Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Junq Tour 2018: Dauphin

Before we ventured out into the thrift stores, we stopped at this neat little store called Dauphin's Nerdiest Art so I could buy a plush perogy. I'm not kidding...

If you would like your own plush perogy, or a Bort license plate, or a needle-point asking you to not do coke in the bathroom, then you can get one from their amazing Etsy store!

Hodge Podge

The Hodge Podge has changed since I was there last. Sadly, they have become more of a retro/antique/hipster store than a thrift store. All their 8-tracks and CDs have been thrown away, but the records still remain. I only found three that are worth mentioning...

Anna Kraichy - Kozachok

I've been searching for this album for years now. Anna played the fiddle on all of Roy Mykytyshyn's albums, and it's the last piece of the puzzle for the discography I did on Roy. It will be making an appearance there when I get a bit of time to add it. Oh yeah, and it's a good album!

Download the album

The Dauphin Collegiate Dowlerettes

You know what? For a female choir, they're decent. I only bought it because I desperately needed another strange cover of Bridge Over Troubled Water. This addiction of mine is more unexplainable than crystal meth.

Listen to Bridge Over Troubled Water
Download the whole bloody thing

The Family Tree - Branching Out

The inbreeding is evident on this one! Take a boring singer and play some terrible covers of popular songs, and then go fuck your uncle in his fart vent and PRESTO! You have an album!

We've got covers of The Eagles, Glen Campbell, and BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE RAIN!!! YOUR FAVOURITE SONG!!!

Listen to Rhinestone Cowboy
Listen to Lyin' Eyes
Download all of it for your family group sex gatherings!

Thrift Store

The thrift store gave a better yield, but the combined pile of junk from the two lone stores in Dauphin made it not worth any future endeavours for the Junq Tour. It's a bit too far out of the way for my liking, so enjoy basking in the Dauphin shitfest one last time...

Country Bonanza Vol. 30

There's 29 other volumes of this goddam thing. My life will never be complete.

This is one very long 8-track tape. I initially started transferring the whole thing but got bored. There's too many shitty versions of shitty country songs on here, so I plucked just a couple for you to hear.

The version of Margaritaville on here isn't too awful, but the Glen Campbell cover is terrible enough to give him Alzheimers.

Listen to Margaritaville
Listen to Southern Nights

10 Stone

It's time to rock, and I don't mean smash your head with one because this CD is awful. It's surprisingly not too bad! The mix is a bit rough and amateurish, but I actually enjoyed this album.

The songs are diverse and even a bit memorable. So it get a pass from me for being decent enough to feature it here. However, I'm also lazy, so I'm only posting the first track. If you've heard the first track, you have an idea of what the rest of it sounds like. Believe it or not, these guys are still together.

Listen to Time Heals Everything

Jeff Staflund - Trust, Believe & Follow

This album was inspired by dead & dying people. I shit you not. This Jeff guy volunteered at a Hospice & Palliative Care center, and was so inspired by what he saw that he wrote and recorded this shiny circle of crap. The smell of shit, pee, and sadness must be really inspiring to him.

But wait! This album can't be bad! The cover was done by a woman who has a BFA with honors, whatever the fuck a BFA is. Big fucking attitude? Blowing fart ass? The ass must have been where the picture came out of, so let's go with that one.

This is nothing more than funeral music played on the piano. We have such uplifting songs such as "Loss", "Fall", "Waiting", and "Not How Long The Road Is". Allow me to slit my throat with the shiny circle of crap.

Listen to Fall

Roger Day's Rock 'n' Roll Rodeo

After hearing the first song, I assumed that I was just going to pass over this album. But then I played the second track and said, "HEY! This rotten motherfucker ripped off a song by The Doors!" You see, after Jim Morrisson died, The Doors continued on without him and recorded a couple more albums, just because fuck Jim for going and dying. One of the songs off the first non-Jim album is called "The Mosquito", and I swear that it's identical to this Mosquito song, except Roger changed some of the lyrics. So fuck this guy for ripping off The Doors, and fuck Jim Morrisson for dying and inspiring this guy's musical career by not being there to prevent the original mosquito song from being written.

