Wednesday, June 16, 2021

The Greatest Mainstream Recording Artists in Music History

We're taking a break from covering all the junk artists that I keep insisting on posting about, and instead focusing on some REAL music from REAL artists. I hope you guys enjoy the change of pace!

Anne-Marie Murray - Songs of Newfoundland

There came a point in Anne Murray's career when she decided to take a break from her middle-aged housewife music and dive head-first into Canada's thriving Newfie music scene. To distance herself from her old sound, she stupidly decided to use her middle name on the cover (pronounced "Anne Murray Murray"). What resulted was music that was even more fucking annoying than everything else she ever released. Thankfully, this album flopped and she went back to making housewife music, leaving this piece of trash behind and never to be revisited again. All of us should be thankful that Anne Murray Murray will happily sing "Snowbird" any day over "Petty Harbour Bait Skiff", whatever the hell that means.

Listen to The Star of Logy Bay

Genesis - From The Heart

The British group Genesis made a lot of hits back in the 1980s, none of which can be found on this album. During the conception of this piece of junk, Peter Gabriel forced the entire band to put down their instruments, go get make-overs, and record a bunch of cover songs acapella. Although Phil Collins tried to convince Peter that the album could at least use a few cymbals to fill out the sound, Peter was adamant that Phil Collins should take his cymbals and put them over his dick instead of trying to procreate ever again. 

Phil Collins (back), Mike Rutherford (left), Tony Banks (right), and Peter Gabriel (front) all boarded a plane together and flew from England to Winnipeg, Manitoba to record this masterpiece of stupidity. Peter Gabriel really thought that the single "Wind Beneath My Wings" was going to sell more copies than Bette Midler's version, but he got a taste of bitter reality when the album only sold nine copies (four by the band members).

Listen to Wind Beneath My Wings

Listen to When Will I Be Loved

Tom Stinson - A Search for Peace

Tommy Stinson has been well known for his work with Guns N' Roses and The Replacements. Unfortunately at some point on tour with G'n'F'n'R, he seemingly found Jesus hiding in one of his guitar amps. He promptly quit the tour which resulted in Axl Rose erasing Tommy's guitar parts on the Chinese Democracy master tapes (again). He cut his hair like a dork, bought himself a $75 guitar from Wal-Mart, and set out to make solo artist history. Paul Westerberg told Tommy that he was a man of only a thousand brain cells to make such a stupid career move, but Tommy argued that Paul is way too dyslexic to know how to count anything in a person's body.

Tommy proudly released this solo album in 2005. Thankfully, Axle Rose was able to get ahold of the master tapes and erase them.

Listen to Man In The Sky

We will return to regular junk posts starting with the next entry...

1 comment:

Graham said...

Have you got a reference re the Genesis entry? I can't find one ... or is this a joke about another group with the same name in Winnipeg, or something? Either way the samples don't sound *that* bad to me. The other two entries do check out, unfortunately. I've been an occasional reader of your blog for many years ... I've found it incredibly entertaining.