Monday, December 18, 2017

A CGE All-Star Christmas!

Today, we're going to re-visit some ghosts of past for our first Christmas entry of the year. We "fondly" "enjoyed" these artists in the past, and they have some Christmas albums to offer up for the fireplace. So let's get all jolly and then I'll fuck that shit up for you...

Tupperkids - A Tip Top Tupper Christmas

See their first appearance here.

We have the plastic storage children back for a cassette full of traditional Christmas songs! Well, all except for the first song which is the title track. The song is basically about the tape you're listening to. It's completely pointless, and it stands absolutely no chance of becoming a traditional favorite. But then again, I never expected that shitty Paul McCartney song to become a favorite either, and now I hear it everywhere. Fuck you Paul for stealing the spotlight from the Tupperkids!

Listen to A Tip Top Tupper Christmas

George & Barbara Staerkel - A Holiday Gift of Music

See George's first appearance here.

It looks like George Staerkel got himself a spiffy new cowboy hat for Christmas! He was so fucking happy about it that he became incredibly inspired to record an album full of Christmas songs. His wife probably asks him to wear it to bed. Ride that cowboy!

So George's Christmas album is mixed better than his greatest hits album, but much of the instrumentation is the same fake bullshit as last time. However, the exception is the Christmas medley where George plays a different instrument on each song. The back of the album brags that there are 18 different instruments in the medley. Too bad none of them are guitars or drums. Instead, you get woodwinds and brass instruments. Yay.

George sings even higher on this album than the last one. Barbara can't even sing that high, probably because she doesn't own a pair of balls to squeeze.

I honestly don't know how the hell I ended up with two of George's albums. The guy lives in Arizona, and here I am freezing my balls off in Canada.

Listen to Santa Carina

Eddie Coffey - Merry Christmas Darling

Those who have read Classical Gas Emissions for a few years are probably saying, "Who the fuck is this guy? I've never seen him on the blog!" Well, Eddie is going to be our new star! I have four (or so) of his albums, and they're all just waiting to delight your ears with... ummm... Eddie squeezing his accordion. He loves to squeeze his accordion.

There's so much to enjoy here... Eddie's Krusty the Clown hair, his truck driver glasses, his shitty song lyrics, and I'm sure I'll have more to comment on once I get to the other albums. On the plus side, Eddie can sing.

Eddie wrote his own crappy songs on here such as "Merry Christmas Darling", "Mrs. Mooney's Christmas Turkey", and "Old Christmas Waltz". These songs are lyrically at a 4th grade level. The kids will love him! They will love his fuzzy hair too!

So hold me my darling, and listen to this piece of crap.

Listen to Old Christmas Waltz

We have some foil-wrapped turds in the next entry, but you'll just have to wait until I get them up. Your Christmas shall be ruined yet!

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