Thursday, June 23, 2011

Junq Tour 2011: Ashern

I passed through Ashern during my last trip up North. Most of what I found was useful stuff, but I did come back with a couple of oddball items...

Tupperkids - Animal Sing-A-Long Songs

Tupperware really enjoys marketing themselves by stamping their name into titles, no matter how stupid or retarded it sounds. This time, we have the Tupperkids. If someone called me a "Tupperkid" as a child, I would have cried and jumped off the play structure to end my horrible life.

The term "Tupperkids" essentially translates into "plastic storage children". The last time I checked, storing things in children is rather difficult since they end up peeing, pooping, or barfing it back out. You're better off storing your product into "Tupperseniors" since they have a special protective seal known as "Depends".

Anyway, I picked up this tape for the song "I Love Little Pussy". I thought it would be endearing to hear a little boy sing this. Unfortunately, it's an adult female singing it, and this version of the song isn't solely about loving pussy. Very disappointing.

However, the song "Tupper Tunes" is quite tupperfucking awful. Again, it's horrible product placement, and the lyrics really suck.

Listen to Tupper Tunes!
Download the entire album!

The Call of God

This video looks quite boring from the front side. At first, I thought it was just another lame-ass Christian video. The description on the back is what sold me. In big, bold, red letters, I saw the term "Rappin for Jesus". HELL YEAH! Nothing is cooler than Rappin' for Jesus! Well, Rappin' for Satan may have an edge on this. I also can't help but wonder if Rappin' for Tupperware exists somewhere out there.

More about the video... Stephen Wiley is very much like M.C. Hammer, except Hammer has those baggy pants, catchy songs, and SOUL. A Christian rapper without soul is like a boy without a penis. It's sad, depressing, and people make fun of him.

So let's enjoy some penis-less rap music. If I were Jesus, I'd be embarrassed by this.


SublimeGirl said...

Hi how do I get a copy of the Tupper tunes cassette? I so enjoyed the songs and would like my lil one to do the same.

Rikolex Willms said...

My mum used to sell Tupperware when I was VERY young, and my sister and I (sadly) played tipper tunes on repeat for years. I'm looking for the cassette or a copy of the recorded song DESPERATELY to send to my mum for a little nostalgia. It's been a running joke for so long! Any suggestions on where I can find the track?

Ben Century said...

There is a download link for the entire album in the above post

Holly Jahangiri said...

I'm wondering if Men Without Hats or Blondie could sue? It's like, if The Safety Dance and Rapture had a love child, and they tried to keep it hidden in the basement...