Thursday, March 31, 2011

A Batch of Horrible Album Covers

I picked up all of the following tapes in one swoop at the Thrift Store some time ago but I've neglected writing about them. All of these tapes seem to come from the same shithole in Saskatchewan. They all contain country music, but it's not really the music I'm interested in this time around. The album covers are ultimately what made me buy them. I seriously can't believe how much money I wasted on this garbage, but I hope you guys (and girls) get a laugh out of these "precious gems". I will be judging all of these albums by their covers, just to make it more fun.

Arnie and Friends - He Does Have A Few

Arnie Strynadka figured he'd try to sell his album by putting a shitty joke in the album title instead of focusing on the cover art. Thus, this entire album is a shitty joke lacking in creativity.

Arnie - For My Friends New & Old / Plunging In Again

Here, Arnie shows his talent by playing all his songs with a toilet plunger. Your stereo system will plunge this piece of shit out of your speakers and stink up your room, with watery music filled with floaty paper bits and mashed brown crumbs. WARNING: You may need an instrument such as the one Arnie's holding should you decide to flush this cassette down the porcelain drain. NOT SEPTIC TANK FRIENDLY.

Arnie was torn between two album titles, so he put one on the inlay, and one on the cassette label. This resulted in a mixture of corn and lettuce in this shit-clog of an album.


Louise is the product of a sexual encounter between a human, a barnyard animal, and John Stamos's former hairstylist. Louise performs country classics in full mullet style and makes you wish that the 1980s weren't so damn cheesy.

And now, I present you with the entire Buzz Trottier discography!!!

Buzz Trottier - Grassland Gospel

On this album, Buzz rides a horse out into a grassy field where he sacrifices the animal to God. God is obviously pleased with the sacrifice, and rewards Buzz with a contract to record two more crummy albums.

Buzz Trottier - Singing From The Heart

Buzz used this lovely family portrait for the cover to warn you that all three of them sing on here. You can tell that Buzz is all-business when it comes to music, judging from the pen and his glasses tucked away in his front shirt pocket. And his grandson can't fucking sing either (click here to listen to Tennessee Flat Top Box)

Buzz Trottier - Here In the Real World

On this album, Buzz takes his grandson out to a grassy field where he sacrifices the boy to God. God is obviously pleased with the sacrifice of Buzz's only begotten son, and rewards Buzz with a deal to record one more crummy album.

Buzz Trottier Remembers / Grassland Memories of Buzz Trottier

On this album, Buzz sings about his struggles with amnesia. As we can see on the album cover, Buzz fell off his horse, bumped his head on the barn, and forgot what the original title was for this album. Buzz ultimately redeems himself, claiming he remembers, and gives the album two different titles. We are all pleased that Buzz made a full recovery, and is no longer recording albums since he forgot how to play the guitar.

And there you have it. Seven lousy album covers packed into a single blog entry. I would post more album clips, but these albums really aren't all that interesting. They're pretty much all covers of old country & western songs, although I must say that the Arnie albums are actually somewhat tolerable since nobody sings on them. Too bad he didn't really play the plunger, as that would've been worth the money I spent on these stupid tapes.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Album: Save The Jets Fundraiser

Back in 1995, my city (Winnipeg) lost their hockey team. As a Canadian, I'm supposed to love hockey, but I fucking hate it. I cared less that we lost our hockey team which practically never won a hockey game EVER. The team was in danger of being sold to Minneapolis and a huge-ass fundraiser was organized to try and raise the money to buy the crappy hockey team and keep them in Winnipeg. I picked this awesome quote from another website: (source here)

The task at hand became to raise $110 million to cover the purchase of the Jets and future losses that the team would incur.

So the fundraiser was to keep a shitty hockey team, and pay for them to lose more games. What a great idea! In my disgust with the media blitz, the fundraiser, and the massive support campaign, I created the greatest compilation album of Winnipeg talent that I could scrounge up and called it the "Save The Jets Fundraiser". The original subtext on the album cover said "Five cents from every donation will be used to help save the Jets."

Recently, there have been a lot of rumors on the radio and the internet that the hockey team is going back up for sale again (probably because they still suck) and the possibility could come up for Winnipeg to re-aquire our beloved (and shitty) hockey team! With this new-found fire for saving the Winnipeg Jets, I've decided to re-release my Save The Jets Fundraiser album with a slightly re-done cover and include some bonus tracks! You've probably already heard a few of these songs featured on this blog already, but now you can get them all (plus more) in one great album! I'll bet you didn't know there was so much more to that public access hurdy gurdy video, did ya?

Track Listing:

01 - Johnny Sizzle - Theme From Johnny Sizzle
02 - Joey Gregorash - I Just Want To Play Hockey
03 - Henrietta & Merna - Go Tell It On The Mountain
04 - Lady With A Puppet - Search My Heart
05 - I'm A Ukrainian Man - Dedication
06 - Duckshot Hunter - If You Were Here
07 - Mental Note - Watcha Gonna Do
08 - The Cosmopolitans - A World Without Love
09 - Box Lunch - The New Song
10 - The Garage People - Lorraine
11 - Canned Peaches - Say Goodbye
12 - Johnny Sizzle - If Satan Was My Lover (bonus track)
13 - Joey Gregorash - Ice Maker (bonus track)
14 - Duckshot Hunter - The Way It Goes (bonus track)
15 - Box Lunch - Eggnog (bonus track)
16 - Sila & The Smoke Frees - Changing Ways (bonus track)
17 - Canned Peaches - Before You Go (bonus track)

You can download the Save The Jets Fundraiser HERE!!!

As a side note, there was an official Jets benefit album released in 1996 (which I own) called "Hockey Rock Winnipeg Style" where famous Winnipeg musicians wrote new lyrics to their classic hits and re-recorded them. The funny thing is there is one common song between the official version and mine (I Just Want To Play Hockey by Joey Gregorash - different version though). The proceeds from the album went to "Winnipeg Jets Goals For Kids", whatever the hell that was. Take my word for it, the official album is WORSE than the one I put together.

So in conclusion, if you feel the urge to donate to the "Save The Jets" campaign, I'm not opposed to receiving these donations. I promise I'll put them toward a project just as shitty as saving a crappy hockey team (like buying more stupid junk at thrift stores to entertain those of you who read this blog.) Go Jets Go!