Sunday, September 11, 2011

Junq Tour 2011: Weyburn, SK

The left channel on my main stereo amplifier (manufactured in 1966) seems to be fizzling out. It's given me great service since I acquired it in 1993. I tried to buy another one on Ebay for fifty bucks, but I was outbid and the winner got it for a whopping $209. My original one was given to me for free... FUCK YOU $209!

So until I replace it or take the time to repair it (yes, I can remove the screws because I'm an authorized technician), I'm listening to all my lo-fi albums in Xtreme-lo-fi!

Anyway, This and the next entry will document the two thrift stores I visited in Saskatchewan. The one in Weyburn didn't have a whole lot, but I came out with two trashy treasures:

Analynn - Sounds Of Love

Well, I suppose it's better than her other non-hit albums entitled "Sounds of Indigestion" and "Sounds of Squishing Puppies". This album was recorded in 1983, but it sounds like it was recorded in 1981 on one of those cheap K-mart cassettes. You know the ones... they came in threes sealed in a plastic bag with no cases. The green labels were used for 90 minute tapes, the orange labels for 60 minute tapes. They were all stamped "low noise" which included the noise you recorded on them.

Anyway, the inlay card of Analynn's album mentions that 'ORPAC & Productions Ltd' recorded this cassette in Dolby Stereo. Now, for those who don't know (and this includes ORPAC & Productions Ltd) Dolby Stereo is a method of encoding two channel audio signals onto film for motion pictures. So I call bullshit on this one because it sounds like it was played through a static-filled AM Radio station rather than a piece of movie film.

Now, listen to what a good high sounds like.

The Saskatchewan Roughriders - Eleven (That's Enough)

Yes, the 1988 Saskatchewan Roughriders decided to record a song, and its dreadfully awful. The chorus goes "Eleven. (Eleven!) Yeah. (Yeah!) That's Enough. (That's Enough!)" Jock creativity at it's finest!!! Since the Saskatchewan Roughriders can't fucking sing, they recorded a rap song (and they weren't any good at that either). However, after they realized they didn't have any musical talent, they put more effort into playing football rather than playing music and won the Grey Cup the following year. They haven't won the Grey Cup since, so I'm guessing it's time to get their asses back into the studio and record their next hit single entitled "Blump (I got tackled)"

It sounds as if someone attempted to record over the first few seconds of this recording (and I can't blame them), but their tape deck was a piece of crap.

Listen to the dumb song

And now, stay tuned for one more installation of the Saskatchewan Junq Tour!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

"Fantastic F" 8-tracks

Since I've been ignoring the 8-track format as of late, I figured I'd focus on four 8-tracks released by some poop-hole company called "Fantastic F". What the hell does the F stand for? Fuck? Fart? Fudgepacker? Well, my guess is fudgepacker since they packed a lot of shit onto these four tapes.

By the way, did I ever tell you about my kick ass Superscope 8-track player? It's pretty sweet. I bought it about three or four years ago. Look how snazzy it looks with a Fantastic Fudgepacker tape jammed into the orifice.

Go figure that I'd buy a high-end player and play nothing but garbage tapes on it.

Anyway, Fantastic F's 8-tracks are the most colorful cartridges I've ever seen. If you place one of these fuckers around some other blandly-colored 8-tracks in a store, your eye is gonna catch them before you grab Pink Floyd's "The Wall" or The Beatles' "White Album" (by the way, the 8-track release of The Beatles' "White Album" has black and white pictures of all four Beatles on them. Can't really call that a "white" album!)

Anyway, let's get down to these very loud-looking 8-tracks...

A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac

This one actually isn't too bad. The covers are pretty faithful to the originals. The problem with this 8-track is it was mastered to damn loud, and peaks of the wave file are cut off even when I record it at a quieter volume. Hooray for the shitheads at The General Music Corporation!

Listen to Dreams

Super Disco April 1976: Sweet Love - Only Sixteen and others

There's a total of about two disco songs on this one. The rest are miscellaneous other tracks that don't belong on a disco collection. It's much like their "Hits of the 50s" 8-track (in this entry) which also contained hits of the 60s.

Their version of Slow Ride isn't totally awful, but it's one of the few songs on this tape which I'm most familiar with.

Listen to it here!

Super Rock: Do Ya - Hotel California and others

The audio on this 8-track was recorded too loud, it's a bit distorted, and the track I'm putting up sounds like it was recorded with a tin can microphone. Regardless, we've got the same singer trying to pull off some Electric Light Orchestra. I don't hear any of the awesome harmonies that are in the original version, and it makes you feel like you're eating a Caramilk bar with no fucking caramel in it.

Listen to Do Ya

Super Rock Volume 1

Whoever the fuck is naming Fantastic F's compilations of crap should be fired. But then again, they're probably not getting paid enough to give a shit about the name of the tape since these 8-tracks are bottom-of-the-barrel pieces of junk, offered at a much lower price than those expensive K-Tel compilations.

This is the worst one of the bunch. Not only does it contain the song "Dream Weaver", but it contains the worst rendition of Aerosmith's "Dream On" I've ever heard. The guitar playing sucks, and half of the lyrics are wrong. "I know everybody say you've got your blues to blow away" is a line that was pulled out of Fantastic F's Fudgehole. If you don't believe it's awful, listen for yourself:

Listen to Dream On

And that's it for this entry. I've got some stuff that I picked up while I was in Saskatchewan, so stay tuned for a super nifty edition of the Junq Tour!

Friday, September 2, 2011

X-rated BBS Ads

Here's another computer I scrounged up. It's a cute yet ugly little 386. Yes, I modified the display to show "FU". This computer has Windows 3.1 on it along with many DOS applications, one of which was a .gif image viewer. I used this piece of software to view the many x-rated .gif files that were stored on this computer.

There's quite a few interesting things about this batch of porn I found. First of all, the date stamps are from 1993. Second, the few that have copyright years noted on them are from before 1993. Third, they're all in color. Fourth, they all have BBS ads added into the image (a BBS (Bulletin Board System) was a computer system people could dial into and download files, post messages, and play 'door games' such as "Legend of the Red Dragon", all of which predated the popularity of the Internet). The BBS owners likely put their ads onto these pictures to prevent other BBSes from stealing them for their own, and to help promote their boards.

Computer image scanners didn't really appear until the early-to-mid 90s, and even so, the affordable ones were initially black and white handheld pieces of junk. The people who scanned these images either had a shitload of money to spend on scanning equipment, or they had access to a color image scanner belonging to a professional business.

Even color PC monitors weren't in existence for very long before these images were scanned. I clearly recall using Windows 3.11 on a 286 with a monochrome monitor.

First, the warnings...

And now, feel free to enjoy these nifty-looking BBS ads:

The Dirty Hacker BBS
Electric Blue BBS
The McHenry BBS
Rusty Eddie's BBS
The Taste BBS
Windy City / TomCatPix BBS

If you want to download all of them (like the guy in the comment section), click here!