monster, a horse, and then procreated with a blonde bimbo.

Him: Really that girl is my momter and the other one is my cuz I'm all
about famliy I guise u no nothing about that ur just a dumb girl
Him: U wich I look like her when ur 50 stop meassge tell u grow up

Her: Your spelling gets worse when you're pissed off, LOL

Him: Ya it dose lol don't piss me off

Her: I'll bet you can't talk for shit either when you're mad. You probably just garble like a scratched CD.

Him: Lol no I don't . Well don't meassge unless u want to get to no me I don't have time for this

Her: You don't have time to learn how to spell either.

Three 90s Movies

Today, I bought three classic movies from the 90s. I paid 50 cents each for them. They're The Lion King, Jurassic Park, and Thumbelina. Pretty good find, huh?



You're probably saying "Big deal. My local thrift store is LOADED with these things!" Ah, but there's something very special about these three movies. Let's open the cases....



They're all on the BETA format!

I thought that pre-recorded Betamax videos were pretty much gone by the mid-80s, until I came across these things. They seem to be from another country (perhaps India or Korea.) Either they're official copies that were manufactured in that particular country, or they're really nice quality bootlegs. The inserts are all done on glossy paper - in other words, they were NOT done on a home computer printer. The quality is too high for them to be shitty home-made things.

  

The spines on the tapes also seem to be professionally made, with the exception of the Thumbelina video which has no labels whatsoever.

A very bizarre find indeed.

Some Interesting Finds This Week

I'm putting up my Christmas entry on the first of December (hopefully), so I figured I'd fill the time with some interesting stuff I've come across during the week.


Iced Tea from Taiwan



I had a client give me a couple of these drinks while I was doing some work for him. I usually enjoy trying new things, but I have to admit, I was a little bit afraid when I initially took a sip of the Green Tea. I didn't want to offend him by making a yucky face, but I lucked out - it wasn't too bad.

The reason why I was a initially afraid was because of an experience I had trying a new drink. Many Canadians shop at a store called "The Real Canadian Superstore" and they have an aisle dedicated to "Foods from Around The World". My dad shops at Superstore, and always buys the stuff that has been tossed in the "Reduced to Clear" bin.

One day (when I was a teenager), he came home with a load of groceries. He said "Here, try this drink I bought for ten cents." It was a bottle of Poppy Seed Juice. Of course, not being afraid of trying anything new, I took a long swig. My eyes bulged, and I immediately spit it out in the sink. And there's my dad, sitting there laughing at me. If you've ever eaten a dozen roses, you'll know exactly what it tastes like. On the plus side, my breath smelled like grandma's flower bed.

Anyway, back to the iced tea. I figured I'd look at the ingredients to see what was in it and noticed the instructions. Not only does this drink quench your thirst, but it also predicts the weather:



Service Instructions for RCA DVD Recorder (Model DRC8052NB)

I got a job to transfer some home videos for a friend of a friend, and I've been having trouble with the two DVD recorders I own. They're both acting goofy in the same way, so I emailed RCA's customer service and asked if there was any firmware updates. They didn't give any, but they sent me these instructions on how to reset the unit:

There are no firmware updates for these models.

You can try to reset the unit using the procedure below:

Let the unit sit with the AC power cord out of the wall for a couple of hours. Then hit the power button 10-15 times (with the AC power cord still out of the wall socket!) and then try again.

Really, really bizarre.


Creepy Corkscrew



I bought this creepy looking Sommelier corkscrew for three dollars which came in it's original plastic case. The reasons I bought it were: 1) It's creepy and 2) it looked like it was silver plated (it was sealed in a bag when I found it, so I couldn't really tell). Turns out that it IS silver plated, and some antique websites have valued this thing between $100-$200. Nice!


Book: The Vanishing Redhead



This is just wrong, especially for a children's book. It has a copyright year of 1948, and was published by Raphael Tuck & Sons LTD. I haven't read it. The book is barely being held together by it's original paper and glue, the pages are very yellow, and the printing is a bit blurry. However, I don't doubt that it's chok full of political incorrectness. I could just imagine an ad for this company:

Hey Kids! If you liked The Vanishing Redhead, here are some other derogitory books you might enjoy:

The Magical Nigger
The Faggot God Killed
The Rice-Picking Gook
Spongebob Squarehead's Concentration Camp

Available at a bookstore run by a local Whitey.

