Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Killing Plenty of Fish - Part One

About a year and a half ago, I found myself single again. It's not that I can't go out and meet women in person, but I can't do that when I'm working out of town or bored on a Sunday night. So to fill in some time during these off-hours, I made a Plenty Of Fish profile. I've had a little success off it, but nothing that classifies as "plenty of fish". I couldn't help but wonder what things were like on the female side of the coin, so I created a female profile. NOW I know why it's called "Plenty Of Fish". The fish are male sharks with raging hard peckers, looking to stalk and fuck anything that crosses their eyes.

Initially, I didn't respond to the 10+ messages I was getting per day. But over time, it was just to irresistible. I never knew how disgustingly desperate the men of the world are. So I began to interact and poke fun at them for their desperation, their use of netspeak, and the misuse of the acronym "lol".

I saved the best conversations for your reading pleasure. There was so much that I decided to break it up into two post. Without further ado, meet my alter-ego: Annabelle the bitch.


Him: haw are u i hope u are ok
so i'm looking for somone ho want have a god time and enjoy with him
if u are intersted text me that is

Her: Your piss-poor engrish is hilarious!

Him: yes i now because i'm new i speak french and spanish

Her: I want you to give me instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Her: Where did you go? Message me!!!

Him: i don't now how to sey it to you sorry

Her: Please? For me? I think you're cute :)
Her: You eres un hombre dulce, pero haven respondió

Him: u to are a beautiful and i like u more than u so if u want
to meet me i have all time for u baby just say yes and i
will be yours a wana have some fun with u that all

Her: No problem, but first you still need to tell me how to make that sandwich.

Him: hi there

Her: Dude, I can't date you if you can't even fucking listen to me.


Him: i am not a creep, i am a normal guy. fyi my name is chris. r u orginally from wpg.?

Her: What makes you 'not a creep'?

Him: cause i aint lookin for a **** or a one night stand . i am looking to meet someone that has time to spend with me and get to know one another. hopefully if things were right to take it to the next level. i basically just want some one to love me again. and well..... me love them back.thats it i aint hard to please.

Her: Get a dog

Him: that was a little uncalled for i am a single dad tryin to raise my boys all alone in an already tuff world. just opening up my heart. and u have to make some smart ass remark why? but whatever i hope u have a great evening.

Her: Good, I don't need a big baby for a boyfriend.

Him: whoa! i aint no suck. i am a mans man no worries there! i kinda like u already your kinda a challenge, lol

Her: Then why are you whining like my best friend when she's off her meds?

Him: lmaoo was meaning to whine. just telling you like it is. oh fyi bounus, i dont take meds. lol so instead of being mean what else do ya do? and dont be snotty with me be real. i can tell by your eyes you aint a **** at all.

Her: You can't tell shit by my eyes.


Him: daaaaaaaam ;)

Her: Go buy a new keyboard. Yours is broken.

Him: lmao nope thats my heart lol

Her: Getting electrocuted might fix that

Him: your just a charmer eh lmao :P

Her: You're not

Him: you always this happy? lol

Her: Yes

Him: wow so whats wrong?

Her: Nothing

Him: lmao want me to stop messaging you?

Her: Sure

Him: lol your wish is my command ;) happy fishing


Him: Hello there. How is life treating you?

Her: Fine

Him: It's funny, I used to put "shiny things, wicker, sirens" as interests. But too many people were taking it literally.

Her: Poor you.

Him: Well it wasn't so much poor me. It was more so a result of my overestimation of the intellectual capabilities of the average person. I know realize that there are many 'simple' people out there who have trouble grasping concepts that I take for granted and who reply to others on POF using one or two word responses, as a result of their limited attention span.

-- You have been blocked by this user. Find someone else... --


Him: hello, my name is justin, hows it going? wanna chat and get to know eachother?

Her: No

Him: oh. why not?

Her: You look creepy


Him: Hi how are you doing?

Her: Fine

Him: thats good.. whats your fav tv shows?

Her: Ellen

Him: cool mine too lol

Her: Liar

Him: lol i did lie but i didnt tend to make it like i was lying

Her: I don't like liars.

Him: lol. me eeiher but i was just trying to be funny cause im not sure what guys likes ellen

Her: You were ready to, just to impress me

Him: i have to try somewhere cause my looks dont get me far jk lol

Her: That's for sure


Him: Hey, you seem like a sweet down to earth lady. Give me the chance to get to know you
and I am sure you appreciate my friendship. If your interested in making another
friend, iam here to listen.

Her: That's nice

Him: It is, isn't it? :) So iam pretty new to this website and
iam pretty outgoing at trying to find new friends on here.
I am not one to play games or string you along, my
intentions is to meet new people and see what they are
like. I have several good friends, guys and girls that i
hang with already and I would like to broaden that horizon.
If your interested I would love to offer you a chance to
come out for wings/hockey game or something along that line
or we can chat more. Up to you really.

Her: I hate hockey

Him: It was just a suggesting, it would help me if you would be
glad to share some of you enjoyments.
Wait, do you hate wings to?

Her: Depends

Him: Of course. Anyways it was nice talking to u.

Her: It was?

Him: Not really. I think you having enjoyment out of these two
word replies plus, its a little more annoying when you
declined to chat which continues these 2 word replies.
Anyways, if you don't have much more to say, I won't
continue to ask.

Her: Okay

Him: Okay then :) Nice talking with you.

Her: You just lied to me again. You're a jerk.

Him: Well it is true i wasn't enjoying the 1 word replies but
now iam actually enjoying this a little. How did i lie to
you the first time?

Her: You told me you enjoyed chatting with me, and you weren't.

Him: Well, the chatting is sorta interesting now. I still don't
understand you that much. I think you like to poke fun,
which is good, but not all the time.
Do you like chatting with me?

Her: I can't believe anything you say, so it's kinda pointless now.

Him: I am sorry to disappoint you then. On a side note, how was
your day?

Her: Fine

(one month later)

Him: I miss talking to you! How are you doing?

Her: Oh... you're that lying bastard. I'd forgotten about you.

Him: You hold me in such high esteem. I am amazed.

Her: You shouldn't be

Him: Your right i am not that amazed. Just curious how our
virtual relationship got so out of hand.
You interested and having a few margaritas at pony to
discuss it?

Her: No, you'll probably show up at Boston Pizza or some shit.


Him: Hhows it goin what types of wrkouts do you do

Her: I use punctuation and good spelling to make my sentences more attractive. You?

Him: Well, usually i use better grammar. Usually people say, why do u spell
the whole word when u are texting? Sorry for offendinding you, i
meant to be as attractive as i could.

Her: Did you sneeze when you typed "offendinding"?


Him: Hi how's your evening going?

Her: Fine

Him: lol you don't sound happy to be chatting with me

Her: Nope

Him: y?

Her: z

Him: wtf

Her: lol


Him: Your pretty

Her: You're not.

Him: Wow that's fucking rude

Her: No, it's fucking honest.


Him: Where do I sign up? :)

Her: For what?

Him: You asked where your Knight is, and I'm responding to the question.
Although, I should probably mention that I'm without a horse at the moment, but I'm pretty good without it. All the other prerequisites are met, shiny armor and all that.

Her: You're a pretty crappy knight if you don't have a horse. What do you use? A tricycle?

Him: I'm in an apartment and the landlord doesn't allow pets, and the neighbours would complain because the hay in front of my door. So I had to become a modern knight, but once a knight always a knight!
I must say that I don't appreciate the remark about a tricycle. As a matter of fact, it's been quite some time since I got used to my training wheels.
Him: And on the other hand, while you're questioning my knightly credibility, there are requirements that need to be met by you too. How do I know you are a Lady in need of a knight?

Her: Because there's too many shit heads on this site. I need you to go kill some of them.

Him: We'll I told you knights are rare, chivalry is almost dead.
And that's a little harsh, it can't be that bad, can it?
What happened?

Her: I swear every guy on here wanks to my picture, gets cream all over their keyboard, and they can't spell because the keys don't work anymore

Him: Gross.
Is it the one with hay?
Anyway, changing the subject...
My name's Ogi, what's yours?
And what would you like to do in health care? I am currently making my way into it, in university.

Her: Where the hell did you get that name?

Him: Where did I get it? Most likely in the hospital, when I was born. It's not my full name, just a short version.
Where did you get your name, and what is it?

Her: I got my name from my dead aunt who got murdered by being run over by a tractor.

Him: Who was behind the wheel

Her: My uncle Louis

Him: Like in the song: Louie, Louie...
So, how bored are you exactly?

