Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I Hope You Guys Don't Like The Beatles

Today, I'm reviewing some Beatles tribute albums! These things are fairly difficult to find because there are some very avid collectors of them (WHY???) They're certainly not as plentiful as the Elvis ones. Nevertheless, I've got three of them here. George, John, and Linda are all spinning in their graves. However, I think Linda is spinning for reasons other than the existence of butchered Beatles songs.

The Beatles - Theology

The Beatles were an amazing orchestra who have many instrumental hits such as "Onward, Christian Soldiers", "Corpus Christi", and "Since Jesus / Amazing Grace". At least that's what I understand from this Beatles compilation. Too bad it isn't even a compilation. I guess the Salvation Army figured they'll be able to convert the average Satan-Worshipping Beatles fan over to a Christian way of life by mixing religion with the fab four. With the exception of writing credits in the booklet, there is NOTHING on the CD that tells you this isn't The Beatles, nor does it tell you who the orchestra is. However, the internet CDDB identifies the artist as The Norridge Citadel Band, but I have no desire to check and see if that's accurate. In my opinion, a more appropriate name for these guys would be "The Porridge Shitasmell Band". They really stink!

The inlay of the CD case has a picture of Jesus singing a Beatles hymn:

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this song because I sure didn't.

Listen to "Help, I Need Somebody"

In The Style of Beatles

This is a Fantastic F 8-track. I don't need to tell you how terrible it is since I've reviewed Fantastic F's crap on here before. First of all, their British accents are Canadian accents. Second, the guy at the mastering plant turned the volume all the way up when he copied the tapes, so they're a bit distorted. Third, look at the cover. Is that supposed to be a beetle? It certainly isn't Ringo Starr. It COULD be John Lennon as drawn by Yoko Ono. Fourth, they decided to try and emulate the 1960s "Stereo Sound" and failed miserably. Old Beatles recordings generally had vocals in one channel, instruments in the other. I don't know what they did here, but the mix is similar to splitting a drinking glass with a sledgehammer. Shit's all over the place.

Even though all the songs range on various levels of terribleness, I don't think it's any surprise that Yellow Submarine is the most interesting track on here. For those of you who've been on a submarine, you'll recognize the familiar sounds of clucking chickens and some guy hocking a loogie. I think there's a turkey gobbling in the mix as well. Along with this accurate depiction of sea life, I've put up the entire album for your downloading and evaluating pleasure. Enjoy!

Listen to Yellow Submarine!

Download the entire album!

The biggest mystery surrounding this album... Why do these Canadians attempting British accents fail miserably on the French part in "Michelle"? French is a mandatory language in parts of Canada, and especially in Ontario which is where the Fantastic F 8-track plant was located!

Happy Kids - All You Need Is Kids

I have to admit that I find a lot of The Beatles' songs a bit childish. "Hello, Goodbye", "Octopus's Garden", "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da", "Revolution #9", and lots more sound like something you'd find on a Sharon, Lois & Bram album. But just because their songs are a bit childish, it doesn't mean children should sing them.

This tape is pretty bad. They tried to incorporate a storyline about some character named "Ob-La-Di" who came from a Beatles record (huh?) and teaches Beatles songs to a pack of bored children. It's unfortunate that Ob-La-Di didn't teach these children how to sing first. Most of the instrumentation was likely done on a Casio keyboard.

Half of the songs are almost tolerable, and the other half will make you cry. This isn't just bad, it's dead-fetus-covered-in-platypus-vomit bad. The creators of this album could have redeemed themselves if they used the song "Why Don't We Do It In The Road".

I would have put the entire thing up for downloading, but I honestly couldn't stand the thought of listening to this garbage twice. One song is already too much to bear.

Listen to Can't Buy Me Love


I hope you enjoyed my review on the Fab 4. Too bad this crap wasn't even close to "fab". On behalf of all the "artists" represented in this entry, I apologize.


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kpmdewolfe said...

I would absolutely LOVE to hear the rest of that "All You Need Is Kids" album!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry for very late comments as of now, but, is it me or the 8-track Beatles cover album sounds a lot like a compilation of "Hit Records" vinyls (the 'musical' group was named "Jalopy Five")?

I did compare "Eight Days A Week" from the 8-track to this "Hit Records" record: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf4QX2XW8I8