Video: Why Do Kids Listen To Rock Music?

Over the last little while, I've picked up a few interesting Christian videos. Now, when I say "interesting", it means "bloody ridiculous and highly entertaining!"



This is the first one I'm going to share with you. Of course, the title made me grab it immediately. Rich Wilkerson hates rock music. He even states that he has a strong personal bias against it in the video. He relates rock music to three main topics: Drug abuse, Sexual Immorality, and Demonic Worship. Since I own albums by most of the bands he attacks, it's pretty obvious that I have a heroin addiction, I participate in weekly orgies, and I offer a sacrifice of goat's blood to Satan every weekend. Rock music has greatly enriched my life!

So which bands and singers does he list in his motivational sermon? Here's a short list:

Van Halen
Loverboy
Supertramp
Rolling Stones
Judas Priest
Alice Cooper
David Bowie
Ted Nugent
Ozzy Osbourne
Black Sabbath
Duran Duran
AC/DC
Nazareth
Blue Oyster Cult
Styx
Meat Loaf
Krokus
The Police
Iron Maiden

I'm flattered that he mentioned my personal favorite (Blue Oyster Cult) but I'm kinda shocked that he bothered to pick on Loverboy, Styx, and Duran Duran. He also quickly went down a list of bands who's members had died from drug overdose.

But Mr. Wilkerson seemed to be particularly offended by Iron Maiden (who, by the way, puts on a great concert!) Here is Mr. Wilkerson ranting about how offensive Iron Maiden is to God:



So, what was the real message of this video? Does he actually answer the question "Why do kids listen to rock music?" Of course he answers. The reason kids listen to rock music is because they're lonely!

Excuse me while I go listen to my demonic Duran Duran album.

Roadkill CD-Rs

Whatever happened to the good old days when you could find a smashed cassette tape on the road, take it home, re-load it into a new shell, and then play it to see what was on it? It seems like only yesterday when I did that with a copy of Aerosmith's Classics Live.

Unfortunately, those days seem to be long gone. Now we've got CD-Rs. If they've been run over by too many cars, the content is completely gone. However, you occasionally get lucky...

It's not really the content that makes me pick one of these things up, but rather how the disc is jazzed up in some way by the person who burned it. Here's a few I've found:

Spice Girls Greatest Hits


Ah, the Spice Girls. How I remember you from my late high school days. How I hated hearing that dumbass in my class tell me that the Spice Girls were better than Blue Oyster Cult, simply because they had bigger tits. At least the 'Agents of Fortune' album is more timeless than EVERYTHING the Spice Girls did.

I'm not sure if this is a copy of an existing compilation, or something someone threw together. It doesn't play at all.


The Gumshoe Strut & Co.


Straight outta the North side of Winnipeg, these guys seem to have landed themselves on a small record label. This entire disc is playable, probably because I found it in a snowbank in the middle of Winter. I generally find hip hop boring, but the third track actually made me laugh. Listen to it here!


Hip-Hop #1 Dance Class


Alas, more hip hop! I think it's funny that the word "Aerobics" is written on this CD-R. I personally would find it more preferable to bob my head and smoke weed to this music, rather than do jumping jacks.

Most of it is somewhat playable. Thanks to Google, here's the track listing I descrambled from the lyrics:

J-Diggs - Push It Up
Busta Rhymes - Make It Clap
Amerie - Touch
R Kelly - Burn It Up
Chris Brown - Gimme That
Chris Brown - Run It
J-Kwon - Get XXX'd
Jhene - No Love
Mr. Vegas - Tamale
??? (can't understand the fucking lyrics)
R Kelly - Slow Wind
Ricky Martin - I Don't Care
Sean Paul - Temperature
Teairra Mari - No Daddy
T-Pain - I'm Sprung
Twista - Hit The Floor
Ying Yang Twins - Shake
(last two songs won't play)

What a bunch of crap. I haven't enjoyed this music since Snoop Doggy Dogg's first album altered the state of rap music forever.


To Alex, Love Julia!


I guess Alex didn't love Julia since he tossed this fucker out his car window. It's really a shame that it doesn't play since it's the one that shows the most promise musically. The only song that plays is the first one: Don't Walk Away Eileen by Sam Roberts.

These things are such fun to collect. It's like finding a small chunk of someone's life, tossed out into the street as if this part of their life wasn't worth holding onto.

Then there's me - I keep all my mix tapes and CDs.

Cheap Imitations Of Your Favorite Hits!

I absolutely love 'tribute' albums. You may have seen stuff like this floating around ever since people owned their first turntable. These are albums full of your favorite songs performed by a bunch of crappy studio musicians. They're usually cheaper than your name-brand label compilations. They're priced low, and usually disguised as a REAL compilation. One of the big series out there today is the stuff performed by 'The Countdown Singers'. I've been toying off and on with the idea of actually collecting their stuff, but I'm too cheap to fork over $3 for a CD recorded by a bunch of phonies. 99 cents to $1.99 is about all I'm willing to pay for such junk.

Anyway, I'm bringing you highlights from three 8-track tapes. Some of the songs actually closely follow the original, while others make you wonder if these guys listened to the original more than twice.



