Candid Pics: 10/06/07

Although I've been a bit absent, I've still been snapping some snappy pictures. Here's a nice large batch that I've accumulated over the last little while:


Pedestrian Speed Bump

If you're ever in Winnipeg, be sure to head down to the Home Depot on Regent and crush a few pedestrians with your automobile.



Broom Guy

This guy lives and breathes brooms. He lives in a house on Notre Dame with a picket fence made of brooms (I'll snap a pic when I can). Here's a picture of him taking some of his brooms for a much-needed walk.



Cat In The Hat Journal

Found a Journal in Value Village with the Cat In The Hat on the cover. I couldn't justify buying it for the one page with writing, so I just took a picture of it.



Dog On Car

Don't ask me why. He was just there.



Donkey Milk

I got a free Donkey Milk at the McDonalds in Brandon. I don't know what I did to earn the Donkey Milk, but I learned something new that day... Donkey milk is mighty rich in chocolate.



Shitty Lawn

This lawn is completely covered in turds. The strange thing is none of the turds are squashed. They've all retained their natural rolly log-ular shape.



Shitty Sidewalk

You can tell you're in the cruddiest part of town (Martha Street) when you see human shit on the sidewalk. Looks like the brown paper bag was used to wipe after the guy had his liquid lunch.



Raggedy Ann Mystery

Poor Raggedy Ann seems to be homeless and lonely (or freshly raped)




Tenants of 10 Inkster

10 Inkster is a complex for those who are 65+. It seems that senility is making it's rounds through the building.

Junq Tour 2010: Brandon

HOLY FUCK! I'm doing a blog entry! Yes, this has been a crazy month, but I'm hoping to get things back to normal in the next few weeks. The most hectic part is pretty much done, although there's still things to be taken care of. Again, sorry I've been away for so long.

And yes, the Junq tour is back again. However, I don't think there's going to be as much this year as there was last. I gave up my trip to The Pas & Flin Flon because one of my co-workers REALLY wanted to go fishing there which was fine by me. I fucking hated Flin Flon.

Anyway, I went to Brandon, Manitoba. The slogan for their city is "All Your Wheat Are Belong To Us". I actually went there last year, but didn't pick anything up because the prices at their Value Village aren't very competitive with, say, Wal-Mart. The only differences between the Wal-Mart and the Value Village is Value Village doesn't have a pissed-off greeter at the front door, and the goods aren't very good. But this year I managed to escape with three treasures.


Piano Stylings by Joan MacKay

Oooh lookie! Grandma recorded an album! She looks so happy dressed up in her muumuu, and that fake bead necklace just.... wow.

The album starts off with a soothing 60Hz hum. I'm guessing Joan recorded this on her vacuum-tube-powered Viking reel 2 reel machine. I'll give her credit, she can play very well for an old bag. Thank Christ she didn't sing which is probably why this album is somewhat enjoyable.

I won't bother posting a sound clip as there's nothing bizarre about a good piano player. I'll leave the clips for the next couple of albums...


Size Small - The Wonderful Play-Along, Sing-Along, Laugh-Along Child's Treasure

Winnipeg's K-Tel label seemed to take pride in releasing soundtracks to local television programs. I grew up watching Size Small. I've seen this album in the thrift shops before, but every copy I've seen was previously used to shovel dog shit off someone's gravel driveway. This copy is near-mint.

Most of this stuff is quite innocent children's entertainment, but one track really struck me as odd. Someone must have beaten the shit out of this poor kid. Have a listen:
(Mud On My Shoes - Size Small) 

Yikes!
And if you want a video clip, here's some cooter music for you.




All-Star Party

This album is chok full of fucking terrible impressions of famous children's icons from 1982. The songs were written by a half-retarded lemon-merang pie who shouldn't have been left to mould in K-tel's basement recording studio. ANYBODY could write better shit than this. I could write better songs than this while throwing up a 24 of Papst Blue Ribbon beer.

Coconuts & Cats features hypnotized children singing while some asshole does a bad impression of Sylvester.
(Coconuts & Cats - Elmer Fudd & Tweety Pie)


The Pac Man songs are just plain awful
(Take The Fruit & Scoot - Pac Man)
(Slightly Crazy Lazy Day - Pac Man)


The song about E.T. is more gay than Ricky Martin at a Backstreet Boys concert.
(E.T. I Love You - The Starlight Children's Chorus )


And speaking of the Backstreet Boys, Donkey Kong seems to have formed his own boy band.
(On Top Of The World - Donkey Kong)


Just when I thought nothing was gayer than the E.T. song, the Two Songs about the Pink Panther made me want to prance around with Nick Jonas while carrying flowers in my mouth.
(Pink Panther Time - Pink Panther)
(Pink Panther On The Prowl - Pink Panther)

Remember last year when I wrote about that entry about Barbie & Ken? Remember that dreadful 45 with Ken singing "A Little Bit of that Sky"? Well, it seems they joined together and recorded more god-awful showtunes to perform in Las Vegas for all their plastic relatives. Mattel and K-Tel must have settled their brand name dispute outside of court and came up with a really bad all-in-one promotional agreement and record contract. Beware of that first song, it makes me want to rip the coils out of my speakers.
(Barbie and her Friends - Barbie) 
(It All Comes Back To You - Barbie)


Ronald McDonald went from being an un-funny clown to being a stupid drunken barn-dance hillbilly and a pansy-ass environmentalist.
(The McSquare Dance Hoedown - Ronald McDonald)
(The second song is too long and stupid to post)

This has to be the most god-awful thing that K-tel has EVER released. It doesn't even pass well for a decent children's album. But if you enjoy really bad impressionists singing terrible lyrics to campy music, then you'll find plenty to enjoy in this jam-packed all-star party album! Be sure to have plenty of drugs and booze available if you plan to play this at a party. Your guests WILL need it.

And by request, you can download the whole thing BY CLICKING HERE!!! 

One More Time...

It's one thing to find really bad cover songs out in the wild, but it's another to record one yourself...

A few years back, I recorded myself singing to a bunch of karaoke recordings. Most of them were actually serious attempts to make them sound good. But just for the heck of it, I recorded a couple purely for fun.

To make up for the lack of entries over the last while, I'm letting you in on something that could be potentially embarassing. But honestly, this is probably my most favorite recording out of the batch that I did. So without further ado, here is me singing Britney Spears' 'Baby One More Time'.

CLICK HERE!!! 

Reminder....

Just a reminder that I'm not dead. Life is still a bit hectic, and I expect things to smoothen out come May. However, I do have some holidays next week, so I should be able to get an entry or two up. Until then, go look through the archives to keep yourself amused.

Albums You've Never Heard Of: Part 4

With all the commotion going on in my personal life right now, I'm still making an effort to pump out the occasional blog entry. Yay! I'm also currently suffering the mid-winter slump, which is pretty good considering it's April and once the weather is behaving somewhat reliably, garage sales will be upon us and treasures will flow from every orifice of Winnipeg.

But for now, here's three more albums from the teetering stack of albums nobody has ever heard of, nor wants to buy - and for very good reason. I have yet to come across one that screams "I'm awesome! put me into your regular music rotation!" Instead, these albums are like smelly fruit that's been sitting in the fridge for a few months. They make your face wrinkle up, much like what that fruit will look like once you finally locate it.

This is also the Cover Version special, and all of these songs are on CD, so quality attempts to grace your ears!


The HADDs - Never Mind The Re-Org, Here's The HADDs


I had high hopes for this one. The name is obviously a parody of the first album by The Sex Pistols which I enjoyed immensely. However, all relation to the Pistols is lost when you press play and hear an extremely bland and shitty version of "Blue Suede Shoes". Here's the track listing on the disc, all covers:

1) Blue Suede Shoes
2) Jukebox In My Mind
3) The Dance
4) Heartbreak Hotel
5) Knockin' On Heaven's Door
6) Wonderful Tonight
7) Poncho & Lefty
8) Just A Matter Of Time
9) Ruby Baby
10) Love Will Keep Us Alive
11) A Fool Such As I
12) Stand By Me
13) Brown Eyed Girl

The drummer is a synthesizer. The singer is some average guy (nicknamed 'da Soulman) who shouldn't give up his day job. Also, whoever decided to put The Fucking Dance by Garth Brooks on this album should have their teeth flossed with their guitar strings. I hate that goddam song.

Also, I have no clue what "Re-Org" nor a "HADD" is. From the cover, I'm guessing HADD stands for "Horny Asshole's Droopy Dick"

But if you like bland rock covers, you'll enjoy this uninteresting version of Brown Eyed Girl:

Click Here To Listen


Tonia & Donna - Insieme


Here's two old ladies who put together a collection of boring piano-backed cover songs. They look pretty happy considering how depressing the song selection is. I had to ask myself, why would ANYBODY put together a CD of such miserable music? Then I looked at the back cover...



Yes! Of course! The music is depressing because this wonderful album was funded by the good people at Wojcik's, Winnipeg's finest funeral chapel! There is actually a third member to this group, but he was unable to get out from his coffin to play the guitar which is noticeably missing from the recordings. Wojcik's put on a nice service for him and played this fine recording which enhanced the bawling and sadness of the family and friends who attended. May the third member rest in peace.

Please take home a piece of this funeral by listening to Tonia & Donna's painful rendition of "The Rose". CLICK HERE TO LISTEN!

Yvette - Love, Light and Blue


This album borderlines on driving me insane. When Yvette Rochon hits some of those high notes, it makes me want to drive my index finger through my skull. Don't get me wrong, with the right song, this singing style can be quite enjoyable and a few of these songs are. I'd love to hear Yvette do a version of Pineapple Rag. Speaking of which, if anyone knows who did this version of Pineapple Rag, please let me know. I'd love to find a complete copy instead of this hacked up cassette I recorded off the radio back in 1984.

Anyway, this trio perfoms songs that aren't as irritating as the garbage on the Kathie Lee Gifford album, which is a good thing. However, calling this a "trio" is somewhat a mistake. It's mostly Yvette singing and a lady named Jo Ann playing the piano. Whenever the guitar player actually plays, he is totally fucking useless. While Yvette and Jo Ann are doing their thing, the guitar player just starts dicking around with the strings, playing NOTHING of ANY relevance to the rest of the performance. The occasional "plunk", "plink" and random chord pulls a somewhat decent performance down to the bottom of a three month old outhouse, where bad musical groups live and munch on human feces. His guitar playing sucks, and he should be fired from "Yvette".

Click Here to listen to "Things Are Looking Up"

And another round of "Garbage Albums from Inner Winnipeg" has come and gone. As the pile grows, I'll get around to more of them. If you see an album in this list or any of the previous ones that you would like made available for download, please don't hesitate to ask. I have lots of webspace just dying to be used!