Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Candid Pics: 11/10/18

It's been a while since I posted random pictures of crap. I've got a few that have been rotting on my phone, so I figured it's time to reveal them to the world.

The Ayn Rand of couriers

This was taken last Halloween while trick-or-treating

Someone defaced this poor Abba Greatest Hits album before giving it to the thrift store.

Faggot Ken doll in the bargain bin.

Instead of fixing your patio blocks, cram a bunch of broken DVD players and satellite receivers in the empty space.

I don't remember where the fuck I took this picture

More random writing in the dirt on someone's vehicle

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Junq Tour: Rosetown, SK

Guess what? I replaced my stereo amplifier! I can listen to blog entries in full blown quadraphonic sound again! And they sound great! Well, as great as a 92 year old man who has pain while peeing, but the groans of agony are crystal clear! I picked up a beautiful Sansui AU-6600 for ten bucks, and it's been a pretty decent replacement for my old Acoustic Research amp.

Rosetown, Saskatchewan is where my brother and his family live. I never knew they had a thrift store there. It was absolutely loaded with crappy albums that nobody wanted, and I had to pick wiseley or I'd end up spending $30-$40 on a big pile of garbage that I wouldn't bother posting. I still ended up with crap I don't wanna post, so those lovely thrift store people can rejoice for reeling in a sucker like me.

Saskatchewan Express - Hello World!

People in Saskatchewan seem to really love their province, while those of us in Manitoba hate ours. This tape was recorded by a group of performers who apparently put on a musical about Saskatchewan. Personally, I think making a musical about Saskatchewan is on par with making a musical about cellophane, but what the fuck do I know? I generally hate musicals.

Now, I could've put up the cover of Michael Jackson's "Heal The World" (which is just as bad as the original) but I decided to put up a song called The Saskatchewan Blues. It's not incredibly amusing, but since Saskatchewanian music doesn't seem to drift outside of Saskatchewan very often, I figured it was appropriate to start off the entry with this one.

Listen to The Saskatchewan Blues

Streetnix - Listen

I really didn't know what to expect when I bought this CD. It has got a bunch of covers songs on it, so I figured it was probably going to be some shitty cover band from Saskatoon. All I can say is that they're not really a band. It's an a-capella barber shop group doing covers of Creedence Clearwater Revival, Queen, Elvis, and a few others. Surprised the hell out of me!

My biggest debate was whether to post their ultra-shitty Beatles medley (which is REALLY fucking bad) or post a track I actually like. I went with the latter for a change. I have to say that I really do enjoy this track, but it's floating in a sea of barber shit.

Listen to U2's Mysterious Ways done a-capella

The Waldners Messengers For Jesus - He Took My Place

Look at the superstars on the cover of this one! There's Clara, Susanna, Lenard, and a bunch of other assholes. None of their last names appear on this album except for Mike who enjoys singing sexy duets with John. This is a Country & Western Christian album, so you get twice the reason to go into a deep depression and kill yourself after listening to this miserable thing. The cool thing about this album is if you re-arrange the song titles, you come up with a story...

I hear the lord is coming
Up calvary's hill
Just over yonder.
Yes he walked.
How Great thou art,
Wounded soldier.
He took my place,
He wrote my name.
He spelled it wrong,
That motherfucker.

Okay, so I made the last two up. It was getting boring so I had to make the Lord do something more interesting than just walking around looking for worship.

Listen to a really bad Johnny Cash parody

Three Shitty Albums by The Kevin Quist Family

I think I bought their entire discography. Each tape will induce holy yawns as you fall asleep to this boring country gospel music. The best thing about owning these is you get to see their kids grow up on the album covers. The first one was printed on Fujicolor paper.

Nothing decent to extract from these albums so let's move on...

Carl Boyd - Iron Grease & Steam

Since we can't seem to get enough of trashing the Johnny Cash classic "Folsom Prison Blues" by adding shitty Christian lyrics, here it is again. It starts off like any of the other shitty albums in this entry, and Carl's improvised "Wooohooooo" train sound just makes me laugh. But the last verse has been raped and has left a gay priest's cum dribbling from his cellmate's ass. With that picture firmly planted in your head, I hope you enjoy this violation from "Anal Grease & Cream"

Listen to ANOTHER bad Johnny Cash cover

Gayle McCulloch - Let Climax Shine

When you climax onto the bedspread in the pale moonlight, it shines! When you play country and western music on the organ, nobody climaxes and people leave frustrated. This is a boring CD and not worth the two bucks I paid for it. Gayle autographed the inlay card with "Enjoy the tunes, thanks!" I guess whoever had this CD before me didn't enjoy it either.

Arnie - A Tribute To Hank - My Inspiration

Yes, I found another goddam tape by this guy. It seems that he's sold more albums than Nazareth because I've seen more fucking Arnie tapes than copies of Razamanaz. Instead of playing the plunger on this album, Arnie sings. For the benefit of us all, Arnie should just stick to toilet music because his voice sounds butt-squeaking awful.

More of Arnie's albums can be found HERE and HERE and there's another one I haven't posted yet.

Listen to Arnie squeak out "Your Cheatin' Heart"

The Greengrass Bros. - MORE Great Classics

After listening to a chunk of side two, I wasn't going to post anything by these guys. However, a brief switch over to side one made me changed my mind. It seems that the master tape this was copied from is buggered up, and all the songs have this hilarious warble to them! I am convinced that this error in the copying process has made the album a thousand times more enjoyable. So enjoy lighting up a doobie with the SmokingGreenGrass Bros and listen to their warped and fucked up version of "My Bonnie".

Listen Here!

Now, to finish off the blog entry, here's a video from my nephew who will show you how to make yourself a tasty lunch that's not even fucking close to being nutritious.