Sunday, June 28, 2009

Baby Torture

This has got to be one of the most evil things I've ever seen...

It's a wall picture of a vast amount of babies in clay plant pots, and they're down right pissed off about it. I don't blame them. I sure wouldn't be happy if someone took my clothes off and placed me in a cold pot.

The person who created this "art" is Anne Geddes. This woman is 'famous' for her photographs of babies, many of which consist of pictures of babies' bare butts. Because Anne Geddes is a woman, she can get away with this because it's art. If a MAN were to take these pictures, it would be child pornography and he'd end up in jail.

But this is worse than child pornography... it's child torture. Let's take a look at some of the victims:

This poor kid is the first one you notice in the picture because he's front and center. I really can't figure out what the selling point of this picture is, since this baby is the star of the show. What would it say about the person who bought it and hung it on their wall? Perhaps "I like torturing helpless humans."

The one in the front here desperately wants to get the fuck out of the pot, because if he doesn't get away from the screamer behind him, he's going to JOIN him.

While the one in front is crying because he's cold and potted, the one behind him has much, much bigger issues. Not only is he having a coniption from being cold, hungry, and trapped in a stupid pot, his parents gave him a fucking mohawk.

If you'd like to buy this sad picture for your infant torture chambre, you can buy the original for around $50 here.

Or you can just happen across a cheap knock-off like mine for five bucks.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

100th Post Spectacular!

Sorry, I didn't have time to make a nice graphic for my 100th post :)

On May 12, 2007, I made my first post on this blog. My goal for this blog was to post about things I enjoy, goofy things I owned or found, and throw some technical stuff into the mix. And now, here I am at post 100. I can't believe I made 100 posts about crap. I mean it's all crap if you think about it. Crap I found in the trash, crap I found in the thrift store, and crap that I recorded myself. The scary thing is I probably have enough crap to make a few hundred more posts!

Truth be known about this blog, there are actually three unposted entries which make up the 100 count. One was a notice about a glitch due to, one was taken down by me, and one is unfinished. I've made one of them public in celebration of this special occasion. You'll have to search through the blog to find it though :)

Anyway, I decided to make my 100th post about reflection, memories, unposted stuff, and I'll toss in a new Public Access video too.

Henrietta & Merna

If for some reason you haven't seen this video yet, click here to watch.


Here's some screenshots on the success of the video. Two are of the youtube honors this video recieved (for one week and one month), one is a viral video chart, and one is the massive amount of email notifications I recieved. I had between 25-40 emails per day regarding this video when it was at it's peak. It ALMOST made it onto MTV, and it has been requested for use in a film festival (which I turned down). I seriously didn't think this video was going to go viral, but strange things do happen! As far as I know, Henrietta & Merna still aren't aware that they've become stars of the internet! Maybe I should track them down and interview them. If you do a Google search for 'Henrietta Merna', you get pages of sites that have linked the video.

This video has caused me to reserve public access videos for the next two Christmasses. They're just as messed up, and they'll be a real treat come the holiday season!

Spin-off Blog

A spin-off of Classical Gas Emissions was created, and it's also quite good. If you haven't checked it out yet, go read Bizarre Stuff from Germany. I love Dkostuj's subtle humour about his findings.


I've had a couple of things removed from Youtube. I knew it was inevitable since most of this crap is questionable content. The first item that was banned from Youtube was the video I made for the creepy hypnotist guy. I'm not sure if it was the audio or if it was the images of women looking at themselves in the mirror that caused it to be removed (and gave me my first account warning.) Nevertheless, it was re-posted on Houndbite without the video.

Speaking of Houndbite, the second item that got banned was my first attempt at playing with Microsoft's Songsmith. The Tom Jones song turned out better, but the first one I did was Sherry by The Four Seasons. It was banned due to the conflict between Warner Music Group and Youtube. If you'd like to hear Songsmith's rendition of Sherry, You can now listen to it here!

Mental Note

The first post I made included the video "Whacha Gonna Do When You Run Out Of Gancha" by Mental note. They played another song which I haven't posted until now. If you ask me, it was even more disasterous than the first one. The special effects aren't very special, the microphone was broken, and the singer... well, you'll see what's wrong even if you can't hear him.

So, in honour of my 100th post, here's Mental Note with some untitled instrumental thingy. WARNING: If you are epileptic or are prone to seizures, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO!


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Workout Video: Teen Steam!

I recently went shopping for a workout video, so I can lose some of the fat in my gut. Charlene Prickett's workout album just hasn't been cutting it. But after endless searching, I came across a video I knew would make me a skinny little bastard....


...and it only cost one dollar!

For those who don't remember (like me), Alyssa Milano was in the TV show Who's The Boss. I never watched it. I was too busy falling in love with that robot chick Vicki from the TV show Small Wonder.

