My New Camera!

Here's me playing with my new camera! I found it in the middle of the road. What surprises me is that it hadn't yet been crushed by a passing vehicle. It's a Sony Cybershot Model DSC-W210. You can buy one on Ebay for around $100.

So, I'm officially going to review this camera...


Pros:
- It was free!
- Carrying case smells like a woman's purse
- Charger cost me $4 (including shipping) from Ebay
- Came with pictures!

Cons:
- Camera is made by Sony
- Camera is pink
- Carrying case is purple
- Motorized lens cover needed lubricating
- Uses Sony's proprietary media card
- Came with Justin Bieber concert footage

I generally hate Sony products, but I don't mind FREE Sony products especially when I needed a new digital camera anyway. The pink doesn't bother me much, but I have to get a new case for it.

Anyway, you're not reading this post for my review on some crappy camera. You're here to see what's on the media card! Here's a few select pictures which I found interesting...


The purple camera case is in her left hand:
 


Camera case at another angle:



Humping a statue (can anyone name him?):



Baby boy wearing a bra:



Baby boy picking his nose:



Dead guy posing with bicycle:



Hideous woman with made-up tween:



Something for all you pedophiles (there was a whole series of these):



...and why Justin Bieber is NOT COOL:


I mean, look at him! He's wearing his purple baseball cap backwards while playing guitar inside a giant heart. If I were him, I'd jump my ass OUT of that heart and splatter myself onto the stage below. There is absolutely NOTHING more feminine than this! Give him a couple of years, and he's going to be a crack-smoking, washed-up has-been selling real estate. Enjoy the ride, Bieber! Your days are numbered...

World's Greatest Television Evangelists

If I ever need to find great examples of finger-pointing, all I have to do is look at the world of religion. So many people call themselves Christians, and seem to enjoy pointing their fingers at other Christians who aren't being Christian enough. All Christians seem to be professionals at what good Christian behavior is, and have no fear of pointing out Christians who behave wrongly.

Now that I've had my thought for the month, let me present to you one of the greatest Christian videos ever released...

The Blood & The Dead


Sounds like a horror film, doesn't it? The truth is, it's one of the greatest comedy films I've ever had the pleasure of watching! This videocassette contains some of the greatest moments in tel-evangelist history (aside from the Jimmy Swaggart mess). There are so many great and hilarious moments all brought together into a laughable documentary created by another Christian group who are probably jealous because of their piss-poor attendance levels. So, to draw in more members, why not show how every other church is wrong?

They probably didn't get permission to use these video clips in this fantastic video, but I don't really give a shit because this stuff is gold!

Now, watch these two videos and learn why you should abandon all religion and take up something with more purpose, like collecting Hummels...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7cfW_1b58M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQ3jjgqBwAw

A Ukrainian Christmas with Metro

I've been meaning to put this album up ever since I started this blog. Metro's Eleven Days From Christmas is a Canadian Christmas album done by a Ukrainian guy who plays the Kazoo. All of these Christmas songs are parodies done with a Ukrainian flavor, and they're pretty funny!

This album has been sadly out-of-print either since it's original release in 1975, or since Singwell Records went belly up. It's a favorite of mine to play during the holiday season, and now it can be yours too!

Listen to Christmas Song

Download The Entire Album!

As an after-thought, I figured it would be a good idea to make a Christmas jukebox for this time of year containing some of the bizarre Christmas songs I own, but I really don't have the time for it before Christmas. Perhaps I'll make this a goal for next year.

How To Make Your Own Album

I've criticized, analyzed, and occasinally praised those who have put their hard work into crafting their own albums. But I don't think I've really given much insight into what kind of work goes into making one's own album. Therefore, this blog post is going to focus on how to create your very own home-recorded, hand made album which will be sure to impress all your friends and win over that cute girl you've been eyeballing. She'll think you're a real star!

First of all, you need an album cover. Go into your family photo album, and pick something. Try to pick a photo that was taken 20-30 years ago. For my album cover, I chose a picture of my mom yelling at me.



Next, you need a title for your album. Try to make it as professional sounding as possible. To make it appealing, use that dumbass Comic font that everyone uses on their Tripod home pages. Also, try to use either an obnoxious color, or make it all black so your title doesn't stand out from the darks on your photo.



Now, add some lame-ass clipart. See how it changes the picture? Now it looks like me and my Mom are singing!



Last but not least, dedicate it to the first girl who broke your heart. She may not have wanted to go out with you, but she'll regret it when she sees her name on your album cover! Be sure to write your dedication in all-caps to emphasize it's importance.



Now, you need a song selection. Here are some pointers for what kind of songs you should include on your album:

- Cover Songs. Show them how you can sing it better than the original!
- Songs where the music is louder than your singing
- A song with a girl's name in it
- Your very own parody. People will love your new lyrics!
- A song about your dog
- Songs with lyrics that don't make sense
- A song with a guest artist (a.k.a. one of your friends)

By following these suggestions, I was able to create a collection of great songs. Check out the song titles:

01) Ha Sob
02) Tissue
03) It's Fun
04) Two on a Bike
05) The Ball Goes In The Garbage (Featuring Ryan Nole)
06) Zab
07) Stars
08) Addicted To Spuds
09) Joanne's Socks
10) Theme from The Get-Along Gang
11) Candy Spike
12) Pipe Down

Make sure the copies you make of your album are recorded on Cr02 cassette tapes. You may have recorded your album on a ghetto blaster, but the high quality of Cr02 will actually IMPROVE the sound of your album. Also, don't use Dolby Noise Reduction. Tape hiss should be embraced, not eliminated!

Now for what you've all been waiting for... You can download my Greatest Hits album HERE!!!

Given that I was born in 1978, I'm sure you can just imagine what these songs are like. The best part of my album is it starts to hurt your eardrums after only five seconds of playing. No need to delay the pain!

However, I'm going to suggest that you avoid downloading it. If you do, you will waste 20 precious minutes of your life. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Christmas Gift for Symantec

I was going to send two lovely gifts this year to my friends who send me postage paid envelopes. Unfortunately, the one from Apex Bank of Canada has gone missing, but I still have the one from Symantec. These guys always have offers to send a free flash drive if you're one of the first 500 to respond. I've tried many times and I've never received one. I figured it was time to get a bit nasty with them, so I sent them a ransom note with one of my kid's old socks.

 

I wrote the ransom note on some nice Happy Bunny Christmas paper. It says: "If you want to see the other sock, you will send me an 8G flash drive."

I'm dropping it in the mail today. Hopefully I'll get my flash drive before Christmas!