Fortune Cookie 09/10/09

The fortune cookie gods handed me nothing but bad news after my meal today:

Born To Be Wild?

Sorry about the stumpy, minimal update this week, but time is kinda pissed off at me lately. I got something really cool from the "put your junk on the boulevard and let people take it" weekend. I burned a whole tank of gas driving around looking for treasures, and I found a really nice one. I'll update when I get a bit of time.

But for now, I'm leaving you with a clip from the album pictured above. I shit you not, this is a female japanese redneck cover of Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild" performed by Petty Booka. It's pretty funny.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

Old Shoes

And now for something completely different...



Check out this pair of shoes I found on the road!

Just kidding, I didn't find them on the road. I bought them...

brand new....

sixteen years ago (give or take a year) when Converse was still a company, rather than a line of shoes owned by Nike.



These shoes were all the rage in the early to mid-90s, and they weren't cheap. They cost somewhere around a hundred bucks a pair, sometimes more. Usually, shoes last me a year. These ones lasted just a bit longer. I'm surprised there's still some tread left on them, considering how many miles I put on these things. I still had one of the original laces until a couple months ago when it pretty much rotted off the shoe. That explains the black lace on the one shoe that was robbed off a newer, more worn-out pair that I retired.



I don't wear them on a regular basis. They're generally only used as a pair of "slip ons" to take the garbage out, do general yardwork, make a run to the garage, etc. Recently, I realized that they are going to need to be trashed fairly soon, as the hole in the left shoe is beginning to get much, much bigger. I can't use them in the winter anymore.

Wow, what a stupid thing to blog about...

Bastardized English

So, Christmas is finally over and we're all enjoying the gifts we got. Many have recieved an MP3 player, including myself. Unfortunately, I think we're all in trouble as we advance technologically. Don't get me wrong, the MP3 player works wonderfully, but the manual that came with it is nothing more than a good example of how well Babelfish does translation. In fact, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if that's what our friends over in Japan use to make our instruction manuals.

I've recently been saving examples of poorly written english. All those years we practiced writing coherent instruction manuals in high school have been put to waste.

Here's a scan of one page from my MP3 player manual.



(click here to download the entire manual)

Surprisingly, this is Version 2.0 of the manual. I wonder how much of a disgrace Version 1.0 was? Here's a few gems from the manual:

"Do not use this player when driving, riding, or operating any other vehicles as it may lead to traffic accidents, which is illegal in some regions."

"Press power/stop button to turn it on while the player is off."

"Expect in record mode, long press power button until the letters of "Bye Bye" appears and the screen will turn dark, the player will be powered off.

Fortunately, although this manual is written in bastardized english, it's not too hard to decipher what it's trying to tell you since it includes screenshots, and the selections on the player's display makes it pretty self-explanitory.

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for one digital camera I purchased. This is a camera I keep in my truck in case I see something interesting to take pictures of. Here's the "Frequently Asked Questions" section:



Some of the questions include:

"How to use photo impression down all the photos to photo impression."

"restart the computer after finish the installation of the software. The page which enable you to set up the installation path will be displayed."

I may be wrong, but those don't look like questions. I had one hell of a time trying to get this camera to work since the LCD only displays numbers and icons and the manual was obviously no help to me.

Unfortunately, it's not only instruction manuals that fall victim to bastardized english. Here's the packaging for a baby's pacifier:



After it claims that the item "is not a pacifier or a toy", it warns you not to tie the pacifier around the baby's neck. Somebody will eventually get sued for writing incoherent instructions to accompany their product.

And finally, I bring you a fortune I got in a fortune cookie. I keep this in my wallet and read it when things are making too much sense.



Just for the hell of it, I approached the chinese guy at work to help translate the message this thing is trying to convey. The scary thing is he understood it perfectly and was puzzled by the fact that I couldn't understand it. Go figure.

If you'd like to read more examples of bastardized english, check out http://www.engrish.com