Thursday, May 30, 2013

Randy, Graham, Sky and Joy

It feels like forever since I've written a proper entry! The warm weather is here and there's stuff to do outside. Not only that, I've been hard at work on an entry for a songwriting contest. You'll be able to hear it sometime after June 15th, so stay tuned for that!

This time around, I dived into my "in queue" box and plucked these four CDs. They looked interesting enough, and interesting they were! So sit back, light up a cigar, and prepare to choke on the smoke in disbelief of the goods I've brought you...

Graham Leathers - Reality Check!

After listening to this album, I hoped the dog chewed him up into little bits because the world does not need a "Reality Check Vol. 2." I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a children's album or just a terrible Barenaked-Ladies-inspired piece of crap. Graham's voice really gets on my nerves, and it's pretty obvious that this was a home-recorded album.

I was really hoping that the song "Beautiful Legs" was going to be about Graham drooling over some woman's sexy figure and then getting beaned with a purse full of tampons and lipstick. Unfortunately, it's about bugs. Graham: you are NOT Alice Cooper. This song is terrible.

Listen to Beautiful Legs

Just Joy

Look at this old lady. She looks so lovely with her black beaded necklace, ugly broach, and happy potted plant in the background. This album cover sets the mood for romance in a nursing home. I was really excited about this album solely because of the album cover, and the first song I listened to based on it's promise to deliver something fantastic was "I Sing Because I'm Happy". Guess what? It's an instrumental song. In fact, the whole album is instrumental. How deceiving! Fuck you, Joy!

She can certainly play piano, but this album has absolutely no charm without Joy's amazing vocals - which we never get to hear. What a let down. No track posted because it's boring.

Skye Sterling - Moonlight & Roses / Memory Lane / Thank You For Sharing The Love

You know you're in for a treat when the person making the album can't decide on a definitive album title. One is on the front cover, one is on the back cover, and one is on the CD. A tip for those of you making your own album: be sure to use ALL your album title ideas to completely confuse your two fans.

This guy's pretty full of himself. He had the balls to put a total of 8 pictures of himself on the album cover. Skye performs all his favorite songs on here. It's really too bad that he did such a shitty job on every one of them. The Jim Henson company should hire this guy because he has a very Muppet-esque voice, and I'm pretty sure they could surround him by some genuinely TALENTED musicians.

I was really torn between posting "Always On My Mind" or "Ring Of Fire". In the end, I figured I'd give Willie Nelson a reason to smash his old-ass guitar over someone's head.

Listen to Always On My Mind

Randy Richard Janzen - Up But Down,

My first question when I saw this album was, "Why is there a comma at the end of the album title?" The inlay card provides a perfectly good explanation:

Oct. 2000 - Loss of eyesight in right eye due to possible "optic neuritis".
June 2001 - Loss of eyesight in left eye due to probable "ischemic optic neuropathy...

...and there you go. Randy most likely designed the album cover himself and didn't see the comma he accidentally put there because he's fucking blind.

I've said it on this blog before and I'll say it again: just because you have a disability, it doesn't mean you should record an album. This also wasn't just a one-time CD pressing either, there were about 12 copies of this hunk of shit at the thrift store. When you see that, you can't help but think "Wow! There's 12 fucking copies here! This guy MUST be AWESOME!!!"

He's not. He's extremely annoying. Randy moans through seven badly written songs about praising God. Don't believe me? Have fun cringing....

Listen to The Handywork Of God

And there you go! We shall wish Randy, Graham, Sky and Joy all the best on what promises to be a 100% successful career in music.

Yeah right....


Chris Sobieniak said...

Well, at least we bother to give them their 15 minutes of shame!

BunsenH said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BunsenH said...

The title of the last one is "Down, But Up". Nothing wrong with that.

Given its song titles, it seems pretty obvious to me from the get-go that it's religious-themed, and I don't think you should have expected anything else.