Saturday, June 4, 2016

The Best of the Worst Muppet Impersonators

You know you've reached the lowest point in your musical career when you're impersonating a Muppet chicken singing "Baby Face". Yes, it's on this album along with a bunch of other horrible Muppet violations. Kermit sounds like he's had a few penises shoved into his hand-hole, and Fozzie is at high risk for getting throat cancer from all the cigarettes he's been smoking.

As a foolish child, I bought this cassette thinking it was the real Muppet songs. Little did I know, Madacy Inc. was just robbing me of the money I begged my dad for to buy this piece of shit. I should have known better judging from the artwork. Fozzie looks like a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome. Kermit has a scar from the re-constructive surgery done on his face. Miss Piggy looks okay though.

When I brought this tape home and played it, I knew something was wrong with it from the sound quality of the first track (Mah-Na Mah-Na) and it became more apparent on the second track (Ten Cookies). Cookie monster sounded like he had been drinking with my dad.

After doing some internet research, I discovered this album is actually a compilation of two other albums: Animal House Sings and Plays Hits from The Muppet Movie and Sesame Street and Irwin Sings Sesame Street Hits. Both of these albums were originally done by Peter Pan records. I have a downloaded copy of the Animal House album sitting on my hard drive. The thing that makes this particular cassette unique is the fact that all the applause on the Animal House album is NOT included on these recordings.

As for Madacy Inc, I fucking hate them at the best of times because their compilations generally suck Muppet balls. Besides the atrocious tinny and distorted sound quality, there is some very noticeable crosstalk from the opposite side of the cassette. This is usually a problem I only hear on 8-track tapes. The crosstalk is likely an indicator that Madacy's cassette duplication machine had very badly worn out heads, probably resulting from the cheap and abrasive tape stock they used. You know what 1-ply toilet paper feels like on your ass? That's exactly how my tape deck felt while playing this tape.

What puzzles me is that Madacy thought it was a good idea to release these shitty disco renditions in the mid-80s when disco was that woman you were ashamed to wake up next to after a hard night of drinking. They're really awful not just because they're disco songs, but because you have someone impersonating the woman you woke up next to!

Here's a few selected songs along with the album download. Mah-Na Mah-Na has been extended to four fucking minutes of laughable horribleness.

Years ago (on this blog) I matched up this crappy version of "Movin' Right Along" with the original video and created hilarious greatness, but Youtube mangled it and when I went to restore it, I realized that I accidentally deleted it off my hard drive. The world shall never recover from this loss. Regardless, I'm letting you have the song for your sick enjoyment because you're all a bunch of nostalgic bastards.

Listen to Mah-Na Mah-Na
Listen to Movin' Right Along

Download the whole thing!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You know you've reached the lowest point of your personal life when you're alone on a Friday night and listen to Ma-Na Ma-Na to the bitter end! Cheers!