Anyway, this is the worst workout video I've ever seen, and I've seen a LOT due to my mother trying every possible method to lose weight. I've also successfully lost weight WITHOUT a workout video. Teen Steam fails on a few levels:

1) The video's 45 minutes long. A good workout should take no more than 20 mins.
2) Most of the video is dedicated to the warm up and cool down. Actual workout content consists of about five minutes.
3) Alyssa Milano seems to be making shit up as she conducts the workout.
4) Alyssa Milano only seems to burn calories in the dance segment
5) The dance segment is slapped in the middle of the tape which makes the workout inconsistent.
6) The theme song "Teen Steam" sucks ass.

With the warm-up and cool-down being so long, much of the workout tape is quite boring. The most interesting part of the tape was the dance routine which I of course uploaded to Youtube. However, Youtube deemed it important enough to be copyright infringement, so I'm hosting it myself:

I'm guessing they neglected workout rehearsal to put more effort into the dance thingy in the middle of the tape.

I think this stupid video was just an excuse for a cash grab. There is absolutely no other explanation for it to exist. Period. Anyway, I'm off to make my own workout video. I think I'll call it 'Man Steam' and will feature me and my friends taking a car apart. "Crank that wrench! One, and two, and three, and four... Last bolt!

Okay, maybe not. After giving it a second thought, 'Man Steam' sounds friggin' gay.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Hardware Store Arts & Crafts?

There's some great things about my dad. He's good at fixing stuff, and even good at making stuff. He taught me a lot of things when it comes to anything mechanical. He's also pretty good at tracking down bargains, especially when it comes to food.

Unfortunately, my dad is the absolute WORST gift giver I've ever seen. When I was a kid, we didn't celebrate Christmas. Instead, my mother made up for it with "Present Day" which was usually held at the end of June on the last day of School. Present Day was a horrible let-down because it wasn't as good as Christmas, and the gifts generally sucked mostly due to my mother not having much money and my dad being a bargain hunter.

One year when I was around 13 years old, I asked for a new watch for Present Day. My dad got me a kids' watch which was so small, I had to wear it on the last wristband hole. On the front of the watch, there was a picture of a fucking chicken hatching out of an egg. Yeah, I got made fun of in school for that one. Eventually, the wristband broke and I happily retired the chicken watch.

A few Christmasses ago, my dad brought over a bunch of gifts. (Note that it wasn't his idea to stop Christmas, it was my mother's.) Anyway, he mostly brought over some food, and gave me something in a cardboard box. I opened the box, unravelled the tissue paper and the bubble wrap to see what expensive, breakable item he had purchased. I really didn't know what to think when this thing emerged from all the wrapping:

If you need a description, it's two "crystal" poodles hotglued onto a piece of broken mirror, with another piece of broken mirror hotglued at a 90 degree angle for a back drop.

I know my dad means well, but this is a really UGLY piece of shit. Click on this pic for a closer look:

I really had to wonder how this thing came into existence. Did someone purposely order a bunch of broken mirror pieces to make this? Did some hardware store recieve a shipment of damaged goods and they decided to do arts and crafts with it? It hurts my brain to even contemplate why this thing exists.

Look closely at this picture:

There's blobs of hot glue slopped all over this thing. There's even a couple blobs dripping down the back piece. It looks like the poodles made the effort to piss all over their mirrored home, and then promptly sat in it.

You know, if they decided to just wrap up the "crystal" dogs on their own and put them in the box, it wouldn't have been so bad. But this thing is fucking hideous, which is exactly why I kept it.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Random Images

I've got a bit of time to kill, so I figured I'd do up a random entry.

When I left my old job, I had to clean out my computer. There was a lot of crap on it that I collected over the past ten years (or however long it was when the last hard drive failed). Anyway, here's some of the oddball images that I found...

Okay, so this one's not so oddball. It's my computer desk at home (when it's somewhat clean). It's a complete disaster right now. Yes, you can make fun of my geeky self for liking anime shit. Well, I like the artwork anyway.

Some chick I was friends with on Myspace drew this lovely portrait of one of her classmates.

I think it's the same chick who took this picture. Cell phone in shitter.

This is a screenshot of the old lab computer where I worked, shortly before I wiped it and made it a pure DOS machine for programming.

And this is an un-altered screenshot of Yahoo News on May 16, 2008. Who says they don't get the facts right?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Small Furry Animals

I finally found this damn tape. Last time I went looking for it, I made the "Christian Death Metal" entry.

Anyway, this is a recording of me and my friend Myles going around our high school (back in the mid-90s) asking people what their thoughts were on the molestation of small furry animals. The first person I interviewed was my girlfriend's sister Jenn, who ended up joining us in our venture to find people's opinions and feelings on the subject. Enjoy!

Click Here to Listen!

I have no clue what prompted me to do this, but it was fun nevertheless.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Microsoft's New Search Engine: Bing!

So, Microsoft unleashed their new search engine Bing. Let's see how well it works...


What a piece of shit.

Every other search engine I've tried picks up my blog (Google, Yahoo, Excite). By the way, Live Search didn't pick it up either.

Bing = same turd, new interface.