Sunday, December 5, 2021

Junq Tour 2021: Brandon (Value Village)

It's taken a bit to get this one out, but I'm happy to announce that I'm officially writing this from my new workspace! This is only one of four "stations" in this room The other three are for repairs, retro computers, and recording music, all of which haven't been set up yet. There's still a long way to go before this room is tweaked to my liking (and the window needs some trim), but I'm quite happy with it so far. Anyway, let's get to the last entry for day one of the Junq Tour...

Peter Appleyard - Vibes

So here's a riddle... What do you get when you throw a Canadian Xylophonist into a Pickwick recording studio? You get a song about me! Seriously, there's a song called "Ben" on here and yes, it's the Michael Jackson one. I would heavily qualify this album as a necessity for any television studio who has moments of "technical difficulties". The xylophone will soothe the viewer's anger at missing their favourite episode of Bonanza while the A/V technician is trying to pull the episode out of the VTR that just ate the fucking thing.

Apparently this album was previously released under the title "The Lincolnshire Poacher", but the album looked way too British to qualify for the Canadian Talent Library (they use the word "talent" very loosely over there), so instead, they took a picture of colored lights, because that's way more Canadian than an Englishman with his horse.

Again, this is "technical difficulties" music. I guess it takes talent to make music this mundane.

Listen to Ben

A Giant Leap of Faith Vol 3

This CD has all the ingredients to indicate that it's a Christian compilation, but the songs and bands don't appear to be Christian. The previous two volumes are listed on Discogs and surprisingly, the first volume was released on a vinyl LP.

There is a lot of influence here from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Many of these bands try their hand at funk rock, but they really shouldn't. The best thing about this CD is the song by Blind Caddy who seemingly try to sound like U2, but are much better because Bono is pleasantly absent.

Listen to Are You Ready to Party by Vivid

Listen to Alone by Weasel

Listen to State Side Smile by Blind Caddy

Scott Cooper - Strumming

What a stunning album cover! I'll bet that one took days to come up with. Here, let's see if I can duplicate this genius...

Nope, doesn't even come close. This cover took three people to make.

Here's a picture of Scott scratching his head, wondering why Dave didn't "dig" this CD.

Surprisingly, Scott's website is still up and running although it hasn't been updated in the last six years. If you have nothing going on for six years, it's time to put the costs of the website toward getting a new life.

Scott had one of his albums released on vinyl, so I went to check out the record label who released it and see about buying a copy. It turns out the record label was actually just a cafe who closed its doors in 2020. I'm willing to bet all of Scott's vinyl records are either in the trash, or he took them back and has all of them hanging on his wall to remind him that he was once a successful musician signed to a place where you can get cheese toast.

I'll bet that Crosley turntable adds brilliance and depth to Scott's music. Looks like he kept two coins handy to put on the head shell to prevent that piece of shit from skipping.

Most of the music on here is boring, but Scott has released what I would consider to be one of the worst love songs I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure the girl he wrote this for would get a restraining order after hearing the lyric "your love is way better for me than crack".

Listen to Touch

Music & Forklore Assoc. of Eastman Inc. Proudly Presents Rural Roots #1

Hey look! It's the last profitable thing that Kodak ever made!

This is a compilation of people drunk on different kinds of alcohol who decided to play music. There is one good song on here and the rest ranges from bad to awful. You have yodelling, casio, Kermit the Frog, an old man, and really bad guitar playing all on one cassette. There is also a sticker on the inside that explains some errors that need to be corrected on the inlay. All of these probably contributed to the ultimate failure of Eastman Kodak. The only good song on here is "I Need a Man". The rest should have been flushed down the toilet.

Listen to My Swiss Moonlight Lullaby by Stan Kula

Listen to I Need a Man by Angela Fiebelkorn

Download the whole thing

This brings a close to day one of the Junq Tour. I've come to the conclusion that I won't be done posting Junq Tour entries until sometime in the new year which is likely due to both getting my workspace all finished and the sheer volume of garbage I acquired this year. Hopefully things will move a bit faster now that I have somewhere decent to bang away at my keyboard and destroy my stereo equipment with bad music.

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