Sunday, November 8, 2020

Junq Tour 2020: Neepawa

 Neepawa really vomits out the gems when I visit their thrift store. It took a lot of time to go through this stuff, so here's what we came out with...

A Six Pack of Sam: Sam from Sales Greatest Hits Vol VI

This tape was a lot of fun. It's made up of clips of some radio show's guest appearance. It's very enjoyable and I would have no problem searching out the other five volumes. I really don't have much to say about this album since I know nothing about the station these recordings came from. All I can say is give it a listen because it's pretty damn funny!

Listen to Marlin, The Zoo Vet

Download the whole album

Joan McKay - When You're Smiling

Joan McKay really likes to make appearances on my blog, but it's not because she's a shitty piano player. In fact, she's a really good piano player. The albums where she's just hammering the hell out of the ivories are pretty damn good. The bad ones are when she surrounds herself with less talented people, but this is not one of them. After giving it a listen, it sounds like she banged off this album in one take which is amazingly impressive. When I'm recording myself playing guitar, I usually fuck up and need to re-record it multiple times. If Joan fucked up on this album, you wouldn't even notice. Rock on, Joan!

Listen to Bad Bad Leroy Brown

Judy Cook & Swingset

I go through quite a bit of independent children's music and almost all of it is annoying and shitty. This one is a bit different though. Judy's voice is kind of annoying, but the band is strangely interesting. It's like they found whatever shitty and cheap instruments they had lying around and recorded an album, except it's one of the most entertaining things I've ever listened to! Lyrically, it's not that bad either. It's certainly better and more fun than Mr. Environment (Aaron Burnett) and his guitar that sounds like a banjo. I don't know who mixed this album, but they must have had fun doing it. Don't get me wrong, the production work is really good for what they were working with. I would compare this album to an early T.Rex album or even Kimya Dawson's Alphabutt which is also a very enjoyable children's album. Judy's card was enclosed in this sampler CD and her website is still functional, so if you want some interesting music for your kids that isn't horrible trash, feel free to check it out.

Listen to Raiders of the Night

Manitoba Choral Association presents Provincial Honour Choirs 2018

Sometimes when you replace instruments with human vocals, you can get some pretty cool stuff. When you replace them with teenagers going through puberty, you get garbage. I only know one song on here, and the performance is akin to shoving a playboy model into a tree shredder. Also, Johnny Nash died recently, so I might as well get him spinning in his grave while the corpse is still fresh.

Listen to I Can See Clearly

Te Mokai - Totara Tree

Do you like reggae music? I don't. This tape sounds like the soundtrack to a night of passionate love making between Bruno Mars and Kenny G, fudge inclusive. Anyway, Te Mokai sings a lot about crying. He knows how I feel listening to this piece of shit. Also, the album's producter was Ngahiwi Apanui. What the hell is a "producter"?

The cassette itself barely has Te's name on it and instead boasts in big bold letters "See Inlay For Details". If you lose the inlay, you might as well throw out the cassette. I mean, how else would you know if it's a Dolby system or not? We assume whoever made this cassette has no clue what a "Dolby System" even is. If you turn on the Dolby noise reduction, it cuts down about half of the volume on this cassette, so maybe that's a built in feature.

"I'll cool my hard on, get the fuck on the road" are the lyrics I'm hearing in the song "He Whakaaro" who's title is quite suggestive in itself. Feel free to try and prove me wrong. The song ends with a bird dying in the ocean. More on dead birds a bit later...

Listen to He Whakaaro

Adi The Yodelling Woodcarver - When It's Springtime in the Rockies

I would rather listen to wood carving than this yodelling shit. If I found this guy yodelling in the rockies, I'd probably throw him off of them. This is probably the worst yodelling album I've laid my tear-filled ears on.

On this album, you're greeted by a lot of German songs, accordion music, and this blithering asshole who sounds like his balls are caught in a pasta maker. Pardon me, but I'm off to take a bottle of Tylenol for my headache.

Listen to Glacier Yodel

Rewind - Let's Go To The Hop

The Hop? These guys are lucky if they can walk, let alone hop. About half of the band is over age 70. Also, they should be called "Fast Forward" because they're worth skipping. Everyone in this group sounds tone deaf as hell, but that could theoretically be blamed on their need for hearing aids. There's four instruments in the band and eight members. The four other members are just there to stand by in case the first four die of old age.

They mainly perform songs from the 50s and 60s, including The Twist. I'm pretty sure that modern hip replacements don't allow for twisting. The song "Shout Live" isn't live, and instead of beating the shit out of the drums like the drummer on the original version does, this drummer barfs on them. We also have a plethora of problems on these songs including wrong lyrics, inability to sing and play in time, and an overall problem with most of the vocals. The only bright spots are the female vocals on "The Locomotion", and "Hit The Road Jack" isn't half bad. The rest is terrible.

Listen to So Much In Love

Listen to Only The Lonely

Download the 121 megabytes of terribleness!

Aarvy Ardvark Finds Hope

Well doesn't this shit look messed up! This video almost needs an entry on it's own. This is a puppet show featuring the "incredible" Bonnie Blue puppets. Incredible is an understatement. I think "absurd" is a better word to use. I did a Google search and found nothing about Bonnie's puppets, so I'm guessing these are the only ones she ever created. 

First of all, let's look at the cover. The "aardvark" is in the background and looks like a deformed horse with the skin of a hot water bottle. Second, the rabbit who is front and center on the cover looks like a white tarantula which has been chewed up by a dog. Shouldn't the aardvark be the focus of the cover? Anyway, let's move on...

This video is based on a book by the same name which features the aardvark front and center on the cover. If you want a copy of the book, there's one on Amazon for thirty three fucking dollars. I guarantee it's less creepy than this video. Anyway, the purpose of this video is to help children cope with loss. I guess it's logical to give children nightmares which would take their minds off their loss. This video is an EXTREMELY LONG 45 minutes in length. If I didn't actually time this thing, I would swear I had lost two hours of my life on this. 

The story is about an aardvark who's family is taken to the zoo. A rabbit named Ralphie hangs around and watches the aardvark mope and whine about his lost family which takes up about 30 minutes of the video. Then, the rabbit dances the "Wild Irish Carrot Jig" which is done by flopping your deformed rabbit puppet from side to side. After the rabbit dances, the aardvark finds a dead bird laying on the ground and waits a week to see it fly. The ugly rabbit FINALLY informs the stupid aardvark that the maggot-filled bird is actually dead. Then, the aardvark declares his love for the dead bird because he's a fucking necrophiliac. He then names the bird after his lost mother and sings a song about the dead bird with the rabbit joining in. THE END. My apologies for giving away the ending.

Clarice, Clarice, You flied, you died.


Yes, this video is THAT FUCKED UP. I would have expected a video dealing with loss to be about 15 minutes long. Instead, we have to watch a depressed aardvark and hear a song about a dead bird. Hell, I could have done that in five minutes.

Listen to the song about the dead bird

And that was Neepawa! A fun time as usual. Next stop: Brandon.

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