Sunday, August 14, 2011

Album: Steve Wilson - Get Your Groove Back

Get Your Groove Back

Ever hear a child create music on one of those V-Tech toys? I have, and it sound just like this album does. I got my 4 year old one of those toys, and he can actually play songs on that thing. I have no clue what the fuck this guy is doing, but the music is dis-jointed, out of tune, and to sum it all up in one word... dyslexic.

It was one of my dear readers who brought my attention to this guy. I must admit, I deserve it for all the garbage I've put on this site over the years. Revenge is sweet, isn't it?

I can't help but try to figure out if Stevie Wilson is blind, playing a joke, or dead serious. After taking a look at his record label (hosted by Angelfire nonetheless) I've come to the conclusion that he is DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS about his music, which sounds a lot like an old farmer singing while his horse gags on a kitten in heat.

I'd like to quote Steve's website on what inspired him before I subject you to a couple of his songs...

While living in Chicago during the early 6O's and delivering mail in the Maxwell street area, Steve was suddenly struck with the blues.

Poor fucking guy sure worked a depressing job, didn't he? I mean, what job is more depressing than delivering mail? He could've been a toilet scrubber or a slave, but I guess those jobs were just way too good for him. I have to wonder how many times he thought about slitting his throat with a white paper envelope and just ending it all.

But look where the Blues led him... He started his own record label! He even signed his dead dad to the label. My grandmother was a Ukrainian polka queen who died in '97, maybe she could get a record deal too!

Anyway, I'm being very unfair. I'd even go as far as to say I'm being an asshole. I should leave YOU the reader (and listener) to judge good ol' Steve Wilson for yourself. Here's the title track for his album...

Listen to "Get Your Groove Back"

And just in case this sample makes you desperately want a copy for yourself, here's an amazon link for buying your very own copy!

Let me individually review a few of these songs...

Alicia: This would be a pretty song if it were sung and played by a REAL musician.
Hope You're Alright: Steve, you are NOT the big bopper. Quit stalking old ladies.
A Thousand Years: The approximate length of this stupid recording
The Wedding: That poor bride obviously doesn't know Steve gave the DJ a copy of this song.
A Playboy's Confession: Not much of a playboy if he can't even play the fucking piano.

The others are... well... shitty. Not to mention the songs I listed above are shitty too. However, the title track is so awf..some that Steve decided to repeat it as a bonus track. Personally, I would've preferred his Christmas song (on his website) as a bonus track. Ending the album with a song about his dead mother would have been the icing on the dung cake.

I'm guessing this is supposed to be RnB music. Sounds like BrF to me... with the exception of his tribute to 50's doo-wop. Let's listen to that!

Listen to "You're Home"

Now wasn't that a treat? More entertaining than untwisting a twisted Slinky.

I hope Steve decide to record more music. I hope his dead dad records some too. I think the soothing sound of dirt and worms would bring justice to his record label. I'm still blown away that you can buy this turd on Amazon. I guess it just goes to prove that any asshole can release anything through Amazon.

To wrap up this entry, I was going to record a tribute to Steve on my kid's V-Tech keyboard. Unfortunately, I'm too talented to make it sound as bad as this crap.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's about time someone freed doo-wop from the shackles of tonality

jason said...

there is no such thing as a wrong note or rhythm. i love this music!

jason said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
markus said...

whoa! only 15,99$

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH I had only ever listened to this with my right speaker on.. so I was laughing endlessly.. but .. it MADE MORE SENSE.. compared to now I finally play stereo with left channel, WTH is with that off key bass and drum beat in the left channel??!?! Mwahahahah!!! It truly is THE WORST TUNE OF ALL TIME 'groove back' .. now I hear both channels.. how can you make a tune that makes MORE SENSE with only ONE of the channels playing!?!??!?! !!! GENIUS!! I added an Amazon review to make sure no one buys this.. also, I wish Wesley Willis was around to kick this guy's ass.