Thursday, June 18, 2009

Workout Video: Teen Steam!

I recently went shopping for a workout video, so I can lose some of the fat in my gut. Charlene Prickett's workout album just hasn't been cutting it. But after endless searching, I came across a video I knew would make me a skinny little bastard....

  

...and it only cost one dollar!

For those who don't remember (like me), Alyssa Milano was in the TV show Who's The Boss. I never watched it. I was too busy falling in love with that robot chick Vicki from the TV show Small Wonder.

Anyway, this is the worst workout video I've ever seen, and I've seen a LOT due to my mother trying every possible method to lose weight. I've also successfully lost weight WITHOUT a workout video. Teen Steam fails on a few levels:

1) The video's 45 minutes long. A good workout should take no more than 20 mins.
2) Most of the video is dedicated to the warm up and cool down. Actual workout content consists of about five minutes.
3) Alyssa Milano seems to be making shit up as she conducts the workout.
4) Alyssa Milano only seems to burn calories in the dance segment
5) The dance segment is slapped in the middle of the tape which makes the workout inconsistent.
6) The theme song "Teen Steam" sucks ass.

With the warm-up and cool-down being so long, much of the workout tape is quite boring. The most interesting part of the tape was the dance routine which I of course uploaded to Youtube. However, Youtube deemed it important enough to be copyright infringement, so I'm hosting it myself:



I'm guessing they neglected workout rehearsal to put more effort into the dance thingy in the middle of the tape.

I think this stupid video was just an excuse for a cash grab. There is absolutely no other explanation for it to exist. Period. Anyway, I'm off to make my own workout video. I think I'll call it 'Man Steam' and will feature me and my friends taking a car apart. "Crank that wrench! One, and two, and three, and four... Last bolt!

Okay, maybe not. After giving it a second thought, 'Man Steam' sounds friggin' gay.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

for the longest time you could buy the Alyssa Milano Teen Steam locker poster on ebay. someone had many copies for sale over a period of time...

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