Bad 80s Porn

When I was 16, my cousin (who is about 10 years older than me) gave me three porno movies he didn't want anymore. The other two seem to have disappeared on me, but this one called "Sweet Alice" has hung around and rightly so; it's the cheesiest one of them all.

Here's what happens in the movie from what I can remember... Sweet Alice runs away from her husband Billie Joe (that dude in the cowboy hat) and becomes a porn star. Billie Jo hires a female private detective to find Sweet Alice. She locates a porno video and shows it to Billie Joe. He then gets all heartbroken and the detective comforts him. Then they fuck under an apple tree.
THE END.

The song "The Ballad of Billie Joe" which you hear in the beginning of this film keeps popping up repeatedly, making you fast forward through it because the chick singing it has a REALLY irritating voice, and the music sounds like it's playing off a record that was left sitting in the sun.

Here's my breakdown of what the movie consists of:
50% story
35% "The Ballad of Billie Joe"
15% Pornography

If you would actually like to buy a copy of this badly plotted, badly produced B movie that tries to be a porno film, you can get it here.

"A tender, touching saga of love and lust... quite simply one of the best scripts ever written." -- Velvet Magazine

Velvet Magazine must be made up of retarded children in order to call this a good script.

Anyway, here's the clip. I excluded the actual pornographic scenes solely to focus on the cheese, and for the 'cleanliness' of this blog: