Sunday, May 24, 2009

A Tribute to Barney Bashing

Back in the 1990s, everyone hated Barney the purple dinosaur. Well, everyone except kids 8 years old and younger. Along with websites being taken down from lawsuit threats, the whole Barney bashing trend seems to have died off. But back in the day, it was huge. I really wish I would have kept some of the images that were posted on the internet back then, like the one with Barney ripping out Baby Bop's brains. However, I did contribute to the whole fad by making a couple of mashups when the Barney Bashing fad was huge. If you'd like to hear the first one I made back in 1993, click here. Quite a feat to do this stuff WITHOUT a computer. In case you were wondering, I was 15 years old when I made that.

The Barney Fun Page

One of the first websites I visited after discovering the internet was called the Barney Fun Page. Basically, it was a game where you use various weapons to kill Barney, including a shotgun, a cannon, and running over him with a motorcycle.

I'm happy to tell you that the Barney Fun Page is still up on the internet, so you can go play it yourself! Click Here. This was made in the day when everyone used dialup, and the picture refresh wait was incredibly slow. The refresh on today's DSL and Cable connection is now at warp speed.


Before the internet was a huge thing, there was BBSes. I ran one myself. Basically, you dialed into a Sysop's computer, played door games, posted messages, and downloaded files. One of the door games floating around in the mid-90s was called "Barneysplat!" It's still floating around the net today, and it's available for free download, and I must say it's quite an addictive game. The author wrote his own tribute page to the game, and has instructions as well as a download link if you would like to try it out (note: it runs in DOS).

The basic idea behind Barneysplat! is that you are supposed to get Barney, Baby Bop, and the four kids on the TV show so drunk and stoned that they pass out or kill themselves. It's great fun, so go download it and have fun wasting an afternoon playing it!

Barney Bashing in College

Finally, I have a piece of memorabilia I recorded from a newscast. It was a piece done on a college fundraiser where students participated in Barney bashing activities. It's funny as hell!

So, I hope you enjoyed my tribute to Barney Bashing. For now, I leave you with some direct quotes from the documentation that comes with the Barneysplat game, simply because it's the most hilarious software documentation I've ever read!

I won't be liable for Peanuts (ddi you know you can get a little high by smoking Peanut shells?)! I hearby say Bye bye blue sky to all liabilities of this game. If you use it, it's your risk. I don't need a lawsuit now, I never have and never will want or need one. If you are a lawyer, isn't this unprofessional? YEAH? Good. I like it this way. really? Yes. Hey, Ever talk to yourself? Yeah, all the time... Well, anyway, if this causes a user to flip out because they are a nazi, and invite Adolph, Schlemging, and Auschwitz over to your house and if they do various things to your brain, spinal chord, body, arms, legs, feet, and money, Don't blame me...


<<>> PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS PART BEFORE EVEN ATTEMPTING TO WRITE SCRIPTS! THE SYNTAX CHECKING IS VIRTUALLY NONEXISTANT! IT WILL FUCK UP IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS DOC AND DO WHAT IT SAYS! REVIEW IT WITH A MICROSCOPE IF YOU HAVE TO! Or put a copy over your bed, and read it as you are going night-night, and have happy barneysplatting scripting dreams (what a nerd!)>>>


I am allways inventing new bonuses for registration, so this is not the only Way! So call if you are interested in free registration (HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!) Anyway, if you want to register right now, just send me whatever you think this game is worth! Of course, some conceiled pipe tobacco would be much appriciated too! IF YOU PICK THIS ROUTE, PLEASE CONCEIL IT VERY WELL! parents, you know. Also, do not openly say "Here is some Pipe tobacco!" my mom likes reading my mail sometimes.arg. and let me know first.

Another alternative (prefered) is to, after checking with me, send me a copy of a tape of any trance/techno/electronic/newage music... if I do not have it, send a copy along and you will get a registration... Oh wait a minute, copying tapes is illegal.
"Please don't arrest me. I ain't doin
nothin illegal man! I'm not...."
"Shut up, son, and let's see the tapes."
"What tapes? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't make us beat the fuck out of you with this here club, boy, show
us the fucking tapes, godammit..."
etc. sorry, had to be said.

You will receive a key..
DO NOT GIVE THIS OUT! or you will be beaten with an aluminium baseball bat.

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