Every year for the Junq Tour, there seems to be one artist that repeatedly jumps into the spotlight, sometimes without me knowing. This year, it's Rachel Quelch who decided to push her way into the forefront of this particular entry. Much to Rachel's credit, she's not in the race for the most terrible artist from this year's Neepawa haul. We have others who are fighting a bloody battle for that title.
Grease at the Roxy Theatre 2009
I didn't check the credits when I bought this DVD. All I knew was that it's some low budget recording of a performance of the musical Grease. I generally hate musicals, but low budget stuff always finds its way into my shopping cart.
Lo and behold, Rachel Quelch plays the character "Frenchy" in this performance, so we actually get to put a face to the name. If you have the stomach for Grease and low budget video productions, I uploaded the entire two hour performance to Youtube. I did some repair work to the audio because it was extremely difficult to tolerate all the volume changes during the video. I ran it through an aggressive audio compressor and an EQ which made an absoulte world of difference. Enjoy!
Phil Nevile & The Virtual Ensemble - The Way Back Home
It's pretty amazing how many albums I buy that are still sealed. Apparently somebody was smart enough to not waste their time with this (and it wasn't me). Perhaps when I'm on my death bed, I'll reflect on how much time I wasted listening to crap that nobody wanted and wish I would have listened to something more worthwhile, like maybe an Arnie album.
So when you put the words "virtual ensemble" in your band name, it means you programmed a bunch of shit on a computer and called it your fake band. Perhaps if I would have put "Ben Century and the Artificial Metallica Backup Band" on my album cover, it would have sold more copies.
The blurb on the insert has Phil bragging about how good the mix is on this album. Sorry Phil, the mix is kinda shitty, especially on the vocal tracks. An EQ and some level control can prevent them from being buried by all the fake instruments. The music is very bluesy which isn't a bad thing, but the mix really ruins it.
The first song is eight minutes long because time can go fuck itself. The song "Big Old Fish" stinks like a big old fish. The rest of the album isn't too horrible, but the mix just ruins it all. "Reminiscing" which has Rachel Quelch's vocals on it is probably the best thing on here, but she unfortunately still gets buried by the other instruments and the fake backup singers.
At least the cover is... Well, that's a piece of shit too.
The Choristers of St. George's United Church - Songs for Canada Year
It's the year.... ummm.... I dunno, but it belongs to Canada! To celebrate this specific year, we have a batch of songs that make us proud of our country; songs such as "Ak Ta Ka Ta Nu Ya", "Nix Nox Nax", and "The Little Old Sod Shanty" because Canadians live like rodents, or at least they did in the year... ummm... I dunno.
These songs must be really fucking old because I had trouble trying to figure out where I'd heard the song "Les Raftsmen". After a while, I realized it's some obscure old song my mother used to sing. As a Canadian who has been living in Canada for over 40 years, most of these songs surprisingly evade me. Canada Year must have been a really bad year for music because I doubt most Canadians would know these, although I can't exactly speak for Quebec. Or Newfoundland.
The choir on this record is going to hurt your brain.
Valley View Intermediate Music Students - Dancing With The Hippos
You know that feeling when you step in dog shit? Or how about that feeling when you walk out of your bedroom first thing in the morning and step in cat puke? That's pretty close to what it's like listening to this album.
I can easily describe this CD as tropical music played by people who were trampled by hippos ten minutes earlier. It is an absolute fucking mess. I would love to meet the person who said, "This is so fucking good that I need to make a recording of it!" If anything, this album would be the perfect soundtrack for watching someone get beat up in Jamaica.
So sit back, smoke a fatty, and listen to a Bob Marley cover, an Arrow cover, and some other tropical storm of a song.
The 10th Annual Band Jam for Cancer: The DVD Experience
So... Are you experienced? Well, you'll wish you hadn't been! Also, did anybody ask for this particular experience?
Apparently, Cancer demanded to attend a band jam (for the 10th time) and we got a DVD out of the deal. It's no wonder that Cancer is still rampant considering how fucking terrible some of these bands are. If we could only get some good talent, perhaps Cancer would stop trying to put us out of our misery.
WARNING: Watching these videos might make you want to die from something worse than Cancer.
We're starting off on a good note. Tanglebox do a very faithful cover of a song from what I'd consider to be Sass Jordan's masterpiece, "Racine". Very competent band, very competent singer. Good job!
Nuthin' But Trouble - The Happiest Days Of Our Lives / Another Brick in the Wall Pt.2
...and the good feelings are gone with this abysmal Pink Floyd cover. There's so much production work in the original recording that this song should have been left alone. You can't possibly recreate the overall experience when you're a shitty garage band. Why couldn't they do a Pink Floyd song that's easy to cover like "Hey You" or "Wish You Were Here"?
On the plus side, we've got Geddy Lee Lennon on bass!
This one is really hard to watch because they take it so fucking seriously.
Ledd - Final Stand
Sorry buddy, you sound nothing like Chris Cornell. And how many bands does Geddy Lee Lennon play in?
Left of Centre - Never Come Around
I can't tell if these guys can't play or if this song just sucks ass. Even the guitar tries to bail half way through it.
Saxton - Cracked
This sounds nothing like Saxon. Also, this song should have been called "Crapped". They can't play in time, they can't tune their instruments, and the singer is awful. I think they're trying to imitate Nirvana, but it sounds more like someone using a power sander on a cat.
Dezl - Jack-Knife
The best thing about this band is their microphone stand made from a chain. I would have been much happier watching four and a half minutes of the microphone stand just sitting on stage. I guess the stage monitor doesn't work because the singer can't hear how terrible he is.
Neepawa never seems to disappoint with the videos, do they?
Next stop, a triple feature in Brandon!
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