Super Hits



Here is a fine tribute cart from what appears to be 'Soundco' records. There is no actual identifying mark on the label except for the catalog number (SC-129) and the word "Soundco" stamped into the plastic on the underside of the tape. There is absolutely NO indication on the label that these songs are played by a bunch of hacks.

Another oddball thing about this tape is the notch in the upper left-hand side of the tape. These notches were used on quadraphonic 8-tracks to automatically switch from 2-channel mode to 4-channel mode. In other words, if you jam this baby into a quad player (yes, I own one), you're going to hear Mungo Jerry singing with T.Rex, each on their own side of your living room in living stereo! But I digress, that's not really Mungo Jerry or T.Rex, nor is stereo actually a living thing.

Anyway, let's get to the songs. I don't know how popular The Stampeders were outside of Canada, but this is an extremely shitty re-creation of "Sweet City Woman".

LISTEN HERE!


For the second song, here is some Canadian dude trying to remove Marc Bolan's accent in the T.Rex song "Hot Love". Note that the song fades out in the middle to switch programs. I even left the long-ass cue tone in there for your listening pleasure. Marc Bolan is rolling in his grave.

LISTEN HERE!



Top Pop Hits Vol.29



Thanks to this tape, I've made it my life-long goal to track down the other 28 volumes in this collection. Jesus Christ, why couldn't they just re-name it after the second or third volume?

On the plus side, the Cherry label fully acknowledges that these songs were recorded by a bunch of assholes who will never be successful. I laughed my ass off when I read "Fantastic impressions of today's top hits simulating your favorite artist." It's like reading the ingredients on the label of a cherry-flavored candy.

And now, I bring you The Atlanta Connection doing a bad impression of Jimi Hendrix playing and singing "Heartbreaker", originally done by The Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger is rolling in his grave.

LISTEN HERE!


For our second selection from this tape, here is an extremely clumsy rendition of Terry Jacks' "Seasons In The Sun". I would have preferred them doing the B-side "Put The Bone In". At least nobody would care if they buggered up that song.

LISTEN HERE!



Top Ten Rock Vol.6



These guys were clever. They named their band "American Pick Hit Artists" which is a description of what the original artists are. These guys are also notorious for getting the lyrics wrong. Combine that with their terrible interpretation of what the original music is, and you've got "American Shit Pick Artists"

The first one is the 'single version' of Steve Miller's Jet Airliner. I would have loved to hear these hacks do Threshold, but that was too difficult for them so they just left it out.

LISTEN HERE!


The last one I'm offering is Peace of Mind originally done by Boston. The guy is most obviously scared of the high notes. He only manages to squeeze his balls for it at the end of the song, and I believe he ordered the band to skip playing the middle part to minimize testicular damage while recording. Brad Delp is rolling in his grave.

LISTEN HERE!

And that's it for this round. I've got lots more of these albums kicking around, and I'll probably post more in the future.

One more thing, I've almost run out of hard drive space. I need to do some archiving badly so I can get some more videos up on Youtube. I've got some pretty funny ones just waiting for an audience :)

Video: Vulvas and Fecal Matter

This is a nifty DVD I picked up at the Value Village called "The Sensationalists of the 90s." It's basically a compilation of apparently 'good' films that have been made by people who reside here in Winnipeg. It was still sealed when I bought it. It's really a shame that the person who owned it didn't actually crack it open and watch it. It's got a couple of extremely disturbing videos on it. To think that people in my city are THIS disturbed is actually a bit frightening.

The first video is about a guy who makes a sculpture of a little boy out of his own shit. I'M NOT KIDDING. Why on earth would ANYBODY even think of doing such a thing? I mean, I could see someone making a video about getting drunk and shitting on the hood of their neighbor's car or something, but THIS?

Anyway, it's up on Youtube. The real shame is that this will probably fit in perfectly fine with Youtube's standards for what's acceptable, while the second video would likely be removed. Why this video is called "Rapture" is beyond me. I'd be more inclined to call it "One Flew Over The Poo-Poo Nest"



The second video I'm sharing is a woman dancing and singing while dressed as a giant vulva. I'M NOT KIDDING ABOUT THIS ONE EITHER! Here's a screenshot:



I know this would get removed quite quickly from youtube, so I have provided a download link:

We're Talking Vulva

If you find this video disturbing, don't look at me. You're the one who downloaded it!

The Bunny Boppers

After about 25 years of searching, I've finally secured my second copy of this 45. I got my first copy at the neighbor's garage sale, probably for a quarter way back in 1983 (or so). It eventually got destroyed by a care-free childhood. I have no clue what happened to it. I picked up this copy at a record sale for a buck (goddam inflation!). I generally don't have any use for 45s, but after digging through a bunch of useless and common LPs, I said to myself, "I'll see if they got it, you never know." And there it was!

Like many records in my day, this one sounded better on the wrong speed. Played at 33 1/3 RPM, this thing sounds like the gloppy goo that came out of the 90s. But at 45 RPM, it's a new wave treat!

I believe this is the ONLY thing that the Bunny Boppers ever put out. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is a child's record. My guess is it came with a toy of some sort, as there's a french version on the flipside (which also makes it Canadian.) The cassettes that came with Barbie Dolls usually had the same type of format: English side one, French side two. If anyone knows anything about the history of this 45, please share!

Now, I'll leave you to enjoy this funky piece of happiness:

Bunny Beat in English
Bunny Beat in French