More apologies for my absence. My life has been full of doctor's appointments for both myself and my kid. When I'm not visiting the doctor, I'm exhausted to the point where I can't function due to whatever stupid undiagnosed health problem I'm dealing with. I also still have to work a real job which is getting more difficult as the weeks go by. So yeah, I'm not well. Good days are spent with family and bad days are spent sleeping. However, today is a good day and my family isn't around, so it's time to make it a bad day with some extremely terrible music. Let's finally get to the next Junq Tour installment!
Lax Luster - It's In The Blood
This is the only CD I bought at the Steinbach MCC. They used to have all kinds of weird crap there, but it seems the trash bin eats much of it up before it hits the racks. Anyway, this is a Winnipeg band, and they're actually quite listenable! They sound like a KISS knock-off which isn't exactly the worst thing in the world. However, the sixteen tracks on here don't really stand out from each other. If you've heard one drunken party rock song, you've heard pretty much all of them. If you're looking for deeper lyrics, you may want to scroll a little further down, but make sure you keep your hopes down too.
Listen to Let 'em Party
Live at Southern Nights
There is absolutely no band name listed on this CD, so I'm only going to assume that the band itself is called "Southern Nights". I have no proof, but this CD smells like it came from Branson Missouri. It sounds like Branson, the hype star makes it look like Branson, and the performances have that Branson quality to them.
The track listing on the back is all fucked up which made extracting the correct songs an absolute chore. Multiply that by two because the track listing on the back doesn't indicate what is on which disc. Also, two discs make this an excruciating listening experience. The performers are talented, but the performances are campy as hell.
Listen to Golden Ring
Listen to The Lion Sleeps
Listen to Rhinestone Cowboy
Listen to You're The One That I Want
Abe Reddekopp - Cowboy Songs of Yesteryear
More like Cowboy Songs of YesterCentury. These songs are really fucking old!
On the plus side, this is one of the more talented old guys I've listened to over the past few years. The CD is mixed well, but the cover took the talent of someone who only had 10 spare minutes of time in their day.
Listen to When The Work's All Done This Fall
Art Rempel - Accordion Favorites III
Due to popular demand, Art made two more volumes of accordion music after the first one went quadruple platinum. He also gets to keep all the profits because there isn't anybody else in the band. To keep other costs low, he recorded the album onto a cardboard box. On the plus side, his accordion skills are decent.
I got this CD sealed and the disc retainer was broken. How the hell does that happen?
Listen to Never on a Sunday
The Female Beat - Steppin' Out
The Female Beat's first album was released on K-Records, and yes I own it. It's a whole pile of good fun-time Ukrainian music! although the music is enjoyable, I have a couple of slight complaints about it.
The vocals have absolutely no effects on them. Joyce has a fairly boring voice, and that's when she does sing. A better mix on the album would have really brought it to life. I shall use this opportunity to declare that I'd mix their next album for free if they'd let me. A few tweaks could really bring a bit of extra life to this recording.
Regardless, the album is still good enough to go into my personal collection.
Listen to Memories of You
Listen to Casey's Polka
Sound Rage - When It Rains
Boy did this album start off strong! It was rocking pretty fucking good until the singer opened his mouth. The fact that this guy is the best singer in the band is absolutely pathetic. I can barf in tune better than he can sing.
The songs seem to have an early Metallica or Testament influence. They are also quite long, but I can't be bothered to sit through them for the most part because the singer is so bloody awful.
This band is from Steinbach, but due to the fact that they had a drummer, they didn't qualify to record their album at Silver Shit Streams.
Listen to Stain
Listen to Distant Minds
Mia - Crossroads
Looks like Mia attended a Grade 4 art class! Great job, Mia! You get a gold star for coloring inside the lines. Not sure why someone toilet-papered the cross in her art piece, but it's an interesting touch.
I'll be blunt... This album's more about the magnificent artwork. Mia's singing is mildly annoying, but the artwork on her album is totally fucking picasso. Check out her legless collage of herself on the back. Awesome!
Listen to Another Mountain
Rick Wedel Vol.2
Rick was in such a hurry to get volume two out to capitalize on volume one's success that he didn't even bother making a proper cover for it. He also got the track listing in descending order. Nice fucking job.
Well... It's not the worst thing I've ever heard. The mixes and recording quality vary quite a bit, but it's all somewhat acceptable. Rick tries to sing a bit too low at times which doesn't work very well. The song "Blowin' in the Wind" sounds like it was recorded with the microphone buried under a pile of dog shit. I can only hope volume one is better (if I ever find it).
Listen to Blowin' In The Wind
New Covenant
Three out of the four guys on the cover have bad mustaches. The one without a mustache has a bad mullet. With so much bad hair, you'd think they'd be extremely talented. They initially appeared to be, and I wasn't sure this album was going to qualify for this blog until I heard the second song. Apparently they put all their talent into the first song and every other fuck given went straight out the window for the rest.
The band and the female singer aren't credited anywhere on the album, so they get screwed on royalties. Then again, maybe they didn't want to be associated with this recording. I wouldn't either.
