25 cents can't buy a lot of things these days. But sometimes, it can buy an hour of hilarious cheesy Christian brainwashing! I present to you the greatest Children's video ever created:
Why is it that people who create Christian entertainment take the latest fads and make them completely fucking lame? The fad this time is the personal computer boom of the 1980s. Since computers were totally cool, the Kids' Praise Company decided to make this computer even more cool! here's how they did it...
Colby the Computer's features:
- Integrated Casio Keyboard
- Roller Skates
- Stupid Hat
- The Entire Bible Programmed into Him
- Voice of a Flaming Homosexual
In keeping with Colby's last feature, they decided to cast an entire group of gay kids. Just look at these screenshots:
Anyway, here's the story in a nutshell: The tough kid fucks up Colby's floppy drive by turning a knob that controls Colby's "voltage regulator override circuit" which ends up giving Colby a "data-ache". The section of Colby's memory that gets erased is the part of the bible that talks about love. Anyway, Colby needs to "re-position his files", so they send the Mario Bros. of Christian computer repair: Flip & Flop.
These two guys are dressed (poorly) like 5 1/4" floppy disks, and have dreadful fake british accents. After the kids try to "re-program" love into Colby, the Mario Bros. specially build a new floppy drive and install it into Colby who then discovers that all his missing memory was on his "backup file".
I used flaming pink to circle what the floppy drive looks like. I don't know about you, but I've NEVER seen a floppy drive that looks like the top-hat token from Monopoly.
The terminology and the representation of computer hardware is so hilariously inaccurate, you'll swear that the cool Christians who wrote this piece of garbage got their computer knowledge from "2001: A Space Odyssey" (or they randomly pulled technical words out of their homo-cornholes)
Enjoy the clip. Notice the dreadful choreography, the cheesy music, the rollerskating computer, and the Angus Young keytar solo!