Monday, December 27, 2021

Junq Tour 2021: Carman

Welcome back to the Junq Tour! There wasn't much at the Carman thrift store, but there was enough to annoy the hell out of you.

Tom Comerford - Celtic Classics

Yup it's Irish Celtic Newfie music. On the cover, we have Tom romantically necking with his guitar. I wonder if he's going to stick anything in the hole? He also autographed this for someone apparently named "Erthee", but according to Tom's writing, his last name is spelled "Comefan" which explains a lot given the nature of the cover.

So is his music better than his writing? Well, it sounds like the Eddie Coffey garbage except genuinely more Irish. It's mediocre at best. On the plus side, he does a cover of my favourite Metallica song.

Listen to Whiskey in the Jar

Frederic Rey, Tenor / John Holland, Organ - The Lord Is My Light: Sacred Classics

You know it's a Christian album when you have the mandatory Christian sunset on the cover. What is it with the sunset? Are we waiting for the light of the Lord to go away? I wish he would have intervened when this album was being recorded. Oh wait, he did... 

The Lord commanded in the second chapter of Revelation that the right channel be cast into the abyss. As a result, there is only audio on the left channel and I was way too fucking lazy to fix it.

My CD drive also doesn't want to play the tracks near the end of the album, proving that the Lord wasn't exactly happy with this project to have it turn out so poorly.

Listen to Come Ye Blessed

The Sandersons - Tell Them All

This is probably my 7th album by a group called "The Sandersons" and they're probably all different. I guess it's a really catchy name to call your band, just like "Nirvana" and "Saga". Unfortunately, this sounds nothing like any of the Nirvana and Saga bands in existence.

According to track 10, Apryl (the girl in the middle) is blind. It also became apparent that Apryl's surname is NOT "Sanderson". I find it quite shameful that the Sandersons exploited Apryl's disability in this fashion. I honestly think that Apryl's talent stands on it's own merit. That being said, I would like to congratulate Apryl on being the first truly talented disabled person to appear on Classical Gas Emissions. It only took 14 years! Unfortunately, Apryl wasted her voice on a lot of really crappy songs. Fortunately, she will have a chance to redeem herself since this isn't her last appearance on this Junq Tour. Stay tuned...

After listening to this album, it's clear that Apryl is the true star here. Jim Sanderson sounds like my grandmother would have if she didn't die back in 1996 (she would be 108 years old today.) Kate Sanderson's only talent on this album is telling everybody that Apryl is disabled. If you ask me, Kate is the one who's disabled with her lack of musical talent and her idiocy.

Listen to He Pours His Love On Me

Listen to What Won't Be There

Listen to What's Your Gift

The Sandersons - Just Who We Are

Guess what? This is almost the same album as the last one except Jim is singing it all and doesn't get any better. If you need to get a Sandersons album, don't buy this piece of shit. It's hard for me to admit, but the other one is a lot better.

Fortunately, we can still enjoy Jim singing about getting covered in Jesus juice.

Listen to He Pours His Love On Me

When we get to Morden, we'll be visiting a brand new store which is bigger and better than the other expensive piece of crap store that I didn't bother stopping at.

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