Friday, July 1, 2011

Album Artwork by Women

Over the last few years that I've been running this blog, I've listened to a lot of shitty albums. There's two major things in common that I've noticed about these albums...

1) Albums recorded by a bunch of studio musicians usually contain a bad cover of "Bridge Over Troubled Water".

2) Albums recorded by women (who will never be mainstream) usually contain the song "The Rose".

I have to ask... Why these two songs? Why not "Imagine" or "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover"? Why must these two songs be butchered over and over and over again?

Anyway, enough of me rambling and onto this entry.

I've realized that I've got enough shit in queue that I can make 'themed' entries. So here's one about women who shouldn't be in charge of the artwork that goes onto their album. Let's take a look...

Linda Jones - From Me To You

She looks pretty fuckin' happy that her dad is dead. We've got a picture of pappy, his war medals, a poppy, and.... Oh shit, looks like "The Rose" is going to be on this album.

I'll give the dudes who made this album some creative credit. The inlay is printed on kodak paper and looks wonderfully glossy. Too bad the album is neither awesome nor awful, so it's not worth posting a clip.

Lara - Hope In God

I realized that I was risking the unleashing of demons by unwrapping this cassette from the cellophane it came in. LOOK AT HER. Somebody MUST be responsible for jumping on her face with a jackhammer. I suppose her 'Hope in God' is that he fixes her face when she gets to heaven.

Guess who the album artwork was done by? Jostens... The name you can trust with getting your hideous school yearbook pictures taken.

Now, just in case the songs "Fairest Lord Jesus", "Jesus Saves", "What a Friend in Jesus" and "I'd Rather have Jesus" didn't give away the content of the album, the cover explains that this is easy listening gospel music. That's a good thing, because judging by the photo of Lara, I thought it was an album about sasquatch hunting.

The music sucks. It's not even funny. It doesn't even have a cover of "The Rose" on it. We would've been better off with an album about sasquatch hunting. So yeah, no clippy from this turd either.

Tillie Harpelle - Cowboy's Sweetheart

First of all, if you're 70 years old, no cowboy's gonna want you as his sweetheart. The best you're going to get is some withered old fart with his balls bouncing around between his knees. If you're wondering why I bought this, it was REALLY the cowboy hat clipart that sold me on this album. I mean... CLIPART! Wow, man.

But this album has one thing going for it... Yodeling! It's full of yodeling songs, and this old bag pulls it off very well. Not only can Tillie yodel, but the band is also quite competent and the album actually sounds well recorded and mixed. So it's worth putting a song up for you to hear.

Listen to "Just A Yodel For Me"

She also does a cover of the song on this classic commercial.

Now that she's taught me how to yodel, my life is now complete. Now I'm off to yodel in a duet of the song "Picture" at a karaoke bar.

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