Sunday, December 20, 2009

Video: Colby's Missing Memory

25 cents can't buy a lot of things these days. But sometimes, it can buy an hour of hilarious cheesy Christian brainwashing! I present to you the greatest Children's video ever created:



Why is it that people who create Christian entertainment take the latest fads and make them completely fucking lame? The fad this time is the personal computer boom of the 1980s. Since computers were totally cool, the Kids' Praise Company decided to make this computer even more cool! here's how they did it...

Colby the Computer's features:
- Integrated Casio Keyboard
- Roller Skates
- Stupid Hat
- The Entire Bible Programmed into Him
- Voice of a Flaming Homosexual

In keeping with Colby's last feature, they decided to cast an entire group of gay kids. Just look at these screenshots:

    

Anyway, here's the story in a nutshell: The tough kid fucks up Colby's floppy drive by turning a knob that controls Colby's "voltage regulator override circuit" which ends up giving Colby a "data-ache". The section of Colby's memory that gets erased is the part of the bible that talks about love. Anyway, Colby needs to "re-position his files", so they send the Mario Bros. of Christian computer repair: Flip & Flop.



These two guys are dressed (poorly) like 5 1/4" floppy disks, and have dreadful fake british accents. After the kids try to "re-program" love into Colby, the Mario Bros. specially build a new floppy drive and install it into Colby who then discovers that all his missing memory was on his "backup file".



I used flaming pink to circle what the floppy drive looks like. I don't know about you, but I've NEVER seen a floppy drive that looks like the top-hat token from Monopoly.


The terminology and the representation of computer hardware is so hilariously inaccurate, you'll swear that the cool Christians who wrote this piece of garbage got their computer knowledge from "2001: A Space Odyssey" (or they randomly pulled technical words out of their homo-cornholes)

Enjoy the clip. Notice the dreadful choreography, the cheesy music, the rollerskating computer, and the Angus Young keytar solo!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I discovered your blog by accident and I read your critique. My youth group performed Colby's Missing Memory when I was in grade school. It was one of the best memories of my life. Just b/c it's outdated doesn't mean it deserves such awful criticism. Dude, it was the 80's...everyone looked like that, which is what you're deeming as "gay." Anyway, the details of computer hardware might not have been totally accurate but the POINT of the story was very touching and life changing for young kids. So if you changed your focus and broadened your viewpoint, you might be able to see the GOOD things that came from musicals such as these rather than poking fun at it just to make yourself feel surperior.

Anonymous said...

Very well said Anonymus writer. This was one of my favorite videos growing up as a kid in the 80's. How could someone say such terriable things about a video that teaches kids about love, and forgivness? The comments about the kids was uncalled for and sick. Yes it was the 80's, and thats how everyone looked and dressed. The person who created this page probley needs more then to refocus. They may want to consider seeking help. Perhaps a psychologist.. --Mike Kilgore

Ruth Millar said...

if you dislike this video so much, would you please send it to me? I'm trying to find copies of Colby and would gladly give you back your 25c and more for this! :)