Friday, June 17, 2011

Junq Tour 2011: Neepawa

Welcome to my 200 post special! Seems like just yesterday when I was at 12 posts.

So I ended up passing through Neepawa yet again. It was mostly to pick up some awesome pie from Wilson's Place, but I always make time to check out the two junk stores there. There was absolutely nothing at the Book & Tape shop this round, but the thrift store had a couple of items. Not a lot, but it gave me a couple of gems. And when I say gems, I mean polished turds.

Raffi - Adult Entertainment

This is Raffi's official entry into the adult stag album industry. On this album, we hear Raffi shouting "Oh FUCK! Give it to me Sherri Lewis!" as he plays with his warm bananaphone, and shakes his sillies out.

...if only this album was that entertaining. Instead of hearing Raffi slap around his baby beluga, we hear a bunch of shitty adult-contemporary pop music. The album is awful, and we should all be thankful that Raffi decided to make children's albums, because he's much, much better at doing that. The album came out in 1977 and was a huge flop. Regardless, I feel compelled to put up a track since this album is very much out-of-print, and somewhat difficult to find.

Listen to 'Starvin Marvin' (yes, I'm fucking serious!!!!)
Download The Album Here

Dana Jefferson - Take Me Home

I was amazed when I put on this CD and heard this masculine he-bitch singing. Then I realized that Dana is actually a guy. Seriously? His parents are assholes. That's like me naming my son Miranda!

The only mildly amusing track on this album is "Take Me Home" where two male vocalists (who've obviously had too much to drink) try to sing a passionate religious ditty. They should've recorded the entire album drunk. It would be much more amusing than this silver platter of shit that has wiped itself all over the guts of my CD-ROM drive. I won't bore you with any of these tracks, because I assume you hate country music as much as I do.

Father F.X. O'Reilly School - On Our Way

The first thing I noticed about this CD after I unwrapped it from it's still-sealed cellophane is that the CD manufacturer had hired a bunch of kids to color on the CD. I'm quite tempted to take this disc and hang it on the refrigerator.

After pressing play...... DEAR FUCKING GOD. We have an overabundance of tone-deaf children singing out of time, with one lowly adult trying so be heard among this choir of children from hell. The kids run this album, and it's more difficult to tolerate than the screeching brakes on my work van. On the plus side, the album's easy to throw away. I kinda need the brakes, as screechy as they may be.

So what atrocious track have I chosen off this piece of junk? A song that very poorly (and hilariously) parodies the Dire Straits song "Money for Nothing". Unfortunately, the word "Faggot" doesn't appear even once in this song, which is an absolute shame because this garbage isn't even radio-friendly to begin with.

Listen to "Here Comes My Stomach Pains"

Now that I've posted this song, some asshole reader with indigestion will get offended and try to get my blog removed from the internet. Fuck you, you faggy faggish faggot!

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