I've decided to start combining Junq Tours that don't have high yield. Before, I would just relegate the one or two items into the regular queue box, but that box is already full of junk I haven't had time to go through. This time around, we've got the little town of Boissevain and the big town of Portage La Prarie.
- Boissevain, Manitoba -
Jerry Foster - Bars & Bedrooms
I picked this one up because Jerry looks like he's 80 years old on the cover, and we know from previous entries that old men sound like an 8-track player with a bad motor playing a tape that's packed tighter than a virgin kitten's asshole. That's exactly how he Jerry sounds too!
These are crappy country songs. The tracks sound like they were recorded in different periods over the last 50 years, and were mixed together by someone who had little clue how to make it sound even. But when you've never recorded anything in your life, you don't care how uneven it sounds because it's better than any of the recordings you made on your shoebox tape recorder.
I don't know who's singing with Jerry, but she's not any fucking pleasure to listen to either. They sound like a bad imitation of Johnny Cash and June Carter. Here's a song which contains the lyric "You can't change the spots on a leper." The overall mood of the song makes me want to drink home brew, eat beans, and kill myself.
Listen to Spots
- Portage La Prarie, Manitoba -
Song Hits SH-24-B
I know that there's more in this series of 45s because I left one behind for being so scratched that it looked unplayable. When I bought this, I honestly didn't know if I was getting originals or cheap imitations. The lack of a big name record label is usually a dead giveaway, but sometimes a bootlegger will surprise you.
These are shitty. Very shitty. "Memphis" would have been unrecognizable if it weren't for the opening riff, "Surf City" was likely sung by people in wheelchairs who have never surfed in their life, and "So Much In Love" has so much soul, it causes the singer to sounds like Lou Reed. It was the perfect one to feature here.
Listen to "So Much In Love"
Super Rock Hits - A Tribute To Various Artists Vol. 5
This is another offering from Sound Alike Music. From what I can tell, it's basically a compilation of the garbage they've previously offered on other tapes . The Alice Cooper tracks are the exact same ones as the tribute album they put out.
I love the fact that the "Vol.5" listed on the cover isn't actually part of the artwork, but is a sticker plastered onto it. I'm guessing the artwork for Volumes 1 through 4 are exactly the same with the appropriate stickers slapped on top. Gotta cut costs somewhere when you're making crappy tribute 8-tracks!
The one I picked off this masterpiece is the Lou Reed song. I'm trying to figure out if the guy is actually singing better than Lou Reed, or if he's struggling to sounds as bad as him. The track is hilarious either way! Just like all the other SAM 8-tracks, I had difficulty getting this one to play reliably.
Listen to Walk On The Wild Side
Book: Little Red Riding Hood
Straight out of 1979! Why is it that most books with still images of dolls acting out stories are so fucking creepy? Red Riding Hood is the most normal looking doll in the book, but check out this picture of the wolf dressed up as grandma:
Talk about birth defects! The wolf's mother was a meth addict. Now here's a picture of Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Woodsman:
The Woodsman's looks as if he's ready to kill Grandma. Look at his eyes. Why are they blue? Who the hell has eyes like that? Also, dig the picture of the shrooms on the wall. Far out, man! Perhaps that explains everything.
I've got lots more coming from the Junq Tour. I hit up two major thrift stores last week and came out with tons of crap, so there's plenty more on the way.