Saturday, September 12, 2009

Junq Tour 2009: The Pas

The more I explore thrift stores in little towns, the more I believe that the people in these towns have a spectacular knack to find the stupidest and shittiest things, and buy them. Perhaps it's because of the lack of information such as radio stations, or even TV channels. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for those people for finding these items and then dumping them at the thrift store once the novelty has worn off.

I swear, the finds are getting more and more interesting. Just wait until I post my findings from Ashern...

I found a cramped, but nifty thrift store while I was in The Pas.

The first item is a book called "The Lonely Doll" written by Dare Wright:

This is a heartwarming children's story (published in 1957) about a lonely doll who takes in a papa bear and a baby bear so she won't be lonely anymore. When Papa bear leaves the doll and baby bear alone, they start playing with makeup and dressing up in adult clothes. When the Papa bear returns, he beats the ever-living piss out of both of them. The two bears then proceed to tell the doll to shut the fuck up.

If you don't believe me, read it for yourself:



The cool thing about this book is that it came with a free gift... a FINGER PUPPET!!!!

In case some of you have never seen a finger puppet, here's how it works. You cut one out of a children's activity book and cut out the holes.

You then put your fingers through the holes and voila! The puppet now has breasts.

The video section of the thrift store was overloaded with workout videos and sports blooper tapes. I picked up two videos. The first one was a still-sealed copy of "Best Ever Sleepover", but that one made me nauseous. The best part of the video was the out-takes during the credits, where the 'little brother' takes a corn chip, scrapes some of the all-natural facial mask off one of his sister's friends, and then eats it. But it just wasn't worth the bandwidth to put it up.

The other gem I found was created by a bunch of over-zealous Christians who drank a little bit too much of Christ's blood, and decided to piss out this marvelous creation:

Gospel Aerobics is just wrong on so many levels. In the past, I have played you workout albums by Charlene Prickett and Good Housekeeping. We also got to see what a bitch Alyssa Milano was for going off and dancing in a smoke-filled alley while she leaves her friends doing her crappy workout.

But this is.... Just watch it:


Yeeeesh!! Michelle LeMay sucks as an aerobics instructor.

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