Her: That wasn't very nice

Him: Really? What do you mean?

Her: It was an accident and comparing it to a dumb old song about a sailor is disrespectful

Him: Are you saying that it actually happened?

Her: No duhhh.


Him: hey beautiful hows it going

Her: Not too bad, ugly


Him: Hey there prettyanna23, Very beautiful picture. You're stunning!
I must say i'm pretty skeptical about this whole site :(
But I'm not really into the club scene, and i don't just go
hang out alone at places to meet people haha.

I'd like to find out a little bit about you.
What do you do for fun? Have you always lived in Winnipeg??
What's your favorite Movie? How has your summer been?? :)

I'm sure you have a lot of messages on this site to sift through,
but here goes my attempt at catching your attention :)

Allow me to introduce myself :)
I don't really want to write a
novel but here we go. My names Jerry
and I'm just looking to meet new fun
people to talk to, chill with and see how
things go. I'm a good old country boy that
now resides in the city .I love to play
guitar, write songs, and sing. I'm 6'4 athletic, brown
hair. I enjoy working out, outdoor activities,
movies, cuddling and music, not a bad dancer, but not spectacular. Maybe you could
show me lol. Id like to chat
more you if you'd like to chat. Hope to hear
from you :)

I'm just looking for a cool girl :) As mentioned
earlier, i'm really
not sure about this site for a lot of reasons.
I've read a lot of profiles but ive been signed up mostly for
humourous reasons, but i figured i'd message you.
Because I'm really out of the bar scene. It
sucks. I do go to bars once in a while if I
need to... This also makes it harder to find someone,
so why not try plenty of fish lol.
If i find something great, if not, maybe i'll
meet some cool new people to slam a few dozen beers with
when the occasion presents itself haha

I'm just looking for somebody to hang out
with, watch movies, workout with, go to
dinners, dancing and enjoy life. I hope I
hear from you! I think a cool first date
would be to grab a drink, maybe go
rollerblading, skating or bowling. Follow it
up with an evening stroll, then grab a bite
to eat, and go for a nice casual drive. All
geared towards allowing us to chat and get
to know each other. Although later on after
we know each other better a little cuddling
with a movie would be a nice change to
throw into the mix once in a while.

I guess i've said enough haha. I hope to hear from you :)
Are you on Facebook? I'm not on here very often

Oh and if you read this far congrats :p I'm also a singer

(youtube link to country music video)

Her: You expect me to read all that shit?

Him: Guess not

Her: lol

Him: :) night

Her: I watched some of your video. I forgot how much I hate country music.

Him: Well arent you happy lol

Her: That wasn't very happy music

Him: Nice meeting yah. Good luck fishing :)

Her: Sure


Him: whats up sexy

Her: Not much, creepy.


Him: I am ryan. How is pof?

Her: Shitty

Him: We can change that. I had a horrible expierence off here. Ur pretty btw

Her: You're not

Him: Lol ouch. I like it..

Her: That's good. You should stick your face in a blender and make it worse.

Him: I might. U will be an accomplice to suicide.

Her: Nope. Totally innocent.

Him: U think so. Try me. Tell me to do it again. Ur no prize.

Her: Got that right


Him: hi how r you

Her: Fine

Him: me to lol

Her: What's so funny?

Him: i dont no

Her: Then why were you lol?

Him: i ask you how r you you tolmi fean
Him: soory maerading eglish es so so you r beautiful

Her: Did you just slam your head on the keyboard?

Him: no i kaent raed eglish good

Her: Yeah right

Him: no iam from macedonia skoje iam ny her en canada 5
Him: ok her es me ceel nomber i spik eglish weth aksent 4xx5xxx
Him: so wae do you do foor fain

Her: Wait, what planet were you from again?

Him: macedonia lok en googel

Her: Okay. Will I get extraterrestrial charges if I call you?

Him: no i am en winnipeg i liv her 12044xx5xxx

Her: Can you tell me how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Him: yes you tost the bred an but peanut butter and jelly

Her: More detail please...

Him: i dont no how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Him: i no ho to mek Popcorn

Her: Okay, tell me how to do that.

Him: no wrile i wael lov tomet you ef es any chans

Her: Igu um mleh flik unga bunga jub milf sloth glunk to you too! :)

Him: i tol yuo i dont raed eglish good soory princess
Him: cool me plls

Her: LOL!