On another topic, the songs are in the wrong order. It should be "I got hands", "Can you point your finger?", "Jump Up & Turn Around", and then "Here comes Mr. Snake"

By the way, the rest of the album is boring and it sucks.

Listen to Mosquito Burrito

Trent Bruner - Piano By Request

Okay, this guy can play. I'll happily admit that. However, the arrangements by Trent Bruner and Calvin Vollrath completely suck ass. Might as well give criticism where criticism is due!

Listen to how they fucked up Music Box Dancer, one of my favorite songs.

Forever Love Greeting Card & CD

Do you love somebody? Then you'll want to avoid giving them this shitty excuse for capitalizing on your emotions. The back of the CD says "Gentle Melodies of Acoustic Guitar Blended with Nature Sounds". Yeah, because I wanna fuck the love of my life in a jungle with Don Flamenco playing the soundtrack for my pumping action. The nature sounds are mostly just someone sucking on a bong, hoping to emulate the sound of the ocean or some bullshit like that. There's also a typo on one song. "She's Like the Swallow" should be called "She Likes to Swallow".

There's eight boring fucking songs on this thing! Why not just make her a mix 8-track of your favourite songs and mail that instead?

Listen to Seeds of Love (this is your sperm on drugs)

Denise R'ockell - Life is a Game

Denise needs to change her last name because she doesn't rock. She should call herself Denise C'rappy'non'rock'pop'garbage.

The funniest part of this album is the entire paragraph on the back explaining the Monopoly board on the cover and how every single part of it belongs to Parker Brothers. They should sue her out of her music career because nobody needs this CD (and there was three copies on the CD shelf in the store). However, there is no disclaimer when it comes to that moustached mascot (whatever his name is). C'mon Parker Brothers, I dare you to sue! Take all her crappy albums and melt them down!

Listen to He Would Have Cried

Franky Choptain & Doris Choptain

This one is friggin neat! It's the first time I've come across an home-recorded 8-track tape of people recording themselves singing and playing. For some reason, most people didn't utilize the 8-track tape format for this. All I've found is mix tapes and the occasional recordings off the radio. But this? It's damn cool to find such an original piece of work!

This was likely recorded around 1970 or so. I tried seeking out the titles of the songs, but I was pretty unsuccessful with many of them (a little help would be appreciated if you can). The ones that I can recognize are a cover of Mickey & Bunny's "This Land is Your Land", Elvis Presley's "Little Sister", and BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE FUCKING RAIN!!!!!!! We needed to throw that one in there too or else shit wouldn't be complete.

The cover of Little Sister is fucking terrible, but the others aren't so bad.

Listen to This Land Is Your Land
Listen to Little Sister
Download the whole thing!


I keep mentioning the band "The Western Union" and I picked up their second album on last year's Junq Tour. Well, Sue-On is one of the members of The Western Union, and this is a compilation 8-track of the songs she performed vocally. This album isn't even mentioned on her website, so it looks like I have a pretty unique specimen here! The performances are decent, but I can't help but wonder why it was necessary to put out an album consisting only of Sue-On's songs. Anyway, here it is if you're interested:

Download Sue-On

Video: Let's Dance

If you ever wondered what the 1970s would look like in the early 1990s, then you need a copy of this video. Mullets aplenty, and disco music! I'm not really sure what the reason was for this video being released. I thought it was an instructional video, but after the first song, they say "fuck teaching these people" and just dance around to some terrible disco covers. I feel sorry for the guy who originally spent money on this thing.

When I bought it, I had to fix the damn thing before sticking it into my VCR. It was probably 20 years since I repaired my last video tape. I was extremely clumsy at it, but fixing video tapes is much like riding a bicycle. I eventually succeeded, stuck my penis in the VCR, and let the ecstasy of the 70s take over.

If you want to see a clip from it, I included one in the Junq Tour video from day two.

Our next stop will be the beloved Ashern thrift store!

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