Sunday, November 8, 2009

Albums You've Never Heard Of: Part 2

I've got a couple of cool entries in queue, but I gotta eat up some time until those projects are ready. Nevertheless, let's forge on in the search for great local artists. Unfortuantely, I think I'll have to keep searching after these next three albums...

Smoot - The Pain



Smoot sounds kinda like some sloppy jazz punk band with a Dave Grohl wannabe on vocals. The lyrics are okay, but I really can't enjoy this garbage. Remember when your mom would bake cookies? Remember what the electric mixer sounds like, beating on the sides of the bowl? That electric mixer can keep a better beat than this slop-wad of a drummer. The sound quality of this recording is mediocre at best.

Track listing (side 1 and 2 are both the same):

1) Smoot's Noodles
2) The Pain
3) Hot Coals on Bread
4) Kristjan's Noodles
5) Champions of the World
6) Mellow Rolled Gold
7) Granola Is Tasty (With Yogourt)
8) Sauce
9) Techo Aggro

Listen to "Champions of the World" (I think this is the love ballad)


Ramp Rage



Packing seven entire songs (and one crappy bonus track) into nine minutes is quite a feat. I was tempted to upload the entire thing to Houndbite (who's audio file limit is 15 minutes) but I highly doubt anybody has the attention span to listen to seven shitty songs about skateboarding. If you don't believe the songs suck, just read the enclosed lyric sheet.


On the plus side, these guys play better than Smoot, but the singer should stick to skateboarding rather than singing.

Sound quality? Let's just say that recording onto a boombox would be a step up from whatever they used to record this (probably a computer with a cheap webcam microphone.)

Track Listing:

1) Park Rat
2) Getting Hit Is Fun
3) Tail Theory
4) Concrete Wave
5) Take It Back
6) Facists Don't Skate
7) Sk8ers Fight Back

Listen to "Getting Hit Is Fun"

1997/1998 WMES K2 Class - I Love... and Other Favourite Songs



This is the worst. Period. Getting my hair caught in a belt sander is less painful than listening to this. There's nothing quite like professionally recording a cluster of tone-def little kids, and then sending the kids home with tapes of themselves to drive their parents fucking ballistic. There's one really loud kid in there who thinks he's king shit of singers. I'm normally against beating kids, but I want to pummel this little snot until he's a sack of unwanted chicken by-products.

When I picked up this tape, I had no clue what it was. I screamed in agony after hearing the first song. It's enough to make me want to go back to selling magazines for the Jehovah's Witnesses if it will stop the pain.

There is no track listing, and I have no desire to torture myself by jotting it down by listening to this life-threatening test of endurance.

Sound quality? Crystal fucking clear. It wouldn't be so chalkboard-scraping if the tape was dragged along the side of the highway for a couple hundred miles.

Go ahead and try to sit through the first song:

Listen to "I Love"

And that brings us to the end of yet another adventure in crappy semi-professionally produced albums. I've accumulated more, but this is by far the worst batch so far.

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