Monday, July 8, 2019

Eddie Coffey's Newfie Music

I'm finally covering this guy's albums! He has been invading my blog queue box for quite some time, and is trying to out-record Arnie and Kevin Harcourt. I think the guy's a newfie, but I have no clue. He plays the accordian, sings songs about Newfies, and has terrible glasses. Does that qualify him as a Newfie?

I already covered his Christmas album here.

Come Closer Eastcoaster
(1997, maybe earlier)

I ended up with THREE FUCKING COPIES! One cassette and two CDs, one with different cover art. I wonder which one will sell for more money on Ebay? Perhaps the CD that's still sealed. Either it's worth extra coin because it's still in the cellophane, or nobody really wants an album full of Newfie music, not even Newfies.

To be honest, Eddie isn't terrible, but I'll probably stab myself in the face if I listen to him for any length of time. He sounds like a reject from Great Big Sea. This shit is 100% Canadian music. You won't hear stuff like this in Los Angeles, and I have a hard time wondering what Canadian in their right mind would listen to this. Perhaps that's why his albums are invading the thrift stores in droves. I can't count how many times I've seen his albums rotting on the shelf.

Some guy picks a mad guitar solo on track 10. He's no Slash, but holy hell, I'd hate to see how fast he could pick his nose.

There are 20 songs on this thing! That's one hell of a ride to Newfoundland. You get songs like "Where Have The Little Boats Gone", "With Me Rubber Boots On", and "Jack Delaney's Brew". You have the stellar lyric, "You're still just a Newfie in a Calgary hat" in the song Saltwater Cowboy. Canadians are super fucking racist against each other. Diversity is a thorn in our side.

Listen to Saltwater Cowboy

Celtic and Country Memories 

If you look at the cover, you can literally read Eddie's face. "Do I have to get down on one knee? My arthritis fucking hurts today!" I like how the exciting fake blue sticker on the front boasts that the CD includes Eddie's new release. Where the hell would you have heard it other than this album? I've never heard of this guy! Maybe it's because I don't hang out in the same Newfie circles as him, or any Newfie circles at all.

Eddie is determined to pack upwards of 24 songs on his albums, and this one is no exception. Keep squirting them out Eddie, and I'll keep reviewing them. Some of the songs packed onto this album are "My Dad Is The Engineer", "Galway Shawl", "Lessons By Mother's Knee", and three or four songs about some bitch named Mary.

Here's a song about how Newfies get stoned:

Listen to Newfoundland High

Jack of All Trades 

This one was still sealed, and after shoving it into my tape deck, I can understand why. This one sucks.

Only 14 songs? What the hell, Eddie? On the plus side, Eddie actually looks kinda happy on this album. He's probably happy to be done recording it because this is the shittiest album of the bunch. All the songs here sound the same.

You get songs such as "Newfie Rock Jig", "Police Cars & Guns", and "Mussels In The Corner" Might as well have recorded one song and called it "Newfie Police Mussels".

If you look at the inlay card, you will see a "Certificate of Merit" that was apparently given to Eddie for his contribution to Canadian country music. I honestly can't call this stuff country, because none of the songs are about running over your dog with a sexy tractor. I think Newfie music belongs in it's own category because there really isn't anything quite like it.

Listen to Over The Hill

I'm missing one album by Eddie called "Come Home Year on the Caribou". What in hell does that mean? Shouldn't it be "Come home, you're on the caribou"? As stupid as that sounds, it makes more sense than the actual title. Anyway, when I find it, I'll add it here. It probably has 25 fucking songs on it too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hilarious. but when i try to download mp3s they come up 0 kbs. ??