Listen to Child of the Light
Del-Keith Dubbin - Deal Me An Ace / The White Album
Surprisingly, Del-Keith played in a Manitoba band called "The Dovermen". You know who else was in that band? Bill Hillman from The Western Union! With that kind of talent, you think Del-Keith would be quite capable of recording a half decent solo album. Guess what? It's fucking terrible.
On the plus side, at least Del-Keith can shred the hell out of the guitar. Well, at least I thought he could until I looked at the credits and found out it's some other guy playing it. Mr. Guitar Player needs a solo album more than Del-Keith does. All of the other musical contributions are absolute garbage. Actually, it's worse than garbage... it's the water at the bottom of the garbage bag.
I'm pretty sure Del-Keith created the lyrics by wiping his ass with a blank sheet of paper. Seriously, these are some of the worst penned lyrics I've heard in my entire life, and this blog is full of terrible lyric-filled songs. There are no deep thoughts in songs such as "Landlady" or "Lil' Led Zeppelin Man", or any of the other masterpieces on this album.
Do you know what the worst part about this album is? I thought I was only getting six crappy songs according to the inlay. To my horror, there are three more crappy songs tacked on after the album is finished. It's like when you go into the bathroom to take a quick shit, and you're in there for 25 minutes.
Don't believe it's that bad? Have a listen for yourself.
Listen to Lil' Led Zeppelin Man
Listen to Landlady
Download the whole mess
Bristol Boys - Silver and Gold
These guys look like they're up to no good. One's gonna beat your head in with a cane, one's gonna sit on you, and one's gonna sing cowboy songs at you. You'd better go buy your urn!
I cracked open this sealed album only to discover another broken disc retainer. What the fuck? Did someone pre-smash all these disc retainers before sealing the cases?
Anyway, the album's compressed all to hell, the fiddle player sucks, and the longer you listen to it, the worse it gets. On top of that, they photoshopped a picture of an old guy onto the back of the CD because that was really important.
Listen to Whei En's Breakdown
Listen to Black Velvet Waltz
Mary Blatz - Mary's Country Favorites
GRANDMA!
Mary clocks in at around 820 years old. Believe it or not, she's the most talented one in the band. All the other band members are deaf and terrible. The fiddle player has three broken fingers on each hand.
Just look at that cover. You can tell that the photo was taken just before Mary beat the piss out of the fiddle player for doing such a shitty job on her album. Don't fuck with Mary!
Due to this being another Silver Shit Streams release, the drummer wasn't allowed in the recording studio.
Listen to I'll Be All Smiles Tonight
Listen to Bring Back My Blue Eyed Boy To Me
Listen to Have I Told You Lately That I Love You
Jasper - The Blood
Well, third time's a charm! Another sealed CD with a broken retainer.
This album is absolutely amazing. You can tell it was recorded in Jasper's parents' basement. Jasper is also the most gangsta of all the Christian rappers in the world. If you don't believe me, you will certainly change your mind after hearing "I Love God", "Amazing Grace", and "The Flyin' Lion in Zion".
This album contains three remixes which are just as lousy as the original versions. I would have preferred some new lyrics as opposed to new beats. However, I'm sure God loves every single song on this album.
Listen to Amazing Grace
Listen to I Love God
Listen to The Blood
Pete & Liese - God's Family
How fucking old are these people? Judging by their singing, they should have died 30 years ago from old age. Listening to them sing is akin to drinking expired milk. If you think that's my tape deck jittering, then you sadly haven't realized that it's actually Pete's voice. As for his wife, she's the squeaky wheel in the background.
Listen to I'm Willing Lord
Listen to I Believe Jesus Saves
Listen to I Won't Have To Cross Jordan Alone
The Sandersons - Everyday People
I've reviewed a lot of albums since I started this blog well over a decade ago. There's been some very laughable ones, some chalkboard-scraping ones, and even a few good ones. However, The Sandersons are one group that absolutely infuriate me when I listen to one of their coasters of digital garbage.
First of all, they're terrible musicians. The music they create is lousy. They also have a couple of the worst singing voices I've ever heard. However, I've built up a very tough skin when it comes to terrible musicians and singers. I've listened to countless hours of terrible hacks who think they can record their own hit albums.
The one thing that absolutely drives me up the fucking wall about The Sandersons is their decisions to captialize on the misfortunes of others to not only supposedly vindicate God's name, but to sell their shitty fucking albums. So who are the targets on this album? How about a victim in the Columbine high school massacre? If that's not enough, let's throw in one of the planes destroyed in the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Still not enough death for you? Well, let's throw in the Columbia Space Shuttle explosion too. Are we supposed to praise God for these people dying, or are we supposed to praise Him for not doing anything about it? All of this death occurs in the title track. Just for the hell of it, they recorded another song about Kate's niece Tianna who was adopted and apparently ended up with a disability. As per usual, Kate has to talk for about 1/3 of the album. Imagine being married to her.
This is The Sandersons' worst album by far. Sadly, this won't be the last time we hear from them on this Junq Tour.
Listen to Everyday People
Listen to Tianna's Song
I will again genuinely apologize for the slowness of getting this entry out. I'm hoping that I can get back on a somewhat regular schedule to get the rest of the Junq Tour posted. We're still not finished with Day one yet either! The next stop is Grunthal...
