Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Cheap Imitation Instrumentals

Sometimes my life is a never-ending mess. Things are going pretty sour at my real job, so I've been dealing with that lately. Because of that, I haven't had much brain capacity to do an entry, so I've been waiting for moments when I actually DO have the brain capacity to work on something. Anyway, let's throw my personal problems aside because I've got a real pile of interesting crap sitting here. There's usually nothing all that amazing about albums like these, but this time I've been falling down a bit of a rabbit hole.

Before I get into the other albums, I need to talk about this CD...

LDMI - Today's Power Hits

I originally picked this up on cassette when I was a teenager. When I found the CD in a thrift store, I immediately grabbed it. These are all cheap imitations. I honestly have no clue when this thing came out, but I would guess around 1990 or so. There's some bad covers on here (including a bad cover of "Bad"). This CD almost needs an entry on it's own, but I found it significant enough to be somewhat included here.

I'm giving you two songs off this CD, because they're going to rear their ugly heads later on.

Listen to Take My Breath Away

Listen to La Ilsa Bonita

Fastforward Music - Love and Emotion (CD 3)

I was ready to commend this company for naming themselves "Fastforward Music", but you'd end up fast forwarding through the entire album. If they wanted to be 100% truthful, they would have named themselves "Throwinthegarbage Music"

The design & art direction was done by Propeller. What the fuck is "Propeller"? Who the fuck is "Propeller"? Why is he/she named "Propeller"? Is "Propeller" the two ugly people on the cover? Also, where the hell are the other two CDs in this set? I have so many questions.

The back of the CD has the following text: 

"When you share love's music, you share the sound of closeness, of whispers and sighs, of laughter and touch - and they mean even more" 

This isn't fucking Hallmark, it's a crappy knock-off CD!

The song "Candle in the Wind" is starting to approach the same level of knock-off popularity as "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain", which is making me want to cry in the rain. I wish Princess Diana hasn't died. We wouldn't be having a plethora of Candle in the Wind covers if she was still around. In case you're wondering, this is a different version than the one I posted here. Elton John's vocals have been replaced by an electric guitar.

When Bridge Over Troubled Water started, it sounded okay. But then we get a harp singing instead of a fake Garfunkel. WHY???? The song itself is a fine piano piece on it's own, but no... it needed a fucking harp.

I don't know most of the other songs, but they're probably just as shitty as these versions.

Listen to Candle In The Wind

Listen to Bridge Over Troubled Water

Pegasus - Pan Pipes

If you were expecting Zamfir, you will be disappointed because these are synthesized pan flutes. Zamfir needs to go down there and beat the piss out of the guy who worked on this CD.

There is a cover of "The Air That I Breathe" by The Hollies on here which has some funky ass shit going on. Out of all the songs I'm reviewing in this entry, this one probably best represents what weather channel music sounds like.

The best song on this CD is Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On". The fake pan flutes are much more enjoyable than Celine Dion's voice. However, I cannot say the same for the cover of "I Will Always Love You". I would rather hear Whitney belt that one out because the pan flutes just don't work for that one. We also have a really boring version of Lady in Red.

Guess what? We have another cover of Candle in the Fucking Wind! It's also the EXACT SAME INSTRUMENTAL TRACK as the previous one, except the fake pan flutes have replaced the electric guitar. They both obviously used a digital copy because it was really easy to sync them together, and I've provided a link to that masterpiece below.

Listen to The Air That I Breathe

Listen to I Will Always Love You

Listen to My Heart Will Go On

Listen to Lady in Red

Listen to Candle in the Wind

Listen to two version of Candle in the Wind mixed together

The Dreamsound Orchestra Plays The Hits Made Famous by Madonna

Surprisingly, Candle in the Wind isn't on this one. You get all your favourite Madonna songs here butchered by... well... There is no such thing as "The Dreamsound Orchestra" as we'll see...

The vocals in "Like a Virgin" have been replaced by an electric guitar which probably isn't real. The Pan Flutes decide to give us an encore on the song "True Blue". The song "Material Girl" is just laughably bad. And then we have La Ilsa Bonita. You knew it was coming...

La Ilsa Bonita has the EXACT SAME INSTRUMENTAL TRACK as the version on the first CD on this entry. The only differences are that the audio quality is shittier, the vocals have been replaced by a crummy keyboard sound, and it fades out early. These two versions were a bitch to sync up, mainly because the instrumental tracks were likely recorded on analog equipment. The Dreamsound version had to be run through an EQ to make it sound a bit better.

Listen to Like a Virgin

Listen to True Blue

Listen to Material Girl

Listen to La Ilsa Bonita

Listen to two version of La Ilsa Bonita mixed together

Candlelight Romance - Guitar

Wow, that's a creative name. Apparently, all selections are courtesy of "Countdown Music". So, did the "Countdown Singers" obtain the rights to all the cheap imitations, or are the cheap imitations just part of a big jizz fest to make money? I would love to know the answer.

I wouldn't be surprised if this version of John Lennon's "Imagine" is played on a banjo. Roger Whittaker's "The Last Farewell" is actually good because it sounds like it was done by The Ventures. Why couldn't they have done the entire album like that? Speaking of The Ventures, the version of Sleepwalk on here is really bad. I'm pretty sure I have this version of "Every Breath You Take" with vocals elsewhere, but I'm too lazy to go digging for it.

Guess what? We have Lady in Fucking Red again! To my surprise, it's a completely different version than the fake Zamfir one.

Listen to Imagine

Listen to The Last Farewell

Listen to Sleepwalk

Listen to Every Breath You Take

Listen to Lady in Red

Candlelight Romance - Romantic Piano

Yes! We're in for more Candlelight Romance! When I think of Romance, I think of the song "My Way" which was included on here for some reason.

The only song I've pulled from this one is "Take My Breath Away". They replaced the vocal track with someone banging their head on a piano. As with the others, I've mixed the two versions together. The vocal version fades out slightly before the stupid piano one does. Again, they were a bit difficult to sync up due to the original likely being recorded on analog equipment.

Listen to Take My Breath Away

Listen to two version of Take My Breath Away mixed together

That's it for this round! I'm leaving for the Junq Tour tomorrow, so I'll have a couple bins worth of stuff to plow through and two videos to edit. I'm looking forward to seeing what trash I'll find this round. See you guys in a bit!

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