Before I start this blog entry, I need to send out a huge apology to Arc Sound LTD. A while back, I wrote a little review on the album "Top Chart Hits of Today Vol. 3." I was WAY too tough on that album. If you haven't read and listened to it, you can do so here.
I'm sorry Arc. I won't doubt your deliverance of quality 'cheap imitations' again.
Now, let me present you with the cream of the crap...
Exclusive Records managed to pack three whole records of the shittiest renditions of your favorite songs. I'm not fucking kidding, these are AWFUL. I've never heard of anybody using a symphony of trash to record an album before, let alone putting trash into the hands of "musicians" who have a piss-poor sense of rhythm.
The greatest moment on this album is listening to the off-center label in the middle of the record pasted over the ending lock-groove, resulting in a repeating on-off PSSSSSSHHHHHH sound through my speakers. Actually, it sounds a whole lot better than the "music" on the non-blank grooves. Fortunately, Exclusive Records didn't put a disclaimer on their album dismissing themselves of stylus damage, so make way for a lawsuit!
Now for those of you who like torture (or at the very least a good laugh), here's some of the tracks on the album. Click on the titles to listen.
Lean On Me
Here's Bill Wither's biggest hit sung by a white dude with no rhythm. I love how he goes off-beat every now and then throughout the song, just to make sure that anyone singing along with the album feels like a retard for screwing it up.
My Sweet Lord
George Harrison would spins himself 6 inches deeper everytime someone plays this recording if he hadn't been cremated and dumped into a river. Imagine if he hadn't been cremated... He would eventually make his way to the earth's core and cause molten lava to come up through his grave, killing everyone buried with him in the cemetary.
The drummer seems quite happy to start off the recording with the rest of the band, and he adds fancy little fills throughout the entire song. The lead guitar player almost seems robotic, making each note sound as boring as possible. The "orchestra" comes in to make it sound as if we were attending the funeral of our sweet Lord. The ending is badly improvised since none of the band can seem to remember how it ends.
Let It Be
Unlike the Arc version which sounds almost identical to the Beatles' recording, this one does not. The "orchestra" and the dude on the guitar are trying to drown out the singer. Why there is guitar throughout the entire recording is anyone's guess, but I love the wrong notes he keeps hitting in the middle of the song.
Kudos to the guy playing the empty soup cans in the left channel! He never seems to get the hang of the song, likely due to the rest of the band trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. If they added in some crying children, Scarborough Fair would sound like the unhappiest place on earth.
Bridge Over Troubled Water
This batch of musicians must really hate Simon & Garfunkel since there's three of the duo's songs covered on this album. What can I say? It's atrocious. If it weren't for the singer, I'd have no clue what the hell these guys were trying to play. The bass player and the piano player seem to be off doing their own thing (and off-beat nevertheless), some guy shows up in the middle of the song banging on a dumpster, and the singer buggers up the lyrics at the end. To sum it up, it's a trainwreck that someone barfed on. It's also replacing the Arc version in my blog's jukebox.
Yup, this one was bad. Really bad. I pity the guy who bought it because he likely paid more than two bucks for it.