Sunday, April 10, 2016

Video Review: WWJD: The Fruits of the Spirit

Sometimes I really have no clue what I'm getting when I purchase something. Sometimes I'll pass an item up at risk of it being extremely boring or very mediocre. But after nearly a decade of seeking out all this junk, I'd like to think I have a pretty good radar for things that will bring tears of joy and laughter to my black heart. This video hit my senses in all the right spots.

Judging from the cover, it looked like a lame religious play put on by a bunch of pre-teens. The back of the DVD kept my interest going...

When I opened the case, I noticed that the DVD was burned which is usually an indication that it was made by an amateur.

I put the DVD into the player and noticed that there were two version of the play. I opted for the first version and was bored out of my skull, watching a bunch of kids talk about Jesus in front of a green background. When I went back and tried version two, The green screen had been put to full use! This is the worst fucking green screening I've ever seen in my life.

The video is mainly about a little bitch who... well... acts like a little bitch. She treats everybody like shit, and then kills somebody with her car.

The story becomes difficult to follow when the little bitch (Alexa) turns from a skinny white girl into a chubby asian girl. Then she turns into a short red head. Then I lose track of what's going on because the Alexa character is constantly replaced by other "actors". The only way to tell Alexa apart from everyone else is by the stupid white hat she wears - with the exception of the car accident scene. Jesus should have preached about consistency in the bible which would have made this video the work of the devil.

Speaking of the car accident scene, I have NEVER IN MY LIFE seen such shitty camera work, editing, and acting all mixed into one video. It is by far the most magnificent scene on this DVD. I've chopped it out for your extreme enjoyment:

There are absolutely no words to describe that. None. And who goes places in their friend's car wearing only purple socks on their feet? Where the fuck are her shoes???? There's a world full of dog shit and bubble gum out there!

If you feel so inclined to watch the entire video, it's here to bring you all kinds of happiness: