Friday, April 3, 2015

Twisting Your Ears Off

It's time to post more of the garbage I buy.

The Twist was the Macarena of the 1960s. Everybody was twisting. If you have no clue what The Twist was, it's basically when you shake your ass side to side to a song about shaking your ass side to side. Fat people shouldn't twist. Unlike the Macarena, The Twist is much easier to learn. Due to The Twist being not incredibly sophisticated, it's obvious that people in the 1960s were dumber. All they did was live in their caves, club their women over the head, and then force them to twist.

I have two Twist albums. I would've had three, but the most recent one I found was too scratched up to play. Both of these albums mention how The Twist is the hottest dance craze in 20 years. They both also claim to have all the biggest twisting hits on one record. The funny thing is, aside from the song "The Twist", the songs on each are different. Because I have so many songs dedicated to twisting, I have dubbed myself the king of twist. Bow down to me and watch me shake my ass in celebration!

I've included the song "The Twist" from each album along with one other popular song that came out of the craze.

The Twisters - C'Mon, Let's Do The Twist

Arc's records are very consistent in disappointing me with their quality. This stuff is typical of their "we suck arse" musicianship. The only "original" thing about this album is apparently the tempo, and maybe the album cover. At least the singer on "The Twist" kinda sounds like Chubby Checker's untalented distant cousin.

The other song I've featured was a hit for Gary US Bonds called "Quarter To Three" and was a favourite of mine when I was a young boy. However, Arc decided to let the record producer and the janitor sing along on this track. The result is a sound worse than a bad karaoke night at the mental institution.

Listen to The Twist
Listen to Quarter To Three

The Charlie "Hoss" Singleton Combo - The Big Twist Hits

Not only is this band's name worse than "The Twisters", the music is a bunch of "hoss" shit. Surprisingly, this album came from RCA records' budget label "Camden". You'd think this would be a quality product. Shows what I know. The RCA dog probably went and intentionally fed himself to a bear after this came out.

But I don't need to write anything funny about this record. The back of the album cover provides plenty of laughs...

Personally, I'd prefer a one-legged waltz over a one-armed banjo player, a one-armed bass player, and a tone deaf singer. (I had to leave out the one-armed drummer comment to avoid being sued by Def Leppard). Yes, somebody decided to play a fucking banjo on this incarnation of "The Twist".

The only other song I know on here is "Twist Again". I've never liked "The Peppermint Twist". Some of the other songs are "Dear Lady Twist", "Twist-her", "The Big Twist", and "Little Brown Jug - Twist". Yup, all the hits are here, even if they weren't hits!

Listen to The Twist featuring a BANJO
Listen to Let's Twist Again

Now wasn't that a fun time? No? Well don't worry, I have a nice Macarena workout video that has yet to be posted.

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