Him: plls

Her: Pills are good.

Him: no pills pless

Her: Why not?

Him: cool me
Him: waet es you r naim i am gani
Him: hi how r you doing

Her: Fine, and yes you are cool.

Him: how r you doing beautiful

Her: Fine

Him: me to iam good
Him: waet dit you do laest naht you go aut

Her: You're so cute with your sdfj eryertw cbnmghk asfdasj dfdfg

Him: i tol you maerading eglish es so so


Him: Hey how's it going

Her: Fine

Him: What are u looking for

Her: My ipod

Him: Lol


Him: hey how r u? i am adam nice 2 meet u id just like 2 hangout mayb watch a movie n
cuddles or just have coffee or sit listen 2 music n chat

Her: Could you re-write your sentence with a couple of 3's in it?

Him: y?

Her: z.


Him: hey there my name is david. how are ?. so what do u want in life?. what are you looking for from here?

Her: Did you think, proofread, and correct your spelling before you hit "Send Message"?

Him: lol sory was it looking lol.so what are you looking for from this site?.what do you want in life?.

Her: I'm looking for good spellers, but I'm failing miserably.

Him: wow that alitle judgmental? wy dont u look for someone who is sweet careing who has a good job who can stand on there own 2 feet. just bc someone is not a good spller wy judge them ?

Her: If I looked for that, I'd be fucking every guy on this site.

Him: that i dont understand about girl there very fast to judge.someone can do very good for them self and theyt well judge right away . wy is that pls tell me
Him: wy judge someone on ? im upset with this
Him: any way im over it . what else do you look for? what do you want from t6his site?

Her:I'd answer you if I could figure out what the hell you're writing. Could you use babelfish and translate that into French?

Him: what ever have fun

Her: I will

Him: im sure u well

Her: lol

Him: u thiink thats funny.

Her: Yup. Still waiting for you to talk to me in French.

Him: lol i dont no how .u talk to me in french?.

Her: You can barely speak English for chrissake. Your French HAS to be better.

Him: i can speack just ****ing fine.u dont no me you no nothing about me. just bc i have trouble spelling dose mean i cant speak english. pepel have trouble in thing im pertty sure u have trouble in doing some thing. ur not perfect
Him: ????????????? u pest me off i aready no what kind off girl u are and want no part of it so have fun

Her: LMAO!

Him: whats sooo funny?

Her: You're more emotional than an old woman going through menopause

Him: lol

Her: Do you get hot flashes?

Him: well u keep on meassge me? wy.if u want to get to n a nice guy who dose it judge. text me 6xx 8xxx

Her: You dose a what?

Him: what? doseit judge . there my nomber use it lol. im to tierd to meassge on here lol.

Her: Then go to bed lol

Him: i did lol i just woke up lol. are you going be nice now ?

Her: You said you were tired. Go back to bed.

Him: anser my ?. i am but i have to get up lol

Her: No you don't. Go back to bed.

Him: i cant i do have a life cant sleep all day lol. i dont live at home, momey and dady dont pay my shit.

Her: Probably because your shit stinks lol

Him: fuuny funny girl im dose talk to u. when u want to be nice meassge i dont del with girls who think there all when ur realy not

Her: Oh boo hoo. The tiny sweet girl blew down the big bad wolf, lol.

Him: not really im not a big bad wolf. i really nice guy. and thing igs girls cant handel that.

Her: Okay, you're a cute little bug that I squashed with my foot.

Him: ol ur funny u talk big lol. is this site a game for you? go read my profile then dont waste my time

Her: Okay, I looked at your profile. Judging from your pictures, you fucked a young chick, an older chick, an old man, Ian Rabb, Cookie Monster, a horse, and then procreated with a blonde bimbo.

Him: Really that girl is my momter and the other one is my cuz I'm all
about famliy I guise u no nothing about that ur just a dumb girl
Him: U wich I look like her when ur 50 stop meassge tell u grow up

Her: Your spelling gets worse when you're pissed off, LOL

Him: Ya it dose lol don't piss me off

Her: I'll bet you can't talk for shit either when you're mad. You probably just garble like a scratched CD.

Him: Lol no I don't . Well don't meassge unless u want to get to no me I don't have time for this

Her: You don't have time to learn how to spell either.

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