Friday, February 11, 2022

Super Romantic Greeting Card CDs

Valentines Day is upon us! For those of you who have a partner who lives far away (and is probably fucking around on you), you can maintain your true love for each other by mailing them a CD with some generic background music on it. Yes, background music can keep the love alive between two people. If you don't believe me, then perhaps these CDs will prove you wrong. However, that doesn't mean you can't use these to increase the passion in the bedroom. After all, these CDs are supposed to be full of romance.

I covered one of these CDs here. Now I appear to have many of the others in the series. After doing a Google search, it appears there are even more of them floating around out there.

These were produced by the Allegro corporation; the same guys who did those shitty Solitudes CDs. You'll be happy to know they went tits up in 2016.

And now, on to the romance...

Forever Yours

This one contains "beautiful melodies of guitar and piano blended with nature sounds." Personally, I like the sound of crows and cats fighting which probably would have been more fun in the bedroom. The album starts off with the sound of someone running a bath or something. Then we get some fake instruments played on a high-end Casio. Then the fake birds decide to chime in. The music is fucking boring.

The second song starts with the sound of a jungle. I guess she forgot to shave.

The song "Long a Growing" is probably about the Viagra kicking in.

Track 7 is called "Playa Blanca". Perfect for letting her know that you're fucking around with another woman.

Listen to Playa Blanca

Our Love

Contains "beautiful melodies of hammer dulcimer". Who the hell is "Hammer Dulcimer"? Sounds like a Jewish rapper. Shouldn't it say "beautiful melodies played on the hammer dulcimer"? As a side note, I actually like the sound of the dulcimer. Unfortunately, that's the only instrument you're going to hear. They couldn't even be bothered to mix in some shitty nature sounds on this one (or a Jewish rapper).

The song "She Boeg She Mor" is spelled wrong. Also, I would never have sex to dulcimer music.

Listen to Rock The Cradle Joe / Soldier's Joy

For Love Everlasting

Contains "a gorgeous blend of acoustic guitar, harp and violin". In other words, it's really boring.

They did another version of the song "Shee Bheg Shee Mhor" which is spelled right at least in some countries. This is probably the most uninteresting CD of the lot. She'll probably fall asleep while you're doing foreplay. Unfortunately, I think I got erectile dysfunction listening to this one.

Listen to Danny Boy

Just For You

Contains "beautiful melodies of piano." I honestly have no problem with piano music, and this disc is probably the most listenable of the lot. It's recorded very well, and I could see my face planted between her legs while listening to this one.

The song "Air on a G string" is about her farting before you take off her panties.

Listen to As Two Become One

Listen to Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring

You're The One

Contains "a beautiful blend of acoustic guitar and nature sounds." Bring in the frogs and crickets!

Whenever you have a sole acoustic guitar performance, it's usually jazz or spanish shit which is exactly what we have here. The bonus about this kind of music is when you fuck up a note or a chord, nobody will notice.

Track 2 has crashing waves and flute. There was no warning about a flute on the back! I got dumped because she doesn't like the flute!

Listen to Moonlight Beach

In light of the romantic feelings I got from this batch of CDs, I decided to make my own romantic instrumental track. It has beautiful acoustic guitar, piano, and nature sounds. I'm sure I will make many babies while listening to this song, and I hope you will too. Perhaps making these will be my future career!

Listen to Wish You Were Here In My Motorboat During a Rain Storm

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