I've criticized, analyzed, and occasinally praised those who have put their hard work into crafting their own albums. But I don't think I've really given much insight into what kind of work goes into making one's own album. Therefore, this blog post is going to focus on how to create your very own home-recorded, hand made album which will be sure to impress all your friends and win over that cute girl you've been eyeballing. She'll think you're a real star!
First of all, you need an album cover. Go into your family photo album, and pick something. Try to pick a photo that was taken 20-30 years ago. For my album cover, I chose a picture of my mom yelling at me.
Next, you need a title for your album. Try to make it as professional sounding as possible. To make it appealing, use that dumbass Comic font that everyone uses on their Tripod home pages. Also, try to use either an obnoxious color, or make it all black so your title doesn't stand out from the darks on your photo.
Now, add some lame-ass clipart. See how it changes the picture? Now it looks like me and my Mom are singing!
Last but not least, dedicate it to the first girl who broke your heart. She may not have wanted to go out with you, but she'll regret it when she sees her name on your album cover! Be sure to write your dedication in all-caps to emphasize it's importance.
Now, you need a song selection. Here are some pointers for what kind of songs you should include on your album:
- Cover Songs. Show them how you can sing it better than the original!
- Songs where the music is louder than your singing
- A song with a girl's name in it
- Your very own parody. People will love your new lyrics!
- A song about your dog
- Songs with lyrics that don't make sense
- A song with a guest artist (a.k.a. one of your friends)
By following these suggestions, I was able to create a collection of great songs. Check out the song titles:
01) Ha Sob
03) It's Fun
04) Two on a Bike
05) The Ball Goes In The Garbage (Featuring Ryan Nole)
08) Addicted To Spuds
09) Joanne's Socks
10) Theme from The Get-Along Gang
11) Candy Spike
12) Pipe Down
Make sure the copies you make of your album are recorded on Cr02 cassette tapes. You may have recorded your album on a ghetto blaster, but the high quality of Cr02 will actually IMPROVE the sound of your album. Also, don't use Dolby Noise Reduction. Tape hiss should be embraced, not eliminated!
Now for what you've all been waiting for... You can download my Greatest Hits album HERE!!!
Given that I was born in 1978, I'm sure you can just imagine what these songs are like. The best part of my album is it starts to hurt your eardrums after only five seconds of playing. No need to delay the pain!
However, I'm going to suggest that you avoid downloading it. If you do, you will waste 20 precious minutes of your life. Don't say I didn't warn you!